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Kids Say The Darndest Things

Me: "Alex, I'm going to miss you today while you are at preschool...what am I going to do?"

Alex: "Maybe you should exercise some more."

1/4/11

During FHE...

Kurt: "So, how do we know our church is true?"

Alex: "Because we can just open the door and walk right in."

1/3/11

Alex, very sweetly to Natalie and Todd while brandishing a light saber:

"If you guys are mean I'm gonna whack you on the head with this!"

6/4/10

Alex, plopping himself into my lap after the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference:

"Wow! I liked that movie!"

4/3/10

Alex: "Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Me: "Ummm....a Mom."

Alex: "Yeah, and Dad can be a MONSTER!"

4/2/10

Natalie: "Hey Dad, I can do a cursive L."

Kurt: "What!?! You don't get to learn "cursing" until third grade."

Natalie: "But I know it! Mom taught me!"

Ah, yes..."cursing" ...a skill every mother should teach her child! ;o)

2/6/10

Sitting in line at the bank drive through...

Alex: "This is taking forever!"

Me: "I know. The bank is busy today."

Alex, pointing at the teller: "What is that girl's name?"

Me: "Ummmm, I don't know."

Alex: "I do! It's LAZY BONES!"

1/25/10

Kurt: "Hey, Emily...I think you should be a quantum physicist when you grow up."

Emily: "Dad! I just want to be a teacher...not a genius!"

1/7/10

A conversation in the van while sitting in the parking lot at Maverik...

Natalie: "Mom, why do those teenagers always hang around that picnic table?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe they're homeless." (I was kidding)

Natalie: Laughing, "Yeah! Maybe they are hobos!"

Laughter from all

Kurt: "No, they're not hobos, they're bums."

Todd: "Dad, what's a bum?"

Kurt: "Someone who doesn't have a job and just sits around all day."

A moment of silence

Todd: With the wheels in his head turning, "Hey, Mom! You don't have a job...You're a BUTT!"

12/23/09

Todd: "Hey, Alex, do you want to come sit by me?"

Alex: "Actually, no I don't...but thanks for asking, Toddy."

12/7/09

The morning after Alex dumped water on the VCR...

Todd: "Dad, do grown ups make lists for Santa?"

Kurt: "No, not usually."

Todd: "Oh, I thought that if they did you could ask Santa for a new VCR. Wait...I know! I will ask him for one and just give it to you!"

12/3/09

Me: "Todd, you'd better be good...Santa's elves might be watching!"

Todd: "Oh! Is that how Santa knows if we're being naughty or nice?"

Me: "Yep."

Todd: "Wow. I thought Santa just looked down on us like Jesus does."

11/28/09

Dinner Conversation:

Kurt: "Todd, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Todd: "A veterinarian."

Natalie: "I want to be a doctor."

Emily: "I'm going to be a teacher."

Alex: "And I'm gonna be a FLYING RAT!

11/23/09

Alex, struggling to get away from me: "Let me go, OLD LADY!"

11/16/09

Me: "Alex, what are you doing with my phone?"

Alex: "Texting Albertson."

Me: "Really? What does he have to say?"

Alex: "He says he can't come play because his sister has the swine flu."

10/22/09

Kurt, after swatting the bum of a very naughty and deliberately disobedient Alex...

Kurt: "Alex, do NOT do that anymore! If you do, you'll get another swat on the bum and then you'll cry."

Alex: "I didn't cry...my bum cried."

10/05/09

Alex: "Dad, are we going crazy yet?"

Kurt: "Yeah."

Alex: "Do I need to put my shoes on?"

9/27/09

Me, taping a game card that Alex had nearly ripped to shreds...

Emily: "Mom, what are you doing?"

Me: "I'm fixing Alex's card."

Emily: "You mean his victim?"

9/25/09

Emily, singing: "All I want for Christmas is two contacts, two contacts, two contacts."

9/24/09

Todd, while lagging behind Kurt on the way to the soccer field: "Hey, Coach! Wait up!"

9/19/09

At dinner...

Kurt (being a trouble maker): "We eat chickens, pigs and cows, why don't we eat horses?"

Natalie: "Because horses are harmless!"

Emily: "Cows are harmless too!"

Natalie: "COWS ARE NOT HARMLESS! COWS KICK OUR POPPA!"

9/19/09

Todd, while telling me the story of The Three Little Pigs: "And the first little pig built his house out of weed."

8/25/09

Alex, to me, as I walked out of my room dressed in my ratty lawn mowing clothes: "Mom! You're cute!"

8/17/09

Me, while changing Alex's rather potent diaper: "Whew, Alex, YOU STINK!"

Alex: "I apologize."

8/13/09

Todd: "Hey, now I know why we have birthday parties with our friends and family."

Me: "Really? Why?"

Todd: "So they can celebrate with us and we won't be nervous to turn older."

7/23/09

Todd: "I'm kind of nervous to turn five."

Me: "Why?"

Todd: "I don't think I'll recognize myself."

7/21/09

Todd: "Mom...have you ever kissed Dad at work?"

Me: "Um...yeah."

Todd, giggling: "Are you serious?

7/20/09

Me (thinking about pouring cereal): "What should we have for breakfast?"

Alex: "Eggs and hash browns...that will taste yummy!"

7/11/09

Me, singing while driving in the rain: "Rain, rain, go away..."

Emily, interrupting: "AND NEVER COME BACK!"

6/17/09

Todd: "Jesus is tougher than Superman, huh Dad?"

Kurt: "Yeah, I guess He is, buddy."

Todd: "Yeah, 'cause Jesus made Superman."

5/29/09

Todd:"Mom, why don't we get the newspaper?"

Me:"Um, because Daddy and I usually read the news online."

Todd:"Well, can we get the newspaper?"

Me:"Why do you need the newspaper?"

Todd:"Because I like to read the newspaper while I eat my breakfast."

5/28/09

Alex, pointing to the picture of Christ on the wall:"Mom! That's Jesus!"

Me:"Yes, it is."

Alex:"Oh! Did you buy Him at the church?"

5/22/09

(Possible TMI Alert--But this is the life of a Mom)

Me, to Todd while helping him in the bathroom: "Bud, when are you going to learn to wipe your own bum?"

Todd:"Ummmm....maybe when I'm 18."

Great. Only 13 years to go!

5/17/09

Todd, while inspecting a giant anthill:"Mom, do ants watch TV?"

Me:"Uh, no."

Todd:"Do ants talk?"

Me: "Nope."

Todd:"Oh. Well, if they did, I would talk to them and tell them about TV."

5/11/09

Alex, pointing to the kindergarten playground at the girls' school:"LOOK! DISNEYLAND!"

4/30/09

Todd, while looking into the pantry:"Oh! I didn't know Rice Krispies were available!"

4/30/09

Todd:"It's okay to cry, huh Mom?

Me:"Yeah, it is."

Todd:"And it makes us feel better because all the sadness drips out and then we are happy."

4/27/09

Alex:"Mom! The BAD MONSTERS are in the laundry room

Me:"Really? What are they doing in there?

Alex:"Getting dressed for church."

4/17/09

Choo, Choo!

>> Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I have been considering getting Alex aboard the "potty train". He has been rather resistant to the whole idea.

When I ask him if he'd like to go in the potty his reply is always, "NO! Dat be too scary!"

So I cooked up this great idea of a sticker chart where he can earn a sticker for each time he goes potty. After a certain amount of stickers, he gets a prize of some sort. He seemed a bit more open to that idea and thinks a donut with orange frosting would make a good prize.

Now to actually punch the ticket and get on the "potty train"!

But giving up diapers means giving up the diaper bag.

And giving up the diaper bag means...

No more contraband movie treats!

I guess I'm going to need to buy a bigger purse!

Bug Buddies

>> Thursday, June 18, 2009

At night before going to bed, I check on each of my kids. I straighten sleep-tossed covers, touch soft baby (and not-so-baby) cheeks, and kiss foreheads.

Imagine my surprise a few nights ago when I went to check on Alex and found him missing!

Normally, finding a child's bed empty would strike fear in a mother's heart...but not in this case.

I knew right where I would find Alex.

Snug as two bugs in a rug!