This Weekend

I'm looking forward to some time away this weekend. Heidi England, my favorite decorative painter/teacher, is teaching this weekend at Eagle Nest, NM. I'll be traveling with my good friends, Sandy and Peggy. We will leave Friday morning and get back Monday night. Our project is http://www.heidiengland.com/sem_gallery/gallery1/coalscuttle.htm .Be sure to scroll down to see all the sides.

Garrett is going to stay here at the house with his Dad and oversee Granny at the same time.

We'll be staying at Naomi's cabin and I have to say that I can hardly wait to pack the car and get out of Amarillo.

One's Take on Family

As a daughter and an only child, I've always perceived myself as the one taking care of my parents. As our family moved, I asked that we never be more than a day's drive from my parents, even when they were in their best health. As soon as I was able to convince Mom to move closer, they did. Van Horn did not offer them adequate medical care and the closest was 2 hours away. I found a house for them here about 5 minutes from the house. My Dad past 16 years ago now. Mom is 86 and I'm trying to keep her in her home with her dog as long as she wants and her mental and physical health will allow.

Six years ago into my life crept a thief attacking my Mom and my husband. That thief was dementia or Alzheimer's disease. I guess that I always assumed that my boy's would want to take care of us. We have good medical care here and close friends who have known Trent before his mental state began to slip. I guess as is the saying, "Assume means to make an ass out of "u" and "me". Taking care of us has one meaning to me and another to the boys. I talk to Brett on the phone and he certainly has the sympathetic ear but has moved 2 hours further from us and is working a 12 month contract. Garrett is here but doesn't freely lend a hand. I've tried to have talks with him and express that I'm unable to be driver, bill payer, grocery shopper, pill manager, and complete oversee-or for 2 households and 4 animals with out frequent help. Garrett doesn't ever check in on Granny without being asked to and then he takes care of the specifics. It is about the same here but he will on occasion drop by. I've really tried to be as available to him as I could because I don't want us to be a total liability. The feeling I get is that that is how he views us.

I guess he's laid out the news to us. Within a couple of months, he's anticipating moving a couple of hours away. Right now the thought of being more than 30 minutes away from him makes me cry. I am so overwhelmed more with the rapid progression of Trent's disease process. I have to get him dressed much like a 4 year old each morning. I have to tell him to shower, change clothes, shave, brush his teeth, and take his pills over and over. I suspect that I will change to doing it for him sooner than later and his 'mads' are more frequent, but don't have any lasting effect.

Garrett feels I'm guilting him into staying in the situation here. I probably am but he obviously doesn't let guilt get to him or has none. When I mentioned his coming back each weekend to help, he told me he couldn't do that and establish himself as a dentist in the community.

That leaves me relying on others for help or relief and the only family that Mom or Trent have to watch them loose their memories and abilities. God has allowed me to make deep friendships. I never thought it was to be my total support in times like these.

You Can't Be Bored

I'm such a weenie with this hand! I could get bored if I had not found my way about a week ago to www.etsy.com . I'm a huge fan of the hand made anything! To peruse these pages of wonderful to interesting purses, baby things, jewelery, art, ceramics, etc. eliminates boredom. It may eliminate house cleaning and laundry if you work it right,too. Check it out by artist, home location, items, or color. It's almost the artsy shopping experience without traveling to Santa Fe or hitting the antique stores!

Quick update

This will be brief:

1. Kristy went to the emergency room Monday late running 103 temperature. Today they did a DNC. She's already feeling better. Her parents are coming down to take care of Kristy, Landry, and Jentri while Brett goes to coaching school in San Antonio.
2. I had my trigger thumb release Tuesday afternoon. Today I went to work while trying to keep my rt. hand elevated. I feel like 'crap' more from the anesthesia I think. My chest is croupy and my nose is stopped up.
3. Mother is feeling very needy since I haven't been to see her in three evenings. The phone rang off the wall with strange calls from her. The last one was that someone had been in her house and taken her iron. I assured her criminals don't iron their clothes.
4. Garrett went to check on a practice about 2 hours away. He hasn't shared any information.
5. We gave friends of mine four of our fish. We have lost two fish in seven years. The four fish lived 24 hours in their new pond home. They have had a pond before with fish. I don't know?

Change past and future

We had such a great visit with our friends from Uvalde. Way to short a visit but Charla and I had to share them while they were here. They should be home now and with a little luck, Charla's fence is fixed as well.

Garrett made it home from Zambia short one piece of luggage, exhausted and not feeling well. He was dealing with allergies, sinus headache, and jet lag. The flight home was over 22 hours. His luggage did make it in the next day but the sinus headache and fatigue have lingered on.

Brett, Kristy, Landry, and Jentri are in Queen City now. I still haven't met and had a cuddle session with Jentri. I hate that my dreams of being a great grandmother will always be incomplete. Brett and Garrett had such great times with my Mom and Dad. Trent and I had such great times with our grandparents. Let me see, I believe that this is a life's not fair moment.

Tomorrow I finally have the surgery on my trigger thumb. I'm sure hoping it isn't too debilitating as I have a painting seminar in Eagle's Nest just 9 days from now. I've laid it out though---even if I can't paint, I'm there! I can sit and watch or find a place to be alone. I just need to get away and I paid for this quite awhile ago. I'll leave with Sandy and Peggy on Thursday after work and arrive back home Monday hopefully around 8:30 so going to work on Tuesday won't be too bad.

Change = Anxiety

Does change equal anxiety for you? It seems to produce it in me no matter how many times I tell myself there's nothing I can do about it. Change will happen and I have memories of change that produced good outcomes and didn't make me anxious. Recent changes have sent my anxiety levels to one of the ten best roller coaster rides, I think.

On Tuesday, I was greeted at the door as I arrived home by Trent's bus driver from the adult daycare. She said that Trent had a toileting accident and had to change clothes at the center. Trent had his head down and he didn't hear what she had said to me. I did know that it had either made him mad or embarrassed him. Well, then again maybe he was just tired. I asked if he knew what happened. He said no. Then, I said let's change clothes so that I can wash the shorts and send them back the next day. He didn't understand what that was all about. So, instead I came back a few minutes later to say that he was stinky and maybe a shower would be nice. He went for that one and I took the shorts after he took them off.

So here is a change. My husband either lost control of his bladder, forgot what he was doing, or couldn't get out of his shorts. I'm going to take a positive approach for now. I'm hoping that the zipper was stuck. I will take a wait and see approach. I want it to be a one time thing-not the beginning of another step in the decline we've been seeing since Christmas.

Changing doctors---I'd rather take an enema! I met with my new doctor last week. Okay, give it some time. Tomorrow I take my mother to another doctor because the doctor I'm going to won't take any more Medicaid patients. That will double my time for Mom and Trent to go to their primary doctor. Before I was able to schedule them both in back to back appointments with Dr. Plummer. I guess that was just too good to be true.

Changing location----Brett and Kristy are moving further away. It truly saddens me. Brett is on a twelve month contract now to accommodate for the salary cut he was otherwise going to take. Kristy will find it more difficult with two children to travel alone for awhile. I will find it harder to drive alone with Trent for two hours more. Gas is so very high while Brett and Kristy will be paying a house payment in Little Elm and rent in Queen City. It is hard for me to see the logic in their move. I know there was emotion driving their move. I wish it could have been both.

Garrett is also contemplating a possible move, 2 hours further away from here. Emotion and a potential for greater income seem to be driving his decision. Again, he's just bought a wonderful home here. He doesn't feel he is reaching the income that he should and has months that he struggles.
That is emotion not necessity and there's little if any logic in trying to sell a house at this time and jump into an additional $200,000 dollars in debt at this time. I would think that there won't be a lot of lookers or takers for the potential location that he's looking to move. If it isn't there when the economy is better, then there will be others when the economy is better.

Change---am I emotionally looking at their moves negatively. Yes! I don't deny that one bit. I will have no family at hand for help. As well as I know that I have wonderful friends that I can call on, it isn't the same as knowing that your children are there out of love for their parents. It isn't the same. One feels like you are imposing on friends who care while having family there feels like you have family that want to be an ever present part of the life ahead for Trent, Mom, myself, and each other. Dementia and Alzheimer's are progressive diseases taking important memories from Trent and Mom each day.

I also have a history with Trent, his coaching and moves. Trent's moves were emotionally based each time. His emotional needs drove his decisions. Many of them, I was never even consulted on. We sold our home and moved at a time when the interest rate on houses was 17%. We struggled paycheck to paycheck. We moved from Uvalde because his ego had him wanting to be a principal NOW! He couldn't wait to see if a position would come open that he could get in the near future. We then moved for him to be a principal one year. He nearly had a nervous breakdown while having to justify not having prejudice involved in a re-assignment to the teacher's appointed legal representation and the school board. His move from Tascosa to Bonham is the only move I remember his asking for and listening to my opinion. His accepting the position at Palo Duro I found out about while I was in Kerrville. He'd already accepted the position---I was an after thought. Every move from town to town set us back financially. It took us 15 years in Amarillo to see bank balances at the end of a month. I've experience with moves based on emotion rather than logic. One of my dear friends recently commented that parenting by example had definite evidence in the decisions my sons make. Maybe she's right or maybe we never honestly admitted mistakes to them. Nevertheless, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, HAVE THE DEBT and can't imagine how I'll pay for care when it is needed.

Change=anxiety?

Healing

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. "
Harry Crews

I am amazed at how the blogs that I frequent are not, as Charla puts it, coincidence. On the blog, http://www.inspiremethursday.com/, this week's inspiration challenge was 'healing'. I've been giving it some thought, but haven't found the time to take the challenge. So this morning I'm checking out Beelieve. Her message about healing was right on for me. Coincidence, not at all. God has put all of you in my life for a reason!

"The largest factor in healing is the help of others. We need to stop going it alone. Ask for help and the power within multiplies. Think about it, many of you are already an artist with a blog. You have discovered you are not all by yourself and the energy of new friends has already strengthened you in areas you might not have made it to alone. Bee thankful, Bee Kind and Bee Healthy Bee-cause without the healing help of our friends, Elvis and I fear the world might end up looking like thisThe largest factor in healing is the help of others. " Taken from Beelieve, July 13, 2008

Garrett left for Zambia

This morning at 4:30 a.m. Garrett and I headed to the airport. It would begin his 19 hour trip to Namwianga in Zambia. He is one of three dentists going on the trip but there are approximately 120 total medical professionals going. http://www.zambiamission.org/# is the site that you can learn more about the mission if you'd like. He's been told that the 3 dentists will see between 200 and 300 people each day. He'll be gone 10 days and while he's gone we are dog sitting his 2 month old Boston Terrier, Dottie. Poor Dottie, Cookie has her worn to a frazzle.

Garden Daily 2

Each day I find myself attracted to something new in the backyard. Here are a few from today.

It is wonderful to choose to find the beauty around when things seem so bleak inside. My family caregiving just seems to be compounded when either of them slip. Trent has recently been the one that appears to be slipping. His conversations, if he tries to have one, are so vague that I usually don't know what he's trying to talk about. Yesterday morning he couldn't adjust the water temperature for his shower. Most mornings now he has to have some help with the sequence of getting his clothes on. Today he put on his shoes and socks first and then couldn't figure out why he couldn't get his pants on.

Little things can cause great anxiety and the best I can hope for is to get him to lie down and take a nap or sit with him and watch TV without saying a word. If that doesn't work, I have two options. 1. Call Garrett over. 2. Pray 7:00 p.m. comes quickly and his night meds settle him down.

Garden Daily

The tropical water lily has begun blooming. There are none like the tropicals. The leaves are huge and the blooms are simply incomparable. We have had three at a time this week. It is a time when I can hardly come inside because I might forget how lovely they are. Tomorrow I suspect the hardy water lily will have a blossom as well. It will be a peaceful yellow.

Here is another of our special day lilies. This one is tiny, about the length of my thumb. Day lily means just that---this one will be gone tomorrow but others buds will open. Wish everday brought as much joy as new blooms in the garden can.

I'm going to call Brett and Kristy tomorrow. I had planned to call tonight but the time got away. I hate to call this late. Mommy and Jentri need all the rest they can get.

Baby Girl Phipps

Well, this morning about 9:00 on July 1, I got my call. She's here and everything is okay. Her name is Jentri Jane Phipps, 7lbs. 8 oz, 18 inches long with lots of hair! Brett says she looks like his baby pictures and she came into the world ready to eat. Well, that sounds like a child of Brett's also. The pictures that they sent over the phone didn't come in on mine so Garrett brought over pictures on his phone. When I spoke with Brett tonight, he said he and the Croys would try to get some pictures up on their blog tomorrow and in an e-mail to us. We couldn't be more excited!

As you can see, Landry is a pretty proud big brother. I just wish I could be there to put my arms around them all!!!!!

And here is the slightly smaller addition to the Phipps phamily in Trent's arms. This is Dottie. Dottie is Garrett's new puppy. She weighs 4 lbs. 8 oz. and was born May 10, 2008.