The old, the new, the good, and the bad.

Since I last blogged there has been a mixture of old/bad and new/good!  Some big changes, some not so big changes, and some things that still need to change.  

The Old/Bad:
Well I am still working on exercising more regularly and reading more often.  I have been doing it intermittently but I really need to be doing it regularly 2-4 times per week.   I still need to decide on some good material to read... I haven't been doing much with that overall.  I'm also still trying to figure out the best way to do some things at work.  I need to be better about these like I promised myself that I would!!!  I'll try to be better this week guys.

The New/Good:
 There are a number of new things that are great and happy and have been making life good.  I have been watching far less TV and I have been making it to my jiu jitsu classes (I need to be going more often).  I feel like those are already good things but I can and should be doing better!!  Always improving, right?

On another note- a couple weeks ago I bought a new car!  It was a bit of a spur of the moment decision.  I was talking to my dad and talking about the mileage on my car.  I was at about 98k miles on my car and it was a 2007 model.  It was having brake problems and a few other issues so I decided to go look at my options!  I tried test driving a Prius, a Honda CRV, and a couple other cars but funny enough the car that I still loved the best was the Toyota Rav 4.  Not sure if it is because I am just so used to it or what but I just couldn't find another car I liked more.  I went and looked at cars primarily on the 4th of July and then went back and forth quite a bit.  Finally on the following Monday I went to Joe Pecheles of Washington and LOVED the service I got there and ended up buying a silver 2014 Toyota Rav 4!!!  I am in love with my new car- I have all weather mats, a cargo net in the back, and a few other things.  I'm determined to take good care of my baby and to enjoy it!  I have low monthly payments and hope to pay it off even more early.

I also met someone new!  It has been a bit of a roller coaster to be honest....  We started out talking, then we started dating, then we broke up.  All in the space of a month or two.  I have had so much fun with him- we hit it off instantly.  He shares my love of music, my love of God, he is involved with martial arts (which I love), he knows a lot about computers (which I appreciate), and he works hard and is kind and caring.  He's an amazing guy really.  If I had the option we'd still be dating and going steady at it.  Unfortunately there were some differences that made him decide we should just be friends.  It is hard to hit it off so well with someone and then not feel like you have the option of dating them.  I've been rather upset over it.... sometimes I feel like it is a cruel trick for me to meet someone, hit it off, have THEM recognize that we are good together but have them make the choice not to date. Let's be honest... I'd really love to get married and have kids at this point in my life.  However, I will attempt to count my blessings and know that I can be happy as a single woman (especially seeing so many people in miserable and stressful marriages).  I'll also count my blessings that I have the opportunity to be good friends with this amazing man now.  I hope that the friendship will continue.

Getting Back To Basics

Well I have been trying to make some choices in my life lately.  It seems in the past few years that I have severely gotten away from doing many of the things that make me happy.  I love being active, I love reading, I like writing, and I love people.  I'm mildly obsessed with the idea of being able to see that I have accomplished something in life.

That being said- I almost feel like the line from the song Beauty School Drop Out in the movie Grease where the angel who is singing to the girl "you've got the dream girl but not the drive!"  Literally for the past several months I have been trying to figure out how to get up the motivation to do the things that I have a desire to do but simply do not do. 

I was having a heart to heart with my Heavenly Father a couple weeks ago- oddly enough while driving.  Someone once told me that when you drive in your car alone to turn off all noise and just listen and pray, even though you may need to do so with your eyes open.  In frustration I posed the question of what needed to be done to figure out what I should be doing and to get the motivation to do more of the things that I want to be doing??  I immediately had the thought that I needed to pray more in order to seek clarity.  Over the past couple weeks as I have made that one change- to pray more- the simple and profound answers have been coming.

Anyone who knows me well will understand what a big deal this is for me.  I am a religious person and hold my religious beliefs dear to my heart, even when I have struggled with some things.  One of my biggest complaints has always been that I do not feel that I receive clear answers to prayer and I have always agonized over why this might be.  So the fat that I have been receiving these types of answers feels nothing short of a miracle. 

That being said, I am mildly ashamed of how simple and obvious so many of the answers have been to my questions and concerns.  So many of them have been things that I should have been doing all along. 

So here is a list of things that I have felt inclined to do as a result of these promptings. Don't judge me for any of them or how silly they may appear.  You also may be wondering why I am putting them on a blog.  I feel wholeheartedly that I will feel more accountable as I put things in writing.  It tends to work well for me.

1) Stop watching so much TV and so many movies.  I actually had already started cutting back and have even cancelled my precious Netflix account.  I think I was filling time with these types of media instead of doing useful and productive things. 

2) Substitute TV and movies with books and writing.  I use to be a read-a-holic and I use to keep a fairly regular blog/journal- I have long felt the desire to get back to doing just that but have lacked the sufficient drive to actually make it happen.  I feel that cutting out specific activities like TV watching will actually help with this.  I now have a goal to read a new book per month (or less)!

3) Have a hobby that will keep me more physically active.  I recently joined a Brazilian Jiujitsu gym where I will be training and working out twice per week (Tuesday and Thursday nights).  I have had a gym membership for several months but I simply do not enjoy the gym.  This class is small enough that people will notice if I am not there and I am learning something I enjoy doing so it helps motivate me to go.

4) Get up earlier.  Wake up earlier and walk on the treadmill for an hour and have more time for family and reading/writing.

5) Pray EVERY day and read my scriptures.  Having already worked on these things I can see the benefit of vocalizing prayers with my Heavenly Father.  It really does make a difference.

6) Change my music habits.  I really enjoy my rap/hip-hop/pop/R&B but I have noticed that as I try to be better and do better things that the lyrics and such often pop in to my head at inappropriate times.  It seems cliche but I have felt that I need to listen to more instrumental and uplifting music lately.  As I type this I am listening to The Piano Guys on Pandora and it is very soothing. 

It may sound like a lot of changes all at once but keep in mind that most of them I have already been working on for a couple weeks or more and they are things that I have had the desire to do for a while now (just not the drive). 

Well- tomorrow starts a new week.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm hoping for good things.  I honestly feel that simply by getting back to the basics of rising early, reading, praying and keeping more active that I will become more productive and start to more-so make something of myself and to be successful. 

I'm going to be honest with you guys.... I'm really hoping for some pretty great things.  :-)

Relief Society and Karma

In my church we have a program for the women called Relief Society.  It is a class that women only go to to be together and to learn together.  To make plans to help and to do good things.  I enjoy church very much and love going on Sundays but to be perfectly honest I have never terribly enjoyed Relief Society.  I have always gotten along better with men or with mixed groups rather than simply a group of women all together.

Well some major karma came my way a couple weeks ago.  I was asked to be the Relief Society president in my ward.  I really didn't think that was going to happen.  I figured there had to be someone more qualified or better to fit that role.  I'm not sure if it is karma or me being punished for my attitude or just that there is something I need to learn.  Being in charge of such a thing really is a lot of work and is a big responsibility.

The Relief Society that I'm in has some serious problems that need to be worked on.  The main problem is simply that no one goes to Relief Society and a lot of people who are on our rolls don't go to church at all.  I have a bit more of a dominate or aggressive personality.  The woman who was previously in charge was extremely mild mannered.  So it should be interesting to see how well the change goes over.  I'm really not going to try to force or coerce people to go to church or to Relief Society meetings- but you want to know what?  Going to church is something that can be extremely beneficial.  It encourages people to help one another, it teaches them to follow Christ, it gives people hope and encouragement, and it helps people to have friends that uplift each other.

I can't tell you how many times I have been sad or unhappy or felt like I had no friends only to realize later that other people around me felt exactly the same way.  So why not see if I can rally all of these women together in hopes that no one will have to feel that way?

Well, I guess this should be an interesting time.  I'll keep you updated on things.  If you have any suggestions then please do let me know.   I need all the help I can get. 

Jumping Back In

I think that I am in the mood to start blogging again.  It has been quite a while since I have blogged regularly but I think I should try harder to make it more of an effort.

Things are going well!  I'm very happy with my job- I have hopes and desires for future job growth.  I am now living in a new place that I like very much.  A town home with a wonderful girl who owns it.  There is a pool and a club house at the new place- I love having the pool nearby!  I'm trying to spend more time in the sunshine and the water.

I have been quite sick this past week but yesterday night was a dear friend's wedding reception last night.  I took some tylenol and dragged myself there anyway.  It was a beautiful event.  Held in the back yard of her groom's grandmother's home which was beautifully decorated and landscaped.  They greeted their guests and soon after they had a lovely ring ceremony where the parents all spoke and then the bride and groom spoke a bit about their courtship.  Afterwards that had a tasty assortment of food on a fabulously designed plate.  There was mingling and pictures that were followed by the cutting of the cake and then dancing.

The thing that struck me the most was how happy the two of them looked.  They were gazing at each other with the happiest of expressions the entire time.  It was such a blissfully happy event for the two of them.

I do hope that someday I will have that.  Somehow, seeing the beauty and the happiness, rather brought back that desire in me to actually find someone.  I think I had lost that for a while after my engagement didn't work out.

As I have many times- I will once again rededicate myself to the things that I know I should be doing more of in my life.  Reading more, learning more, writing more, and going out and making more friends.

And now I am dedicating myself to writing about it much more often than I previously have been.  We'll see how long my resolve lasts but I have faith in myself.   :-)

Making the Leap

So recently I did something very fun- I did a Haunted Zip Line over at Max Zip Line in the Provo Canyon.  You went to an area and got geared up and took about a 15 minute bus ride up the side of the mountain and then rode a series of zip lines back down to the bottom.  They had people with masks, cob-webs, bits and pieces of body parts laying around, and other such things to make it a bit spooky.  A guy in a warewolf mask just about gave me a heart attack.  Haha. 

I've always been kind scared of heights but I figure the best way to conquer it is to do things that push myself a little bit.  It was fun and exhilarating to go flying down a zip line and to see the things far below me- mildly terrifying but amazing.  To be so high up and to let yourself be on a thin metal wire about as big around as a quarter un-nerved me quite a bit.  But I made it through perfectly safe and have some excellent memories from it now!  LOVED IT!

I'm even planning to go hang gliding next weekend (weather permitting).  That is one of the next phases in my over coming my fear of heights.

So when I was going down the zip line I noticed something.  The most frightening part of the entire experience was taking that first step off the platform.  It was as though I had a mental block on taking a step off of the edge and relying only on the thin metal zip line.  Sometimes I think that I have that problem in life.  Sometimes there will be something I want to do or should do but I have a hard time just taking that one step off the edge to get the thing going.  Part of me thinks that I keep waiting for someone to come in to my life that will push me to do all the things I want to be doing.  But just like there wasn't anyone to push me off the ledge, I have to realize that if something is going to get done- it has to be me and my own will power that gets it done.

I'm working on it.  I have already been doing a few things that I never thought I would be doing- I made the resolution to have at least 2 new experiences per year.  I made that goal last year- I went on a cruise and saw some new places and I went to Kentucky and had some fun going through caves (I've never done that before).  This year between the zip line and hang gliding I am on track to accomplish that goal again.

I think that I'm at the point in my life where I am standing on the edge of some of the things I need/want to do- my goal is that between now and the end of the year I will make that step and will send my life flying in a new and awesome direction.

I also need some suggestions for some new and amazing things I can make my goals for next year.  Any recommendations?  Crazily enough- goal making season is quickly upon us as the year comes to a close.  

Quick Trip Home

I recently took a quick trip back to NC- it was amazing to be able to spend some time with family.  I didn't realize how much I had missed them (I knew I missed them, I just didn't realize how much).  It is strange how much more you appreciate your family when they aren't around all the time.  I got to spend some time with my mom chatting and running errands.  I got to chat and hang out with my little sister who is getting ready to get married in December (we got to hang out with her fiancee as well and it was good to get it know him better- I found out he is really good at card tricks).  Me and my older sister spent some good time together while I doted on my nephew Thomas!  He is an amazing baby and I love that little man so stinking much.  I can hardly believe how big he is getting- it seems like it was just a few months ago that he was born and he is already a year old.  In addition I got to see my sister and my aunt's new townhouses- they have bought these adorable little townhouses that leave me jealous.  My aunt and I were able to catch up and hang out a little- I got to hear all about what she is up to lately.  I even had a couple really good talks with my busy father. 

While I was there we had a big family party where we had a number of cousins, aunts, uncles, and my grandparents come visit and hang out together.  Something about being surrounded by family is just so comfortable.  We also took some family pictures which I *hope* turned out really well- hopefully I'll get to see them somewhat soon.  That did make me feel a little bit like the "odd man out" seeing about both sisters now have a man by their side.  The photographer kept having a hard time knowing where to put me since I was the odd duck out.  Alas...  I fear it will be that way for a good little bit since I do not seem to be anywhere even near marriage these days. 

We also got to celebrate my momma's birthday while home!  We took her out to eat and told all sorts of stories about her and then got her favorite dessert (Dairy Queen) and opened gifts.  I got her some different little products to test out- some stuff that is supposed to help relieve pain (essential oils) and some stuff that is supposed to make your eyelashes grow thicker and longer- my mom has beautiful eyes and loves making her eyelashes thick and beautiful so I was hoping the gift was fitting. 

The trip went by far too fast but it was really good- just what I needed.  I little vacation to get out and to evaluate things and to clear my head.  Sometimes you really need something like that.  I'm back in Utah now though- back to living by myself and needing to manage my time and resources better.  I'm working on it.  I can do it.  :-) 

Time Management

It has been almost entirely a year since I have posted on my blog.  I chalk it up to the fact that I have been staying busy.  Last year (from about September until February) I was extremely busy.  I was going to the beach with friends, I was taking off to visit Kentucky where I went cave exploring or over to the western part of the state where I was visiting the Biltmore Estate and seeing other interesting places I had never bothered to visit before, I was doing a kayaking tour down the Outer Banks with my fantastic aunt, and I was playing with my amazing nephew. 

Since all of that was up until February of this year (2012), some people might ask what I have been doing since then.  Well, I'm going to sum it up for you in one word.  Work.  I have somehow managed to become a work-a-holic.  Need proof?  Well, last year I had pictures ice skating and cruising and kayaking and doing all sorts of things.  The last 4 profile pictures I have had on Facebook have been ones that I have snapped of myself while at work.  It was only recently that I realized how much of a work-a-holic I have become. 

Now don't get me wrong- I love my job.  I have an amazing boss and I love what I do.  There is plenty of work to be done so I feel extremely useful at work and even though I have a bit of a dominate personality- my boss humors me well.  :-)  Insurance is really interesting to me and I enjoy talking with customers about their policies and helping them- but there is also just something about business management, office management and developing office policies and procedures that just makes me happy.

I have done a few fun things since moving to Utah.  I've made some sweet friends, met a great guy, gone to the tulip festival, visited lagoon, and have done a little bit of hiking both in Utah and in Idaho.  But as I realize how physically and socially lazy I have become I realize that there is so much more that I could do if I decided that I was going to leave work at a decent hour and actually do something with my weekend and my evenings.  So I am making a new goal- better time management. 

All of those words just to get to that one simple point.  I need to manage my time better- I can be dedicated to work and get a lot done and then get more done in the evenings.  I needed to put this in writing so that I would actually do it.  Below are a few "goals" of sorts:
1) Attend all church activities that I do not otherwise have plans for.
2) Go to the gym at least 3 times per week.
3) Visit some friends that I have been fearfully neglecting and other people down in the Provo area.
4) Make more of an effort to eat healthy and take care of my skin/teeth (don't just pass out and fall asleep on the couch- actually get ready for bed). 
5) Plan/participate in at least 1 or 2 service projects. 
6) Make the relief society assign me to some visiting teachees (sadly enough I still have not been assigned any... and not for lack of trying- I've requested them twice already) so I can do my visiting teaching. 
7) Read a book- it has been ages since I have just say and read a book.  Sad, I know.
8) Write my thoughts in a blog. 

I'll start with those for now.  They aren't hard things.  I have plenty of time I just don't manage it well so I tend to stay at work far too late and then just go home and lay down and not do much of anything.  It isn't that I don't want to do these things and more.  It isn't that I don't have time for these things.  It is honestly because I have been practicing terrible, awful, bad time management skills.  All I need to do is to actually force myself to get up and DO things and eventually it will not be so hard.  I might even make a few more friends in the process.  We'll see.  :-) 

I'll let you know how it goes... and I'll be back before another year passes.  I promise.  Any suggestions for things I should add to my list?