Standstill

I feel like I am at a standstill. My RE wants us to try on our own for 3 cycles since the cervicitis looks better. Well one down, two more to go. I honestly don't think we will get pregnant on our own. I feel like we are just wasting time and treading water until January when I will have a lap. I don't want a lap, but the RE won't move forward without one in case my tubes were blocked by infection after the HSG. Just my luck right, the procedure meant to see if my tubes are open blocked them.

I just feel like giving up. Mentally, I don't think I can handle this any longer. I feel like I am going insane. I don't like the person I have become. I am on the verge of tears 24/7 and I hate leaving the house. IF has completly ruined me.

Well thats over

CD1 again. I am so sick of this.

14dpo

Temp is still up, no cramps as of yet. I have not made it to 14 dpo in a long time. BFN this morning.

13 dpo

and my temp has not plummeted yet and no cramps so far. I am not looking for this to last, but hope is kicking my ass right now.

I have to be pregnant this cycle

I have to be knocked up this cycle, I just have to. My test date is next Saturday. It will be the one year anniversary of when my grandfather passed away. He raised me (long story, but my dad has been there the whole time so I grew up with 2 great dads). We plan to name our first son after him. If I could get a BFP on Saturday, it would be like he really is up there watching over me. Ok, now I am crying.

The Blog has a new look

*If you are having problems reading this let me know. I tried to make it easier to read.*

The blog has a new look. I am feeling kind of gray, so this fits perfectly. Not much going on right now. Just praying the threat of surgery scares my body into doing what its supposed to. I ovulated on the day of my post coital, so I know there were sperm in there. I saw them with my own eyes. I hope they made it where they were supposed to. That’s about it. Nothing exciting.

Good news and bad news and more bad news

So I had my RE appointment on Friday for the follow-up post coital. The good news is that it looked better. I could definitely see more sperm swimming around than last time and there were a lot less white blood cells. They were kind of cute swimming around. J was proud of them.

The bad news is that if I don’t get pregnant by January, Dr. S wants to do a lap. What, did I hear you right? I never even considered this as a possibility. My HSG looked good, I don’t have nay signs of endo. Well, apparently the fact that I got a fever after my HSG indicates that there was an infection, which could have left scar tissue behind in my tubes. WTF?? The procedure meant to check to see if my tubes were clear could have ended up blocking them? No one told me of this possibility.

The more bad news part: The cervicitis puts me at a higher risk of miscarriage; therefore Dr. S will monitor me very carefully once I do get pregnant. I am so so pissed at my gyno right now. I have had annuals every year since I was 18. She should have seen this way before it progressed this far. It took Dr. S all of 15 seconds at my first appointment to see it and know what it was. When my pap came back abnormal last year instead of just doing a colposcopy and saying, “oh, it not cancer” and sending me on my way, she should have took the time to figure out why my pap was abnormal. All it would have taken was a round of antibiotics and I would not be dealing with IF right now. Needless to say, I will not be going back to her.

RE appointment tomorrow

So tomorrow is my RE appointment for a second post coital. Fun times. We will see if the cervicitis has cleared up. I kind of think it has because (TMI warning) my cervix feels different. It used to feel sort of spongy and now it’s firmer. My biggest fear is that the cervicitis will have cleared up and the Dr. will say to go try on our own for a few more months. I want to be more aggressive. J on the other hand still believes it will happen on its own and is very hesitant to pursue any more aggressive treatment. If the Dr. says tomorrow that it will happen on its own, J will definitely not want to do anything more aggressive. It may eventually happen on its own, but I do not want to spend another year or two in TTC hell.

Some Halloween Pics

My neice and nephew Zachary and Kaelynn


The cutest bumblebee ever


Batman


Scout in his costume, he literally did not move until I took it off of him. He goes catatonic when i put clothes or even a harness on him


Princess Shelby Cat. I bought this costume for Sophie. It said one size fits all, obvioulsy all does not include 5 lb toy poodles. I couldn't even get it to stay on her long enough to take a picture, so I put it on Shelby. He was not amused. And yes its a HE, crossdressing the cat was amazingly entertaining.