Prison-temples leading us to the temple

So the other day I saw this meme on Facebook with a picture of a shampoo bottle. On the bottle it contained the words “nourish and strengthen”. The caption of the meme said “Attention Mormons: Do Not Attempt to Eat.”

I found it hilarious. How many of us will hear those words this Memorial Day over our dinner of hot dogs? I am betting about at least two-thirds of us. A few days after seeing this meme I was reading in 1 Nephi 17. This is one of my favorite chapters in all of scripture. I’ve probably read the chapter over 50 times. But something stood out to me this time that I had never caught before. Verse 3 in chapter 17 reads,

“And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.”

So there you have it brothers and sisters. This very trite and often repeated phrase we use in our prayers, even when blessing the ice cream prior to the Priesthood session of General Conference, is scripture. The preparation for this talk has been a nourishing sojourn for myself. And I have felt the strengthening power of the Lord over the course of my life and especially the last few years.

Hello Brothers and Sisters. My name is Robert Choate. I have been in this ward for just over the past 9 years. I live here with my two sons Brigham and Isaac. In addition to trying to raise my boys as a single dad and working at my normal job I am trying to become a successful entrepreneur through my side businesses and a stronger athlete through my cross-fit. I am praying for the Lord’s blessings to be with me tomorrow as I tackle the traditional Memorial Day workout “Murph”. If you know me then you know I love BYU. A dear friend had this tie made for me for my birthday this year. I graduated from BYU. I started off as a business major intent on taking over the world. After my freshman year I left to serve a mission in southern California. Upon returning and becoming much more spiritual I no longer wanted to be the ruthless business leader, but someone who wanted to bring value to the world through statistics. For the past 10 years I have worked for the University of Michigan. My unofficial job title is that of “data transponster.” Basically I curate social science data for other researchers to use in the area of substance addiction. But I’d like to back up to the time of my graduation from BYU.

After graduating in August of 2000 I moved to Arizona. I had no idea what I wanted to do and I fumbled about in search of a job. The job I ended up with was as a correctional officer in the state’s juvenile correctional system. For the next few years I worked in a jail. And although I was there of my own volition it was unfortunately a prison like experience for me. And that is where I would like to begin my talk today.  I struggled working there. I felt just as trapped and miserable there as those young men who were incarcerated. Unfortunately, all of us at one time or another, through our own actions or maybe for no fault of our own, end up in spiritual prison-like situations. Why do I start this talk referencing prisons when my assigned topic is on temples and covenants? Where does the idea of prisons fit in?

As I began pondering and praying about this talk I felt a very distinct impression come to me from the Holy Ghost. I needed to focus in and tie together the concept of “prison-temples” with God's actual temples and covenants. My life has been richly blessed as I sought out to study the fireside where I first learned of this concept. I have lost track of how many times over the past month I have read, watched, and listened to an address given by Elder Holland back in September 2008 at BYU entitled “Lessons from Liberty Jail.” 

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland_lessons-liberty-jail/

I can’t give a talk without making some kind of reference to sports. I am a big baseball fan. Go Cubs Go!!! Baseball philosophy has changed over the years, but in the past the fourth person in the lineup was designated as the clean-up hitter.  This was usually the big bopper of the team, the guy with the most power. If you check out social media during General Conference weekend it would be a fair assumption that the Latter-day Saints might consider Elder Holland to be the Quorum of the 12 Apostle’s clean-up hitter. Elder Holland definitely knocked this fireside address out of the park.

In the early history of the Church, Elder B.H. Roberts first coined the term “prison-temple” in reference to Liberty Jail. This is the structure that held the Prophet Joseph Smith, his brother Hyrum, and a few other church leaders in the winter of 1838. The conditions that Joseph and others lived through while confined in Liberty Jail were very trying. The jail was considered escape proof. The walls were four feet thick with the only access to the upper floor through a trap-door in the ceiling that wasn’t even high enough for the Prophet to stand up in completely. And the winter of 1838 was one of the coldest on record. 

Prisons are not supposed to be comfy. Liberty Jail was anything but comfy for the Prophet and his associates. Likewise, I doubt the spiritual prisons we find ourselves in are not all that comfortable. Elder Holland makes mention that we can find ourselves in great company, the best company that has ever lived, when we look at other scriptural and modern day leaders who have endured their own personal or actual prisons. A quick review of the scriptures gave me the following partial list of those who suffered imprisonment during their life, and in each case an unjust imprisonment at that. This is definitely a who’s who list.

-          Joseph of Egypt

-          John the Baptist

-          Peter

-          The brothers of Ammon

-          3 Nephites

-          Daniel

-          Alma and Amulek

-          Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego

And let us not forget the Savior himself. I doubt the prison conditions these prophets and disciples faced were any better then what Joseph Smith endured in Liberty Jail. But imprisonment was a time of learning for Joseph and these other men from the scriptures. And they can be so for us as well. Elder Holland states,

“You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life – in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds, and opposition you have ever faced. Every one of us, in one way, or another, great or small, dramatic or incidental, is going to spend a little time in Liberty Jail – spiritually speaking. We will face things we do not want to face for reasons that may not have been our fault. Indeed, we may face difficult circumstances for reasons that were absolutely right and proper, reasons that came because we were trying to keep the commandments of the Lord. But the lessons of the winter of 1838-1839 teach us that every experience can become a redemptive experience if we remain bonded to our Father in Heaven through that difficulty. These difficult lessons teach us that man’s extremity is God’s opportunity, and if we will be humble and faithful, if we will be believing and not curse God for our problems, He can turn the unfair and inhumane and debilitating prisons of our lives into temples.”

If we will hold on and exercise faith through the Atonement of Jesus Christ He can turn our prisons into "prison-temples" where we can then be directed to His house, the House of the Lord, which are our physical temples here on earth where we can then enter into eternal covenants with the Lord. I rely upon those covenants mightily and regularly. I routinely remind myself that they are mine forever. 

Being a single father is not easy. They are with me almost full time. It is truly one of my "prison-temples" in life. I love my boys dearly, but they drive me crazy. I put them to bed and ponder where I could do better or what I more I could do. Many nights I feel weak and drained physically and spiritually. I wonder how I can go on and keep doing it the next day. I do it because I do not have a choice, but I am buoyed up by the strength of my temple covenants. The knowledge of the sealing covenant that binds me to them, and them to me, keeps me going. Despite another’s choice in life I look back with fondness and know with certainty of the power of those two sealing dates in the temple where we were sealed together as a family. The other week was the 9th anniversary of Isaac’s sealing day. I remember the next day was Fast Sunday where I blessed Isaac. I also bore my testimony that day. Brigham wanted to get up too and share something, but he didn’t know what to say. So on his own he sang the first verse to “I Love to See the Temple.” That testimony and that faith of a 3 year old moved me and is a memory I will always cherish.

I remember the weeks coming up to the date of sealing for both boys. Naturally we invited many friends and family to share in that special day. Many were able to come, but many could not. Some even asked if the date could be pushed back so they could be present. They were kindly told no. I had to wait about 10 months for their adoptions to become finalized. The temple sealings were scheduled to coincide with the adoption finalization. I am not a fatalist, but I did not like my family not sealed together. I wanted those temple covenants made. And I was not going to wait. The feelings and schedules of others were not taken into consideration when I set those dates. The sealing covenant was too important to me, and for us as a family, to wait any more than we had to.

A yearly event in the area that we have attended as a family is “touch-a-truck”. This is a time where kids can come and get in and touch police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, dump trucks, race cars, and many other interesting vehicles. The boys have enjoyed that event over the years. A few years ago we had just attended the event. A few weeks later I had arranged to drop them off to their mother for the weekend. I had planned to go to the temple that Saturday morning so I suggested we meet at the temple for convenience sake. We went early so we could walk around the temple grounds. We stood on the side where the Celestial room is located. I remember them reaching out and touching the wall of the temple. With joy I talked to them about what laid on the other side of that wall. 

Touching a truck was fun and instructive to them. I hope that touching a temple was more instructive and will one day be a source of true joy as they not just touch the outside but allow God to touch them on the inside as they enter and serve.

I was born and raised in Loveland, Colorado. Last August the newly built Loveland Colorado temple held it’s open house. We do not care that the church technically calls it the Fort Collins temple. We Lovelanders call it our own. To think there is a temple in my home town is truly astounding. We planned a family trip back to Colorado for that time so that we could attend the temple open house. 

That week Brigham turned 12 and I ordained him to the Aaronic Priesthood. I had the opportunity a couple of days later to take him down to the Denver temple for his first time performing baptisms for the dead. I am so grateful for that opportunity with Brigham to serve in the temple together. I still harbor some guilt when as a boy I blew off a chance to go to the temple with the youth so that I could attend an extra but unnecessary football workout. I am seeking for my boys to be better then I was and desire to be serving in the temple as often as circumstances allow. Just prior to the dedication of the Loveland temple the youth in the area put on a celebration. The theme of the celebration was titled “A Fortress of Faith.” 

Yes the temple truly is a fortress of faith. Liberty Jail may have been a formidable structure. But it is nothing compared to the spiritual fortress that a temple of God can be to us.

Now, let us get back to Joseph and his time in Liberty Jail. The Prophet received 3 revelations during this period of incarceration. These became sections 121, 122, and 123 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Time does not permit a reading of all the verses from these 3 sections that I would like to highlight. But I would like to read D&C 122:5-9.

5 If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

6 If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine  enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

Elder Holland states,

“No. Joseph was not greater than the Savior, and neither are we. And when we promise to follow the Savior, to walk in His footsteps and be His disciples, we are promising to go where that divine path leads us. And the path of salvation has always led one way or another through Gethsemane. So if the Savior faced such injustices and discouragements, such as persecutions, unrighteousness, and suffering, we cannot expect that we are not going to face some of that if we still intend to call ourselves His true disciples and faithful followers.”

Elder Weatherford Clayton in the April 2017 general conference stated,

And in some other place and in some other time Elder Holland wrote,

I was recently asked what one piece of advice I would give to someone for a happy life. The answer for me is simply “to make and keep covenants.” Our "prison-temples" can point us to the temple to make covenants and they can help keep us there to renew and maintain those covenants. I would like to share a few experiences from my life.

In the early spring of 1995, as a BYU freshman,  I along with about 25 other friends from my dorm floor and ward took the steps to fill out our mission applications and complete our priesthood interviews. They all went in the same night. The calls always came back on the same day a few weeks later. Most everyone in the ward gathered at the mailboxes on that date so the group could open their mission calls together. The entire ward was so excited. That day 25 people received their call and enjoyed a great celebration. Unfortunately there was 1 person who did not. I slunk away quietly retreating to my dorm room. I went the next day anticipating my envelope. Nothing. And then the next day. Nothing. Day after day I went, but still my very distinct envelope was not there. anticipating. To say this put me in a slight downward tailspin would be an understatement. I finally concluded that maybe they just felt like I wasn’t good enough. It’s not like I had prepared well or had truly decided and desired to serve until a couple of months previously. I had my dad call Salt Lake to investigate. It turned out to have truly been lost. It had been found and would be sent quickly to me. But the damage was done to my spirit. Finally, the call came, but I did not feel like I was worthy to open it. I had my sister open it. I asked her to tell me what date I was to report and to confirm I was not going to be called to the Provo Utah mission. With that knowledge in hand I took my call and tucked it away not knowing any further details. Several days later I met with my favorite religion professor to get back a paper I had written. He played a huge role in my conversion that year and someone to this day I have the utmost respect for. His comment back to my on my paper was that I was going to make a fine missionary and I was ready to go. Because of that exchange I finally felt ready and worthy to open my call. I went to my favorite spot. Without any fanfare in a secluded and private spot I opened my call. I was called to serve the Lord and assigned to labor in the California San Fernando mission. 

Earlier this year Elder Nattress, of the Seventy,  was here for our Stake Conference. He asked us to think back to the moment when we knew that we knew. My mind was transported to that secluded solitary spot opening my mission call. That was my moment in time when I knew that I knew. The testimony that had been building in me over the course of my life, and especially that year at BYU, was finally mine. I had earned it. This "prison-temple" experience led me to make covenants with the Lord in the temple as I prepared to depart on my mission.

On my mission one of the bishops, Bishop Brown, of the ward I served in was a hulk of a man – physically and spiritually. He loved section 121 of the D&C. He read and quoted from it often. One Sunday his words literally saved my companionship. He was a man that you just knew that he truly knew. And he lived his life because of that knowledge. He was a man of powerful faith. He often spoke of going to the mountain of the Lord. 

Sometimes this meant his literal attendance at the Los Angeles temple. Other times it meant he went up to his special spot in the mountains. He considered that place a temple-like place for himself. After my mission I often went back to the spot where I opened my mission call, my temple-like place, to pray and ponder. Prayer is good whenever and wherever. So is pondering the gospel. But there is just something more powerful about it when it occurs in the temple. I go to the temple to serve and act on behalf of those deceased brethren I represent. I go to re-commit myself to the covenants I personally made previously. But I also go because I need to be there. I desire and need to be in the celestial room. I want to amplify the power of my prayer when I am in need. So when you can’t get to the actual temple go and find a temple-like place that holds a special place in your heart like it did for Bishop Brown or for myself.

The next experience I want to share happened just over 6 years ago. In relating this story I do not desire to cast blame on anyone. This story is about my reaction, not the cause. Just over 6 years ago my first wife left me, the children, and the church very suddenly. One moment she was here. The next she was not. One Sunday morning I was walking across the back of the chapel before church. Someone stopped me and asked where my wife had been. The person did not know what was going on. They asked in sincerity and with good intentions. But it was the umpteenth time I had been asked. And as more and more asked the turmoil inside of me grew. On that day, in that moment, for the first time, and the only time, I stopped to ask myself what I was doing and why I was continuing to do it. In that moment, at the back of this chapel, I came to a crossroads in my life. Could I just walk away and forget it all? Would I? For a moment I seriously considered it. I hope it has been evidenced by my life since then, and my words today, that I did not give in to those thoughts. That moment in my life was a “prison-temple.” It is a lynch-pin moment in my life. I chose that day to move forward with faith and hold fast to my testimony and covenants, and I have not looked back. My Father in Heaven had not given up on me, nor will He ever. And so I can not and I will not give up on Him.

But that doesn’t mean life has come up roses for me since that time. Just recently I was going through a particular rough patch. I felt alone, confused, and hurt. And I felt like my heartfelt pleadings with God were going unanswered. For weeks I wondered. I will not equate my pain to what Joseph endured in Liberty Jail, but my thoughts were not far from his in how he starts section 121.

1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?

2 How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries?

3 Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?

Then one night the answer came quite unexpectedly. I was reading in a book called “21 Days Closer to Christ” by Emily Freeman. In one of the sections she quotes Moroni 7:26.

26 And after that he came men also were saved by faith in his name; and by faith, they become the sons of God. And as surely as Christ liveth he spake these words unto our fathers, saying: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you.

I knew that I had done these things. I asked God. I asked for something good. I exercised faith. What I truly wanted and what I needed was to feel heard and loved by God. The words from 2 Nephi 1:15 had been in my heart.

15 But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.

I had pleaded with the Lord to receive that. I wanted to be encircled in the arms of His love. And on that night, after weeks of much prayer and pondering, the Lord answered me in the exact way I needed. A friend had recently commented to me that what she needed most was just a simple hug in life. She needed the physical touch from someone to know she was cared for. I related to her this experience. And although no actual physical being hugged me, the embrace I felt that night from the Spirit was just as tangible, powerful, and tender as a hug from any friend. This experience made me think of one of my favorite Michael McLean songs. I will spare you singing the few lines I wanted to quote from the chorus. The song is “Which Part is Mine.”

Did you hear me?
I can feel you near me.
It is the answer
that I've been longing for;
just to know you hear me,
and to feel you near me.
It's all the answer
that I've been longing for.

I was so grateful to feel that the heavens were not shut to me. It reminded me of an article about Michael McLean I read last fall. It was a story I did not know about Michael McLean. It was about his 9 year crisis of faith. I mean this is Michael McLean. If there was a Mount Rushmore of LDS artists he would be on it. 

http://www.ldsliving.com/Michael-McLean-Opens-Up-About-His-9-Year-Faith-Crisis-and-How-He-Found-His-Testimony-Again/s/83606

McLean was struggling with his faith. He felt like I did in that God was not hearing him.  But in time he too received the answers he so sought. Taking direct parts of the article it reads,

"McLean realized that God had sent the answers to the questions that had plagued him for nine years in the lyrics to the songs he had just written. “The answers were perfect,” he says. “But even more incredible to me than their perfection was that they came to me in a language only I would understand. It was so personal. He sent songs to the songwriter.” He affirms, “You’ll know when God answers you because it will be perfect and personal in every way.” Am I willing to keep the promises I’ve made to God even when I feel nothing in response to my deepest yearnings? In the most difficult trial of my faith journey, would I hold on to faith or give in to despair?” “I decided to recommit,” he says. “I’d wait on the Lord and look for answers that satisfied both my heart and mind. I’d attend church and not escape to the parking lot when I’d hear things that broke my heart or just made me feel like I was not where I truly belonged. I’d show up and shut up and listen and wait.” He would listen and wait for nine years. 

Then something suddenly changed. “My father suffered from Alzheimer’s, so when he was asked to give a 17-minute talk at an Easter sacrament meeting, I was nervous he would go a little bit off track. In fact, I stood close by so I could come up and rescue him,” McLean recalls. “Every scripture, every reference, was about God the Father’s greatness, wisdom, and intelligence. And I was getting embarrassed because it was Easter Sunday, and he wasn’t talking about Jesus.”

But then, with two minutes left, McLean’s father surprised him by posing a series of profound questions. “My father said, ‘Isn’t it interesting that the Greatest Intelligence in the Universe abandoned His Son at the most pivotal moment in His plan? Could it be that it was at this moment that the Greatest Intelligence of All bore witness to the universe that He had put His faith in Jesus? That He knew Jesus would choose Him no matter what? And could it be that when you think He has abandoned you that He is actually saying, ‘I have faith you will choose me even when I’m not there’?” And that is exactly how McLean overcame his faith crisis—by choosing God even when he felt abandoned by Him.

Michael McLean lived in his spiritual prison for 9 years before he transformed it into his "prison-temple". I for one am glad he is back. I have a new fondness and appreciation for his music. We are not alone, and we never will be if we will allow the Lord into our hearts. I know that He hears us. And that He is near us. From his address Elder Holland stated,

“We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. However heavy our load might be, it would be a lot heavier if the Savior had not gone that way before us an carried that burden with us and for us. Remember the these first two truths taught to Joseph in that prison-temple. First, God has not forgotten you, and second, the Savior has been where you have been, allowing Him to provide for your deliverance and your comfort.”

Although I was discouraged I know that God heard and hears my prayers. Maybe when we think of the steps listed in Moroni 7:26 we need to take we also need to add in the step of patience. Elder D. Todd Christofferson wrote,

"I realize that we can't dictate to God when, where, or how He will speak to us. We just have to be open to receive what He disposes, when He disposes it. It comes according to His will."

To close out section 123 Joseph wrote in verse 17,

17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

Elder Holland stated that at the time Joseph wrote D&C 123 he did not know when or if he would ever be released from Liberty Jail. But Joseph did not give up his faith or his hope. He trusted in his God. He waited patiently for the answers to come. Just like Michael McLean had to. Just like I had to. And just like you will have to.

Back in the October 2015 general conference Elder Durrant taught us and challenged us to “ponderize” the scriptures. I chose one of my favorite scriptures, D&C 101:16, to begin with.

16 Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

I wrote it down on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror. It is still there. I see it every day. I included a blank before the word Zion so that I could, as Nephi instructs of us to, liken the scriptures to ourselves. So when I have a struggle with someone or something I go to this verse and I read it and insert that person or thing into the blank.

So after all of the many promptings and spiritual hugs and insights I’ve gained has life finally been A OK? Of course not. And that is alright. A good friend recently sent the following text to me. 

“Those days happen to all of us. They are not easy. But you’ve had worse, right? That’s what I tell myself. My track record for making it through crappy days is 100%.”

A former missionary who served in this ward, the current Samantha Hopkins, recently wrote in a Facebook post the following about the Bountiful temple.

With her permission I quote what she wrote. 

“I had a little epiphany today while admiring the temple. A year ago it was hit by lightning. Nothing in this world is exempt from it's current fallen state. The temple is going through some remodeling, and yet it's functioning. People are still attending, it's still the House of The Lord, it has not lost it's value. We of course will have moments when we are hit by our own "lightning"-Whatever trial it may be. However this does not mean we lose our value, our ability to move forward, or our ability to rise above whatever trial we may be going through. Most importantly, just as the temple is still The House Of The Lord, we are still children of God. This may mean going through our own remodeling phase, but that's what this life is all about- changing for the better. Although it's a hard thing to go through, there is beauty to be found in the process.”

What talk would be complete if it did not come with some word defined by the dictionary. I really did need to look up the word sojourn. Webster’s defines it as a temporary stay. The spiritual prisons we find ourselves in can be just a sojourn on our way to them becoming prison-temples leading us to the true temple. 

As I mentioned previously the height of the ceiling in Liberty Jail was not tall enough for Joseph to stand completely up in. But we know that he was standing up on the inside. In his April 2017 General Conference address Elder Sabin of the Seventy spoke about the need for us to stand up on the inside. He encouraged us to be "all in." A good friend and business associate recently blogged about her desire to "be intentional" in her life. As I read what how she described this goal I realized how it fit in with the words from Elder Sabin. He stated,

            "When we are fully committed and “all in,” heaven shakes for our good. When we are lukewarm               or only partially committed, we lose out on some of heaven’s choicest blessings. [If] We don’t                 take the time to sincerely pray, study, and earnestly live the gospel each day; not only will the                 fire go out, but we will be unprotected and grow spiritually cold. When we are complacent with               our covenants, we are complicit with the consequences."

Our scriptural examples of men who were cast into imprison were "all in" and always "stood up on the inside." So to with Joseph Smith while incarcerated in Liberty Jail. And so I seek to follow their examples. Some of the choicest blessings that our Heavenly Father seeks to give to us are the covenants we make in His temples. I do not want to lose out on those. Nor can we become complacent once we enter into those covenants. I want to be very intentional with the Lord and my children in my desires and actions as it pertains to the temple. 

In closing I leave you with the words of Nephi, a part of his psalm, from 2 Nephi 4.

33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

My "prison-temple" experiences have led me to make temple covenants. My temple covenants make it possible for me to withstand and hold fast during "prison-temple" experiences. Our earthly temples stand strong and are a fortress of the Church's faith because of the physical and spiritual cornerstones in which they are built upon. The temple can be our rock of righteousness. Our covenants can truly wrap us in the robes of his righteousness. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Extreme Weight Loss Registration

So as I posted yesterday my registration is in for Extreme Weight Loss Season 6 with Chris and Heidi Powell.

The first step in the process was to fill out an online pre-registration form. The three main components of the form was to describe why I want to lose weight, my journey with weight, and a two minute video.

I'm not sure if anything is going to happen. It would be nice to at least make it ahead in the selection process. But just doing the registration has helped stretch me out of my comfort zone and motivate me to push a little harder.

I suppose more so for my own record and to continue my courage I shall share what I submitted.

Why do you want to lose the weight?

There are many reasons why I want to lose this weight. It would be hard to rank the reasons because at one time or another they could each be seen as the most important to me. A list of a few of the more important ones would be so . . .

·         My wife will have a greater amount of respect for me.

·         My wife will find me more desirable and our physical intimacy can be better.

·         I can be a better example to my wife and children who have their own weight / body issues.

·         I can play and teach my kids sports as my dad did with me while I grew up.

·         I can fit into the rides at Disney with my kids so I don’t disappoint them by not being able to go because I don’t fit.

·         My feet won’t hurt all of the time having to support the extreme weight.

·         I can shop for clothes at a normal store instead of the Big and Tall store.

·         I can dress better for my wife and not have to wear such huge shirts.

·         I can fit comfortably in a booth at a restaurant instead of having to ask for a table with chairs.

·         I can participate in physical activities outdoors with my wife.

·         I can compete in sports (football, basketball and softball) that I loved playing while growing up.

·         I don’t have to go in for weight loss surgery like other family members have done.

·         I can be around to see my children raise their children.

·         I can enjoy a good quality of life during old age.

·         I can learn to transform my mind, body, and heart and be the man I want to be.

I want to be half the man I am on the outside to become twice the man I am on the inside.

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Tell us a little about your weight gain.

I was very active growing up playing sports or just outside with friends. In high school I was active in athletics and spent time daily in the weight room. I attempted to walk on the BYU football team as a college freshman. After my first year of college I left for two years to serve as a missionary for my church. I rode a bike and walked a lot every day which kept me in good shape. Upon arriving home from my missionary service I re-entered college but without the opportunity to try again to play football. I kept active but it was nowhere near a level I had been at for the past seven years. A couple of years later I got married and graduated college. Life began to be consumed with working full time and spending leisure time with my wife watching television. Then one son came and life got even busier. I wasn’t serious at regularly working out and my love of food and television increased. A few more years passed and another son came along. Then one day I had a checkup with the doctor. I weighed in at 372 pounds. I went from a 225 pound college student with some definite strength and muscle tone to having added almost 150 pounds over the course of 13 years. There was never a time of a significant weight gain. It just came on gradually. I guess that works out to be about one single pound gained per month. After that doctor visit I went and joined a gym.

Over the next two years I worked out regularly at the gym and began being in control of my food consumption. During this time my wife, who was also very overweight, elected to have gastric bypass surgery. Over the course of her first year after surgery she lost almost half her body weight. I had worked my way down to 315 pounds (a loss of almost 60 pounds). I was still overweight, but I was proud of the work I put in and the progress I had made. I felt good about my body and being in my own skin. Shortly thereafter my wife said she wanted a divorce. Many people attributed her decision to her weight loss and the attention she began to get from others. I don’t know if that was ever part of it. I never asked.

I remained the children’s primary parent. I was suddenly a full-time single father to two young boys who needed to be supported and raised. There was not money or time for my gym membership. And the drive that had fueled my weight loss fell once again. The weight began to creep on. Over the course of the next year I had gotten back up to over 350 pounds. During this time however I met my current wife and after several months of courtship we became engaged. I wanted to look good for the wedding so for the next 8 months I worked hard to get my weight back down. At the time of our wedding in June 2012 I was down to 310. I was still overweight but I was happy with the progress I had made. I looked good in my tux. I thought I was well on my way to hitting that first milestone of getting under 300.

That magic threshold of 300 pounds was not meant to be breached for me unfortunately. The stress of starting a new job and trying to blend my family together became overwhelming. Time and money were at a premium. Again the drive to work out shrank. Emotions were high and fragile. The need to sooth the stress of life sparked the coping methods of food and television. This time it was not a gradual ascent upwards in weight. It was quick and easy. For the past year I have been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds. I am stuck at this current weight range of 365 to 375.

Two of my efforts to help me in my journey has been to write on my blog and begin a Facebook support team. So most of my entries over the past eight months have been about trying to tie my transformation of my body into the larger aspect of transforming my whole self in the other ways I need to improve on. The Facebook group I created is called “Healthy Victories”. It is group for friends to support one another as we go through our own individual journeys. A lot of the posts are about the non-scale victories that we are achieving. I hope that we can all celebrate the journey and not wait until the end. Links to my blog and this Facebook group are what I used in my registration.

I want to be chosen for Extreme Weight Loss Season 6 to finally put down my excuses, admit that I need professional help, and then do whatever is asked of me by Chris.

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And then finally the video. I spent over a week fine tuning the script for my video for content and length to get it just perfect. I only had two minutes which goes by so quick. In the end I decided to scrap my written script and go with the 2nd take I made in the car one morning after pulling into work. I must have made at least a dozen videos trying to get it just right. In the end I went with the one that came from my heart.

 

(Here is the script that I had been trying to make work. I think it is solid, but it just didn't translate out into being right for the actual video.)

Hi. My name is Robert Choate and I am 38 years old. I am approximately 6 foot 1 and weigh 373 pounds. I live in Ypsilanti, MI and work for the University of Michigan. I am married and have two adopted sons from my first marriage. My current wife is overweight and so is my oldest son. Part of my weight issues, and my unsuccessful attempts at losing weight, is due to the stress of blending my family together. I eat poorly and I overeat from the emotional toll as a way to cope. I want to set an example for my family but I know that I need to change first. I need to be the leader guiding us as we improve our bodies, emotions, and relationships.

Growing up I was very active in sports. I still consider myself an athlete.  I want to do the things I used to do, but it’s hard to do that at my weight. And now as my boys get older they are beginning to participate in sports. I want to be out playing with them, helping them, and passing on my experience. I want my wife and me to be more physically capable of doing activities outdoors too.

Chris, I need you to pick me. I want you to train and coach me to help me have the transformation of my life. I desire it. I need a transformation not just of my body and weight, but of mind and heart. I have tried and tried on my own many times and in many ways. I’ve had successes in the past, but then I falter and have to start over.  I keep falling miserably short. But I know I have not failed yet because I have not given up on myself. I have the ability to do this. I have the knowledge in my head. I know what to do, but I need someone to guide me to help put it all together. I will give you all that I have. I want you to help me break through my own perceived physical limits.  Chris, I need you to help me be half the man I am on the outside so I can become twice the man I know I can be on the inside. My family deserves that man. Picking me will not just save my life, but it will help save my marriage and family.

Chris, I humbly ask that you pick me for the transformation of my life. I need this opportunity. My family needs this chance. We need you Chris.