Recession Proof

As in, further proof that our economy is wobbly.  Domino magazine is closing its doors.  I am saddened by this, as I really love tactile reading.  Holding the pages in my hands, looking at the pictures, putting fabric scraps next to inspiration images.  I don't subscribe to many magazines, but I started getting this one last year and will miss it.  This isn't the first publication hit by the decline.  Money pressures often spur amazing creativity and change.  I'll be interested to see how those that were in the magazine industry use their talents and bring them to the masses once again.  

Hiccup #1

So, we still don't have contracts signed, and I really hoped we would by now.  Ugh.

We were waiting on our social worker to complete the home study update/country change so that she could fill out The Form.  I don't know exactly what it says, but it is some official Hague-compliant form that requires the social worker to approve the referral.  It is a Referral Recommendation- yeah, that sounds right; I think that's what it's called.

Anyway, she said she sent it at the end of last week to the placing agency, and they still hadn't received it yesterday.  It could have been faxed, or scanned and e-mailed, and she didn't realize that.  So now they are waiting for it to show up at IFS's office in snail mail.  A small glitch that has cost us a week.

I'm disappointed, but I am rolling with it.  If I get in a tizzy over every delay in this process, I know it will be a lot of wasted energy on things I can do nothing about personally.  It is what it is and we pray they get it today, mail out the contracts today, and that we'll receive it overnight tomorrow or Monday.

The in-country coordinator, I believe, is on vacation this week and next anyway.  So, likely, if our dossier and contracts made it to India right now, they would just be sitting on a desk waiting for him to return.  It's all good.

(remind me to keep this upbeat attitude on hiccup #27... I might be struggling to maintain composure then)

Indian Adoption Process

So, what happens now that we have a referral?  Here are the steps with the approximate time frames given by our agency.  Total, the rough estimate is 6-9 months from now before we travel.  Plenty of people have longer times, and I was just contacted by a family today that had only 3 1/2 months from referral to travel.  Please join us in prayer for the short end of the spectrum.  We have waited so very long, and it would be nice to finally have a break now that we know who our daughter is.  She doesn't need to be in an orphanage any more- she has a Mommy and a Daddy and a home!

Step #1 is what we're working on right now.  Due to Hague requirements, our social worker had to fill out forms approving the referral (essentially saying that her age/needs were within the parameters we have been approved for).  So, once the agency (IFS) gets the SW's form, they'll send on the Child Acceptance Agreement and other forms referred to in step #1.

1. Sign acceptance papers and submit those with our dossier.  All forms/documents must be notarized and apostilled at the state level.  Apostilling basically validates the notary ("yes, we commissioned this person to notarize in our state"), and from a practical standpoint, makes the document a trustworthy one for other countries in the same way that the official seals on birth certificates are trustworthy.

2. Dossier is sent to India.

3. The dossier is reviewed by in-country coordinator, he makes a copy for his file and sends it to the facility/orphanage.- Approx. 1 week

4. The facility reviews the dossier, makes a copy and submits it to CARA for NOC (NOC is a “No Objection Certificate" issued by Central Adoption Resource Agency for a child to be placed in Inter-country adoption with a particular parent / parents). - Approx. 7-10 days

5. We wait for NOC- Approx. 8-12 weeks

6. Dossier is sent back to facility, along with NOC, and facility files the case with court.  Approx. 7-10 days

7. We wait for court to grant guardianship- Approx. 8-12 weeks

8. Court documents are translated, sent to in-country coordinator and in-country coordinator emails to agency- Approx. 2-4 weeks

9. Agency files the case with ICPC to get approval.  This step is necessary because India only grants guardianship, and does not finalize the adoption.  When India grants guardianship (which is done at the time of court), they grant joint guardianship to the family and the adoption agency.  Since our adoption agency is in Texas and we are in Tennessee, paperwork needs to be done for the child's guardianship to transfer from TX to TN. - 2-4 weeks

10. Start making travel plans!  Hallelujah!  We'll be in-country for roughly a week.

11. Re-adopt here in the US to make it 100% official!

PICTURES!

Our agency said that until she is officially ours, to not disclose anything that would precisely identify her and her whereabouts.  They actually said a picture and her Indian name were fine, but not to give her date of birth or orphanage.

So, let me introduce to you...

Nirmala!

Lets rewind a little

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words.  So many people have offered up celebratory tears, whoops and hollers, and well wishes.  I have kept my laptop close and have soaked up each one, still slightly amazed that they're all for US.  It's our turn.

My inbox has also been flooded with questions.  So, I thought I would back up a little and give the rest of the story (does anyone else hear Paul Harvey in their head with that phrase?).  Well, consider this The Rest of the Story Part One.  There is a lot to tell when things turn out so completely different than you imagine, and I'll break it into a few posts.

Today I'll discuss how we came to find our daughter.

It's no secret that there isn't a "fast track" in international adoption.  It also isn't a secret that the Taiwan program is slower than most of us were told it would be.  Obviously, this depends on the agency you signed with and the facility they work with in Taiwan.  For us, though, the program was much slower than our agency had predicted.  I use the word "stalled".  Referrals were coming through at such a crawl, that I truly felt like no prediction was going to be accurate- our timeline estimate was changed 4 times because it became so hard to predict.

As the wait to referral with Taiwan grew and grew, something also was stirring in our hearts.  We started this adoption process wanting the youngest child possible, and the healthiest child possible.  Last summer/early fall, we got more excited about a slightly older child, and then finally our hearts busted open and we began considering some medical conditions and special circumstances.

For me, I know that Owen and Susannah's stories really solidified these callings.  God was urging me to be more open.  Soon, enough, I registered with Rainbow Kids to investigate waiting children with special needs or medical issues.  Many of the kids had more severe needs than we might be able to handle, or they were in countries that we couldn't adopt from (China because of age, or Russia because of cost).

But then, in October, it clicked with me- I'm going to be 30 soon.  This is significant for two reasons.  1. When we began talking about international adoption in June 2006, I felt a pull toward China, but we would have had to wait until I was 30.  That's nearly 3 years from now, just before we can *apply*, and then there is sure to be a wait for referral.  Nope, that is too long.  Ha!  Isn't that funny now?  It has taken that long anyway.  And 2. because I would be 30, the countries with 30 as their age minimum would now be open to us.

We remained on the list with our Taiwan agency, but I did call a few agencies to find out how close to 30 I had to be to view some of the waiting children/special needs children in China.  "Three months out from my 30th birthday" was the answer I was given and in November, Eric and I gained access to a few agency lists for China.  A few other countries seemed like possibilities, so I e-mailed agencies that worked with those countries asking if they had waiting child listings, providing a summary of needs and ages we were open to.  Korea, Taiwan, China, India.  Yep, India.

One agency (International Family Services- IFS) said that they didn't have any waiting children at the time, but that they would be happy to put us on their mailing list if anything came across.  "Sure, put us on your mailing list" I said, not putting much weight in it.  (are you seeing where this is going?)

In the middle of December, we got an e-mail from them, with a picture attached.  The e-mail was more of a heads-up.  They didn't have her full file yet, but were expecting more soon- would we be interested?  Well, this cute little Indian girl is fine and all, but I'm not going to be able to do anything with just a picture and the promise of more information so I responded with something like, "sure- keep us posted", and deleted the e-mail.

About another week went by, and I got an e-mail from IFS again with pictures and information about 3 girls in our age range.  One contracted family of theirs said they would consider the these children also, but even if they decided to move forward, two of the girls would need to be placed.  Hmmmm... maybe I shouldn't delete this e-mail.  I finally told Eric about the e-mail and we began talking more seriously.  In the end, the contracted family did choose one of the three girls, but two little girls remained.  One of the girls was (you guessed it), the child I deleted the week previously.  I told Eric I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just felt so drawn to her.  The only problem was that they didn't have the official child Study Report (CSR) on her yet, only the other girl.  And there was nothing terribly wrong with the other little girl, I just felt a pull like I'd never experienced toward N* (still unsure of how much we can disclose... for now, that is the first initial of her Indian name).  Which, at the time, felt so silly and risky because we didn't know anything about her.  For all we knew at the time, she could have had a condition that was more severe than we could handle hiding behind that seemingly normal picture.  But the Lord had been preparing us to be more open, so I remained hopeful.

So, we waited for the CSR to come from their in-country coordinator.  Days felt like weeks.  I experienced a lot of heartburn (the likes of which I hadn't seen since third trimester pregnancy) and couldn't stop thinking about N*.

On Christmas Eve, the CSR still had not come, but we got an e-mail from IFS stating that some of her labs had come across and that she had beta thalassemia minor.  In a somewhat apologetic tone, they told us it was okay if we didn't want to proceed.  But beta thalassemia minor isn't a big deal!  "We're still interested!  Keep us posted!"  She felt like our Christmas miracle.  Eric e-mailed the picture to his mom and dad and asked them to pray.  We told a few others and asked them to pray, also.

Finally, on January 5th, we got her CSR and it gave a minimal amount of medical information.  It stated that she underwent blood transfusion and listed a rather small current weight.  Her full medical file wasn't attached, so we had to wait again for more information from India.  I still don't understand why the whole record doesn't come all at once from India rather than bit by bit.  Very frustrating.

While we waited for the full medical record, I contacted our pediatrician, my dad's fiance (a family doctor), and a pediatric hematologist at Vanderbilt.  We had such favor with everyone willing to help out and consult with us that I know the Lord went ahead of us and softened these people's hearts.  Especially the pediatric hematologist at Vandy- she doesn't know us from Adam, didn't charge us a thing, and was a tremendous help with the limited information we had.

That was part of the problem- we didn't have much to go on.  We knew that beta thalassemia shouldn't result in blood transfusions and that was certainly a point of concern.  But, all three doctors gave us a list of questions to ask, and told us what labs or records would be helpful in gaining a better understanding of what was going on with this little girl.  One of my gifts (curses?) is the ability to research things to death and I am now an EXPERT on beta thalassemia minor, major, and intermedia.  In conversations with the doctors, I smiled as they explained things to me because I knew exactly what they were talking about- I had uncovered it myself!  The conclusion was that either her diagnosis was wrong, or she had something else going on.  (Side note: before I quite college to be a stay-at-home mom, I had planned on being in medicine- either getting my BSN or majoring in Biology to go on to med. school.  Especially in moments like these, I think I may still want to do that.  Gosh I love all of that stuff!)

The full medical file wouldn't come until January 19th.  During that wait, I think we hit a point when we just knew she was our daughter.  The results weren't back yet, but we felt like even if they were more severe than hoped, that we wanted to be the ones to help her thrive.  So, when the file did come through, and it said things that we were comfortable with, we felt confirmation.  In fact, Eric contacted the director at the agency and said "yes" even before the doctors were able to get back to us to discuss the new records.  When they did call, it just solidified our response.

So, here we are, one week later.  We're waiting on the Child Acceptance Agreement to come in the mail, and we'll sign that and send it off with our dossier and enter the second phase of the wait.

When this little girl looked like a strong possibility on Christmas Eve, we went ahead and got the list of dossier documents from IFS and got to work.  We figured that things like physicals, police clearances, updated family photos, homestudy updates, and financial records all needed re-doing even if we didn't switch countries so none of it would be wasted.  At best, it would mean that if things worked out with N*, that we wouldn't be holding the process up if we should be able to say "yes".  The Indian dossier is similar to what Taiwan requires, so we count our blessings that we've been able to get it just about done in a few weeks' time!  Hooray!

Please ask questions in the comments.  I do plan to highlight the Indian Adoption process in one of my next posts.

Referral!!!!

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

We are excited to announce that we know who our daughter will be!

In an amazing twist in this adoption journey- while still waiting for a referral through the Taiwan program- we were given the file of a little girl waiting for a family in INDIA and said "yes" yesterday!

She is about 14 months old now (born in November 2007).  She had a rocky start in life, was likely born prematurely, and also has beta thalassemia minor.  Both things combined led to her going through blood transfusions in her first months of life and also were probably the reason for her being passed over by adoptive families in her home country.  We thank God for even those details, because, as a result, she found her way to us!

God has been by our side during this entire time (all two and a half years!), even on the low days when we questioned if this would ever happen.  Looking back, we are able to praise Him for knowing the details and guiding us to our daughter.  Please join us in prayer that she will be able to come home soon.  The average times for the court process are 5-10 months.  We are specifically praying for travel to India this summer, that she would spend less time in institutional care.  When it is time to travel, we should be in-country for roughly a week.  We ask that you keep her and us in your thoughts and prayers as we wait the second half of this wait!

More details to follow of course.  I will not be posting pictures here on the blog unless the adoption agency gives clearance to this.  Most request that this not be done until she is more officially "ours" to uphold the integrity of the relationship with the referring country, and maintain child privacy.  She is gorgeous, and I will happily share with those who request privately.

The Big 3 Oh!

I need ideas.  Local, fabulous near-Nashville ideas.  My 30th birthday is coming up in March and I want to celebrate.  The biggest things I want are 1. reason to get fancied up and 2. being with my sweetie and other friends if they want to come along.  I care nothing for being surprised this year.  A little splurge is gong to be fine, but we can't do anything extravagant because we're also traveling in March to California for my brother's wedding and that is just never a cheap vacation.  So, no whisking me off to the Bahamas or anything.  Actually, I learned that Jersey Boys is coming to TPAC and immediately thought that would be perfect- a night at the theatre in a new dress and a great dinner out.  Alas, we wouldn't be able to go until after our trip and it would be weeks after my birthday.  I'd still like to go, but I would then have to have TWO celebrations so that it felt like something happened on the actual day!  Toss out ideas.  What did you do for your 30th birthday?  Or do you know something grand going on at the start of March in the Middle TN area?  Help!

Miracle Day!

All of these wonderful people I've met during our journey are having their Gotcha Days (Forever Family Days... whatever you want to call them!).   I love it and still cry with joy.

Having had three children by birth, I can see that adoption is every bit as much of a miracle as pregnancy, labor and delivery.  With my newborns, I was able to witness their first breaths and cradle a freshly minted human that grew inside me.  Yet, when our daughter joins us, we will be able witness love that could not be held back by miles, cultural difference, race or even language; we will see with our own eyes, the Lord's protection of an individual and a promise fulfilled.  This, THIS, is what I see when I look at the photographs of Andy and Rebecca with their sweet Owen.

Go see the first pictures of their miraculous day here.

January second, I got an updated DTP shot as part of my physical.  Diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis.  I was warned beforehand that it is a doozy of a shot- that your arm is SORE afterward.  The doctor said, "it's like when us guys get ridiculous in college and punch each other for fun.  It aches for a few days."  Um.. Okay.  I've never been a guy in college and I've never allowed myself to be a punching bag for fun, but I kind of get his point.

So, yes, my arm was very achy and sore for a few days.  I complained and babied that arm.  Then, it was better and wasn't a problem.

But, fast forward a few days after that and WOW.  I started having a numbness and zinging sensation going down my arm.  Very nerve-related.  In fact, I kind of assumed it was related to the pinched neck I have right now after Grant snuck around the corner and yelled "boo!" while I was blow-drying my hair (immediate and painful crinked neck!).  Well, about a day after the zinging feeling, it transformed into this near paralysis.  Doing my own little range of motion test, I CAN NOT lift or move my arm in certain directions.  It's as if my arm is asleep- only very painful.  At times, I've had to assist my left arm with the right one to get a job done.

After a brief search online, it looks like this is a sometimes side effect of the vaccination.  So, I've put in a call to the doctor to figure out what can be done or how long it takes to resolve such a reaction.  I also read some horror stories about patients who experienced temporary paralysis beyond the arm and necrosis.  Eeek.

Now I'm a bit nervous for the other immuniztions I need updated.  My bloodwork came back saying that my Hep B immunity is not there anymore.  I've only briefly looked into the recommended medicines/shots etc. for when we travel to get our little girl.  As we've got time, I'm not completely focused on those.

Help bring Josiah HOME!!!!

My adoption buddy, Sarah, and her husband are raising funds to adopt Josiah from Taiwan through Morning Light Home (the organization I highlighted a few months back).  They've received a great donation to auction off, enabling them to pocket the profit.  Check it out:

http://taiwankiddo2.blogspot.com/

I just got back from finishing up my medical paperwork for the home study update at my doctor's office.  Last week, I did the physical and today I was meeting up with a traveling notary at the office to witness and vouch for the doctor's signature.

With my red file folder in hand, he spotted me quickly and introduced himself.  He was an older gentleman wearing a 3 piece suit, evident cologne, and had a briefcase in hand.

At the end when I wrote the check, he told me, "Thank you for what you're doing".  I was obviously puzzled, so he shared his story with me.  Currently almost 97, he was adopted, at the age of five to a lovely set of foster parents.  At thirteen, they passed away.  From that point on, he raised himself until the age of 19 when he joined the army.  He went to school by day, and worked in the cotton mill after class until 11pm, then started it all over again the next day.  At thirteen!  Obviously, this was before child labor laws.  He said all this with a charming smile on his face- the smile of a man who had overcome adversity, faulted no one, and knew he was blessed.  I told him that the Lord had surely watched over him, and he agreed.  It was a precious encounter and I wish I knew more.  I'd love for him to be interviewed.  Doesn't a life like that deserve an article, or TV journalism piece, or a book or a movie?!  Wow.

Even though our child is not home we have been blessed to meet others in this realm of adoption.  I will never be the same.

Riley Hidden Name painting

I never posted this, did I?

I finished this before Thanksgiving, I think- maybe it was before Christmas.  It's all a blur.  It was done for Violet's brother, Riley (both belonging to Jess).  It was part of the 50% to Morninglight sale I did in October.  The goal was to have both paintings look nice together or apart.  Jess and I discussed it, and decided on different vantage points of the same setting.  So, if you look at Violet's painting, Riley is off-roading on the same hilly ridge.

Heather, your watercolor is next up!

Where have I been?!

So much more than Christmas has been going on around here!  I haven't even downloaded the pictures from my camera.  It is likely that a Christmas post will come along in mid-January.

Of course, we had Lael's surgery and all the doctors appointments after that (because we'd hit the deductible and had a bit of a free-for-all on medical related expenses, "Free!  It's all free!").

Then, just before Christmas, we began working on updating our home study.  Physicals.  Police clearances.  Financial forms.  TB tests.  Blood work.  Requesting recommendation letters from friends.  Writing letters to request new fingerprinting appointments.  Notary services.  Busy.  Busy.  Busy.

Whatever gets our daughter home, though, right?!

May this be the year we get to meet her!

Happy 2009!