The Reunion

'Batch of 2009 - 10th reunion' the banner proclaimed gaudily. Sara was thankful to enter the hall with Vini by her side. Being not particularly fond of the majority of her classmates, she felt confident facing them with her best friend by her side.
“There! I see Mina. Come on”, Vini pulled her through the sparsely crowded hall. Sara's eyes were arrested by a familiar face near Mina. She automatically felt her tread slowing down. No, she wasn't as confident as she thought she will be.
Before they could reach her, Mina screeched across the room, “Sara! Vini! Oh my god, how long has it been?”
'So much for a subtle approach', Sara sighed to herself. His head had whipped around at the sound of Mina's welcome. He came forward hesitantly though eagerly, "Hey.... Sara, how you been?”
"Hey Nikil", she managed.
He turned to Vini with an easy smile, "Hey Vini, how's the family?"
The hellos were all done and they had all found seats around the circular tables scattered across the room. Sara was thankful that no formal seat allocation had been done. She found that she still couldn't stand many of her classmates. And also she might not have ended up next to Nikil, as she did now.
"So, what have you been up to?” he asked casually.
"Hacking away at life, one day at a time", she said with a straight face. Seeing his startled face, she smiled her trademark curved smile. “I’m sorry, I knew you wanted to know about job, family etc., but I was feeling particularly philosophical then".
"Wow, you haven't changed at all, have you?” he smiled at her.
"I have, Nikil. I very much have", said she looking intently at him.
The hall had started filling up and the reunion events were starting. This was no place was intent conversations. Nikil knew that until he had had that conversation with her, he cannot leave the town. He was able to turn to his other neighbor only after he had made sure that Sara will meet him, at the cafe that had been a favorite haunt, the next day.
---
“It's a Latte isn't it?” he asked her, desperate to be right.
“Latte would be good”.
He heaved an internal sigh of relief, not knowing that she wanted him to be right and that she gave up coffee ages ago.
“Find us some seats. I’ll get the coffees”, he walked off. Waiting in line, he couldn’t resist sneaking surreptitious glances at her. She was lounging by the window, looking lost in thought. ‘What was she thinking? What will she say now? Is it too soon to talk about…? No’, he decided vehemently. He did not have the luxury of time. This was not college where he had thought, foolishly he added in mental parentheses, there was always going to be next day or next year. It had to happen in the now.

Sara was smart enough to understand the reason behind this meet. Though she came hoping that it might happen, she still found herself pleasantly surprised that it happened. Being of the group of people who always secretly wish for a thing to happen but convince themselves that such a thing cannot happen to save themselves the disappointment, she was cautiously happy to finally be sitting here, looking forward to coffee and conversation – the latter more than the former. Cautious, since she was not sure how they were going to talk about it; And if he knew everything that had happened. This train has to make a lot of stops before it reaches destination.
 He came back with the coffees. “So”, he said settling in. “So”, she smiled. Deep conversations have a tough time taking off. You can’t just dive directly into the deep end. Questions that will change his life were foremost in his mind. So obviously he asked her anything other than them. “How's work?” he started.
“Good, how about yours?” Yes, she was doing it too.
“Pretty good”
She smiled her knowing smile. They both understood they didn't really care about each other’s work.
He gathered up his courage. 10 years of separation and age gives that courage. “Are you ok now?”
“Of cour.... Oh”, she understood him and bit off her conventional reply. “Yes, I really am”.
“When I heard about it, much time had passed. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how to talk about it. I wasn’t comfortable calling you up out of the blue. Still I wanted to reach out to you many times, but -”
“But didn’t know how I’ll take it?”
“I’m sorry about it, you know. I really am. ”
“Nikil, it’s fine.”
“Are you really fine Sara? It’s not that I’m prying but I need to know. What actually happened?” He needed to understand and it had to come from her.
She looked at him, startled. The Nikil she knew was never this direct. He had usually been a little diffident around her, never really understanding that she always had given him more rights than he had taken. This directness made him more attractive.
“You know about the accident, I suppose”, she said with a slight question. He nodded.
She went on with her calm, measured voice. “It shattered me. It claimed my unborn and kept my husband and me in the hospital for weeks. After a while, we got better. Better in health, though not in mind. We were ridden with guilt. We blamed ourselves for something that had been beyond our control. It was natural to have a lot of ‘what ifs’. We had our fair share. Counseling helped a little.”
She took a sip from her cup. Nikil didn’t move a muscle.
“Well“, she continued, “it had been a little more than a year since our wedding. It was supposed to be the time for a newly married couple to get to know one another. Not to go through a life-shattering experience. This changed us. Completely. He had gotten married during a rebound phase. I had gotten married because it seemed like the right thing to do. But after that, we both realized that we could not find a reason to stay together. Every day, we kept finding reasons to stay away from each other. Divorce was the sane option. A quick wedding, quick death and quick divorce”, she gave a self-deprecating smile. Less because she enjoyed her wit, more to let him know that she really was fine.
“It’s easy to talk about it now. But I kinda withdrew into myself then. If it hadn’t been for Vini, I might still be there. I got a transfer to be near her family and have been there ever since”, she ended with the same smile.
--
There had been silence for about five minutes now – which really is a long time. She had compressed 10 years of her life in just a few minutes. It took Nikil more time than that to process it all. His mind was racing in a million different directions. Above the racing, one thing stood clear – his resolution of asking her to share his life just got infinitely stronger. The experience had emotionally scarred her but she was still the resilient, confident girl he had known. The scar had only increased his respect towards her.
He had always found it a little hard to collect his thoughts and put them into words when he needed to. And he found himself in the same unenviable position now. While he was struggling with his thoughts, she had moved on with hers.
“So, tell me. What have you been doing with yourself?” she asked. Five minutes were all she could give him to respond. When he didn’t, she didn’t get upset. She had been used to not hearing what she wanted to hear from him, that it had stopped bothering her long ago. With a mild shrug, she naturally shifted the focus.
It had always been like this between them. She had usually decided the direction their conversations shall take. ‘But today’, Nikil decided, ‘will be different’. He ignored her question.
“I’m glad you told me about… well… everything. Sara, will you give us a chance?”
This was a very direct and confident and yes, vocal Nikil that Sara was seeing and for a moment she was disconcerted. Though the question was a wonderfully welcome one, there were still many stops the train needed to make.
“What about… what about Nitya?” she asked a little hesitantly.
“Nitya?” he was surprised, “Didn’t you know that we broke up after a few months?”
“No…” she gave a sudden smile, “all I knew was ‘Nikil – Nitya’. It was our college’s version of ‘Ross and Rachel’”.
“She moved out of the city for her work and long distance wasn’t working. We realized that the only reason we got together was because everyone around us expected us to be together. It was a different kind of peer pressure” he sighed.
“If only…” he stopped.
“What?”
“If only things had worked out between us, there wouldn’t have been any ‘Nikil – Nitya’” he looked at her with something like a reproach.
She raised her eyebrows in an ‘are you kidding me’ look. “How could it have worked with us when you were already with her? From the time I knew you, you guys were talked of together”.
“That was all just talk. They took something I said, added their own meaning to it and started talking of it as if it’s a sure thing. I believe all I said was she was hot or something. College kids – what can you expect?” he said ruefully.
“But you never denied it!”
“Didn’t I? I tried really hard to convince you that there was nothing going on between us. But you were not interested. Whenever I tried to talk about her, you changed the topic”
“Nikil,” she was half amused and half frustrated, “didn’t you realize I was jealous?”
Now it was his turn for the look. ”Jealous?” he said unbelievingly, “You?”
“God! Don’t we know anything about each other? Yes. I was jealous. Madly so. I hated hearing of her. When you started talking of her, I was afraid that you might make me your confidant. It was hard enough to see my guy falling for another girl. I couldn’t imagine being a confidant for them too. That’s why I always changed the topic”
“I’m sorry. Did you just say ‘my guy’?” he asked, smiling from ear to ear.
She flushed and bent her head.
“Why didn’t you tell me this Sara? At least shown me that you were interested?”
“Misplaced pride I suppose”, she said shrugging. “I couldn’t show you my interest unless I knew you were free. But that didn’t happen. There was always this girl or that girl...”
“Sara!! You’re making me out to be a Casanova! Which other girl was there?”
“Oh please! How about Varsha?”
“Who..?”
“Varsha, from first year?”
 “Oh… her. Why would you assume there was something going on? I don’t even remember her”
“It was something that you let slip back in the day. Never mind”, she stopped for fear of appearing whiny.
“No. Tell me please” he was insistent.
“Well,” she started half-ashamed, "I had called you at midnight on your birthday. I heard call waiting. When I asked you the next day, you said you had been speaking to her.” She was fully ashamed now. “I got mad that you ignored my call to speak to her. My over-active imagination came into play then – I had you guys married by the end of that semester. Forget it, it doesn’t matter”.
This was a new Sara that he was seeing.
“Doesn’t matter? Doesn’t matter? If only I had known this, I would’ve come and told you point-blank that you were only girl who mattered. I always found you unwilling to talk about this. I didn’t understand why until now”
“That’s the problem with being a version of the 'strong, independent girl'” she sighed. “I wanted you to make me feel special, feel pampered but my pride always stood in the way. There was no way I was gonna show myself as a jealous girl who needed assurances that she was the most important person in someone’s life.”
She gave herself a little shake and continued. “Now that we have begun the full disclosure I might as well tell you all, I guess. Then there was Neela. I heard her in cafeteria one day, going on about how much in love with you she was, and that she had spoken to you about it and was waiting to hear from you. But I didn’t hear a peep from you about her. I assumed that you didn’t think me close enough to talk to me about her.”
“Wait a minute,” he interrupted, “you got mad I tried to talk to you about Nitya. Then you got mad I didn’t talk to you about Neela? What is a guy to do?”
“Oh they are two different things. You don’t get it”, she said impatiently.
“I have a feeling I never will”, Nikil smiled.
“Anyway, all these things contributed to my thinking that you only just thought me as a good friend and nothing more. That you found me easy to talk to and that’s it.”
“Well, the talking part is right. Out of all the girls in our class, you and Vini were the ones I found easy to talk to”
“There! That exactly is what I mean. See what you just did? When you want to make someone feel special you don’t group them with another person! Vini is my bestie, but when you say things like this, it appears that you put me in the same position as her. Any wonder that I thought I was in your friend zone?”
He sighed, exasperated.
She gave a sudden laugh. “You know what? Forget my stupid complaints. Water under the bridge. Good that we finally cleared it all up”
“Yes,” he said “10 years later!”
“10 or 20, I’m glad it happened Nikil.”
 “I have to agree. I'm really glad we cleared the air today”. He took a deep breath, "You do realize that you really are special to me? That there is a reason I came to this reunion? All through our college life, you were the only one in my mind. Even though we never got together, even after we went our own ways, I just couldn't shake you off my mind. No one else felt right. Not even Nitya", he smilingly answered the question in her eyes.

Her face lighted up. She couldn't believe she was finally hearing what she always wanted to hear. Her college crush, her closest friend was finally confessing his love to her! She had imagined versions of this scene many times in her mind. But never got the confidence to make it a reality because of her misconceptions. But today! Did the long-lost coffee break her reserve? She gave the coffee a sip of thanks.

"I'm sorry I kept these grudges. I should've asked you directly but couldn't quite overcome my ego.  I also must confess - you were the only one that was special to me. No one else mattered. If only I had the courage to tell you this then...", she sighed. 

It was his turn to light up! "Let the past die. What matters now is the future. Will you share yours with me, Sara?”

He held out his hand. She took it.

Yearning

It comes at you suddenly. A bolt of lightning out of the blue that shatters your foundation. A hook that flies out of the pages of your memory - pierces your thoughts so deeply that you are frozen by the pain of it. These hooks are hanging always just outside your consciousness, like a curtain of snakes floating and drifting.
A song, a photo, a picture, a name, an utterance, an action, a gesture, a new smile that reminds you of an old - one of these will call a snake to life. You'd feel its fang sinking into your mind.
Immediately, a tornado of yearning engulfs you. Completely. A yearning for something that is a nanometer out of your reach. A yearning so powerful that you're left gasping for life.
That yearning is for the most bittersweet of them all....'what might have been'. For that friend lost in time. For that love that slipped away. For that question never asked. For that answer never given. For that voice never raised. For that pain never soothed...
This yearning shall twist you, toss you and turn you. But it won't take you unless you ask it to. It shall be a brief storm that shall pass. Enjoy the torment while it lasts but ground  yourself firmly when it ends.
This yearning proves that you've lived. It keeps you awake. It keeps you alive.

The Puzzle

It's what Life is. A puzzle. A puzzle that is constantly rearranging.

Every single being who touches your life in some way makes up their own individual little piece. Every single look, every single touch, every single word, everything that matters - every little thing becomes a tiny piece of the puzzle. And that piece is constant. It is always what it is. No other piece can come and take its place. There may be other similar pieces. There may be complimentary pieces. And new pieces are added, when new people are met, new relations are forged, new paths are taken and new lives are created, each piece finds its own niche. It will disturb the other pieces, they will be disturbed, rearranged. This puzzle is not a constant, only the pieces are. And even when millions of new pieces get added, every little one always holds its own. And if it is lost, a part goes out of your puzzle forever. A puzzle shaped blank is created in your universe. Where that piece was, now you stare at nothingness.

Is your puzzle complete? Where have your missing pieces gone?

Sleeping with soap

You wake up in bed and find a piece of dried-up soap under your sheets.

You open the kitchen cabinet and find a toy sheep staring right back at you.

You sweep under the sofa and find four tiny cars.

You go out to the balcony and find a CD case lying for who-knows-how-long in the rain and shine.

You sit on the sofa to be poked by a ball on the cushion or by a spoon wedged between the cushions.

Your bathtub is filled with crayon drawings.

Your patience is tried to the utmost with blatant disobedience.

Your knowledge is put to the test with never ending questions of "what is this?".

You find yourself laughing silly at the crazy songs and dialogs that will be made up.

And if you have a blog, you almost never finish up a post, because you're constantly being interrupted with shrill summons.

Yes. That's what life is, with a two-year-old.

Omana Penne

If you have reached this post looking for the song of this name - wrong destination dude! But read on, it's as (if not more) interesting. ;-)

Sometime back, I was at a queue to buy some tickets. The Indian guy at the counter presented me with two or three options. So I turned around and discussed with my friends which one to choose. My interchange with the counter guy was in English while with my friends I switched to Tamil. When I turned back to the counter, he smiled at me and said, "Oh, Tamila neenga? (Are you a Tamil?)".

I smiled back, "Amam (Yes)".

More smiles from his side, "Neenga Malayalee nu nenaichen (Thought you were a Malayalee)".

I was curious, "En? (Why?)".

An apolegetic smile from him, "No, you looked good that's why".

Wait. Do I take that as a compliment or an insult to the Tamil girls worldwide?

I, of course, was stung and told him off as politely as I could for being so presumptious!

Another day, another time, I was standing in yet another queue for airline check-in (Funny how these things always happen at queues). A lady stood behind me and I smiled at her, since we were to travel the same flight. She smiled back and asked after an instant, "Malayalee yaanu? (Are you a Malayalee?)"

I shook my head smilingly, "No".

She gave me a pitying smile (!) and turned away her head.

Well!

I could've told her that even though I may not be a Malayalee, I would still make a delightful travel companion. But, I didn't know how to say that in Malayalam.

A New Joy

Consider you're from a pukka traditional family. Your parents have found and fixed a guy for you. You're now engaged. Life has never been as good for you before! It's like having a boyfriend but only so much better!

1. You're allowed to stay up late nights, blocking up the phone lines and no mutter of dissent comes from your parents.

2. You run up a huge phone bill and your parents oh-so-happily dole out the cash!

3. You're entitled to wear a silly grin stuck to your face and nobody thinks you're a fool.

4. When you suddenly blush for no reasons at all, instead of weird stares you get pleased looks from your family and friends.

5. All everyone can tell you is about what a happy life you're gonna lead with him/her.

6. Suddenly you're the center of attraction in every gathering and conversation - and you like it!

7. You get to have a boyfriend without going thru' the pains of finding one!

8. You find yourself in a new and erstwhile forbidden relationship and suddenly it's not frowned upon at all - you can be bold as daylight about this!

9. You now have more fun planning your wedding (something you've been doing since you were this high), because you can now give shape to the person who'll sit next to you!

10. Not only are you happy in this relationship, you find that everyone around you is happy too. And that increases yours!
To put it simply, it's a happy dreamy time!!

Author's note: Thanks to Vaishu for being an inspiration for this post!

The point of no return

I was watching Friends yesterday when I came upon this bit where Joey tells Rachel how hard it was for him to love her and not have her love him back. Ah! The Unrequited Love (with intentional capitals!). It makes me feel all squishy squashy inside.
This concept is a very, very popular idea with writers and authors. It is one that is sure to pull at the heart strings. It is tragic. It is painful. It is sentimental. It generates sympathy. It also generates selling stories!!!
I mean, who does not feel bad for Charlie Brown when he sees his 'little red-haired girl' ? Who does not feel bad for Joey when he hugs Rachel after cujo?? Look how great it sounds in stories!Look how much revenue it generates!!!
But seriously, isn't it very sad? As long as it's on screen, you can just go along with it and then forget it after the show. But when it hits you in real life? I know a few of my friends who've been thru' the same stuff. Their misery was very painful to behold. But you are helpless. How do you help someone with their unrequited love?
I first had a taste of this myself a couple of years back when my heartthrob on screen got married to his girlfriend!(How pathetic am I? to fall in love with a film star!).
Though I've always held the belief that the heart's just a pump and so it can't think, it was then that I realised that feelings can give you actual physical pain and this pain is kinda centered around the heart area. If it's your mind that's doing the thinking, why is the pump getting affected?
Though the concept maybe as old as time, the questions that it leaves are unanswerable.

Well, as one who has passed this unrequited love phase, I can safely say that it's great while it lasts. And it's not that hard to get over it once it's over. And when you look back, it sure makes some great memories!
Then again, maybe I was able to get over it pretty easily since all I had to love was a movie star, for pete's sake! It may be a lot harder for a real person, though I wouldn't know that. But I have a feeling that it'll be pretty hard but not impossible to get over with!

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

A very famous interview question. Usual answers to this question are "I see myself running my own company / heading a division / etc etc". Correct answers? I'm not so sure.
Can you really see yourself down the lane? I, for one, have absolutely no concrete idea of what I will be doing ten - no! why go so far? - one year from now.
This question is a favorite topic of debate between me and a friend of mine. He's all for setting a clear goal and working, nay, slaving towards it. He goes up in an apoplexy to hear people (like yours truly) say "Whatever Life throws at me, I'm happy to live with it". His argument is that that is the motto of the weak. His idea is not to take life but to make it (not his words - my own!). It must feel very important to live like that, and feel very purposeful, striding towards the one goal!
Well, we happy-go-lucky creatures have a goal too. It's pretty simple actually. It is to be Happy! To feel at the end of the day that this day in my life was fun!
We can acclimatize ourselves to all that comes our way. We are definitely not losing our own sense of individuality in the process. No, we are just molding our minds to make the best of the situation. We are the chameleons of the humankind.
Would you call us pessimists, unwilling to be ambitious for fear we may never reach it? Or would you call us lazybones, refusing to look beyond today? Would you call us scaredy-cats, not having enough guts to go fight the world?
We are just people who want to live one day at a time. Would that make us realists? Maybe. We are optimists, who always have a hope that 'today was great and tomorrow will be better'. We are not lazy, we just want to deal with tomorrow when it comes and not today. We are not scared, we are just peace lovers.
We sail along in life, not too happy and not too sad. But calm and contented. Since our goal is so simple, nothing can beat us. Any drastic change in circumstances may pose a tiny setback of course, but we are soon back in the game, in all our glory. Setbacks interest us, they are but a game. We may be down but never out!

In praise of the...egg!

The wonder of Life can be felt in all of creation, the smallest and the largest. It can be felt in a mighty mountain or in a tiny grass blade. As Clarence Day profoundly observed,

Oh who that ever lived and loved

Can look upon an egg unmoved?

The Egg is the symbol of life. It symbolizes life in a nutshell, or rather in an eggshell.
The egg symbolizes the beginning. How we begin our lives inside a protective covering. We are kept warm and shielded from the harsh realities of the outer world. And when we are ready to face the world, it is we who crack the shell open.
The egg symbolizes the power of God. The egg is the origin for all. All of living things originate in the egg. By being a part of such an innocent question as “Which came first? The Chicken or the Egg?” it shows us that even simple things in life may have obscure origins. Even with our much prided advances in Science, this question has baffled scientists and philosophers alike. Some facts of life have to be just accepted for what they are. Not everything can be explained.
From an egg so small, rises a man so high. The egg so symbolizes that whatever heights might a man reach in his life, he should always keep in mind his humble origin. Albeit small, the egg holds inside an entirely new life. This just goes to show that we should never judge anyone or anything based on appearance.
The egg also teaches us to worship that Godlike creature, our mother. For it is she who performs the divine task of rearing and protecting us when we are but an egg.
Next time an egg reaches your dinner plate, take a moment to pay the due respects!

Made to Order

Priti bade me to write something on a topic she gave me.
Here's to you prits! My small effort :-)


மனம் ஒரு மகாபாரதம்

அடுத்தவன் அழுதென்ன சிரித்தென்ன?
கண்டுகொள்ள நேரமின்றி

'என் கதையே பெரிய கதை'
சலித்துக் கொள்ளும் மனமே

ஆர்வமிருந்தால் படித்து விடலாம்
அடுத்தவர் மனதையும் எளிதாக

அங்குள் இருப்பது வெறும் கதையல்ல
சுவையான, திகட்டாத காவியம்.

இயற்கை

முடிவில்லா பாதை போல் எதிர்கால எண்ணங்கள்,
நட்சத்திர குவியலாய் ஆசைக் கனவுகள்,
பார்க்கும் குழந்தையின் சின்னக் கண்களில்
எனக்கு மட்டுமே தெரியும் தண்ணிலவு,
நீந்தி விளையாட எண்ண அலைகள்,
மூழ்கி முத்துக்கள் எடுக்க ஆழ் மனம்,
சுடும் சொற்களால் வறண்ட நெஞ்சம்,
கோபம் கொண்டு கொதிக்கும் உள்ளம்,
நட்பு தந்த பசுமையான நினைவுகள்,
சுற்றம் தந்த நெடிந்துயர் பெருமை,
ஆசையில் பொழியும் பாச மழை,
பொங்கி பெருகும் ஆனந்த வெள்ளம்,
அன்பு பீரிடும் அருவி இதயம்,
நாள் தவறாது உதிக்கும் பசி,
மனதின் மையத்தில் ஓர் வெற்றிடம்,

இயற்கை - எனக்குள்ளும், என்னைச் சுற்றியும்.

இழப்பு

நினைத்ததை சொல்ல
உரத்துச் சிரிக்க
தேம்பி அழ
சொல்லாமல் அறிய
யாரும் இல்லாத போது
தோள் கொடுத்த தோழமை.
அந்நட்பில் தனிமை இழந்தேன்

சில்லென்ற மாலையில்
அழகான கடற்கரையில்
இளங்காற்று வருடுகையில்
மனம் விட்டு பேசுகையில்
உன் ஆழமான புரிதலில்
அந்நட்பில் கவலை இழந்தேன்

இழந்தவை எத்தனையோ.
கண்டறிந்தது ஒன்று.

இழப்பு - இனிமை தான்.

Tiny Delights

• realising that you're opening your eyes to a holiday
• snuggling under the blankets when there's rain at the window
• eating ice cream and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S
• smiling at a stranger
• reading your old birthday cards
• being kissed by a baby
• hearing that you're loved
• getting your favourite book at half price!
• getting the crack code of a coveted software
• having phone lines blocked on birthday night
• driving high speed and listening to woh lamhay
• getting drenched in the rain
• eating amma's hot pongal with tomato chutney
• falling asleep without bothering about the morrow.
• suddenly realising how much you love someone
• having a lot of comments to the blog (hint!)

What do you do?

When life gets hard,
When living takes special effort,
When you have to wear a mask all the time,
When waking up and facing a new day is a terror,
When your mind is tortured by fevered imagination,
When you do not understand people,
When people do not understand you,
When you do not understand yourself,
When you trail along listlessly,
When you stop caring,
When your hatred consumes your goodwill,
When depression becomes too familiar a feeling,
When mind refuses to form feelings into words,
When your mind gets pounded by feelings without an outlet,
When you want to 'escape from it all' but cannot,
What do you do?

You hope.
You believe that tomorrow will be better.
You look for simple pleasures in life.
You count your gifts and are thankful for them.
You live.
And life...goes on.... day by day.

Rues of a bus traveller

Do you travel by bus? Frequently? Have you ever noticed how you're always crowded in your seat? No? Is it only me then?
I'm lucky to board my bus at it's starting point. I normally get good seats. Its only as the bus goes its way picking up more people that the trouble starts.
The females who insist on sitting with me are
a) fat (very).
b) puny but with arms and legs sticking out all over the place
c) normal sized but with huge packages slung over their arms and shoulders.
If I ever get the good fortune to sit with a neat woman, she almost always gets down the next busstop and any one from the species described above will come to be my seat partner.
If you shrug and say that I'm just overreacting, listen to this.
The bus is almost empty when I get in. I choose a seat that I consider perfect (not too close to the driver and not too far from the door). All other seats except one are empty. I repeat, All.
This woman gets in, with a tremendously large aluminium basin filled with odds and ends. She comes straight to my seat like a homing pigeon (crossing empty seats on her way), thrusts the basin under the seat (right where my feet are) and sits oh-so-nonchalantly next to me, supremely unconcerned that she's digging her elbow in my ribs. Wait, the fun doesn't end here. I find to my horror that the odds and ends are actually FISH. Oh, the smell. It was my ingrained politeness that made me shift my seat without a murmur at her.
I tell you, somebody out there is out to get me!!!!

Ode to the Stoneheart

You who have darkenened my days
Made my nights a sleepless daze

They fall from me, angry tears
Mute curses I throw at your ears

Do you have an inkling to what I feel?
Do you see anger in my eyes of steel?

What sin was it that I did
in a previous birth, now I'm punished

Will pretty sunshine
Ever be mine?

Or will my dreams
Be endless screams?

Hope moves me along
Ever so strong

For you may bend me, all you might
Break will I never, in my might

I pity you savagely, heart of stone
For your errors, may you atone

What a sad life you must lead
Without Love in your stead

You may lie, saying you don't need
A heart of love, but do heed

Love can be received, only if given
and 'tis what makes this world, heaven.

Loser

It felt like hell.
She felt nothing in her life was going well.
At first it was a friend she lost.
That broke her some.
Then it was a most prized possession.
That broke her more.
The tears were unstoppable.
It hurt to let things get away.
It hurt to lose.
It hurt to live with 'without'.
Why? - was the only question.
Answers there were none.
It was her granny who consoled her
"I know how it feels, honey
You're beginning life now.
I have lived it thru.
Believe me, there's more.
But, my girl, be strong.
Your life will go on,No matter what."
The words and the love
lit a spark in her.
She's ready to lose more.
And she did.
But it didn't hurt as much.