Dear blog.
This is the first time I’m writing again to you in a very, very, very long time.
I’ve been thinking lately.
About how things happen for a reason.
About how sometimes those reasons bring you close to near-desolate emptiness in your constant pursuit for the truth.
About how, in our constant pursuit of happiness, it sometimes damn near destroys us, and changes us from the essence of who we truly are as a person, and just replaces it with a bottomless void.
The other night, I stared down the bottom of that void, and truth be told, I really wanted to fall in and never come out again.
But I stopped myself.
Because I remembered how good it felt to see her smiling at me, how complete it made me feel.
Because I remembered how mesmerising it was to look deep into those big brown eyes of hers, only to stop myself from gazing too long, should I be entranced for all eternity.
Because I remembered I made a promise to myself not to fall into that void again.
Because I promised myself to be stronger, to be better.
Because this is not the end of the story, this is just the intermission.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
About how I used to think every girl was special, about how I could almost see an entire future together with them, but then in the end it would never work out. I guess it was like reading a very good storybook, and hoping the climax or ending turns out into a certain way, but instead the story just disappoints you in the end.
If you ever read this, I didn’t think that way about you.
I just stepped back, and let the story unfold.
And what a story its been so far.
I said I was falling for you.
I didn’t lie.
I still am.
And you know what’s funny?
I’m starting to think that you really are the truth I’ve been searching for this entire time, the one that will save me from ever falling into that void again.
I have no idea what’s going through your mind at the moment.
But whatever it is, above everything else, I pray and hope you’re happy.
Because its always darkest before dawn.
