Top 5 Things I Say I'll Be Doing This Summer (Compared to What I Will Actually Do Instead):

I'm channelling McSweeney's today to bring you my list of the Top 5 Things I Say I Will Do This Summer.

Immediately following that is the list of What I Will Actually Be Doing Instead.


What I Say I’ll De Doing:

1. Riding my bike everywhere, especially along the Lake.
2. Buckling down and studying every night for Chemistry.
3. Going to Lollapalooza.
4. Learning to skateboard.
5. Drinking heavily.

What I’ll Really Be Doing Instead:

1. Taking the Blue Line. Or, deciding that I don’t have the energy and staying home instead.
2. Getting up early and skipping the gym so that I can study Chemistry since I didn’t bother studying the night before. Or, maybe just not studying at all and sleeping in another hour.
3. Not going to Lollapalooza. (I mean really -- how many times can you see Death Cab on a hot, steamy crowded afternoon in August??)
4. Buying a skateboard and clearing out room in my closet to store it until I finally decide in two years time to donate it since I never used it.
5. Drinking heavily.

Ten Dance Moves I Wish I Could Do

In continuing my fledgling tradition of listing a bunch of useless facts about me and my life, I bring you 10 dance moves I wish I could roll:

1. The Robot
2. Cowboy Stomp
3. Samba
4. Layer Cake
5. Pop and Lock
6. The Helicopter (or as I would call it, the HELLA-copter, yo!)
7. The Chocolate Sundae
8. Cotton Eyed Joe*
9. Merengue
10. The Worm

[This is me and Krista, totally schooling all the other dance floor suckas at Automatic Slims, NYC January 2005.]

* OK I'm totally kidding about that one. I wouldn't be caught dead doing the C.E.J., no matter how many tequila shots I had.**

** OK fine. There was that one time. But that's only because I slammed those kamikaze shots in, like, five minutes and I hadn't eaten all day.

10 Random Things Said to Me This Weekend

In place of my usual "What I learned this weekend" posts, I thought I'd shake it up a bit and share with you actual comments said to or asked of me this weekend.

In almost all cases they're perfectly normal, but taken out of context, some of them are just weird. Funny when you think about the strange conversations you can have over the course of a weekend. If anyone wants to share some of theirs from the weekend, feel free.

1. “Where you going so fast, sugar pants?"
2. “Did you change your name to ‘Will’ because of 'Will & Grace'?”
3. "Can I reach behind you and plug this in?”
4. “I don’t know why I listen to you. You always give me bad advice.”
5. “You were not just giving me a funky eye, bitch!”
6. “Sorry, I thought you were the water rat.”
7. “Have I shook you down for $150 yet this month?”
8. “I’m going to cut this off, or else you’ll have a mullet.”
9. “You look like you’re fast. Maybe you should go ahead of me.”
10. “Are you wearing Grandma’s jacket?”
    

Happy Friday Night

I am very happy this fine Friday eve for five reasons:

1. Pilar is rockin' the new Mac OS X. Meeow!
2. Weather today is beautiful
3. I'm listening to the new Shawn Colvin
4. These Bang & Olufsen earbuds are incredible. Seriously. I will never use regular ear buds again. Its like flying coach your whole life and then flying first class. I'll never go back.
5. I bought Arrested Development (RIP) Season III on DVD. Proper!

I said Proper! people.

Things I Like/Dislike This Week

Things I like (this week):

1. Swearing*
2. My new awesome Bang & Olufsen earphones!!!!!
3. Tingling sensations
4. Netflix (I pretty much don't go out anymore in the evenings because of it)
5. The weekend forecast:

Things I dislike (this week):

1. Carson Daly, esp. now that he's all skinny
2. The fact that there are no Taco Bells in Chicago. Where the hell are the Taco Bells?
3. eBay. eBay should just be an auction site. I don't like how you can just buy stuff off there now without having to bid for it. That's not right.
4. Frescatas and Coolattas. How fucking stupid. Even if I loved either one of those things, I would never order one because of the name (not to mention the fact that the Frescata has artisan bread, and we all know how much I hate artisan bread!!)
5. My completely insane office landlord, for asking me to park my rented cargo van "further down the street." Of course I said no. So now I believe I might be taking an extended swim in the Chicago River at some point in the next few days. If I suddenly stop blogging over the next few days, you'll know why.
   

* Note: this is really no different than any other week.

What I Love/Hate This Week

What I love (this week):

1. Eskimo Joe
2. Teen Witch
   
3. My Godzilla desk toy
4. Charo and those Geico commercials
5. Gin Rickeys
   

What I hate (this week):

1. Co-workers who are friendly outside of work but become miserable jerks in the office
2. Tan shoes with dark pants
3. People who yell "Get on the sidewalk!"/"Get off the street!" to cyclists (actually I hate them all the time, not just this week)
4. "Artisan Bread" (whatever the hell that is) and fast food joints that promote it
5. "Hip Hop Rebels" especially if they're whities
   

What I Learned this Weekend

One thing I love about 3-day weekends is that I can write a "What I Learned This Weekend" post and the weekend isn't even over yet! I know I've gone off on this before, but why o why do we not have 3-day weekends EVERY weekend??

1. The Blueberry Fest in Plymouth, Indiana is the largest annual summer festival in Indiana, attracting around 400K people over the long weekend.
   
2. 400K Hoosiers can't be wrong can they? O yes they can.
3. Forget the Dunkin' Donuts. The Funnel Cake is what all the hip kids will be eating this fall.
4. I miss Paige, former hostess of "Trading Spaces." She needs to come back 'cuz that show ain't the same without her.
5. This whole "jogging as quick/easy way to get back in shape" is not what it used, or is cracked up, to be.
6. It may take a few beers to realize this, but Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield" mini-rock opera video is perhaps one of the greatest pieces of 80's cinematic art ever created. Seriously, they should put it in a time capsule, so that when either aliens or explorers from our post-apocalyptic society find it 500 years from now, that video will show them everything they need to know about life (not to mention music, fashion, hairstyles, attitude, the complexities of father/daughter, gender, and geo-political relations, and the plight of the urban private dancer*) in America in the late 20th Century. It's that good, people.

* OK, maybe not so much "geo-political" part, but the rest of it is so totally true!

32 Songs in My Library I Should Be Embarrassed to Have...

... but because I am secure in who I am, I don't care.
This is the first in what a hope will be a weekly posting of useless lists that reveal perhaps a little too much about me.

Without further ado (and in no particular order):

1. Xanadu - Olivia Newton-John
2. Promise of a New Day - Paula Abdul
3. Justified and Ancient - the KLF & Tammy Wynette
   
4. Pop That Coochie - 2 Live Crew
5. Da Dip - Freak Nasty
6. Let's Hear it For the Boy - Denise Williams
7. No More Tears (Enough is Enough) - Barbra Streisand & Donna Summer
8. Come Clean - Hilary Duff
9. Girlfriend - Pebbles
10. I Eat Cannibals - Toto Cuelo
11. Takes a Little Time - Amy Grant
12. You're Momma's On Crack Rock - the Dogs
13. Crush on You - the Jets
14. Doin' the Doo - Betty Boo **
    
15. The Language of Love - Dan Fogelberg **
16. Tell It To My Heart - Taylor Dane
17. If You Go - Jon Secada
18. Dangerous - Roxette **
    
19. So Caught Up in You - 38 Special
20. Waiting for a Star to Fall - Boy Meets Girl
21. Who's Johnny? - El DeBarge
22. Life is a Flower - Ace of Base **
    
23. I Heard a Rumor - Bananarama
24. Steel Bars - Michael Bolton **
25. Tootsie Roll - the 69 Boys
26. The Way You Love Me - Faith Hill
27. Telephone (Long Distance Love Affair) - Sheena Easton **
    
28. Touch Me (All Night Long) - Cathy Dennis
29. Love Changes Everything - Climie Fisher **
    
30. Toy Soldiers - Martika
31. One Good Woman - Peter Cetera
32. We Built this City - Starship

Ahhhh. That felt good. So what's on your list?

PS - I will make you a CD with any of the above songs. Just tell me what you want. (C'Mon, you know you want to...)

** I don't even know what that song is, but I at least know it can't possibly be something I should want to have in my collection.
** He's the poor man's James Taylor, in case you're asking.
** I have pretty much the entire Roxette library, so I could have picked any of their other songs, like "Fading Like a Flower."
** Again, I have pretty much all their stuff too, so I could have picked "Beautiful Life" or "All That She Wants."
** I've italicized this one because of all the songs on the list this is the one I am perhaps most embarrassed about. And now that I look at it, I am sorta ashamed that I even confessed it to you.
** I don't care what you say, it is impossible not to like this song. So fuck off.
** That's not a typo -- his name is Climie.