It's been awhile....

and a lot has changed I think. I have a new neuro a new DO a new everything except the same Zoe. I get my Tysabri in a leather chair where there is no TV thru my port still. The port bugs me of course. Itches and is evil making itself known all the time. I'm about to go see the endocrinologist, this week in fact. Hopefully this one will be able or hell WILLING to help me.

I am NEGATIVE for the JC Antibody I am building a big ass dollhouse that keeps expanding. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.

I plan on continuing this way. I like it better than feeling like shit.

Wow. Soon I'll have had my 8th Tysabri infusion...

I think it's eighth. I have an MRI soon as well to let me know how it's working. If it is I'm getting a port placed. No more evil bruises from getting stuck wrong.

In the past eight months a lot has happened. A lot of negative things. Some positive things. A lot of time has been spent in the hospital as an inpatient in one ward or the other. In fact this weekend I'm going in again. Only for a sleep study but still I won't be in my bed at home.

Zoe's group with us MS/Lymes ladies as been a godsend. I seriously hate the touchy feely talky thing but it really helps to sometimes bitch or joke or just talk about stuff with people who get it. I don't have to explain anything b/c they ALL understand where I'm coming from. I do need to keep seeing her individually though. My brain and my emotions are taking me to some stupid places sometimes and I need her help working thru them. There's no shame. I have depression...and a lot of other shit. Who wouldn't seriously. If you don't have you have a chronic condition I'm calling BS on you.

Did you hear that? DEPRESSION. Louder? ok DDDDDDDDDDDEEEEPPPPPRRRRRESSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN and I've even played ping pong with strangers to keep myself alive and get help b/c I would have rather been dead at one time then burden the rest of the world with my bullshit. I'm mostly dealing with that. Mostly. For the immediate future. And really that's all I can handle for now.

So really, if you feel like shit in your head like I do sometimes but it goes further and makes you physically feel shitty or you'd like to like sleep forever and not wake up or blow your brains out or walk into oncoming traffic tell someone to take you to play ping pong. It just might be the best thing you ever did. Just saying.

I need to continue with this huh? Slack ass that I am. I will. Never fear.