My little doodle bugger

Carsen just started gymnastics and watching do some of the exercises is so hilarious. I kept laughing out loud as I watched him through the window. I got a few strange looks from the other parents, but I figured that was because my shirt was dirty. I am not the girl with the most coordination and I have been pleased that Derek has taken after his father. We are still praying for Carsen, after all the doodle bugs have been retired for more than 25 years.

918BOYS

Well after months and months of trying to find myself the perfect license plate, I finally found it. 918BOYS means "crazy boys" because we all know that is exactly what I have been blessed with and I wouldn't change that for the world. Anyway, if I did I would have to have some lame plate like "R" neighborhood. I also have the awesome flag plate. Man I am really cool now in the mom mobile.

Check out my Slide Show!

There is no theme...just trying to figure it out!!

Asthma vs. Allergies

With each new day that passes, we as parents are again challenged with a new health dilemma. Jake was up most of the night last night, fighting for each breath and coughing up a lung. We were so worried for hours and as I rocked my poor, helpless baby I wondered why don't the doctors know what is wrong with this baby? When I spoke with the doctor last week she wasn't sure if it was asthma or allergies. So how do I know what to do to help my son? Is it all just trial and error? Any ideas?

1 house project down

Well after almost a year of planning and 7 months with a box of crap on my dining room table, my sweet and loving husband finished my new front bathroom. I went with a super cool red, beige and yellow duck theme. Carol and Randi are the most beautiful people and made the "quack" decoration on the wall. Please stop by to enjoy the clean and quacky lavatory.

Gila Bend Rocks!

As we drove through the booming town of Gila Bend, Arizona, Randi swerved the mom mobile into the center turn lane and flipped a U-turn. As I looked up from my sudoku game, wondering where the hell are we going, I saw some large metal statues. Randi thought the boys would love them and wanted them to see them up close and personal. Carsen freaked out when I stuck his head in the snakes mouth, but Derek enjoyed it.

Cousins at the beach

Here are a few cute pics of the cousins at the beach with grumpaw and nana Carlys.

Check out Emily's response to Hayden's silly face. Classic.

Lovin' Life

Jake found a new love at the beach house. What you might ask. The water, the waves, the sand, the relaxing sound of the waves on the beach? Nope. Black licorice. Grumpaw bought a bag and we gave some to Jake thinking he wouldn't like it. Surprise, he loved it. He must have those fabulous Rodgers' genes after all.

First Day of School

This blog is coming in a few days behind schedule, but better late than ever.

Derek began 2nd grade on the 13th. He is exited to have Mrs. Fitz for his teacher this year. She is very kind and loving. We have heard such great things about her from former students/families. We are looking forward to a great year. His favorite subjects are PE and Art.

Carsen began his second and final year of preschool with Ms. Neva on the 21st. He is excited to swing and play with his friends. He is lucky to have 7 out of 8 friends from his primary class also in his preschool class. He is definitely the teachers favorite.

Mini Cooper... not a Mini Problem

I'm sure we can all remember the explosion that the mini endured a couple of weeks back....and for whatever reason...the problems haven't stopped...oh the drama!!

The day after the explosion, we found out that my friend died...so getting my car to the dealership wasn't the first thing on our minds. After a couple of days, I called Mike (of Shanna & Mike) and asked if he could have my car detailed...to clean up the remnants of the soda fountain that my car had become.

I took my car to get detailed last Wednesday around 10:30 am...Mike called to say it was done just before 2pm...He also mentioned that the battery had died & they had to push start it...but it WAS running and I could probably get it to Mike's house (my Mike). Mike (my Mike) & I ran over to grab my car on our way to the academy (we did filed problems last week for a recruit class) & drove it the 2-3 miles back to his house and parked it safely in his garage...with the windows 1/2 way down so the seats could dry.

I called Mini & they told me that the battery was under warranty & that if I couldn't get it started, Mini Roadside Service would tow it in to the shop...no problems.

The next day...Thursday...was the funeral & as soon as that was over I had to throw some clothes in a bag for the "trip" to Cali to get Richelle & her brood of children...Then...I had to get my gas mask fitted...and then I had to get to the airport...There wasn't even time to eat until I was already at the airport.

I had planned on having Mini pick up my car on Saturday...while I was gone...so it could be fixed by the time I got back to Phoenix...or soon after. Unfortunately...I found the keys in my purse...with me...in California!!

When I got back to Phoenix, Richelle dropped me off at Mike's house...I wasn't sure how I was going to get home...since I had no working vehicle...but figured Mike & I could figure something out. Mike suggested that I take his truck & he could borrow his dad's truck...Thank goodness for nice family members!!

So...First thing Monday morning...I called Mini Roadside service...& they headed to Mike's house to pick up my car. About 15 minutes later...I got a phone call...the tow truck driver telling me that he was there (at Mike's) & please come outside. I told him that I wasn't there, but that my boyfriend (YEA!! I have a boyfriend!! WOO HOO!!) was there & that he would answer the door...if he could just go ring the doorbell.

He didn't. He left. I called his number several times...but got no answer. So we started over. The second tow truck got my car...& took it "safely" to the dealership....or so I thought. While it was en route to the dealership...I called my service guy & explained the entire situation & what I needed done to my Mini...just a few minor things.

Well...that tow truck DID take my vehicle to the dealership...but the driver unloaded my car & left it out front...windows still 1/2 down (from the detail/seat drying) with the keys in it!!! I hadn't received a call from my service guy & about 4 o'clock I started to worry. As I was dialing the number for the dealership...a NEW service guy (another one) called me to find out why my car was just sitting out front with the keys in it & the windows down. I almost FREAKED OUT all over that dumb ass guy...Lou.

Lou & I talked...and I explained the 3-4 issues that my mini needed looked at for...he told me he would take care of it...get some prices if everything wasn't covered under warranty...and get back with me...that was Monday around 4pm...it's now Wednesday at 12:15 pm...

I just left a message...I am so pissed. Everyone else I know that has either a mini or a BMW raves about the service department. The first couple of times I was there...I raved too...then I started getting jerked around...getting new service guys every time...things weren't getting fixed...and it at least an hour each way...not to mention there are three (3) photo radar cameras on the way...

I explained to him that I I couldn't get to the dealership to get a rental car...so I am technically vehicle-less...he didn't offer to send the shuttle to come get me...he didn't say he would hurry...nope...he completely forgot about me.

I guess we'll have to see if/when he calls back...if not soon...I think I'm gonna freak out all over someone at that stupid dealership!!

Lucky Ducks

This weekend Richelle and I were talking about how happy our parents are now that Carlys has retired too. They are both MUCH happier, traveling and spending a lot of time with their grand kids. It's awesome to see my dad so happy...not to mention feeling pretty good too.

This week they are on an Alaskan cruise...Last week they had Emily, Carsen, & Hayden at the beach house. Richelle was telling me a story about Dad taking Billy to Getro-Center to play goofy golf at Golf n' Stuff a few weeks ago. I guess after their round of golf, Dad let Billy play arcade games...then they went for pizza & more arcade games.

I wanted to be jealous...since MY dad would NEVER have done that when I was annoying & 13, but instead I remembered back to one summer that Carol & I went to stay with Grandma Joyce & Grandpa Fred. We went up to Sacramento when they were there to help Janice...we were there for 3 or 4 weeks...well Carol did leave me for an entire week while she went to her other grandparents house...and left me to suffer alone!!

Anywho...while WE were there, we were pretty dang bored. We had to really stretch our imaginations to keep from being put on suicide watch. If we weren't at Aunt Janice's house...we were bored. If Uncle Whit was home from work...we weren't at Aunt Janice's house.

One boring night, Carol & I convinced Grandma & Grandpa to take us to a place just like Golf n' Stuff...we thought we'd get some money and play some games...our intentions were to have a fun outing that changed up the boredom.

When we got there...Grandpa Fred (blue leisure suit & all), Carol, & myself (Grandma stayed home...she couldn't handle the excitement I'm sure) walked inside. Carol & I stood there waiting for Grandpa to give us our loot so we could play some games & kill some time...we were both SO excited!!

Grandpa at some point realized that he was needing to give his 9 & 10 year old granddaughters, that have no job, some money to play games...or the entire trip would be for nothing. So give us money he did...2 quarters EACH!! That's right...we got to split ONE dollar!!

That obviously lasted about..oh...one game each...so we started searching for lost change or tokens...in the pay phone, the vending machine, the cigarette machine, etc...After the disappointment set in...we went and found Grandpa & went home.

When we got back to the apartment, we (sarcastically) told Grandma how much money Grandpa had given us (I think in hopes that she would yell at Grandpa for being dumb). Instead of yelling at Grandpa & forcing him to take us back and actually give us some money to play games...She said, "Well aren't you Lucky Ducks!" She was very excited & very serious...

Stalker or Spider??

They are stalking me!! Richelle said this spider knows that I killed his cousin in San Diego & he was getting revenge. I don't know if a Daddy Long Leg spider is the cousin spider to the brown recluse, man eating creature that tried to attack me while I was vacuuming my stairs, but I think the attack WAS revenge!!

It appeared from nowhere and looked at me until I ran for the spider killer spray I keep on hand under the kitchen sink...I sprayed the beast until I could see it dripping from all 8 legs...I still hadn't caught my breath from the panic attack when I realized I was spraying spider killer on my Berber carpet!! OMG!!

No stains or bleaching marks yet...keep your fingers crossed!! Too bad Jen isn't in town...last time she was here, she got a lot red finger nail Polish completely out of my rug!! But that's a story for a different time.

The Mask

Raelynn was diagnosed with sleep apnea a while ago and has been wearing a breathing contraption to help her breathe at night for quite some time now. It is still a shock to walk into a room and see Rae with that "mask" on her face. I, for one, would just have to learn how to live with sleep apnea...I'm not sure I could (or would want to) wear that thing to bed every time I tried to sleep!!

Arachnophobia

I found this web site called "The Remembering Site" and have started to journal about my life...kinda like an auto-biography for generations to come. (Now I HAVE to have kids...or yours will have to have a copy on their bookshelf).

Anywho...I was sitting here at the beach house journaling (sitting at the counter), going back and forth with Richelle about family memories, dates, momentous occasions, etc. when she rolled over in our small bed, only to look directly into the tiny eyes of the latest house guest...the resident Daddy Long Leg Spider.

I told her to get it off the ceiling...she told me NO and then told me I was the "man" in this relationship...so I should have to get it down...she has now covered her self with a pillow in hopes that the spider won't see her...therefore won't want to touch her...

San Diego Baby

Chelle & I are in sunny San Diego!! I flew over last night to help her drive home on Saturday. from the moment I jumped in the mom mobile at the airport, I began asking the question that I some how never get answered: "Why do I do this to myself?"

When I was sharing a small bed with Richelle, I asked my self, "Why do I do this to myself?"

When Hayden woke up at 7:30am, I asked myself, "Why do I do this to myself?"

When Raelynn got to sleep until 12:30...I didn't ask questions...I was just plain jealous!!

As I sit here, thankful that Chelle brought her lap top, I am wondering why anyone has this many kids...brings them on road trips...forces their favorite sister to join in the "fun"

...I am wondering a lot right now...like why would Hayden rather watch an info-mercial than play on the beach with his cousins?

Why do we keep coming to this outdated, very small, dirty bathroom beach house? I swore last time...just a few short weeks ago....that I wouldn't be coming back here...EVER!! After my trip to the Urgent Care & having to close my eyes to use the shower...etc...I thought I was done. But here I am...wearing Richelle's slippers....wishing I had actually slept...praying that we get out alive & Hayden turns off TV and actually plays on the beach!!

I can partially answer my own question...there is a Coach outlet a few miles from here. I bet it's enjoyable even with all these kids in tow.

The Dash

I attended the funeral for my friend Jonathan Stuart on Thursday before heading to San Diego to rescue Richelle. I hate funerals; I'm not sure why I insist on attending...there has to be a less emotional way to get closure. Maybe not...I guess there really is no other way to "celebrate" someone's life after they have left us.


The funeral was at the Church of Joy & I have no idea what religion, if any, the "pastor" was, but I thought he did a very nice job. He said he knew Jonathan well and even married Jonathan and his wife Stephanie last Fall. The "pastor" read a poem that I really enjoyed...it made me reflect on my own life...so I thought I would share it with all who read our blog.

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the ash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Save the Date

I have recently become an insomniac...okay....if you count the last seven (7) years as recent...

Anywho...while not sleeping tonight...I located some VERY exciting news!!!

Van Halen just announced a North American reunion tour that will include original singer David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen on the guitar, Alex Van Halen on the drums, and Eddie's teenage son, Wolfgang, playing the bass.

Friday November 23rd @ Glendale Arena!!!! Ticket sales have not been announced yet...

VAN HALEN AND DAVID LEE ROTH ANNOUNCE NORTH AMERICAN TOUR
HISTORIC CONCERT TOUR MARKS FIRST OF ITS KIND FOR VAN HALEN IN 22 YEARS
LOS ANGELES, CA -- August 13, 2007

Beginning this September, in what promises to be the most exciting live tour this year, Van Halen will embark on a national concert tour throughout the U.S. and Canada with its original lead singer David Lee Roth for the first time in 22 years.

Considered by fans and media alike as one of the most highly anticipated tours in rock and roll history, Roth, guitarist Eddie Van Halen and drummer Alex Van Halen will perform with Eddie's son, Wolfgang who joins the line-up as the band's bass player. Van Halen and Roth have not performed or recorded together since 1984's classic multi-platinum album 1984 and subsequent tour, making this tour truly a historic event.

25 dates in all were announced today for the tour which is slated for a September 27th kick-off in Charlotte, North Carolina. Tickets for select dates on the tour go on sale beginning on Saturday, August 18th and are available on http://www.livenation.com/. A complete list of confirmed dates can be found HERE. The Van Halen tour is being produced by Live Nation. Individuals who have the Citi® / AAdvantage® card, the official credit card of the tour, will be offered access to purchase preferred seats to all U.S. shows.

Fans can enjoy the ultimate Van Halen experience including concert pre-show parties, backstage access, premium seating and more. For additional details go to http://www.iloveallaccess.com/.

Fans are encouraged to also check in at http://www.van-halen.com/news.html or http://www.davidleeroth.com/ for additional information.

Van Halen remains one of the most important and influential bands of all time. Formed in Los Angeles in 1974, the band quickly won a loyal hometown fan base with their electrifying live shows. From the moment they released their self-titled 1978 debut album, Van Halen shook the foundations of rock, thanks largely to Roth's peerless showmanship, Eddie Van Halen's revolutionary guitar virtuosity and their songwriting abilities. It changed rock music forever.
The band's first album proved one of the biggest selling rock debuts, with key tracks like "Eruption," "Running with the Devil," "Jamie's Cryin'," "You Really Got Me" and "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" leading the way. The next year, the band followed up with Van Halen II, which included the hit "Dance the Night Away."

Subsequent albums like Women and Children First (1980), Fair Warning (1981) and Diver Down (1982), along with worldwide touring, solidified the band's reputation for innovative and unparalleled live performances. Classic Van Halen tracks from the early 80's include "Everybody Wants Some," "Unchained", "And The Cradle Will Rock", "Beautiful Girls", "Mean Street" and "Somebody Get Me A Doctor" just to name a few.

With their sixth album, released in, and titled 1984, Van Halen rose to stratospheric heights. Recorded at Eddie Van Halen's 5150 Studios, the multi-platinum smash yielded one of Van Halen's signature hits, "Jump," which remained #1 on the Billboard charts for an astounding five weeks straight. Other hits from the album include "Panama," "Hot For Teacher" and "I'll Wait."
The band's record of achievement is hard to top. Presented with two Diamond Award RIAA Certified Status' for their albums Van Halen and 1984, Van Halen joins an elite short list of two time Diamond Award honorees in the history of the music industry. The Diamond Award is presented to an artist for album sales of 10 million or more units. They are also in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most #1 hits on Billboard's Mainstream Rock chart than any other band in history.

Inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame in March of this year, Van Halen has produced a treasured body of work that fans will admire for decades to come.

Who doesn't like good Oral...Hygiene??

When we were little we were forced to visit the dentist EVERY six (6) months...Dr. Bob would use that gritty, crappy "toothpaste," take some x-rays & we'd get to pick some crap candy out of the plastic wheelbarrow...

(On a side note: Candy that does NOT have sugar...is NOT candy!! We need a different name for hard, blah tasting crap that people are passing off as candy)

When I was 19, I had to have my impacted wisdom teeth taken out...surgically removed...forced from my jaw...I had never known such pain!! I was sick for months and months with "dry socket" that had to be packed with gauze soaked in Satan's own clove juice. Not only was I in agony, but I stunk like cloves!! Kyle wouldn't come near me with a 10 foot pole...Bill made ribs for dinner one night during this ongoing saga & I had to just lick them!! When I went back to the oral surgeon about 6 months after everything was over, the smell of the office made me vomit.

I developed a slight fear of the dentist & try to avoid that place as much as possible. Plus, I am an avid flosser, I use two (2) different kinds of Listerine twice a day (pre-rinse & the post rinse), & I have my handy-dandy electric toothbrush, of course!!

It's been a while since I forced myself into the dental chair, so this morning I was expecting to be tortured after the x-rays were taken. I think I was even having phantom pain...

But the Dentist came in...poked around...used something that reminded me of a drill (the sound anyway) and made several comments about how great my teeth are!! "You have the cleanest teeth!" "Your gums look fantastic!" "There are NO problems in here!" "There is no tartar what-so-ever...You have THE cleanest teeth!!"

I was in & out in a matter of minutes...no pain...no cavities & that gritty toothpaste wasn't quite as gritty as it used to be. I also noticed that there was no wheelbarrow with crap "candy" in it at the door & they weren't giving out free toothbrush either. Huh, guess insurance doesn't cover a $2 toothbrush you don't want anyway or pretend candy nobody wanted to begin with.

963

963 is the police code for fatal collision.

On Saturday, I woke up to a text message (& several missed calls) that included that code. I read the message over and over..."John Stuart out of 700 just passed away after a 963 this morning. Please keep him in your thoughts & prayers."

I began to sob & then I began to scream....Mike & I began to make phone calls, only to learn the message was true. Rumor has it that he fell asleep or lost control of his vehicle as he was driving home on SR347. A few miles outside of the town of Maricopa, he crossed the median, landed on a Jeep Cherokee, causing both vehicles to roll. The driver of the Jeep was pronounced dead on the scene, but Jonathan was air lifted to County Hospital. He was later pronounced dead after they were unable to stop the internal bleeding.

Jonathan Stuart is my friend...I JUST saw him on Thursday night...he made my back-up. He & his new bride were in Cancun on their honeymoon the same time that Mike & I were there in May. We had planned to get together, but couldn't figure out how to call each other through a Mexican operator. Plus, it was their honeymoon...I'm sure they were...um...busy! :)

He always smiled at me...we've passed on the freeway more than a few times as we made the long drive home east bound on I-10. He was one of the first people that I would call my friend when I started in 700. He called me "lovely eyes" after a juvenile that Matt Nelson arrested called me that. That nick name never went away...it was endearing & he was the only one that it stuck with. He brought me canoli's from Momma Mia's often...he knew how much I loved them.

He was a good man that loved his wife, his family & this job. He wore that blue uniform more hours than anyone I know. He was trying to put his wife through nursing school; it was so important to him that she finish.

OMG I am filled with a tremendous amount of grief and disbelief. None of this makes any sense & I am so very sad for is young wife. I wish I would have had the chance to tell Jonathan how much his smile & his friendship meant to me. I hope that he knew how much we all love him & how much he will be missed.

X-plosion!!

I spent the last two (2) days teaching an the DUI class to an academy class. This morning I was exhausted...two (2) days with 2-3 hours of sleep. I was hurtin' when that alarm went off at 5am!!

On my way out the door, I grabbed a water bottle and a cherry Pepsi. I drank the water in the car on my way to the academy and decided I didn't want the Pepsi yet. When I got out of my Mini Coop...I left the soda can in the cup holder attached to the dash. I thought I would drive my car to lunch off campus somewhere & would grab the soda then.

Mike, from my own academy class, is a Recruit Training Officer (RTO) at the acadeny right now. We went to lunch today and he drove us in his DPS car. When my class ended...at the end of the day...I hopped in my car happy to be calling it a day & starting my weekend.

As I sat down...in my $65.00 pants and brand new $35.00 dress shirt, I could see a brown colored liquid dripping from the rear view mirror. I continued to look closer and saw that there was brown covering just about everything in the entire car!! The headliner, my custom seats, my sound system, my bag covering my clothes hanging in the back seat (that luckily were covered), my steering wheel, the instrument panel, etc...EVERYTHING!!

I didn't PANIC at first...I was just pissed!! Then I tried to turn the a/c on...that's when I got ANGRY and started to FREAK OUT!!!

Without saying anything else....I will end this blog by saying that nothing in my car works & it will be going to the dealership in the morning. What a friggin' mess...AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a crappy, crappy way to start the weekend...

Words I Often Leave Unspoken

Today, as just about everyone knows, is the 7th anniversary since we lost Kyle. At this time every year, my emotions get all stirred up. This year is no exception, but for the first time instead of just being sad, I also have feelings of gratitude & peace.

I am thankful for many things, but I am most thankful for my family. Growing up, all of my siblings were a great big PITA, but the older I get, the more I appreciate them...even their faults…even Ryan. :)

I personally have never understood suicide or why people choose "the easy way out," but then I lost Kyle. I had never been so sick with emptiness and feelings of nothing to live for. I never wanted to or even thought about hurting myself, but I wanted to be dead; I felt like I was dying at a slow pace. There were days, weeks even, that seemed to be never ending; so was the grief. I would have died 7 years ago without all of my family; extended family included. Maybe not in the you're dead and go to heaven or hell sense of dead, but with nothing to live for, why would anyone get out of bed? I have no idea what people do to get through life’s trials without their family.

I am thankful for the time that Kyle was in my life. I have officially been single, on my own, what ever you want to call it, for longer than I was with Kyle. Kyle was my best friend & life will never be the same without him here. I learned so much from him. He was someone that had unquestionable integrity, a strong character and was extremely loyal. Life radiated from his smile and I was proud to stand next to him.

Kyle taught me how to love unconditionally & how important it is to be loved unconditionally. Kyle loved me completely with no exceptions & he never expected to gain anything by doing so. He was selfless & kind. I pray that I love the way he loved me.

Kyle & I laughed ALL the time; our home was always filled with laughter (unless he was asleep on the couch)(oh yeah...& when Abby lived with us...there was very little laughter!!). We wrestled a lot & we usually ended up laughing too hard to declare a winner...so naturally…I was the winner.

Kyle loved kids & couldn't wait to be a dad. He wanted to name his son "Truckston" so he could call him "Truck." I wasn't at all in love with that name, but I think if he was here, I'd have a son (or a daughter) named "Truck." I am thankful that I don't!!

Kyle also taught me how to forgive. I am thankful for that too. I was treated poorly by several members of Kyle's family at one time or another. I have had my feelings crushed & eventually just stopped going back for more. I have forgiven them; all of them. I choose not to welcome people that treat me negatively into my life, but I hold no grudge or ill will. I am thankful for the peace that comes with not only forgiving, but for the peace and strength I feel for standing up for myself…just like Kyle did.

I am most thankful, however, for the experience that losing Kyle has been. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but I am thankful for several reasons. As Kyle's death moves further & further in my past, it isn't as easy to "remember" how badly I hurt; it was a pain like no other & I am shocked it isn't fatal. The heart ache and pure grief is a tremendous amount for the body & soul to survive.

I am thankful that it was my pain to live through. I would even do it again if it meant my sisters would never have to. I can't stomach the thought of them having to lose their spouse & feeling that ache. I learned the hard way how to love, understand & forgive my dad for stupid, but hurtful things that I did not understand. It took losing my husband to do so, but I have been thankful I do.

I am also thankful for who I have become. I am thankful to have my own identity, to be able to take care of myself now & in the future. I am thankful to know who I am. I am happy to know that I can survive without a man and I am happy to know that life does continue. Even if we aren’t ready to see sun light, the sun will still come up every day.

It took me a long time to value myself, to stand up for myself, to believe in myself. I am thankful that I know my self worth and to feel nearly whole again. I think there will always be a piece of my soul that mourns the loss I still feel everyday, but the happier things in this life far outshine the bad.

I am thankful to have begun to move on.

Rembering My Kyle

Tonight, like every August 9th for the last 7 years is one of reminiscence and a heavy heart. I have never really had a public form to express my love for Kyle who died so unexpectedly all those years ago. How can it still seem like yesterday? My memories are all too vivid of the terrible phone call I got on my way to Shiloh's baby shower. I made a u-turn and the rest is painful history.

I wish Randi and Kyle would have made a u-turn earlier that night, but Heavenly Father's plan is what it is. I don't particularly like this part of it, but I know that we have all grown and had something to learn. My thoughts always turn to the verse on mom's wall that goes something like, "Peace be with thee. Thy adversity and thy afflictions are but a small moment and if thou endures it well, God will exalt thee on high." That brings me peace.

The awesome memories of Kyle bring me peace as well. I love the all the camping memories, but especially love the time that the family left early and the 4 of us stayed alone at the campsite. We freaked ourselves out from all the little noises we kept hearing and we ended up huddled together in one tent with a couple of guns. That was funny. It was also very funny when Kyle would run into our house and we'd hurry and lock Randi out so Kyle could hold Derek first. The cream of mushroom soup for dinner, that wasn't so funny. The "80's at eight" was very funny. NO matter what day of the week or time of the night, Kyle asked for us to turn on the "80's at 8" while we played Canasta. Kyle being Anthony's partner, that was really funny. Pretty much they NEVER won and Anthony never complained. The silly trips to Target and the fun trip to San Diego. These all bring a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.

Randi put together a beautiful video of all the photos she has of Kyle. If you want to see it, just let us know. Randi you are so strong and so brave. I am not sure how you made it through all of this, but you are doing great. I am proud of you, cause this is hard for me and I can't even begin to imagine how that multiples for you.

So when you read this think of our wonderful Kyle and smile. Then say a little prayer for Randi and all those who lost their son, brother and friend.

We love & miss you Kyle!

Angel Boy's Angel

How could anyone believe the blogs about this angel?? Oh wait...it's Ryan's kid!! I'm sure she is just like him...cute as can be...looks very innocent...can have a smack-down with a sibling & completely get off scott free...won't make curfew, but the excuse is good enough...the sibling that's late...GROUNDED!! ...All I can say...I'm glad Emily is Ryan...he SO deserves to be tortured as he raises himself!! I am also glad that Ryan never screamed the way Emily can...whew!!

Pike!

This weekend the Richards decided to get out of the heat and into the cool. We loaded up in the mom mobile and headed up North. The temperature dropped slowly, but steadily. By the time we hit Flagstaff it was cloudy and a cool 74 degrees. We enjoyed the scenery and did a little fishing as well. Anth caught a big Pike on his first cast. Very exciting for all the boys. They took turns reeling him in. Derek had one on his line, up it was big enough to break the line and steal an $8 lure. A couple other fish were caught and released back into their muddy homes. We enjoyed all our time together.

Liar, Liar

There is one pretty cousin that has promised to blog and yet she hasn't. Why do you think that is?? Carol do you have any ideas?

ADDICTED TO GELATO

Thanks to Randi I have told countless people about the new gelato store in our area. I have also partaken in the goodness myself. First I went with Randi. I enjoyed it with her so much, that on Monday night after I took all three boys to the library in the rain... imagine me with 2 boys walking with umbrellas, the third one be pushed by me in a stroller, carrying 10 DVDs and 25 books, in the rain & then loading into the cool mom mobile... On the way home I stopped and unloaded the three boys, again in the rain, and went in to get gelato. I then walked out to the car with 2 boys walking with umbrellas and gelato, me pushing a stroller, feeding Jake gelato and carrying a bag with more gelato for the hubby, in the rain. What a task. All in the name of blessed gelato. Tonight I took my visiting teaching sisters to delight in gelato. It was loved by all. The moral of the blog is...try gelato. Like Kramer always says, "It's delicious!"