The Buzz Around the Coffee Machine

Larry the Angel: “Hey Betty, did you hear about the plan the boss has for saving the world?”

Betty The Angel: “No, so what’s the scoop?”

Larry the Angel: “Well rumor has it, Jesus will come to earth as a child born of a virgin in a barn and sleep in a feeding trough for animals. His birth will not be proclaimed to the world, but to .. get this.. shepherds."

Betty The Angel: “yea right.”

Larry the Angel: “No really it’s true. , and Jesus will be raised by a common carpenter and his wife” and for the next almost 30 years Jesus will work as a carpenter, in rural Israel.

Betty The Angel: “ Good one Larry, and so being a carpenter.. he will then build his father’skingdom.” LOL

Larry the Angel: “I know this sounds bizarre, but I heard it all from a very reliable source.And that’s not all. Next, Jesus will choose 12 men to assist him as key members of his kingdommovement.”

Betty The Angel: “You mean like a presidential cabinet of sorts? Made up I imagine of priests and rabbis? Maybe a few influential politicians, and some sort of minister of defense would seemreasonable.

Larry the Angel: “No, .. they are mostly fishermen.”

Betty The Angel: “I see.. fishermen… So far we have Jesus born in a barn in obscurity except toshepherds, his critical years of development to be the King and Savior are spent as a carpenter insteadof seminary? Yes, yes.. this makes ‘boat loads’ of sense…. NOT!” LOL

Larry the Angel: “I know, I know.. but that’s not all. Next Jesus takes on the established religiouscommunity. He will challenge, and mock their rules and their motives.. which of course flys like apolitically incorrect Lead Balloon.“

Betty The Angel: “Well if this is true, then what else could they expect. Now who is it you said youheard this all from? You were not talking to Cliffy from the mail room again were you? I know this isHeaven, but Cliff is full of it.”

Larry the Angel: “No Betty it wasn’t Cliff, it was from a very reliable source. Now be quiet for a minuteand let me finish.. then you can let your jaw drop to the floor… because there is more.”

Betty The Angel: [ Betty motions that she is zipping her lip and smiles.. in silence ]

Larry the Angel: “All of this leads to a final week when the salvation message is realized. Jesus in this unconventional plan lulls the leaders of the day into .. falsely arresting him, mocking him, and is thenbeaten and whipped to the point of death, then to a jeering crowd he is lead up to a hill where he isultimately crucified as a common criminal while he is rejected by the people he came to save… JUSTTHE WAY HE PLANNED IT ALL ALONG.”

Larry the Angel: Of course Jesus will not stay dead. He will rise from the dead, but not everyone will witness this.. and so believing in Jesus, and accepting his free gift of salvation will still be a matter of choice and it will require a personal faith in things maybe not seen.

Betty The Angel: [still silent, Betty stands with her arms crossed]

Larry the Angel: “That’s it Betty, believe me or not.. that is the God’s honest truth (no pun intended).” “Ok, now you can speak.”

Betty The Angel: I don’t know who put you up to this.. but I would tell these wild tales to anyone else… This is all CRAZY TALK.. and I have better things to do with my time. Next time you have anymore 'Revelations’ .. get it in writing on God’s very own BLESSED executive stationary!! Next time.. you should consider your sources before swallowing it all hook line and sinker. You are just soooo gullable.”

[Betty then walks back to work leaving Larry looking exasperated]

Out of curiosity...

Couple of questions...

1) If you were raped by your friend's partner, and your friend has 3 kids... would you report the guy? No, this is not a hypothetical question. I happen to know someone who is in the dilemma, however this happened a few years ago and only now it has come out. Why so late? I don't know. The friend has left her partner and by the time I write this, the kids would have found out... I think. But if you were the rapee... what would you do?

2) Is it normal to feel bored of being single? Do you think it is hormone related or just the burning desire to have companionship?

3) Why are men clueless about women? Is it because men don't have the right neurological components to grasp the intricacies of women OR, women don't know who they are and therefore are constantly evolving themselves making it hard for men to understand them?

4) Why are children so annoying? Was I as annoying as some of the children I am working with? Is this God's way of punishing me for the sins of my past crimes?

Yes... maybe I have too much time on my hands, but I am also finding it hard to sleep lately... won't go into detail why...

By the way, last Friday I had the most awesome time! I was at a Christmas concert thingy staring Ron Kenoly and this team. UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL MAN! They preformed the Nativity story, but all they had as a set was a stool. Minimalist.. I like that. It gives an oppurtunity for the audience to focus on the acting, storyline, emotions and in this case, the singing. The singing was MIND BLOWING. I know black ppl can sing, but to hear one in person sing, hey that is a whole new experience! And to hear Ron Kenoly sing! Another level all together.

No, I don't idolise Ron, but I do admire his ministry, like I admire many men and women who are in ministry. I admire how 'easy' it is for them to put themselves in a position to be used by God, and the things God can accomplish through us.

But most importantly, Ron thought me something that day. Even before Jesus was born, there were already ppl who would reject Him - the innkeeper and Herod. Of all the characters involved that day, they were the two that lost the plot and missed out on being a part of something amazing that night. I never saw it from that perspective. Ron then invited those who were none Christians not to be the innkeepers but to embrace the miracle of that blessed night. May I never be the innekeeper or Herod.

^__^

Hope for the Hope-less

Today is the first Sunday of Advent and I was doing the family service.

I was briefed by my boss VS that 1st Advent is about the Patriachs, 2nd - Prophets, 3rd - John the Baptist and 4th - Mary and (possibly - we weren't sure when the conversation took place) Joseph.

I did quite a bit of research and also SOSed as many ppl as I could think of for ideas. I was hoping to stick to the game plan and eventually put together a piece I think which is brilliant. I engaged the ppl in a conversation about the perfect chocolate cake and what ingredients were needed to make it. We also talked about the intricate steps to making the perfect chocolate cake.

I then summarised the OT in 10 minutes accompanied by cartoon drawings - just in case I wasn't animated enough to hold their attention. From God and Adam and Eve to Abraham being the father of all nations to Moses and then King David. Then to Jeremiah 33 about the promise of a New King from the line of David - the (perfect) King who would bring hope to the hope-less.

I finally concluded my message by reminding us that Advent was the pre to the prefect. Like the OT... all characters and happenings in the OT were God's ingredients and intricate steps leading to the birth of the King. And then ended with discussing what our 'ingredients and intricate steps' were to preparing for the coming of the Perfect King.

I know you the reader may think this is a bit far out, but I assure you, coupled with my classic animations and cartoon drawings (they were a hit!) it was all good.

But my pre to that was a bit of a disaster...

I started the day well... woke up early and got all my things sorted out. But I got into a cab of a non believer (no I am not being judgemental) and that threw me off. He wasn't just a non believer but he HATED religion and God with a vengence. He blamed God for his mother's sufferings and for the things happening to the world. I tried to explain that we make our own choices and it is our doing. And he went on to say well, if God created the world, He would have created us without a bad bone. I of course said that would not be fair to us, because He wanted us to think for ourselves. He then pushed further that God was stoopid for doing so because He would have known we would make wrong choices.

Just before I got out of the car, he asked me 1 question - if I had all the power in the world, like God, would I take away the world's suffering right now, i.e. right all the wrong.

I didn't have to think, my answer was no. He wouldn't even let me explain why, but I did, because I refuse to get out of the cab till I had said it. I told him that we make our own mistakes, and like all parents we watch our children fall when they learn how to walk but we let them fall because we know they will learn from their mistakes. And if I were to change all that in the world we would never learn.

He laughed and said that was the most unChristian thing he has ever heard a Christian say.

I wanted to beat him up with my mary poppins bag and stomp all over his face with my heels.

I sat there in the service feeling angry and confused - throwing out all my confidence in the message I had prepared for the 2nd service. I was worried that I would not be a 'suitable instrument' for God to use and I prayed God would clear my thoughts. And I wondered if I was being unChristian about it.

Then VS started to preach. And his sermon was like an answered prayer. He talked about how Pharoah didn't want the ppl of Israel to hear the good news from Moses, so he made them work so hard till they were too tired to hear. And in today's context, commercials about Christmas presants is making it so hard for us to hear, let alone remember the Reason for the Season. And then he talked about all the bad things happening in the world out there, and how it can easily distract us from our faith and believing.

But that is what Advent is about. It is about us being on our knees and acknowledging the ugly in us and in the world and therefore, wait with hope in anticipation of the One who would bring us peace. The One who would restore hope to the hope-less.

I am sure you can guess what happened next... Yeap, I cried. I cried because that was what I needed to hear, God enfolding me with His words. I cried because of the hope I have in One by the name of Jesus. I cried because for a split second I was swayed. I cried because I felt sorry for the cab driver. And I cried because I didn't have the wisdom to defend my faith with honour in our discussion.

I then started to pray for him.

There was a point in my life when I could not understand how ppl can 'hear' God and speak to Him. Today I can't imagine my life not seeing God is all things around me - both good and bad.

I still want to beat the driver up, but I am also drawn to feeling sorry for him, because unlike me, a believer, I have hope. And he doesn't. And he goes on the rest of his life feeling angry, smug and obnoxious and shitty about his life. Well, maybe sometimes I do feel a little of those feelings, but at least I know in the end, 'all things on earth and heaven is Yours, all things comes from You, and of our own we give You.' Right down to our anger, but that man just piles it on.

But seriously, if you had to chose, what would you have told the driver?

You know, I do hope someone would drop me a reply, but knowing that is not going to happen, well at least I hope it got you thinking.

Happy Advent

PS... this is my 105th post... woo hoo! Didn't think I would last this long. =)

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

So those of you who have been on my recent last dialed numbers would know about the excitement I had these past couple of days. For those who have no clue, I am sorry you were not in the loop. Not that I didn't think you were unimportant to be part of the excitement, just that it all happened so fast and I didn't have time to get the word around. Besides, I was merely the innocent bystander who so happened to have been at the right moment at the right time.

So......... moving along... this is the story.

It all began when I went to Dublin with Sheerah last Thursday. Everything was superb. Definitely worth the money, though I wish it wasn't so blardy cold and that I could have done a bit more walking and see more. But anyway... I never thought I would make it there anyway, so must thank God for little blessings.

Weekend with the Masters after that was also superb. After living in a mix dorm, it was nice to have an en suite bathroom, nice warm bed and gorgeous home cooked meals. Plus the Masters were wonderful company and amazingly spirit filled.

Anyway... they were kind enough to wake up at 3am to ensure Sheerah and I got to the airport by 4am to check in for our flight to Edinburgh. Once we got to the airport, that was when things got a bit funny.

It turns out that S's passport had expired because of a STOOPID mistake made by the Brit High Comm in Malaysia (gee... no surprise there isn't it?). We applied for our visa in Oct 05 and got it back by the end of it. Jule's and my visa were postdated to Jan 06 but S was the only one with the validity of Oct 05 - Oct 06, meaning by the time we were travelling, it had expired 1 month ago. We both (managed) to convince the immigration officer that this was genuine mistake and that we had papers and ppl who could verify we were in UK for official visit. He even tracked our visa application online and realised we were by the book. But like all things, because this was a legal matter, we had to wait for his superior to come have a chat with us.

I could have flown to Edinburgh if I wanted to, but there was no way on earth and heaven i would have left her there by herself. And I am sure, if the tables were turned, she would have done the same for me.

I immediately got onto the phone to ppl in Malaysia to tell them about this and to find out if anyone can help us. It was 5am UK time. But I was also thinking who is their right English mind would be awake to take my call as well. But thank God, there were ppl awake - S' host and church members and The Godfather. At 6am, Godfather said to hang tight and he would be there.

But it was a 2.5 hour wait from the second we found out her visa had expired to when we finally met someone and the wait was excruciatingly long. Throughout the whole time, we dare not pee, I dare not leave her for too long and she was busy tearing every now and then. Her phone was ringing from calls of family members and mine was busy with calls to ppl to pray for us.

Finally, the officer came and I seriously thought she was going to eat us alive. But she acknowledged it was a genuine mistake on our part and gave S 7 days grace to leave the country and come back again. And they will also not blacklist her passport - which was something I was worried about. But she also suggested us to kick up a ruckus in Brit Hi Comm in Malaysia - which we will gladly do so.

Anyway, on our way back from Birmingham to Telford / Shrewsbury (i am in T and S'bury where S is, is the next town) her church member called to say he has a lawyer who will look at her case so that she doesn't have to go home.

S went to London on Thursday and submitted all her papers and considering she is already leaving the country in Jan 07, her case is not a priority so not to worry about it. But she has been warned to stick her head in the sand for a bit.

When we were sitting at the airport, I watched my plan fly off and all I could think about was the money I spent flying in the air. (at that time, it didn't occur for me to change my flight... to nervous and anxious mah!) At that point, I really wanted to know what God had in mind and what lesson were we suppose to learn. And even S asked me what was God telling me at that time. I was taken aback by her question because I was worried and stressed I didn't bother to listen to what God had to say. I took a deep breath and seriously, I could not find a reason in my mind that God would want her to end her mission and leave so abruptly. And I was sure God was going to carry her through this, but why was He allowing us to go through this was beyond me.

In retrospect, S and I had a good conversation with Godfather about our plans when we head back and we both honestly feel if it wasn't for us missing the flight, we would not have had the opportunity. Godfather says maybe God didn't want us to go to Edinburgh. I had some free time to cook and visit a couple of friends I have been dying to visit - and I had a splendid time with them.

S and I also found out how many friends we have in UK and how many ppl really care about us here.

Also... if I had gone to Edinburgh, I would not have visited my friend and her hubby and therefore would not have watched the God channel and would not have heard the following encouraging words :

God is not in a rush for us to make a rash decision. He doesn't mind if we take 6 months to make it. And in the course of that 6 months, He will gently guide and prepare us to make the right decision. Which is precisely why when we do make the right decision, we feel a sense of peace. Because God guided us in that direction. *SIGH* Perfect words at the perfect time.

So... to all those I SOSed... thanks for your help and prayers. Our God is indeed mysterious but never ever doubt in your mind that He does not care or does not have the situation under control. We may even think He has a sick sense of humour because sometimes all the unnecessary stress we go through is really not required. (like how we got to Dublin and back alright and only got detained when we were checking into an internal flight! No one we have spoken to understands how this was even possible!) But if we are going through it, then there must be a lesson to learn and in His time, all shall be revealed.

In the mean time........ just sit back and enjoy the unknown.

^__^

Where am I in the picture?

Last Saturday S and I did a workshop on our experience in youth work in M'sia and the differences we encountered in UK.

Now, before you say anything, I also feel we are not in the authority to comment and therefore lead a workshop but it was merely a stage for us to share our experiences and to share our experiences working with young ppl in UK.

I don't know how the participants felt about the session, but for S and I, we were encouraged. And based on the comments and discussions we had after the session, we think they were encouraged as well.

At some point in our presentation, I discussed about 5 major points that I felt have helped us in our ministry which essentially can be summarised by 1 simple phrase - Be a Friend. I think we all agreed it was important as that is precisely what young people are seeking for. But at the opening speech, we were challenged by the keynote speaker - Rt Revd Stephen Cottrell, to ask ourselves if we wanted to be a blessing to others and how would we go about doing that. It did seem rather odd because S and I planned that at the end of the session, we would encourage the participants in our workshop to ask ourselves how are we sharing our faith with the younger generation. Are we giving them a positive example or negative? Maybe this was all God's intervention.

And what does it have to do with the picture? Well I received a daily reading today that really puts a lot of things into perspective esp in our current world. We are so busy and caught up in our own worlds and lives, I wonder do we ever stop to ask ourselves if that is what sharing our faith means.

I have to be totally honest, since taking time out from work, I have been more giving of my time to people and consciously and unconsciously been making time for people. Like last night... I was suppose to be working on my service for Sunday (as the week is going to be extremely tight for me) but instead I spent almost 2 hours talking to my hosts grandson about his life and making decisions and so forth. Something I think he appreciated and I do too. And today, students from 3 of my reading groups were away on a school trip which gave me time to think and plan instead. God's intervention perhaps?

Whatever it is, hope you will be encouraged and challenged by the message below.

Listening for the silent scream (by John Fischer)

In a counseling session, I inadvertently lean on a pillow that emits a faint electronic warble. I only hear it subconsciously, as I am deeply engaged in the conversation. Then it happens again and I look down and discover my pillow is screaming at me. An electronic chip inside is responding to the pressure of my elbow. On the face of the pillow is a rendering of Edvard Munch’s famous 19th century expressionism painting, “The Scream” – that wavy image of a wide-open mouth and gaunt, skeletal face cradled in the hands of its own desperation. It has become a universal depiction of the cry of the human heart.

In the painting, the screaming victim is standing on a bridge with a red, swirling sky behind him and two figures in the background. In the artist’s own words, the inspiration for this painting came when an unexplainable sense of dread overcame him while out walking with two of his friends. “My friends walked on – I stood there, trembling with fear. And I sensed a great, infinite scream pass through nature.

"Until I read this description, I saw the figures as approaching and for some reason coming after the screaming victim (too many chase scenes, I guess), but according to the artist, the two figures have passed on ahead, seemingly oblivious to whatever it was that gripped him with fear. This underlines even more the loneliness expressed. His companions have their backs turned on his desperation. They are no help to him. Only he can hear the scream; and their apparent disinterest makes you feel the scream is silent.

This is not a painting of a human being on a bridge surrounded by landscape; it is an abstract capturing of the human soul. It is a painting of the state of mind that many people are in today. We live in a time of momentous fear. Terrorism and economic hardship grip many people, but their screams are mostly silent. Those who could help are walking away. Where are you in this picture?

Lord, make us sensitive to those around us who may be screaming inside. May we not walk on by. And may we face as well the cry of our own soul and not try and distract ourselves. May our need lead us to you, the one for whom we were made – the only one who can dispel our fear.

^__^

Forgot the game plan

I woke up one day feeling very lonely and friendless when I realised that no one was commenting to my postings. But I also realised that one of the reasons ppl were reading my blog was to find out how I was keeping. Not to know what lies beyond the confines of my skull into the twisted paranoia of my mind.

So... just to update everyone...

1) Sept 23 (yes... a bit out dated but nevertheless, was an amazing day for me!)

The volunteers were asked to speak at a discussion about our time as a St Chad's Volunteer. the preparation was hectic as the girls and I were going to do a joint presentation and trying to consolidate our thoughts and ideas was difficult. Then we changed our game plan and decided we would just do a chat show thingy. I must admit, the boys - Joe and John were very accommodating and they made the chat very lively. But what was good about that day was the support I had from my church. I hate to blow my trumpet and I don't want the other girls to feel a bit upset, but I think my church had the most representatives there... and it really made me feel so appreciated. Even when Vaughan was sharing about my presence there, I felt so LURVED! And it was nice cos my host family was there as well... and it was nice for them to get out of the mad house and spent some time together. And we finally met the other volunteers... so was def a good day!

2) Greenbelt

I don't know if I told anyone about this but I went camping quite sometime back... the great English outdoors. Or more like the great English golf course! We slept in tents underneath the great English stars and had no shower for 4 days. The only thing we could do was wash up using VERY cold water from a tap that came from somewhere which I don't want to know where. I did however at stoopidly 7am in the morning decided to brave myself and wash my hair under the tap. Gives a whole new meaning to brain freeze. By the way... it was late August which meant summer was dying down and it was RAINING practically all the time we were there... so seriously, it was a great experience! No... I mean seriously.. it was a great experience. It was a HUGE christian festival and at one given time, there was about 20K ppl on the site. There were all sorts of speakers, performers and so forth. Even saw Daniel Bedingfeild live... I must confess, his marketing team does not do a good enough job in marketing the boy. He has talent lah!

3) Autumn Holiday Club

I helped organise a holiday club and though there weren't as many kids as I hoped, I guess I can't complain. 2 of the kids there were really into it and I think they had a great time. One of them wrote on her file that she really liked church. Aww... that was so nice. I have suggested to her grandma to bring her to church once a month for our Sat club - I think she might like it. I hope this will be a start for her to start coming to church. The final day was great - lots of kids in church and the BBQ... I really think the churches here don't spend enough time fellowshipping with one another. Which is quite sad cos that is the basis of a healthy growing church... well my opinion that is.

4) Nov 4

By the time you read this... that is there is any 'you' reading this, Nov 4 would have come and gone. Sheerah and I will be doing a workshop on youth work and so far it is under subscribed. Not sure if that is good or not. But we were told that there may be ppl coming on that day itself. Oh well... we are praying that those who come - including ourselves will benefit from that day in more ways than one.

5) Ireland

Sheerah and I planned a trip to Dublin and we were hoping to go to Edinburgh... but kinda hard trying to coincide schedules and financial requirements. I have never lived like a pauper like this before... so it is mighty interesting. Well that is not true... I lived like this while I was in Uni... but I never bothered to make trips to anywhere while I was studying... except to the bar. hahaha... but that is something we don't need to know. So... I am heading to Dublin on the 18th and I will have to figure out how to get to Scotland... Or maybe I should go somewhere else.

6) New directions in life

Well, considering it if time for me to come home soon, I had to put some thought into what I want to do with my life. It hasn't been easy and it was rather funny that last weekend everyone was asking me the same question. I don't think they all planned it, but it just seemed that everyone wanted to ask me about my plans on the same weekend! Which made it worse cos it only forced me to think about my plans... when we all know I was procrastinating. So... I have some (quite) firm plans in my mind... just told my dad about it... but haven't heard from him yet. Of all the emails I sent him, he is taking forever to reply this one!

one last item... this one I need prayer please... if there is anyone out there that is..

7) De Quervain's Disease

I injured my left wrist and it has been hurting for a bit... I am hoping to keep it still and hopefully the injury will die a natural death. Problem is, with all them typing and fiddling around, I am not really keep my hand still don't you think so? Anyway... whenever anyone of you decide to say a prayer, just remember me with the banged up wrist who is having a problem trying to scratch her bum with her left hand... hehehe... don't you just miss my sense of humour!?

^__^

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Heavenly forces at work?

OK. My name is not Larry. And I am not attempting to walk on water. But considering the weekend I've had, it seems the most apt. Esp the last line.

This specific weekend, I have been saturated with thoughts and questions about my future upon my imminent return. Why this weekend, I don't know.

It all started with me watching 'The Devil wears Prada.' I saw glimpses of my life in that movie and I suddenly feared the thought of falling back into the same ol routine if I took a similar job when I get back. But I miss the adrenaline rush and the hustle and bustle of work. And I love seeing the fruits of my labour. But then again, I like the thought of working towards fulfilling a 'heavenly marketing plan.'

And the next day I spent a few hours talking to a friend about my options and I thot I made up my mind.

But life is not that easy.

So I met up with my cousin and he opened my eyes to more possibilities. Some I think I was afraid to consider.

See, this is the problem of speaking to ppl when you are struggling to make a decision. Sometimes I think sitting in my own little corner whilst twiddling my fingers is the best way to make a decision because you are not influenced by the ppl around you or their thoughts and ideas. Then again, it is always good to consult and find out the thoughts of others so you can make a more informed decision. But now I am left with more thoughts then I started with.

So, moral of the story is I haven't decided what I want to do with my life yet. Actually, that is a wrong statement. I know what I want to do. Question is, what decisions do I have to make about the present to make my plans a reality? And are my plans God plans?

*SIGH*

Kids say the darnest things - 1

Some of you may have gotten these via email... but they are too farnie not to post here!



^__^

A prayer for him........

Lord, be his shepherd,

Keep him with the flock,

Watch him and tend him,

Be his resolute rock.

Don't let him falter,

Don't let him fall,

Wait with him,

Father,Be there for his call.

Hold his hand firmly,

The path grows so steep,

Wipe his tears gently,

Should he start to weep.

Teach him to follow,

In Your humble way,

Help him to walk,

In Your shadow each day.

Strengthen his body,

Weaken his will,

Should he deny You,

Stay with him still.

Give him Your shoulder,

On which he may rest,

Embrace him warmly,

Next to Your breast.

Please place Your hand,

Upon his dear head,

And give him Your blessing,

As his spirit is fed.

Quiet his mind,

Comfort his soul,

Put peace in his heart,

Make his life whole.

Give him a vision,

Of Your tender smile,

Let him feel loved,

All of the while.

************************************************

Yes, it is a prayer for a loved on... specifically for a boyfriend of husband.

Why am I saying this payer?

Well.... in a way, I think I have come full circle with many things in my life. Especially with my mistakes and wrong choices in the relationship department. Some men in my life, who I wished never to have met and some I wished I had made a right decision then so maybe we can still be friends now. And though at some point I wished we could have been more civil after the goodbyes, I have now accepted the fact that it is better this way.

Now I don't know if I am been chosen for a life of singleness as it is an amazing calling, but personally I am hoping I haven't! So therefore, of late I find myself thinking about him and his spiritual journey. I don't think it is the bio clock talking or that I am desperate. Though the notices from friends about their imminent auspicious occasion does put my mind in gear.

I find myself looking at ppl and wondering if I already know him but it is not time for us to discover our feelings or I have yet to meet him. Or even he came and went because it was right guy but wrong time.

And as much as I wonder what our children will be like, I am more fascinated by the thought of what are we going to do together to serve the Lord. Now this is a mind-blowing thought ok! I see many married couples around me who are both in their own way serving the Lord - my parents, some of the cleargies I know, R&K, R&P and etc and I am absolutely blown away by how they serving the Lord together. And I find that there is nothing more fulfilling than that... or to be able to do that! It take the whole concept of rooting your relationship on God to a whole new level!

So......... where ever you are... I hope life is good to you..... and that you are having an awesome journey with Him... and I hope we will have an awesome journey together...

PS... yeah... I think it is almost the time of the month. ^__^

(if only I look this angelic!)

Friends

Today I made a friend. Not just any friend... but someone totally unexpected who surprised me today with her honesty and kindred spirit.

I honestly didn't think I would find someone who would feel and think like me... don't get me wrong, we are different in a few ways... but she has been an amazing confidante since I came here. And though I have shared many things with her, today was different, because she
finally found the confidence in confiding in me.

(something we both love...)

One of the major issues about making friends is the fear if that person will look you in the same way after they have found out something about your sordid past. I had that fear... but recently, when confronted, I was open about the things I had done in my past and some of the regrets and hard lessons I had to learn through my could have been avoided mistakes. But though mistakes, I must confess that I would go through them again for it is by them I am made stronger. I think I have come full circle with a lot of things in my life, and though some aspects of my past may shock many people, I also feel they are an essential part of me. However, of course I am not going to shout my life history from the mountain top...

Anyway... I am not saying the friends I have thus far are not good... they have been and they are. And there are the few that I am particularly fond of because they not only know my shortcomings but have been a tremendous force of encouragement as I am on this journey. You know who you are... ^__^

But I am very much aware that there was always a part of me that was holding back certain information about myself... maybe not to everyone, and not about everything. But certainly I have been holding back.

I guess today, it is a blessing, because I have found another person who has been so boldly honest and transparent about her failings and inadequacies but yet I have been absolutely inspired by watching her mature in faith.

I don't know how our friendship will be comes Jan. Maybe circumstances now have brought us together and maybe when I go home circumstances will separate us... though I am hoping this not to be so. But.. for now, I can only give thanks to God for her love and friendship.

^__^

Idealistically Obsessive?

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

I feel like a bit lost right now... I am not sure if I am the one stirring the cauldron OR am I being stirred by 'someone else'.

Firstly, I am ill... not sure of what... my nose is clogged up but it is not dripping. Hence I have difficulty breathing. And my tonsil is actually useless so therefore the breathing through my mouth makes my tonsil dry and I cough. The weather is getting chilly and my body is going into hibernation mode again.

Going back to school is OK. I have the few odd rascals... but I only see them 30 minutes a day... which is enough before I take their tiny little heads and smash against the wall. The Asians (Pakistanis and Muslims) are fascinated by me... they have a teacher from Thai, Mrs Yuya and Mr Mahmood who helps the bilingual children - and the children can't decided if I am Yuya's sister or Mahmood's daughter. Not sure if I want to be either.

I also have been having issues trying to get messages across tactfully to someone. I just felt that she was getting a bit out of hand in terms of what / how she was saying things, and in her own unknown to her demanding way, she may upset ppl. I thot I was right... and in some ways, I think what I did was right. But she kinda blew up at me. So I am now left to wonder, am I being over-reacting about things. Jesus said if you think someone is doing something wrong, we should politely point it out and I was trying to alert her of the possibilities that she may offend someone. So... did I do the right thing? I think in her own way she is a nice girl, and we are towards the tail end of our stint, and it would be terrible to have this crop up between us when we have been pally all this while.

You know... I have been thinking a lot about myself - evaluating myself and so on... I think I sometimes bend backward a lot to ensure that I am constantly in the peacemaker role and the one to whom anything and anyone can come to in time of need. No matter how much I can't stand that person. I somehow find ways and means to stomach certain ppl even if it means putting up with their eccentricities in small doses.

I know friends who can easily cut ppl off because they really get on their nerves and though in the same room, hardly a civilized hello is exchanged between them. I don't know if I can do that. I think I live in an idealistic world where I want sunshine and rainbows and squirrels doing the macarena all day long...

No, actually, that would drive me insane. But you get my point.

My cousin says that I am too holy moly and try to be very Christian and take the 'love your neighbor as yourself' a bit too far. To a point of being idealistically obsessive. And truth is, I don't know, because no one has ever told me if I was. And I wish ppl did because I would hate to live in a bubble world.

Something else that has been haunting my mind is someone offered me a job. I think I knew WAYYYYYYYYYYY back of my mind, that the offer would come - only a matter of time. It is one of those gut feelings that you are positively correct but you don't want to say anything for fear ppl may say you are arrogant. And I don't know if I want to job. The pros are great, but I worry if I will get lost in it again like I think I did before.

I keep telling myself, I have taken a step back to evaluate a lot about myself this year and maybe if I take the job, I will now be looking with fresh eyes and new outlook. So maybe things won't be the same as before. But on the contrary, I like the stress for a higher calling and not marketing demands. And to further myself in the 'higher calling' department, I need cash... and this job can give me some... but will I lose my way again? I am now caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

But a few EXTREMELY high notes this week... On Sunday I gave out prayer commitment cards to the church members. They were to think of ppl they cared about and wanted to commit them to prayer. On Sunday I found out that PW put his grandson's name who he has not seen for 3 years because he is estranged from his daughter. When he got back, the grandson was outside his doorstep because his mom kicked him out. And so PW spent the whole day with the boy.

YA put a friend's name... AM - AM suffers from depression and has not been in church for a long time. Yesterday at the adult singing group, AM came and YA was so happy to see her.

I was humbled to think that such a simple prayer exercise could make so much of difference to their lives...

So why can't I adopt their simplicity in my life?

^__^

Thankful, thanksgiving, giving thanks

A friend complained to me that my posts are becoming quite nonsensical, in fact can be equated to a compose heap. In fact Friend went on to say that it is losing the deep Christian expository trait it used to have.

I have several issues about this.

First, I actually think being equated to a compose heap is a compliment. After all, compose is used to help fertilize the soil to produce good crops / plants and so forth. So, Friend, if you were hoping to injure my pride with that comment, I have news for you : IN YOUR FACE! hahaha!

Secondly, what deep Christian expository trait? I never once tried to obtain this title so I don't know how I could have lost something I never professed to have!?

And thirdly, my blog is nonsensical, because well... it is my blog! I can choose what I want to write and so there... if I want it to be nonsensical, I want it to be nonsensical.

But seriously, there is something that has been on my mind and I was in the midst of writing this before Friend had to put his 2 cents worth.

Moving along..

When you meet someone, the most common question is, 'How are you?' and sometimes I am not sure if we anticipate the answer we may get. What exactly are we hoping for that person to say? More often than not, I am then bombarded with with stories about how the cat terrorized the prized roses, how knees are creaking more than before, how the ulcer in their mouth is hindering them from eating whatever they like eating or that though you are a size 12 yet you are so upset when you gain a pound.

What is it about us that we so effortlessly choose to see the bad in our lives and forsake the good? Seriously, we are so better off than so many ppl out there in the world. Yet what is it really that we lack that makes our lives so unfulfilled or so incontent and ungrateful for what we already have?

I was watching Oprah Winfrey a few days about about women who are addicted to plastic surgery and a woman despite all the liposuction she has had, she feels she is still fat. And after all the eye-opening and self awakening testimonies, she still feels that her life would be more complete if she lost just a little of her thigh. And mind you, she looked like a size 12. Another lady thought her nose was so big that now she can hardly breathe through it... her nasal passage way is so narrow that sometimes she needs to use a cotton bud to open it up to breathe.

This is scary shite!

But then again, there are ppl I know who despite having lost a lot in life has nothing but the best things to say about their lives. GV is a lady in church and is wheelchair bound. She is 78 and though she can actually walk, because her bones are so brittle, she has been advised to use a motorized wheelchair. Her husband JB is 83 and despite his age, he has never complained about always having to dismantle and put together GV's motorized wheelchair. I have helped him on several occasions to put the killer machine together and it is NOT light! The battery itself weighs like 5 kgs... and the man is everyday putting it together and putting it apart for his beloved wife. And without complains.

Now, I am not trying to force feed my religion to anyone who may be reading this who is not a christian... but seriously, the bible teaches us that we are who we are because God made us. And we are given the gifts we are given because it is a special gift He wants for us. Someone used to tell me that when I look in the mirror and I complains about my body, or critise how I look I am telling God He did a lousy job with me. And that is horrifying. I mean, if He can create, He can also uncreate!

There is so much about myself I would love to change, the size of my hips, the size of my feet, the craters on my face but I don't have the money for surgery. And besides I have seen some of the haunting effects, so I am even more terrified to go under the knife. But I can sing... and at some point I consider myself a loyal friend and a good sister... (i don't care what the world says, I am a damn good sister ok!) and sometimes, these things weigh a lot more than my ass. I think. What good can a smaller ass to do my faith or for my friends? Ok, so I take up less space on their chairs... but... then I would take away something that may be a subject in their jokes.

*I am grasping right?

OK... seriously... I think we are so withdrawn in our look in life we forget that there is a bigger picture out there. And until we learn what being outward is, we will never grasp the true meaning of the christian faith, because that is exactly what Jesus was. He was an outward man. He chose to be friends with those at the bottom of the barrel because they were the outcast. They were in need of confidence and assurance that there still was good in them. And there is no greater demonstration of love. So who are we to judge someone else's lack?

And what eats me even more is when something good happens to us, we forget who is our Source and Provider. We bask in our glory but we forget that all glory belongs to Someone else. And I personally think, that is the greatest tragedy - the inability to be grateful for what we have.

Colossians 3:16-18 (New International Version)
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


Ephesians 5:19-21 (New International Version)
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My mom's legacy

I was about 15 when my mom during one of those family prayer sessions she used to force us into having was in tears while praying. She was very ill that year and was in and out of work and hospital. My mom has always been a sickly person and each time she got ill, it would take her ages to shake it off. And this time it took even longer. My mom became depressed. While she was praying, she cried and ranted and complained to God as to why He was keeping her alive and what excatly He wanted from her. She couldn't understand her purpose in life and why God created her. I attributed that little outburst to her premenapousal state and thought nothing of it.I was 20 and sitting for my first exams in University and for the first time in my life, I was terribly frightend. I ran to my friend's room and i burst into tears. She prayed with me and at that moment, I realised what was missing - my mother's deep assurance that God and she was with me - something that for as long as I can remember, I always had. It has been more than 10 years since she said that prayer, and though she may not know, her weakness was her gift to my sister and I. My mom is a simple lady and all she knows is as long as we pray, God will hear us and in His own way will answer us. And no matter what happens, always know that God has a reason to allow it to happen. Her faith in what most of us deem as an unknown God is truly amazing.She is a firm believer in the power of prayer and many of my relatives call her from near and far to pray. My mom still has her simple jane moments when the price of a cup of coffee from Coffeebean still scares her eventhough her daughters are frequent visitors and think nothing of dishing out the dosh for that little cup. 

My mother's faith, humility and ignorance of the gift God has given her are her most precious gifts to her family.

Mullings...

I hate writting. Have I ever told you that? No? Well, know you know.

I havent been able to sit my posterior down and update my blog and my newsletter. My parents have been calling and asking for it and I tell them the same thing everytime... working on it. I am waiting to see when they will catch on to the fib.

But I have been rather busy. Preparing for family services, preparing for Sept 23 and trying to finish a few books I have started since days of yore. I have given up on 2 of them though... one is by Ben Elton and ther other is Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy. I must say, both are actually good books in their own right, but just that they are a bit heavy... Seth's book is 3 times thicker than my bible and Elton... well, I can't say he is heavy, but I suppose the profanity in every para just got to me. (yes... I know I sound like a prude but really... I am sure a book, movie or music can be equally enjoyable without all the 'french')

So now I am down to 4 books... 2 of which I am EARGER to start - one is sex in God's world and High Fidelity. Is it just me or is there a pattern going on?

And the other 2 are The Bible Jesus Read (Yacey) and the Wonderful World of Bras. As you can see, my reading materials are quire diversed.

I have also been watching a lot of movies... Grease 2 put me to sleep... Dirty Dancing 2 was really good. I think I have a little crush on Diego Luna - the leading actor, although I personally find the leading actress as interesting as watching a duck poo (seeing it once was amusing, second time is just a deep slumber waiting to happen). Other movies... Helen of Troy, finally watched Alexander, Brassed off (and english movie), Robin Williams on broadway and a few more. Alexander was a bit of a let down, simply because I have never been able to bring myself to appreciate Farrell's work but also because Jolie didn't do it for me this time. She always does it for me... but this time, I was just not there. *SIGH* Maybe it was the ridiculous accent she had or the fact that it was a pirated DVD and the visuals were poor.

Other things going on in my life...

Well I mentioned Sept 23 - It is an important day for the St Chads Voluteers. We are having an afternoon of discussion and sharing with other ppl in the diocese about our experience here and the volunteers who have been to M'sia are saying their peace as well. I guess in a way, this is a marketing excersice for the programme and to encourage churches here to want to have a volunteer. I have tried several times to invite my church members but the response has been far from luke warm. Frankly it has been freezing. I am quite dissapointed actually. To be honest, I think most of the church members don't really see the need for me to be here. They seem to think the vicar is Superman and lo and behold, all the grass in the church yard or the blubs and heater will be fixed by some magical creature. Some of them have no clue how the church is in dire need of assitance... not just financial but physical. It really does annoy me when ppl are so so keen to run for charity, bake for some social event or help friends throw a fancy anniversary party can't bring themselves to translate the same amount of passion to church activities. So honestly, I have no idea who is coming, but whatever it is, we are praying for the best. In any case, it would be nice to meet John and Joe - the boys that were in Malaysia.

I have actually met John some time back... and he is a brilliant lad. Full or life, joy and spirit... the right kind. Joe... only spoke briefly... but does sound like a nice boy... So do keep us in your prayers ya...

So what else... oh yeah... remember the game show 'The Price is Right'? No?

Well no worries..

Anyway... my friends invited me to join them and 24 other ppl to the recording of the game show. It was er... an experience. First of all, I didn't know anyone on the bus and I pretty much sat by myself trying to get some sleep and feel excited. I was worried I would be called out to play (they randomly pick ppl from the audience to play the game) But I wasnt... because I am not a british citizen.

Anyway... there is more to the story... because they randomly pick ppl from the audience to play, there are cameras flying all over the place trying to catch the audience. And therefore, we have to be seen as being excited and happy and high about the whole thing. I was not a happy pup. It is one thing to sit in a recording of a programme, but trying to look bothered about the whole thing, is another kettle of fish. (to be honest, I don't know why I wasn't really exicted about the whole thing...) I was acutally feeling a little stoopid after a while.

Moving along... I tried to look happy and interested... I tried to look supportive and excited. I really do think I tried very hard... but then again, as the old saying goes, we plan and God laughs.

So the first round, one of the members of our Telford Travellers (which was what we were called) was picked, the cameras were on us most times... catching footage of us supporting Mary. Mary... oh bless her... is about 70... smokes like a chimney but didn't look like she could hurt a nat. She didn't win, but Mary won everyone's heart... right down to the fancy costume clad army soldiers on the far end of the room.

Second round... this is where God decides to be funny.

Before I go on with my tale, I need to tell you something first. The way they play the game (maybe I should have said this earlier right? Anyway...) they call out 4 ppl from the audience and you have to guess the price of something... the closest one wins and moves on to the next round and the next... depending how good you are at guessing prices. The audience is suppose to scream suggestions to help them out hence the excited and gung ho part. So we have 3 poor sods sitting there... then we call another person to complete the 4, giving the 3 sods another shot at winning. One wins and move on, and another is called forward to have another go.

Then they get rid of all the ppl in the first round and call out another 4 ppl again and the cycle is repeated. The winners of each round then goes into a semi and then the finals.

So where was I?

Ah yes... second round... when God decided to flex His sense of humour. A name came on the screen and I clapped like a stoopid clown I was beginning to feel... and the person next to me jumped up and screamed! And then I mentaly screamed!

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

Steve Frost, bless him... who won a laptop by the way was called to be one of the contestants and he was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME... and that can only mean one thing - the camera was IN MY FACE fliming me in all my glory! And for as long as Steve was playing, it was in our direction. You see... Mary was different, she was many many rows in front of me... but Steve was NEXT TO ME.

So.... in the next coming season of The Price is Right, you will see moi sitting there looking like a seal on drugs... (the kind that won't stop clapping).

But this is not the end of the tale... the actuall winner... I am not going to mention his name, is a gorgeous looking man. (observe, I used the word man and not boy) He looked absobloominglutely divine... bald, broad shoulders, didn't know if he had a 6 pack cos his shirt was hanging loose, sexy smile and a nice butt. He was sitting a few rows in front of me and I was so glad when he was called up cos I could now see more than just his back. Oh he looked so cute when he smiled.

But then it happened... the lights came on.. in my mind I mean.

Something about Gorgeous Divine Bloke was not right. He looked a bit too excited and cutesy at some point and the way he was always waving to his friend that was sitting next to him and the way Friend was waving back was rather unsettling. And the truth hit me like a tonne of duck poo... the man was playing for the opposite team! Haiyo... I knew it was too good to be true!

So I then sat through the rest of the recording clapping, cheering, being supporting, screaming and all that but my mind was going, 'SHITE, the man is gay!' over and over and over and over again.

THAT is why I felt so stoopid about the whole cheering thing becasue I could not get over the fact how 'happy' he was...

Trying to get back on the bandwagon

It is a bit hard. Think I have lost my rhythm of doing this and it is getting hard to motivate myself to get back on. A lot of things have been going on (I know... dejavu - I seem to be hiding behind this excuse ALL the time, but it is TRUE) and has really got my mind and emotions churning.

I have moved again (since my last post) and am now staying with another family. It is not the best environment, simply because I think the dogs (yes there are 2 of them) are too big for the house and there are grandchildren who well, annoy me. But all kids annoy me anyway! I think it is the noise. I have lost that peace and quiet I had been spoilt with with my other hosts. Aside from the previous one that didn't have internet. I mean the kids would come and go but at the end you KNOW they will go home and take the banter with them. Though I must say, her grandson, Ed, was a really surprise. When I first came, he was very quiet and shy but he warmed up and we had great conversations - most of the time bugging each other and in the end, he gave me a little pressie to remember him by. I was so blown away when he did that.

Moving along...

The current host - a couple who have a thing for stray children - myself included I guess you can say, has hearts as big as gold BUT lead really complicated lives. And it shows in their home. So, I am now home alone, watching rubbish Brit TV enjoying the peace and quiet that I think they deserve. I have a beautiful duck pond just a spit away and most nights I think of how I can catch a duck and do a Peking duck with it without getting into trouble with the authorities. FYI : the ducks are protected by the animal rights group. Only in Brit I tell you! If it was in Malaysia, all the ducks would be dead ducks by now. Geddit!? Dead ducks!?

Oh nevermind!

So... what else has been happening? Well I have been helping out at a council playscheme and I think the volunteers there have it good because they get paid like between 6 - 7 quid an hour. So that is like 6 hours a day, 4 times weekk for 4 weeks. So lets say they earn 6.5, that is like 600 quid a month! Which is like 80% more than me! And they are all younger then me! The kids think I am loser for doing this on charity. I am not sure what to make of it. I must say I did feel a little out of my league there, not sure why. I felt like an oogly duckling trying to fit it. Was a bit strange. But I survived and I only have 1 more session to help them out with - even that I am doing it on charity basis cause they need help that day.

What else?

I have been feeling a little out of place lately - not sure why, Maybe it is hormones kicking in... I am not too sure or maybe it is just anxiety of the unknown... it is already August and soon it will be Jan 07 and I am due back home. I still haven't decided what I am going to do when I get back and frankly I haven't put much thought into it. I know I want to be involved in youth work but I haven't decided if I want it full time or part time. And then if I want to do that I would love to go back tschoolol and may be do a bit of psychology and theology. But then again, there are so many loans to sort out and I can't leave Rach to handle that by herself. That is really not fair to her. I mean she has been through so much with the new place and all. So I should help out. So... this leaves only 1 thing : what job can I get that pays a whole load of money but I don't have to use my brain? I was thinking of being a telephonist / receptionist or something... even a PA but I am not all thaorganizeded and I need to take short hand courses and to be a PA you need to come highlrecommendeded because well, I think being a PA holds a LOT of power... you are literally running your boss' life... imagine the power in that! And to top it off, lets just say he has been cheating around and you are the only that knows about it, I am talking serious BACKMAIL here! hehehe... Ah... life's many possibilities!

Anyway... am cutting the crap now.

Like I said earlier, I have been watching a lot of crap Brit TV, 2 things were Big Brother - which I only watched as and when I was really bored crapless, and Love Island.

OK, Big Brother first - basically, ppl apply to be on the show and they do a round of interviews and they pick I think a bunch of people who seem most unlikely to get on with each other and put them in a house and are constantly monitored. They all wear a microphone and there are cameras EVERYWHERE! Even in the toilets and bathrooms. It is kinda like living in a aquarium and every now and then, Big Brother makes them do stoopid things like form 2 teams and use one person as a brush to paint a postcard and send to Big Brother cos he/ she was on vacation. Some of them are really neurotic and weird and totally drama queen and some of them are nice but in a very odd sort of way. So yesterday was the last episode and Pete Something won and bless him, the boy has Tourettte Syndrome. May be that is why he won? I don't know... but he does have an appealing quality and boyish charms about it. Really sweet and was good for him to win. Now he is rich and fell in love with one of the housemates who I personally think is a real nutter but hey, I am not Brit, so I wouldn't know anything.

Then there is Love Island... same concept as BB, but this time they are stuck on an Island in Fiji and the whole purpose is for them to fall in love. Contestants are of the celebrity nature so you have ppl like Shane previously from Boyzone, Kelly previously from Eternal, Pierce Brosnon's adopted (or was it step?) son and so on and so forth. Most of them get along but some have some bitchy qualities to them... and dramas which I sometimes think are too much and concocteunnecessarilyly by the procuders. But all in all, it is better thawatchingng soap dramas.

So, these things have been keeping me occupied.

So what have I missed while I was internetless? Anybody?

I am back... but not sure how long

Anyway... things have been like a roller-coaster ride... such is life eh?

The highs have been really good highs and the lows have been really low lows... like right now. Am having a low period. Don't really want to go into it because it is just a complicated mess and I am wondering if I am just being paranoid. So before I sound like a complete emotional heap of mess, I think I should gracefully change topics.

2 things I would like to share...

1) For all those singles, coupled or married ppl, read Colin Dye's Staying Pure in a Sex-Charged World. Absolute mindblowing book about how Christianiy percieves sexuality. And Def a healing book for those who have crossed the bounderies and think there is no turning back.

2) I came across something and thought I would like to share it :

I was at a service recently and I picked up a leaflet and I saw this.....
A live church has parking problems; a dying church doesn’t.
A live church has lots of noisy children; a dying church has peace and quiet.
A live church needs to change the way things are done to do better; a dying church does not need to change a thing.
A live church dreams greater dreams of God’s kingdom; a dying church has nightmares.
A live church invites people to risk involvement in new ideas; and dying church plays it safe and never risks anything.
A live church supports world mission; a dying church says ‘Charity begins at home!’
A live church uses traditions and buildings to serve God and people; a dying church uses people to serve traditions and buildings.
A live church is full of tithers; a dying church is full of tippers.
A live church forgives and is forgiven; a dying church never makes mistakes.
A live church looks for challenges and opportunities; a dying church looks for problems and dangers.
A live church evangelises; a dying church fossilises........

Missed you guys lots and have a great weekend!

^__^

Exhausting... but fulfilling

Some of you received an email from me recently venting about my frustrations of the lack of ppl volunteering for young ppl's ministry in my current parishes.

And some of you even had the wonderful pleasure of chatting with me and thus receiving a not so calm side of the story.

Anyway... Just to update :

The youths used to meet once a fortnight but after much discussion amongst the 5 adults (myself included) and the kids, we decided to move things to every week. Was great encouragement... but 2 of the adults backed out a month or 2 later for various reasons. So for a while we were replying on the same 3 adults.

The issue in UK is such that when there is a group of children involved, it is a legal obligation that there must be more then 2 adults present.

So I woke up on Wednesday to a text message saying my 2 adults were down with the flu and I was stuck. I texted, called and left voice messages for my vicar - SOS-ing for help.

I was scheduled to go to church at 5.15 and by then my priest still hadn't called me back. While waiting for him, I took matters into my own hands and called a lady - Pauline who comes for guitar lessons requesting for her assistance. But she wasn't home and I left a message for her.

I was worried but I was sure I didn't want to cancel it and so I thought of all ways and means to arrange the meeting and pray that nothing goes wrong and therefore incurring a possible legal case. So basically, I left it all in God's hands.

At 5.05, Pauline called and said she would do it. I wanted to cry... and I was sure the rest of the night would go well.

My priest called at 5.30 and I told him all is well.

And true enough the evening went well. We talked about some things that got the children thinking and discussed issues that were on their minds but had no place to puke them out.

The more I spend time with these kids the more exhausted I am - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually but the more I love them and the more I see God molding them and the more I am frightened for them. Some of the things they come up with is a result of the over-abundant and accessible information out there which when not explained properly can leave a tender mind very confused. I currently have a 15 year old mind who feels that this is his life and he was born of this parents therefore he is not a child of God. And he chooses not to be a child of God.

I can deal with issues like feeling unworthy of being a child of God - which I know is something really major for these kids as I have seen a few of them look like they are going to burst out crying when we talked about that. I can also deal with the issue of 'is there really unconditional love.'

But not wanting to be a child of God because it is his civil right is a bit hard. I am almost tempted to tell him that in the eyes of God there is no civil right... there is only His law and our right comes from obeying His law. I also want to smack a certain person who has been hanging around the boy and feeding his brain with rubbish. Yes, my patience for 'certain person' is wearing thin as I have seen him behaving nastily to some of these kids. But God says, be nice to those who do not know me and nicer to those that annoy you. So I smile.

Anyway... the longer I stay here and more humble I am and the more speechless I become at God's amazing power and plan. And the more I know I will miss this place and the ppl I have grown to love and care for so much...

By the way, as of next Tuesday I will have officially moved and therefore thus ends my free broadband access. So I don't know if I am going to be able to update my blog or not... so please bear with me till I settle in with my new host.

Till then... God bless, coffee rocks! and all God's children say - AMEN!