Affair

The other day when The Hubs came home from work he asked about my day and then jokingly asked if "the pool boy" had stopped by.  Hardy, har, har....  It's a little joke between us.  However, it got me to thinking about cheating spouses, which then got me thinking about the logistics of cheating. 

Aside from the fact that I love and respect Hubs and the fact that there are MANY moral objections - I'm wondering just how on earth people have any interest in cheating on their spouses!!

First off, cheating would require a shower, shave, make-up, hairdo, perfume and lotioned body.  Oh man, I just about fell asleep thinking about the effort it would take to prep my sad body for this kind of occasion.  Why would I want to do that when Hubs takes me as I am and acts like he's lucky to have me??!!  (Well, actually he IS one lucky son of a gun!)

Second, cheating would require securing a babysitter and having to come up with some flimsy excuse about where you will be.  I'm not so good at this seeing as I'm usually a purger of information.  Also, my mother in law is my most used babysitter... so it would probably get back to Hubs that she'd seen a lot of the kids lately and the kidlets would giddily share with their Daddy how they'd spent several days with Grammy.  This is a no go. 

Third, cheating would require a place to go to, which would cost money and could also possibly cost you your health.  Not to mention the fact that I can't just magically make $60 bucks disappear (yes, it's a dive) without The Hubs wondering why we're having ramen noodles every night... and why I look so sexy cooking dinner.

Next you have to have the energy to cheat, to pretend you care what the "new" guy is talking about, to pretend to have the same interests etc.  Honestly, why would I do this when The Hubs is happy to sit on the couch next to me at night eating Ben and Jerry's and channel surfing with no conversation?!  This seems more like a punishment than a stimulating situation.

All in all, I just can't see the draw to cheating.  It would be a grueling process that can only end in tears. 

I gave my best years to The Hubs... and I'm trusting him to keep them!! 

Ice Cream Expiration

Today I caught myself doing something highly ridiculous... as opposed to when I'm the epitome of coolness.

I was standing in my kitchen feeling a strong NEED for something to soothe the savage beast.  I'd selected a Netflix show for the mini-beasties, but Mama needed something more in order to make it through that last stretch of the day.

I found my salvation in the freezer.  A 1/2 gallon of rainbow sherbet.  Not ice-creamy deliciousness, probably a remnant of a silly moment of health consciousness, but still...Hello old friend!

As I pulled it out I began to wonder just exactly how old my "old" friend was.  And I started looking over the container for an expiration date.

It was then that it hit me what I was doing.  I was actually looking for an expiration date on my sherbet.  As if it matters!!!  Unless a mushroom forest had sprouted up inside there, surrounded by some decorative mold bushes, I'd be eating it regardless of the printed date on the side.

Also, I'm somewhat amazed that any icy treat has been in my freezer long enough for me to actually wonder about it's origins and length of stay.  This is a new feeling.  One I'm not entirely comfortable with.  It's like I uncovered my evil twin today.  The one who doesn't gobble down junk and who treats her family with kindness and respect.  {shudder!}

The ice crystals I found inside didn't stand a chance against a quick 10 seconds in the microwave, after which I was able to settle down with a giant spoon and let a bit of heaven melt on my tongue.

I never did find an expiration date.  But, hey, it didn't taste dusty and I haven't had to hit the loo, so all in all it was a successful venture.  The kids had Dora, I had mystery sherbet and a novel. 

I do believe the Hubs will be coming home to a happy house today...

But no sherbet.

Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day I've scrounged together some quotes that made me giggle.  After all, all mother's know that it's either laugh or cry out there!  And you need a serious sense of humor to plug on through.

There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. - Ogden Nash

It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money. - Elinor Goulding Smith

If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent. - Bette Davis

Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. -Mae Maloo

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease. - Lisa Alther

Do not, on a rainy day ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. - Fran Lebowitz

The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint. - James Fenton

And last, but not least, I dedicate this little gem to the woman who raised me.  She who faced down the daily grind with much laughter, who greeted us in the mornings with chipper smiles and silly songs despite our constant begging for the music to die.  To the woman who rocks out to the Morman Tabernacle Choir, who keeps attempting to inject some spirituality into our family and who has no sense of direction no matter how hard she tries....

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing women in my life.