Make a Promise . . . Keep a Promise

(So this post got written awhile back but somehow slipped through the cracks of my life and didn't get posted.)

I was out on my early morning jog / walk this morning thinking about the promises I am trying to make and keep. I had lots of things swirling in my head about the changes I am trying to make. So naturally these thoughts got me thinking about one of my favorite television shows of all time - Married With Children. It's the episode where Al has a 20-year old overdue library book.

Al had run-ins with this librarian as a kid. At the beginning of the episode it shows Al as a kid promising a friend he would take her sugar container off her desk and pour it into her gas tank. At about the 7:30 mark of the video clip the librarian tells Al,

     "You could've made something of your life if you had followed through on something just once.   As I always told you, 'make a promise, keep a promise'. And if you did that just once it might just make you a winner."

Al of course thanks her and says that he is going to start keeping his promises as he takes the sugar container off of her desk.

These promises we make to ourselves are not little things. And they shouldn't be hard to keep. But they are. And that holds true for lots of areas in our lives. I can find application there in all the areas of what this blog is about now - improving ME through strengthening my relationship with God, my financial well being, and my physical health.

Jenny likes to tell me that when I am on, I am ON. But when I fall, I really FALL. This past week or so I fell BIG. A week and a half ago I went to Utah for a few days to attend the funeral of my Aunt Carla and to support my mother. It was a nice time and I am glad I was able to go. But it did throw me off my routine in terms of eating and working out. Then I got home and it was like I had just lost my mojo. I was in a funk and couldn't shake myself out of it. And as each day passed with bad eating and no workouts the next day became that much easier to blow off. And it happened all week long. The self loathing and self-doubt began to creep in. In my mind my FALL was becoming to be my FAIL.

Thankfully I didn't give into those thoughts and I started Monday off right with a good run and ate well all day. And the same goes for today. I had a plan for my Monday and I stuck to my plan. My big WIN yesterday was not giving into the temptation of free Jimmy John subs in the afternoon. (The free work food is a huge temptation for me. It's FREE and it's always something DELICIOUS.) I was on a low carb day and I had my eating mapped out. Jimmy Johns simply wasn't on the plans. So I thanked my co-worker for telling me and continued sitting at my desk. I didn't even go by and see the temptation. Actually there was ZERO temptation. I had already made up my mind for the day.

That got me to thinking about many lessons I have heard at church over the years about deciding now to keep the commandments. For example I have ZERO temptation to smoke a cigarette or have a drink of alcohol. I chose a long time ago that I would not do those things. So if the opportunity ever presented itself there would be no decision to be made. The decision was made long ago.

And so that can be applied to other things. If I can get myself to the point of deciding that I am not going to go into further debt over things I can't afford then I should be able to do that. (Of course I write this after just purchasing a nice used vehicle this past weekend.)

So let us each day, each week, each month "make a promise; keep a promise" to us and to those we put into our circle of support. And let us make covenants with our Heavenly Father and then keep those covenants. Because ultimately that is what matters and will have lasting impact and transformation on our life - making and keeping covenants.

5K

This post is a long over due. It should have been done like August 10th but I think I was still recovering that day. Because the day before I ran my first 5K.

I remember long ago during high school and it would be the start of the school year. That meant it was football season. It also meant that it was cross country season. I would see these scrawny kids out there running around the neighborhood and wonder to myself WHY? Why are they paying money to be in a sport to just run? Why run a long distance in the first place? I still can't answer that question fully but I am a little closer now after I can say that I recently completed my first 5K.

I felt like I needed a challenge. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I needed something for me to measure where I was at. So I signed up for the Saline Summerfest 5K. And I knew if I signed up for it and forked over my own money for the registration that I would be motivated to train for it.

Training required that I actually get outdoors and run / jog / walk. Due to my feet (plantar fasciitis) it has been painful to get out and run. I can do it on the treadmill but that is far different than outside on the concrete, asphalt, gravel etc. So I began to go for between 2 to 3 miles in the morning around the neighborhood. It was definitely a different experience doing it that way instead of the "comfort" of my treadmill. On the treadmill I have the distraction of watching the T.V. or the iPad. Outside I just had the thoughts in my head to distract me / motivate me / make me question my sanity. Two days before the race I went to the local track for a run. I started off at a jog and somehow kept willing myself to keep going and not stopping to walk. Somehow I managed to jog the entire 3.1 miles and I did it in 45 minutes. Those two things were my soft goals I had in my head for the race - jog the entire thing and do it under 45 minutes (I actually wanted 43).

My race bib. I still have it after a month. Maybe I should frame it.

 

Since I had such a successful run two days before, and being the competitive guy I am, I got myself as close to the starting line as I could. But being there kind of forced me into starting off faster than I would have liked. All morning long I kept telling myself to "run my race". That first quarter mile killed me and really set me back. This picture taken by the race volunteers makes me look like I am running so slowly. I settled into a nice pattern of jog for a couple of minutes and then walk for 30 seconds. One of the things that I did not adequately plan for was how wind and slight hills were going to affect how it went. Those were two things I had not dealt with on my previous training runs. That kind of threw me off my focus. All along I felt I was not doing very well and the time seemed to go on forever. I thought for sure I would not be happy with my finishing time. But as I neared the finish line I glanced at the clock and it said 41:50. I was in a state of shock and I sprinted as fast as I could through the line to finish at 42 minutes.

 

Official video of me finishing!!!

 

For awhile I was kind of in disbelief that I actually finished in 42 minutes. I didn't hit my goal of jogging the entire thing, but I will take the time. I finished last in my age group and in the bottom 10% of males. But I ran the race and I finished the race so I was happy.



I got me a cool medal for finishing. It now hangs on my wall at work.



 

It was a good day overall. It was hard but it was worth it. Since then I've really slacked off on the running. I had signed up for another race but then the boy's first day of football practice got scheduled for the day of the race. The timing of the two events was too close so I had to cancel running in that race. I need to get back into the swing of things and find me another race to prepare for. 

Hold On

Just HOLD ON!!!! That is the starting theme to a new book I began to read this past weekend. That is the message I needed this weekend as I deal with LIFE.

I suppose I could just categorize the past month as a slow, prolonged descent. It hasn't been a complete FALL and I don't say I have FAILED anymore. But am I where I was a month ago? NO! Am I happy with where I am now? Absolutely NOT! Am I ready to try again? I sure hope so.

And my first order of business will be to just HOLD ON! And reclaim my I. In the past I've spoken about what I need I have said I might just need to be selfish for a time. From my reading I see that I need to shift that thinking to not being SELFISH but SELF-CENTERED.

Self-Centered: To be focused on the development of one's self, that truest, most principled  within myself. To be centered on taking full responsibility for my actions and control my emotional reactions.

So now that I am firmly holding on the next step is to reclaim my I. The first "I" that I need to get back is my personal "Integrity". The book says "reliance on personal integrity in the midst of constant change is the foundation for a deep, lasting ______." That blank can be anything in life. It starts with "I". In my life I get to make the choices for me. No one else. And my choices can't be determined by anyone else. (This is where I falter constantly. I react to others more than acting on my own.) I am capable. And if I am capable of holding on to my integrity than I can begin to enact lasting change into my life.

And of course this brings me back to the beginning of Chris Powell's book about the power of making and keeping promises. And back to the Savior and His plan for us to make and keep covenants. This truly is the essence of growth during our lifetimes. We must HOLD ON and reclaim our INTEGRITY so that we can make and keep promises and covenants.

At first glance of the picture above which end of the rope did you envision holding? Maybe one day I can look back at this picture and my perspective of the picture will switch.

Day 21: Thou Shalt . . .

The other night I was talking with my bishop, the eccliastical leader of our local congregation. We were discussing the topic of why people don't react very well to situations encountered. And the situations don't even need to be bad things. Most of the time they occur as just part of normal life. The bishop expressed that often people come into the situation in one, or a combination, of five states.

     H - hungry

     A - angry

     L - lonely

     T - tired

     S - stressed

As he talked I knew it to be true because this described my precious little son Isaac to a "T". And so what it does is we allow these things to affect us and it HALTS our progress in life. And if Isaac's behavior is any indication of other's reactions it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to extract ourselves from.

We allow ourselves to get caught in this cycle of lies. We blame being in a state of one of these five things to excuse our own bad behavior. I am guilty of letting all 5 control my actions - whether it be in the area of my physical health, my financial well-being, or my personal spirituality.

We are HUNGRY so we go pig out on our favorite junk food. And we don't care.

We are ANGRY so we go eat anything we can get our hands on. And we don't care.

We are LONELY so we take comfort in a big plate of food. And we don't care.

We are TIRED so we don't put forth the effort to prepare a well-balanced meal. And we don't care.

We are STRESSED so we again take comfort in food, or just ignore it. And we don't care.

And this goes for other areas of life too. We justify, or just don't care, the debts we incur because spending money on things we don't need or even truly want helps us to feel better or so we think.

The problem is NOT that we are going through one of these emotions. It is the fact that we have given our will over to someone or something to comfort us. The devil truly wants us to feel these emotions and have them control. He leads us and binds us slowly and surely down to hell. And it is a slow descent downward. It is subtle. Only when it is quick is it really painful. And the devil is very cunning and good at his job.

I look back on my past and wonder to myself what I have to show for all my debt and/or my large belly? I can't look back fondly on that dream vacation I took or even in the garage on a nice car. I've never eaten at Ruth's Chris steakhouse or indulged on truly fine, expensive food. What I can look back on is a ton of small, inconsequential things that I have bought or ate. In the moment not one single purchase or item consumed has been the giant blow. But when they get added up together they all certainly do matter. And most of the time it all occurred because I did not HALT(S) myself. And so we need to change our thinking. We can be like this instead.

I am HUNGRY so I will go fuel my body with real food to satisfy myself.

I am ANGRY so I will go have a good workout and build some good endorphins.

I am LONELY so I will go find someone to play a game with. (Or go workout because obviously I have the time.)

I am TIRED so I will give my body and soul a little extra rest. (I hardly ever do this and I need to.)

I am STRESSED so I will take a moment and do some deep breathing and then go exercise.

I can remember some really good workouts in the past when I have felt these emotions. One of the best ones was right after I had dropped the boys off at their mothers for a weekend. This was soon after she had left and one of the first times they had been gone for me. I went straight to the gym and I killed my workout. I didn't bother watching t.v. while going on the treadmill. I just ran (ok jogged) while looking at my reflection in the window. My eyes were on the prize that night. Afterwards I felt so accomplished. I felt ready I could do anything.

I am going to stop giving myself over to someone else (especially that guy in red). I truly don't like guys in red. (Red teams truly are of the devil.) I am not going to let the struggles of life or with others take control of what I do with my body or my wallet or my soul. I am not perfect at it all yet. I still struggle but I am taking back my life one choice at a time. Everytime I HALT my reactions and pick a better option I inch closer to my goals.

Day 14: Having a Total Makeover

So I previously wrote how I've told Jenny that if we are going to do something we need to go big.

"Go big or go home."

 

Often in the past I have bit off more than I can chew at one time. I bombard myself (and my family) with too many obligations, too many endeavors, too many interests, etc. I am that way at work. My preference for multi-tasking has me stretched so thin that it sometimes makes me feel like I am at a standstill on any one project. Ironic how being stretched thin (which is what I want in this weight loss endeavor) actually thwarts our progress - whether that be at work, weight loss, family quality - and we end up no where near our desired goals.

 

But this time I think it is different. I want to be different. I need a whole new perspective on life. I have a focus. And this journey is not just about shedding the pounds. It is about the transformation of my LIFE!!!

I had to go in to the doctor this past week to have my ear checked out. I thought I might have an ear infection. I asked the doctor, "What am I? 5?" when I was saying it felt like it might be infected. It turned out to be nothing but I used the chance to get some other stuff discussed. I wanted to get a new prescription to help with my acne. And of course we talked about my weight since it was much higher than it was last year when I went in. I told her about what I was doing with my renewed focus on my weight but that I wanted a whole makeover. I wanted to help improve the look of my face. I said how I was being more diligent with flossing to help improve my teeth. I want to look better and so I need to focus on all areas where I can do that, not just with my weight. So hopefully the acne stuff and flossing will help take that into account.


But this talk about a whole transformation got me thinking about the name of Chris Powell's show. It has the work MAKEOVER in the title. That, and my pathetic checkbook, made me also think about this that I wanted to start reading again.

And so I dug this book out of my boxes to begin reading. I wanted to re-read it because I wanted to improve my financial outlook. I need a money makeover. But it really helped me tie it in to the whole concept of transforming my life. My entire life. And so I started to read. And I read and received so many thoughts about how everything Dave Ramsey was telling me could be tied exactly into what Chris Powell is telling me and exactly what I hear from Latter-day Prophets and other church leaders. The parallels that can be drawn between becoming spiritually, physically, and financially FIT is very easy and abundant.

Dave said that at his low point he looked himself in the mirror and said, "NEVER AGAIN!"
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a recent General Conference address mentioned a simple way to overcome a problem. He simply said "Stop it!" I need to put down the ice cream and pick up a weight. I need to stop using credit to stop buying things I can't afford. I need to put down my sin and choose the right. And we must have the moment of clarity with our self in the mirror and say "NEVER AGAIN!"

Whatever it is in life that we need to change we need to take a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror. I've heard it said that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. We need to look into our eyes and see what is in us deep down. We need to open our eyes and be honest with our circumstance, cast off the shadows, and choose not to deceive yourself. If you are in debt and financial ruin admit that to yourself and change your future. If you are overweight and unhealthy then tell yourself and commit to making a change. If you are burdened with sin then cast it off and repent. I am guilty of all three. There is a way to make us over. And the more I read in a 3rd book I'm currently reading the key to all of this change is through the Master Jesus Christ. He is our Savior. But more important He is my Savior. And I can come to Him. What I need is healing from His hands. I need it in all 3 phases. And I know that as I come to him and ask Him in humility I can become one with Him and overcome the troubles. He is who will make me over.

So I know there will definitely be more parallels and discussion on this 3-headed topic about recovering from debt, obesity, and sin and embrace a whole new way of thinking and eventually LIFE. I am taking back MY LIFE. I close with a couple of quotes from Dave Ramsey which apply to all 3 topics.

'If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.'

"I was sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Day 11: Teammates

When someone decides to join the church they are welcomed into a new "family" who are there to love and support the person. This is a needed component of the conversion process. It truly is outside of the actual conversion and we don't want people to become converted because of someone else. The conversion is spiritual, but the socializing of a convert into the ward is necessary. On the flip side to this is that a convert may find it necessary to leave relationships behind with family and friends. Often enough a convert's progress is thwarted because he or she can't let go of people from their past who cause the person to stumble in their progression. Maybe it is done intentionally. Often it is done unintentionally. Of course this isn't to say that all past relationships must be severed. But if a convert is swaying in their commitment then it does become necessary to make some required changes in their relationships.

And so it is with a person's weight loss journey. This is Chris Powell's 4th secret in becoming united. I need to surround myself with people who will uplift, support, and strengthen me. They will be there to help prevent me from falling, and if I do, catch me when I do and lift be back up. I got a lot of love and support on Facebook about my "coming out" to the world about my struggles and my desires to change my life around. I have been thinking about purchasing an activity tracker for awhile now and wanted to get friend's experiences with the various ones. So I made a follow-up post asking about that. Again I got a lot of good comments. Some of these "friends" I hadn't heard (or better put "liked" or "commented") on anything from me in awhile if ever which was surprising and refreshing. Later as I was surfing around Facebook I thought it would be nice if there was a group page to bring "my team" together where we could all learn and support one another. So I started my very first Facebook group. I called it "Healthy Victories". In invited about 25 people to join to get it started. I hope that it can go somewhere and be a place for me and others to post about our journeys, our struggles, our triumphs. And it was a way for me to put myself out there and demonstrate some vulnerability, humility, and courage.

I found these two memes to start up the page with. A victory is a victory no matter how small or big. A victory is not always a number. A victory for me today was resisting the free pizza they had at the gym. Opening up like this is a victory for me. And with each small victory I am a little bit stronger. I am one step further on my journey. And that should be celebrated!!!!

********************************************************************************

Today was very successful. I promised myself that I would do the stairs at work twice (its 3 flights) and take a walk during my lunch break. And I did that. Before work I did my 6 week program of push-ups and crunches, and my 9 minute mini mission. After work I had a good workout at the gym doing lower body exercises in addition to some cardio.

I also had an excellent eating day. A juice this morning made from spinach, blueberries, and pineapple. Morning snack of a protein shake. Lean Cuisine for lunch along with raspberries and Greek yogurt. My afternoon snack was tuna, string cheese, and veggies. My dinner was something new that I tried from Chris Powell. Here is the recipe.

10 ounces of ground turkey
1 egg
1/4 cup of bread crumbs
crushed garlic
Italian seasoning
6 teaspoons of parmesan cheese
4 tablespoons of salsa

Just combine the first 5 ingredients along with 1/3 of the parmesan cheese. Form into 2 small or 1 giant patty. Coat a sauté pan with cooking spray and brown both sides until its cooked through. Top with the remaining parmesan cheese and salsa. Makes 2 servings. Per serving it was about:

342 calories     11 carbs     16 fat     35 protein     5 sugar

It was delicious and very filling. I will be having that again. I paired it up with my spinach salad. Great dinner.

Day 10: Falling or Failing

Well it has been over a week now since I re-started this journey and trying to chronicle it through this blog. There have been some positives. And there have been some set-backs. First for the positives:

1. Went to the gym 4 times and did the Body for Life workout in full.
2. Did all 6 days of my 6 week program. I did miss a day but made it up the next day.
3. Did 3 days out of 5 of Chris Powell's 9 minute missions.
4. Drank at least 17 cups of water on three of the days.
5. Only had one day of drinking soda and I did limit myself.
6. Went to bed earlier than I normally do.
7. Went to the pool twice with the kids.
8. Logged most of my food.
9. Tried to work in more fresh fruits and veggies into my daily food intake.
10. There were days when I set promises to myself and I kept my promises.
11. I didn't buy soda or dessert for our holiday bbq.

Now for the negatives:

1. Missed 2 days at the gym. One was on a holiday and they had shortened hours. The other day I did go after work, but forgot to bring my gym bag.
2. And on that night instead of going back out to the gym I laid around and did nothing until I forced myself to leave the house to run a couple errands. One of those was to the store to pick some stuff up for the 4th of July bbq our family was going to have. In addition to that I picked me up a Edward's Salted Caramel pie and a loaf of garlic bread which was on sale. I scarfed down the bread and half the pie that night. The other half I had the next morning for breakfast.
3. Didn't go out and do something with my kids like go to the track or take a walk around the neighborhood.
4. Indulged in free work food (not too bad but I shouldn't have had any). Darn bagels.
5. Did not follow the carb cycling. I wasn't planning on it but I should have.

Did I fall? YES. Especially with #2 for the negatives. At least I had more positives than negatives. For #2 I seriously sat there all night long feeling like one of those cartoons with the good and bad angel on my shoulders - one saying get up and get to the gym and the other saying get up and get that pie. The pie was good. Too good actually because it was so rich to have eaten as much as I did. But I did not FAIL. As long as I pick myself up and try to keep going then I do not fail. I only fail if I quit. And I am tired of quitting on myself.

Chris Powell talks about 3 steps in this 3rd secret of falling without failing. They are:

1. Courage to confess.
2. Reach down and reassess.
3. Rise up and recommit.

Does this sound like other steps we have to take in the gospel of Jesus Christ? It fits right in, albeit in a slightly different order, with how the other two secrets Chris shares about believing and making promises. In the gospel we fail when we do not repent. We all fall in life. None of us is without sin. We have all fallen short of perfection and the glory of God. And so He gave us the miracle of repentance. We can overcome the falls we endure. And so He has given us steps to take.

 

When I sin I need to recognize my mistake, I need to feel bad about it, I need to confess it, I need to make amends and change, and I need to not do it again. And so it is on this journey. I messed up on Wednesday night. I sinned against myself. And I kept on it Thursday morning. But I then tried to right the ship. I had a good day eating after that and I had a good workout at the gym after work and I made up for missing my exercises from my 6 week program as well.

 

Today I could have fallen again. It was a hard day. I wanted to fall. I even entertained some thoughts of just failing. But a good friend told me not to sabotage myself. So I held firm. It wasn't a great day but it wasn't what I thought about doing either so I will chalk it up as a win.

 

And tonight before writing this blog post I did as Chris suggested. I declared my issues and attempts on Facebook. I point blank wrote:

 

 

After giving it some thought for a few days I have decided to do it. Its not like you don't know. But this is me working towards taking back my life and being in control. I am overweight. By a lot. I have a eating problem. I eat too much. I... don't eat the right stuff. And I emotionally eat. Plus I have a laziness problem and don't workout as I should. But I am trying to change my life. It is going to be a brutal and hard process. I fall every day. I take a couple of steps forward and stumble backwards. But I am going to keep going. To help me in this I have re-started my blog to chronicle my journey and relate it all to what I actually do know - the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am writing this for me but if you ever want to stop by you are more than welcome.

 

Who knows if anyone will actually stop by and read my blog. It doesn't matter. This time this journey is for me. And tomorrow is the start to a new week. New challenges to overcome. The challenges are just obstacles that will just make me stronger as I blow by them and put them in my rear view mirror.



Day 6: A Matter of the Heart

Last week I received the scary news that my sister-in-law Jennifer experienced a heart attack. I still consider her family to me. I have always been close to her and her family. I really couldn't believe the news because she is just only a year or so older than me. I'm not sure what caused the heart attack to occur. Thankfully she received quick medical attention and is now home. I figure she has a long road of recovery ahead of her as she works to heal and combat the problems that led to this.

This scare got me thinking about me. In some ways I am in worse health than she is due to my weight. I don't eat the best. What if I had a heart attack? What if I didn't make it? What would happen to my family - to Jenny? to my two boys? Thankfully, despite my high weight the last time I was at the doctor my vitals checked out good - blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. But despite those good numbers I need to lose the weight to help take the burden off my heart physically. And I can do that easier as I work to change my heart spiritually in this process.

This journey that I am on as I see it has three components: mental, physical, and spiritual. All three are needed and important. But maybe the most important one is the spiritual. I am equating spiritual here to the heart. This is a heart felt and driven journey. The other two aspects I am further along with. I know what to do and how to do it. I am not an expert but I have read books. I have gone through the process. And I can do the physical. I know how and what to do at the gym. I am wishing I could back in time to my freshman year at BYU. where I had the opportunity to train in the athlete's weight room and had access to their program. At that point in life was probably the high point of my mental, physical, and spiritual abilities. I went to the gym and just killed the workouts. I was a machine. I pushed myself - HARD. I was there each day. I did the exercises right next to guys who would later go on and star at BYU and play in the NFL.

This journey, transformation, can't be just about now. It can't just be about losing some (ok a lot of) weight. It has to be a whole life transformation FOR LIFE. That got me thinking of another book I have read in the past that I found useful.

 

 

Chris Powell has a good setup in his book for what he calls 9 minute mini missions. Basic exercise you can do at home (or anywhere) using your own bodyweight. No excuse to not find 9 minutes a day to those. I like this book's author's workout plan. I printed me off several copies of his weight lifting routine to take with me to the gym this week. But I discovered this week there is an app for the Body for Life program that I downloaded to my phone. So now I will try that approach instead of carrying around sheets of paper in my bag.

 

 

 

 

It felt good to be back in the gym. It has been too long. I want to get that fire back in my heart where I could go and feel like I owned the place. That brings me even further back in time before college. I used to have free reign over the high school's weight room. I was a senior. Me and my friends ruled the place. We ran the music. We ran the hours. And we pushed each other. To help each other. To beat each other. That is what I want and need. And although it is been good to be back in there I can tell something is lacking. My heart is not there fully. And what is there whispers to my mind "you can't go on", "you can't jog / run that fast or that long", "you can't lift that much". Twenty years ago my heart would have never said those things to me. And now it feels like I am trapped in my own self-created walls that hide me up from others and from me doing what I want to do.

 

All these thoughts about "heart" made me think of some things from the scriptures in Alma chapter 5.

 

7 Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them.

 

 8 And now I ask of you, my brethren, were they destroyed? Behold, I say unto you, Nay, they were not.

 

 9 And again I ask, were the bands of death broken, and the chains of hell which encircled them about, were they loosed? I say unto you, Yea, they were loosed, and their souls did expand, and they did sing redeeming love. And I say unto you that they are saved.

 

 10 And now I ask of you on what conditions are they saved? Yea, what grounds had they to hope for salvation? What is the cause of their being loosed from the bands of death, yea, and also the chains of hell?

 

 11 Behold, I can tell you—did not my father Alma believe in the words which were delivered by the mouth of Abinadi? And was he not a holy prophet? Did he not speak the words of God, and my father Alma believe them?

 

 12 And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.

 

 13 And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved.

 

 14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

 

I need to undergo this change of heart. I need to wake up and fight through the darkness that clouds my mind. I need someone to lift me up out of the darkness. I am getting that to a degree from the books, but I need more. I don't want to be destroyed. And if I don't change and transform my life for life I am well on the path to suffering this fate I fear. I want to experience a mighty change of heart. I am going to find my way and punch through this wall so that I can be free and more fully enjoy the rest of a very long life with those that matter most.

 

 

 





Day 3: Making Promises

In the diet world people are always saying that they will take it "one pound at a time" or "one day at a time". Chris Powell says that thinking needs to be tweaked to "keeping one promise at a time". In this process people try to set goals. And goal setting is important. But that seems like it is a lower plane than keeping promises. I can set a goal, but it lacks the built in commitment component. It will be easier to break a goal then it is a serious promise to oneself.

This got me thinking that life in the gospel really boils down to making and keeping covenants. Covenant making is serious business. It is on an even higher plane than just mere promises. Covenants are a two-way street with God. For now my promises are more just something made by me to me.

These thoughts about keeping promises to oneself Chris relates to having integrity. To paraphrase how I've heard integrity defined from a gospel perspective is "integrity is doing what we should even if no one is looking". And on this journey of mine at this time there is no one that I am accountable to in keeping my promises except me. No one is looking at what I do or don't do every day all day. Except me. I really liked the following two quotes that Chris writes.

"Transformation happens when you honor your promises over your reasons."

"The more you honor your integrity, the more dignity you have."

Keeping the promises I make to myself is more important than having reasons why I failed. In the end there are no reasons suitable to justify us failing on our promises. And no one likes a liar. Especially a compulsive liar. But in a sense we are compulsive liars when we fail to keep the promises we set.

The other thought I had while reading today is that it will be easier to make and keep the promises if I actually have a solid, written plan. If we make the decision ahead of time then there is no question when the choice comes as to what you will do. We hear that line a lot in the church. Commit ahead of time to what you will do and what you will not do. Those decisions will be so much easier when they arise. And whatever the plan might be I will not short change myself. I will do the plan.

So my promises for me tomorrow is to wake up in the morning and do my super circuit program "stack'em up" and day 1 week 1 of the 6 week program for push-ups and crunches. After work I will go to the gym.

Day 2: Step 1 is to Believe

After my few pages of reading today in the Chris Powell book and pondering upon the words I had the feeling that if I want this to work for me I need to tie it in to my gospel roots. That is something I know about. I know about conversion. I have gone through it myself and I have helped others go through it as a full-time missionary and as a member-missionary. And the gospel of Jesus Christ is truly who I am at my core. It is true I have a lot of rough edges and do stupid things and am far from perfect, but that doesn't mean that who I am and how that shapes my beliefs is not a strong foundation.

And so the first step (or secret) that Chris Powell says that a person must have in order to achieve transformation is to BELIEVE. And that belief must come from ME!!! The first principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to have faith in Him. And the scriptures are full of references to the call to believe.

Mark 5:36

36 As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.

Mark 9:23

23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

So from this I learn:

1. I can't be afraid of this journey. I can't be afraid of the work. I can't be afraid to say no. I can't be afraid to put myself out there and be honest with my feelings and situation and my desires.
2. I can do anything I put my belief in. I can transform me. I can make it to the end.
3. I am not there yet but I am on the path. And I need a guide. I need someone to help fill in the gaps of what I lack.

Chris writes, "Belief gives you the power to achieve the extraordinary". For a long time I guess I have felt extra ordinary. I have always been fascinated by the word. How did the word come about? The absence of the space changes the word entirely. We all have the capacity to be extraordinary because we are sons and daughters of God. We have a divine destiny. But this blog is not about "we" but about "me". I am a son of God. I have a divine destiny. I am born of a noble birthright. I have made covenants and will one day receive a whole slew of blessings. So today I am choosing to believe in me. I am going to believe me when I tell myself that I can do this.

As for my actions today I think I had a pretty good day. I coached Isaac's football game going up and down the field, mowed the lawn, and walked around 3 stores doing the shopping. And during that shopping I didn't buy anything that could be considered a "sweet". My desserts this week will be sugar free jello with lite whip cream or fresh berries with Greek yogurt. My dinner was stuff salmon from Sam's Club. It is so delicious. I paired that with a spinach salad. I am quite full and it was so much better tasting and better for me and better for my wallet than if I had stopped for fast food. 

I am filling full of belief. I can transform. And since I have the night to myself I will be going to see Transformers again, but this time in 3D. It is really just to further ingrain the deeper lessons gleaned from the movie. :)

 

A New Transormation

Maybe it is appropriate that I write this after coming home from watching the new Transformers movie. Which is totally awesome by the way. To them there is always more than meets the eye. It is true that I go see such a movie for the great action sequences and cool special effects and because I have loved Transformers since I was a boy. I don't go for the story or the plot. I am sure the critics will hate it but I loved it and can't wait to go see it again. But this one does have a story. It has Optimus transforming, not just from semi to robot and back. But he himself transforms. The humans, mainly the good guys and one bad guy, transform. They transform who they are and what they want.

So back to the point of all of this. I have been struggling. My weight has ballooned up to about the highest its ever been. I am really sort of disgusted with myself. And although I hate how I am and somewhere inside there is a fleeting spark to want something different I have been so unwilling to really do something about it. It is excuse after excuse after excuse. I don't have the time. I don't have the money. I don't have the energy. I don't have the support. I simply don't have the will.

And so I have been searching to regain that spark once again. ABC has started its new season of Extreme Makeover Weight Loss with Chris Powell. I enjoy the show. I am not always faithful at watching it, but I try to as much as I can. A few months ago a casting call was coming to Detroit. I thought about going but chickened out. In part I didn't go because of the big snowstorm that hit the area, but mainly it was because I didn't believe in myself.

So this week as I saw some of the posts on Facebook from Chris the thoughts of transformation began to creep into my mind (and heart). And so I dug through my boxes of unpacked books to find his book Choose More, Lose More.

I've read it before. I've tried following his program before a couple of times between the carb cycling and the exercise plan. I found it to be effective in as much as I actually followed it and stuck with it for a period of time. But his plan and focus is not so much on the eating right and exercise, but on the actual inner transformation that will drive a person to succeed. As I contemplated this concept of transformation trying to put it into terms to help make me actually want to go forward with it the only concept that I could come up with is what he is actually talking about in the miracle of transformation is what we talk about in the church as the miracle of conversion. And we have all needed to be converted at one point in our lives. Most members can point to a specific event as their conversion, but it is not just a life-altering event as much as it is a life-changing process. And so what I need is to be converted.

And so now I pick up the book each day and read some of his stories and council. And I will try to implement that into my life. I am not one for marking up books. But I wanted a way to better internalize and fortify what I am reading. So I thought I might utilize this blog as a way to capture some of the things I read, my thoughts, and my daily actions. I've also thought that just as any convert has had a missionary helping them along the way at each step that I also need that too. So I want to write Chris to help me have a conversion of my heart. And if not then I will have my words to come back when I need them.

So that is a big introduction to all of this. And here is what I got out of my reading today.

"I can fall without failing. I will not be defined by my falls - by how hard I fall or by how many times I fall. I will be successful because each time I do I will pick myself up again and try again."

"Dare to dream. For your dreams become words, your words become actions, your actions become habits, your habits become character, and your character becomes your destiny."

I need to dream. I've told Jenny in the past in the context of other things that I wanted to "go big or go home". So I guess I need to start dreaming big. And this blog will be the start of putting words to those dreams. So now I got the first two steps done. Next comes the action.

And I need to start loving myself again. I can't let myself define me by my weight. I need support in this journey but that support has to come from inside me first. I can't look for support from others until I decide once and for all to support me.

As far as my actions today there were some positives. I had a green juice and half an omellot for breakfast and a protein shake for a mid-morning snack. I had a low cal Lean Cuisine along with greek yogurt and blueberries for lunch. My afternoon snack was some tuna and string cheese. And I had a ton of water throughout the day. Of course then came the movie which brought on popcorn, pepsi, and Reeses Pieces. And then it was late and the boys needed dinner so it was a quick stop to Wendy's on the way home. But I only had a chicken snack wrap and a cheeseburger. So I actually consider that to be a success for me to ONLY order that.

That is all for today. This is going to be a journey. A LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG journey. But one that I am trying to start. One day I will look back on this post and say to myself that this was the starting point of my transformation.

Never Stop Starting

Late last year I hear this phrase, Never Stop Starting, for the first time in a couple of different Sacrament meeting talks. At the time it really struck me. In January when I began a very feeble effort to begin this blog again this phrase was going to be my topic. I felt it was appropriate to begin the year of. That post didn't make it further than a beginning paragraph in draft form. So here I am again. But this is the 2nd week in a row that I am here writing so I will take some measure of accomplishment in that fact. (I guess I can only take a small degree of accomplishment because I am back to finishing this post one week later.)

The phrase has been coming back to my thoughts as of late. I seem to be really good with starting. I started gathering documents to do taxes back in January. It is a week away from the tax deadline and I haven't done anything more with it. I start lots of different projects at work. But then I get bogged down or bored and I want to start a new one. I get a notion for a project I want to do around the house. I do a little research, I do a little prep. But then it falls by the wayside. For me these things although not inconsequential they don't affect me much. And in the end, eventually, I always get it done. My taxes will not be late. I do my job. And I get projects done around the house. For me it is the big things where this phrase means more to me. The three biggest ones for me would be healthy living, getting out of debt, and personal spiritual nourishment.

Maybe it is good that this post was left undone for a week and I am back to finishing it tonight. Earlier today I saw on Facebook a new YouTube video the Church published called "Because of Him".

It is a short Easter video that let's us know that what we have in life and what is possible in the future is truly because of Him. Him who lived and set the perfect example for us. Him who died and was resurrected so that we might live again. And Him who suffered and bled from every pore so that we can try again . . . and again . . . and again . . . you get the picture. I watched the video 3 times. I shared it with the kids. I cried during it each time. I was filled to the brim with the Spirit testifying to my heart and bringing hope into my soul.

And of course after seeing the video 3 times I didn't manage to remain the perfect person or father for very long. I fall short a lot. But I get to try again. I get to start again. I get to start again with my kids. I get to start again with my wife. I get to try again with friends and co-workers and ward members and neighbors and anyone and everyone else. And most importantly I get to start again with Him. I get to pray to my Father in Heaven and tell him all that I did wrong and all that I want to do right. I get to tell him to not give up on me because I am going to start again and I will not stop.

Trying Again to Stand

It is almost the start of April. Since the beginning of this year I have been meaning / wanting / desiring to start up my blog again. It just never has happened. But the thought has been at the forefront for a few weeks ago. I have just been to lazy to do it. And so now even though I have work to do and kids to get into bed I start and a kitchen to clean and bills to pay and an office to organize and a few more tasks I want to get checked off I sit here in the quiet of my office typing away.

So what has precipitated this yearning to try again? The simple fact is I have been inspired from other's blogs. A few years ago when I began my life over as a single man some blogs really saved me. One in particular was written by a young woman in my ward who has since moved away. At the time she was going through a divorce just as I was. Her words provided a healing balm. She articulated so many thoughts that I felt but could not voice yet at that time. I craved new posts from her. Her blog gave me enough healing and inspiration for me to start this blog. She moved away and has a new life in Utah. She recently announced her engagement and will be married later this year. In my note of congratulations to her I again thanked her for the words she wrote in her blog.

Another blog that is dear to me is my mother's. A few years ago she started a project of being grateful. And she expressed that gratitude in a blog post every day for a single year. She has followed that up with a daily blog of feelings about Christ and the lessons she learns and strives to apply in her life. I admit I do not read her blog every day. Sometimes I am not interested or inspired by her posts. But I am inspired for her dedication. When she travels she blogs. When she is sick she blogs. When it is a holiday she blogs. I am not sure if she has missed a day in over 2 years. And there are times when what she does write is what I need and I am grateful for her words and wisdom and spirit.

Two other blogs that have helped in the past was the blog Jenny kept and the one her mother wrote. A blog is a great way to get to know someone. When I first was introduced to Jenny we shared blog addresses. Over the course of a few weeks I went back through and read every post she had ever made on that particular blog up to that point. It really helped me to know about her and her past. And her mother is a dutiful blogger much like my own mother. Her blog has been one of inspiration and faith to be learned from.

One other thing as of late that although not a blog but still a way to share feelings and messages virtually has been the Facebook postings of some friends currently serving missions. As part of their service they are tasked with sharing the gospel through Facebook. And although they are young their words have resonated with me because they teach with the power of God through their testimonies. I am grateful for their almost daily messages of faith and the encouragement it gives to me. Although I am not really their target audience I am benefitted by them very much.

But the real kick in the pants occurred just a few weeks ago when Facebook was blowing up raving about a new blog started this year called The Moments We Stand. So many friends were posting about it and saying how amazing it was. And then there was a big article about the blog in I think the Deseret News. All the buzz about it got me intrigued so I looked it up. Up to this point I had never heard anything about the author or her story. Needless to say her words have been and are powerful. I try to read one post a day. They are quite lengthy as she tells her story. I am still a couple of months behind. Thankfully she doesn't post every day. On more than one occasion I have sat at my desk fighting back tears thinking about how her words and counsel apply in my life. The blog really is about her learning to stand once again. At first it was all that she could do in just to stand . . . and be still. And then and now it is to stand . . . and act. Her words have given me hope. They make me want to try again. They make me want to do better and be better. I amazed at her strength, her humility, her compassion, her wisdom, and so many more traits that I wish I was better at.

The author of this blog writes it not to post pictures and goings-on of her kids. It is one to chronicle the life she is enduring to try to bring healing for her children one day when they are older. What she has created though is an amazing source of strength for so many. So that brings me to my own blog. I want my children to have a record of my faith and my thoughts. Yes I will probably put in some feel good experiences and pictures of us along the way to chronicle what is going on in our life. I hope they get something out of it in the future. Maybe someone else will get something out of in the present if they stumble upon this. And for me I will just use it as a platform to help me stand. Some days I hope that it will just be a means to support me as I try to be still. And just maybe it will give me the strength to stand and to act.