Fall Winter Resolutions

Cold, bitter fall has finally set in, sunny days now consist of 40 degree highs. Breathing is now a visual treat, scarves and coats, a must. I normally dread the cold of winter, anticipating the aching bones and freezing dead all around. I guess that through my recent life lessons I have come to appriciate the chill in the air as a time to start fresh, prepare for the warmth and days ahead. This fall and winter I am focusing on my family. My amazing children! I cannot begin to express the graditude of the souls my home is blessed with. I am so honored and humbled that Gavin, Soraya, Caitlee and Ella are a part of my daily routine, that in combination with Jared we are structuring our home for them. My biggest mistake of having children was not accepting the fact that one day they grow up and be members of society, where they fit in is a reflection of who they became off the foundation we have prepared. I remember so vividly holding my baby boy and three girls, right after birth and embracing them, promising them things I never had and always dreamed of giving my children. I have come to the conclusion that even though this wonderful time of year brings me to reflect on the past year, the future years, and the ever present now, living life to the fullest, encircling our family around Christ and bringing him into all aspects of our life, must be my biggest priorities.

Pumped Up Kicks.

Everyone wants to been seen,

but not for what they are,
everyone is the master,

masters of disguise.

Here is the problem.

I know I need to get out of my head and start listening to what is in front of me and not what is behind me, the problem I am having is staying out of my head after it is quiet in front of me.

I am not made of rubber, I can only be pulled and stretched a little, tiny bit before flipping all over the place. I can only do what is asked of me, and make up the rest.

Its been too long since my Grandma died.

I still think I need to go call her, visit her, hold her hand. Clean her mats until they shined so she could tell me something about anything she would tell me. My mother was the youngest of three just like my Ella, I see the dynamic that she grew up in being the youngest of three sisters raised in a good home that was built just for them.

I think of how I could relay my day, because when I call, you'll ask "how are you?" I beleive at the time you were the only one who really cared about my answer. She loved me for me. For my Mother. For my Father. For my brothers. She looked at me and saw me, my eyes, my soul. She was connected to this life we live for the purpose that she understands more than I can ever dream of.

Everyday I can't beleive another day has passed and I didn't fully appreiciate every moment of it. Moments passed and I didn't take note, I began to know that when I died I would appreciate it more. I began to want to die...

...and still kind of do.

(I'm now the devil's advocate)

If I died. I would know. I wouldnt have to wonder about endless possibilities, I would know.

Tis the season for warmer weather, preparing the garden, warmer days and lovely evenings. The kids going and going, park walks, scooter rides, bike rides, lemonade stands. This is the time of year that I relish the most. Gone (hopefully) are the days of freezing, snow and grey skies and welcome are the bright fluffly clouds, rain storms, sunshine and lollipops. I have had a rough day today. I would be so excited to share news with my Grandma, my starts are sprouting, this year I am doing brussels, 4 different squash, roma's, limas, peas and some challots. Jareds Grandma passed away, she always had a comforting way about her when you told her about a death, she always read the obituaries seemed she always had a cousin or a spouse or bridge club's friend who she knew from time to time that graced the obits. Sadly it's her obituary that hangs heavy on my heart. I would tell her how my kids go off track friday and how nice it will be to have them home. She would then tell me to savor the moments I have with them, because before I knew it they would be me and I would be her.

Going green suckas.

Quit yer belly achin. Have you ever noticed how many ingredients are in one box of... say cookies? I did. I started having to pay attention with my gluten allergy, started to make me WTF all that is in there.. seriously!

So this year we decided to eat more whole foods. Eat more healthy. Eliminate all that's not needed.

The first couple months were rough. After reading a lot, talking a lot, trying a lot we have found our niche. My favorite books were the Eat Clean series by Tosca Reno, wow, she'll tell it to ya straight. I have loved the blog http://www.heavenlyhomemakers.com/ she has a really nice collection of GF recipes, bonus to that, most of her recipes are so easy its absolutely crazy!