as far as i know, 2009 has not been a good year. not for me, not for (some of) my friends and definitely not for the world - earthquakes, floods, hurricanes etc.

reading back on my 2008 EOY post, i totally agree that 2008 was totally forgettable. i tried recalling recently but there wasnt even anything memorable about it but i think i did had a pretty good 18th. hah. and here's the hilarious part, i wrote that 2009 seemed promising. yeah, promising indeed. 2009 promised me hell.

come to think of it, 2009 aint all that bad. let me make a list of my firsts for 2009,

1. doing attachment for 6 whole months (FO,Reservations,HSKP,F&B)
2. made lotsa friends during these 6 months
3. found someone whom i can totally talk to (psst, thank you, though we're not that close already. hmmmm)
4. touch screen phone (okay, lame)
5. drank till i puke (not proud of it, wouldnt do it again)
6. traveled with friends (fi jie & wan tou <3)
7. to BKK (which was mad awesome)
8. had maple syrup together with hotcakes (and actually kinda like it)
9. wore a friggin bikini
10. stayed at a local hotel (swissotel the stamford, yo! & novotel, though i didnt stay overnight)

hmm, and a couple more which are better off reversed.

on a side note, i feel that i ought to apologise to this particular someone, W. there's no way he'll see this so it's kinda pointless but im really sorry things turned out this way. i would love to apologise to him face to face but i guess he'll brush it off so... anyhow! i need to apologise to myself as well. ive let the devil side of me unleashed way too many times this year. for 2010, i want to be wiser, have more self control AND be more level headed.

and some things remained the same, ethan's still as adorable, FAMILY made effort to meet up at least once every month, missing BWSS etcetc

as for 2010, i wish for health and happiness for my family, friends and myself. the rest can wait. (:

p.s oh and i cant believe im gonna welcome 2010 being fat, ugly and broke.

finally went lingerie shopping today. bought 3 bras and 5 undies, i sound like an auntie and this sentence rhymes. LOL. so i got wired bras which i disliked but shu qin talked me into getting them, moreover, they're easier to find lah. those without wires are erm, training bras which are obviously too small for me. ahem.

and somehow, im a B cup. not proud or anything cos the boobs havent been growing since i dont know when so i reckon it's my chest width thats growing. was texting char and apparently she was doing some lingerie shopping too.

and i think ive figured the best timing for shopping on weekends - between 1130 to 1530. cos when you take the public transport back, you can actually get seats.

p.s im kinda looking forward to my 20th (i accidentally typed 19th, lol) cos i really need erm, either cash or clothes. so if anyone sees this and intends to get me smth, tell me okay! advance bday gifts will be kinda nice. hehe

merry christmas!

this christmas was spent at home, watching music and lyrics which i find erm, mediocre. 3 out of 5 stars for it. then it was dinner with my paternal side of the family. ethan sweetheart was there, of course and being his adorable self as usual. had cake cutting session at grans' house to celebrate my grandma's 73rd birthday. i dont know, somehow i feel kinda sad that im never close to any of my cousins. it just feels like a bunch of strangers sitting arnd having dinner. i wonder why im so bothered by it since it's been this way ever since dont know when. oh well.

picture of the day. it's so sweet, isnt it?

i seek solace in a hot cuppa green tea, some sugar biscuits and a novel.

impromptu lunch with cs was good though he claimed that his creamy chicken pasta was tasteless. he had to leave for work after that so i was left with nothing to do. supposed to meet peggy but there werent many quiet places to go on a weekend. so i walked and walked from dhoby ghaut to the national library. got some books and then took the bus home. judging from this entry,it does seem kinda sad - no life. but ive come to accept it and im okay with that. home on a weekend, why not?

so yeah, at least biscuits,tea and novels dont disappoint. for now, im not gonna initiate any meet ups with anyone (other than FAMILY, khrisha, sofi & wan tou) cos i dont see the point. even a teeny bit of effort shows - and i think ive tried, and failed repeatedly. and you know how when we give smth up, it comes back? we shall see.

im not being bitter (or maybe i am), but sometimes, the best way to protect yourself is to build a wall around you.

this movie, affected/touched me to the extent of me crying even after the movie ended. it made me realized how bad i have been towards my parents.

my mum, she prepares breakfast for me everyday, she used to even cook and then send lunch right to my school on her bicycle almost everyday, she always remembers what i ask her to get. her memory amazes me, some times what i asked for till she told me that she has gotten it. of course, there are many more.

my dad, ive never heard him put anyone down - ever. and ive never ever heard him complain about his work either. and definitely never heard him grumble about being tired after work and the likes.

and on my part, i havent given them alot, maybe except for decent results. perhaps thats why im feeling so guilty and bad after watching the movie. im sniffling as i type this, great.

and i shall dedicate this post to my amazing parents. i finally realized one more thing that im certain of in life - to repay them (i know, we owe them too much to even talk about repaying) and try my best never to make them worry.

ahh, i guess im growing up.

i dont know why i like to self-destruct. i think to talk to someone about this, but i dont wish to talk about it. contradicting much?

almost halfway through december, which means 2010 is just round the corner. with that, it means that end feb will be here in no time which also signifies, getting out of poly - which will then lead to slogging my ass off for some travel money which equates to happiness. i really cant wait. and if all else fails, i might just travel on my own. it wouldnt be too bad eh? bottomline, i just need some motivation to get me through now till end feb.

and ive been mentally composing the EOY post for 2009. it'll be a loooong one but i think i'd end up not being able to write them all down. i know it's still too early to judge but this december has been pretty kind to me (:

my posts have not been making sense cos i didnt bother organising my thoughts, shall just let it flow, hah. anyway, i need a new screen name and a decent template for my blog. ive contemplated changing it altogether but it's been with me for almost half a decade so...no.

okay, i shall attempt to start on my 2009 EOY post. have a good week, everyone.

i guess sometimes, we all deserve a break. it feels really good to just take a step back and breathe. not only do i see the bigger picture, i feel better. i think im not making any sense hereee.

Happy 19th Vanessa Choi! <3

Don't expect someone to read your mind, and don't play games with heads or hearts.

Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out.

Half truths are no better than lies.

Don't be cold to someone you care about, indifference hurts more than angry words.

-i got it off felicia's blog

finally met up with FAMILY (minus stanven) yesterday.
-dinner at cafe iguana
-second round of drinks at NCQ

and i was pleasantly surprised and kinda touched by their kind gesture. hahaha. to think that i whine about them so much. i guess im won over pretty easily, hehe.

trained and then bused back home, stoned in front of the com and off to a (rare) good night's sleep. the wonder of wine (:

anyway, i fucking reached a weight that threatens me to go for liposuction. and as of today, i have decided to shed 5kgs. seriously, fuck my weight. fuckfuckfuck. i feel so fugly.

p.s cant wait for xmas and NY

p.p.s please make S.KOREA' 2010 come true!