Life Decisions

Life is funny. There are so many experiences that come together like pieces of a puzzle only for you to realize that those pieces together are now only one small piece to the greater puzzle.

It's been an interesting year to say the least. January was full of dealing with a sick kid and then going through the surgery (see previous post). February was devoted to recovery from the surgery and towards the end of the month, Carrie was having major contractions and was put on bed rest. She was down for 4 or 5 weeks. While we received a TON of help (for which we are incredibly grateful) it required that I come home to take care of our 2 year old and pregnant wife. April 2nd, our beautiful baby girl, Maelee came into this world. What a blessing she is to our family. 

Why am I recapping the events of the past few months? During all this time I was supposed to be studying for the Dental Admissions Test (DAT) so I could apply for dental school in June. It's been a long time coming. I graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Biology in December and had planned on studying and taking my test in February. That got pushed back because I didn't have much time to study. The test was moved to April 28th which happens to be today. I still found it very difficult to make time to study. I couldn't abandon my duties as a father and husband. I wouldn't ever do that. Those things are who I am and they are most important. I am not trying to make excuses by any means. I still managed to find time to study but I never felt like I had adequate time to prepare for this test. 

Let's rewind again. Last year I joined the web team at my work. This involves testing our websites for errors and making sure they are corrected. An incentive program was created so that we could learn programming languages and skills like web design in order to help us test and understand our websites better. I got really excited about the incentive program and enjoyed the projects/assignments we were doing. Earlier this year we began working on building and designing web pages with HTML/CSS. I love it. I thought about it often and it would sometimes keep me up at night because I couldn't wait to get back to work to learn more. 

That's when the internal struggle began.

I began to doubt if I wanted to do dentistry. I guess I should say I began to question how bad I wanted to do dentistry. I began weighing my options. I made a pro/con list and then I went to my Heavenly Father in prayer. It took a long time but when it finally came down to it, I decided that I would be happier designing web sites and building apps (and also not being $500k in debt haha). This was an incredibly difficult decision to make. After all, I had spent the past 4+ years working towards dental school and I now have a biology degree that I can't do much with. Was it all for nothing? I don't think so. I look back on the experiences that I had and I am grateful for each one. I wouldn't take them back. Each one has led me to who I am today. Maybe it took all this craziness to help me finally figure out what I wanted to do and what would make me the happiest. 

I made this decision last week. I am so happy with it. You'll notice earlier that I said that the DAT was moved to today. I still took it. It was paid for and if I canceled it then I would have had to pay a fine. It's funny because I ended up getting the same score that I got last time I took it. I'm completely fine with it. I have a new direction in life and it's going to be challenging. I'm still a few years out from getting a career job. And that's okay with me. I'm happy. My family is healthy. We are doing great and that's all that matters.

Isn't life funny?

The Emotional Roller Coaster

Whew! What a ride! Most of it was scary and I probably wouldn't have gone on it had I not been blindfolded, shoved into the seat, strapped down and sent on my merry little way. I'm ready to get out now. Wait, what? What do you mean it's not over yet? I want to get out! Don't push that button...!!!

That's how I feel. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's probably how Carrie feels. I love roller coasters though. Well, let me rephrase that. I love actual roller coasters. I do not like the one that we are on right now. I'd really be fine not to have the constant screaming in my head and I'd really like to skip out on watching tears coming down my son's face and hearing his heartbreaking cry. People have been telling me that I'm holding up well. Looks can be deceiving. Yes, I know that things are getting better and I know that Lincoln is doing so so good. He's improving and taking giant steps each day. That doesn't make it easier. I can't stand to see him so sad and in so much pain. It kills me each time but I have to be strong for him. I have to be strong for Carrie too. I don't feel like I am.

I'm not writing this to have anyone feel sorry for me. I'm mostly writing this for myself. It helps me to write down how I'm feeling. I'm also writing this to look back on one day. I know that some of the memories aren't particularly awesome but I want to show this to Lincoln when he needs it so he knows that he can do hard things. I'll need to see it so I know that I can do hard things. Lastly, I have been posting small updates on FaceBook but many people don't know the whole story. Rather than write a giant post on social media, I feel I'd better write a long post on our blog seeing as it has been lacking in the post department lately. I actually had a good portion of this post typed up on my iPad already but when I went to update it after the embarrassing Super Bowl, it was gone. Just one more thing, right? Deep breaths. That helps.

Ok, we aren't sure exactly when this problem began. Technically, we do. He was born with it but the problem never reared its ugly head until sometime in November. There may have been a few times before that but the downhill spiral really started in the end November. One night, Lincoln started telling us that he didn't feel good. He may have eaten some egg (which he is allergic too) and so Carrie and I knew the drill. He would be uncomfortable for a while and eventually he would throw up, fall asleep and it would be done with. We knew it was going to be a long night. It most definitely was. Once he threw up, he went to sleep. Carrie and I managed to fall asleep just in time for us to hear him screaming again in pain. What was supposed to only be one long night turned into a long few days. We were so confused. It looked like he had gotten all the egg out of his system but he was still sick. Then one day he woke up and he was fine. He was happy. He was running around and being his rambunctious little self... til a week or so later.

This was a common scene during his episodes

This was beginning to be a trend. He sickness started lasting longer than a few days and the time in between each episode was getting shorter. Kerry Welch, Carrie's step-dad and our family doctor, told us we should think about having him do a GI scan with barium to check for blocking. We didn't think that was going to be necessary because Lincoln would be fine. He would have normal bowel movements when he was feeling well and everything else seemed fine.

Last week it started to get worse. He was sleeping less and in was in more discomfort than he had been. We still weren't excited for doing the scan and Kerry was at a conference so we decided to take him to a friend of his who is a pediatrician. He asked us some questions and said that it could be that Lincoln has Giardia along with possibly an allergy to gluten and/or dairy. If any of you know my boy, you know that he LOVES to eat and boy can this kid put it away! His favorite foods include but are not limited to: smoothies(made with some plain yogurt), yogurt by itself, cottage cheese, string cheese and veggies. Try telling a kid that eats almost as much as we do that he can't eat his favorite foods and he won't understand why.

 Lincoln felt better for about one day, maybe two. Then it got REALLY bad. I think it was last Monday night that it started all again. We were still so confused at this point. Monday night, Tuesday night and Wednesday were terrible. Carrie and I would take turns wrestling and uncomfortable boy in bed while the other slept. We just wanted him to sleep! We wanted him to feel better and get all the bad stuff out of his system. He would fall asleep for 10 - 20 minutes and then wake up crying and saying, "Tummy hurts!". We wore thin. We broke down at times. We weren't as patient as we wish we would have been because we simply didn't know what was going on.

Thursday morning Carrie sent me a message and said he was still feeling so sick. We decided that we needed to talk to the pediatrician so Carrie made an appointment for the morning. While at the doctor's office, Lincoln threw up all over the floor. His stomach had had enough. They said that they needed to do some tests at the hospital and we could either take him home after that or leave him at the hospital with an I.V.. When Carrie told me that I knew right away that he needed to be at the hospital. He had to have the I.V. because he hadn't been keeping anything down. It just felt right to me. So I left work a few hours early and went to meet them at the hospital. We had no idea that we would not be heading home in the near future.

Once we checked in they started doing the tests. He had an ultrasound. They found nothing. He had an x-ray. They found nothing. He then had a scan done with iodine ( I think). They found something. It took a while for them to go over everything. Lincoln had his I.V. in and we were just waiting for some news. The doctor came in and this is kind of how the conversation went:

Doctor: Hey guys how's it going?
Carrie: We've just had such a fun day and we are ready for it to be over. (The sarcasm was a little thick)
Doctor: Well it's about to get more fun. They found that Lincoln's intestine is twisted and we are going to fly him up to Primary Children's Hospital and he's going to have surgery tonight.

My first thought was, "What's wrong with my boy and will he be ok?" My next thought was, "How the devil am I going to afford that helicopter ride? How will afford any of this?" I was more concerned about Lincoln, but the thought of all the expenses was there in the back of my mind.

They wanted to fly him up because this was going to be an emergency surgery and it was prime time for rush hour and the weather wasn't very good. He needed it fixed. His condition was called Malrotation with volvulus. Basically when he was born part of his intestine was secured properly and it was able to twist and untwist. That's why he would go from being normal to sick back to normal again. This is normally caught in babies and infants but because his would flip back to normal, we didn't notice the problem til it got really bad. It needed to be operated on ASAP in case the blood circulation had been cut off. They were afraid that the part that was kinked/twisted would die and that would be bad news bears.

The helicopter ride didn't end up happening. The cloud coverage was too much and they couldn't see to land safely. So Lincoln got to ride in an ambulance. He was so brave. His momma rode with him to keep him company and I drove up to meet him there.

                                     

We were so lucky to have Carrie's mom be with us most of the day in American Fork hospital. She was so helpful. When I told my mom about Lincoln heading up to Primary she said that she would go up to meet him there. I asked her to bring my dad so we could give Lincoln a Priesthood blessing right before surgery.

I got to the hospital just in time for the G.I. scan. They had to give him barium through a tube in his nose. It was rough. I had to hold him down and he was so uncomfortable. It was miserable for him and it was miserable for me. But I remember looking at the screen as they were doing it and you could see it in plain site. There was the cause of this nightmare. There was the twist in his bowel. That settled it. They were definitely doing the surgery. So Carrie grabbed my parents and we went into a little room and I gave him a blessing. That's when all my emotions came out. That's when everything caught up to me. That's when I fully understand what was going on. I said his name and that was it for a few moments. I was so choked up. My little boy was going to be operated on. It was terrifying. I managed to give him the blessing even though I cried through the whole thing. Then we handed him to the anesthesiologist. As he was leaving, Lincoln reached his hand out for me. I gave it a squeeze and then we were ushered into the waiting room.

I was comforted. I knew things were going to be ok. I wanted to find anything I could to keep my mind distracted so I wouldn't count the seconds until he was out of surgery. My mom was there with us which was very helpful. She has had so much experience with this that she was able to share with us. Finally we received a call and we were told that the tissue was not dead and they wouldn't have to remove any of it. That was such a relief!!!

The surgery finally ended and we got to see our little man. He was so peaceful laying in his bed and I knew that he was going to be ok. 

                              

Right after surgery

So here we are sitting in room 3074 at Primary Children's. I wouldn't want to be in any other hospital. They are so great here and everything is all about the kids. And my boy is doing so good. It's hard. Every day there is pain but he is on the mend and he's making great strides. 

                                   

In the toy room. It's good for him to be up and moving around.

I'm blown away by the kindness of all our friends and family. I know that their prayers and thoughts have helped us get through this. I feel it. I'm thankful for every kind word, every message, every gift, every act of kindness. My heart is full. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My little man is a fighter. If he can make it through, so can I.We can do hard things.

                              

He wanted to stay in his wagon and watch a movie

                                 

                              

He built a tower with Grandpa Paul!

                              

I love this picture. He was so tired and just wanted to snuggle his momma and his dog, Olaf.

Moving

For the past year we were living in Orem just off of State and Center St. We loved the little apartment. The location was fantastic. I could get to work in 5 minutes and school in about 7. We were close to a park and a lot of restaurants and grocery stores. We loved the ward that we were in.

There were things that we did not love. The building was old and the insulation was terrible. We could hear everything from the neighbors upstairs. It was so loud! You might think that we'd get used to it, but we never did. If I ever woke up in the middle of the night and the sprinklers were running, the pipes would make a continuous, loud ticking noise. That made it difficult to go back to sleep. Our landlord there was not an honest person. I could accurately describe him as a scumbag only looking out for himself. He would choose which portions of the contract he would uphold. For instance, in our contract it said that smoking is prohibited on the property and if you were smoking you would be kicked out. The neighbors that lived above us smoked many times on the property and when we would talk to the landlord about it, he would say, "I've told them not to do it before. I'll talk to them again." We were also not supposed to have any pets, but the neighbors who moved in after the smokers, had a little yappy dog. That dog would bark all day if they weren't home. It was more than frustrating. 

Anyway, the point of this post was not to complain because we really did enjoy living there. When we found out our lease was up we decided we didn't want to continue to pay a dishonest person rent. We came to the conclusion that we wanted to be back in Pleasant Grove. Since Wednesday, we have been moving one room at a time and getting it settled (which was a nice way to move). We are happy that Lincoln has a backyard to play in and a "swingslide" to go down (he doesn't differentiate between the two). He goes down that slide about 40 times a day and that is not much of an exaggeration. 

Side story: We were unpacking things a few days ago and Lincoln found some gum. He knows he's not supposed to have gum. When Carrie found him and told him to put it down, he didn't listen and so she told him he had to go to the corner. He complained but went and put his nose in the corner. We usually ask him why he's in the corner. Here's the conversation:

Carrie - Do you know why you are in the corner?

Lincoln - Play gum.

Carrie - Do we play with gum?

Lincoln - Nope

As usual after timeouts he turned around and said sorry and gave Carrie a hug. It wasn't two minutes later that he had done something else and Carrie and I at the same time said, "LINCOLN!!" What followed made us both bust up laughing. 

Lincoln - Go corner, again!

He walked over to the corner, put his nose in it and then said, "Gum? NOOOO!!" 

My story telling doesn't do it justice. Carrie and I had to close our door cause we were laughing so hard. This kid cracks us up so much. 

That's the end of my side story. We are happy to be back in Pleasant Grove and we are excited for what the next year will bring. 

P.S. I hate moving. A lot. 

Yeah, I don't have an excuse...

Hello blog world and to those few people who may read this. I guess it's been a while... 2 years and 2 days to be exact. The last post I did was when my baby boy was born. I cannot believe that he is TWO! Holy smokes where has the time gone?

I don't even know where to begin picking up. Uh, I guess we got home from the hospital with out any mishaps... um, let's fast forward a little shall we?

Lincoln just turned two. I mentioned that already, but I still can't believe it. He is taking after me and always trying to find ways to make people laugh. I love him so much and I really couldn't be a happier dad.

My boy loves to count to 10 even though he skips a few numbers occasionally. He seems to have something against the number 5. Anyway, he is constantly singing the ABC's and I love how ellemenohpee is just one word for him.

Carrie and I really have to watch what we say around him because he repeats EVERYTHING!!! One day I went to pick him up from his high chair after he had eaten some cottage cheese. I say eaten but I should say he styled his hair with it. It was everywhere. As I picked him up I said, "Oh man you are a freakin' mess!" The second those words left me lips I realized I had made a mistake. Lincoln held off for 10 seconds giving me a glimmer of hope that he hadn't heard me. To my dismay (and entertainment) he says as I wash his hands and face off, "freakin' mess!" I couldn't help but laugh which I've found is never good to do when you don't want someone who feeds off of laughter, like me. Thankfully, he seems to have forgotten about that sentence cause I haven't heard it lately.

One of my favorite random sentences that Lincoln says lately is, "I ate the bones". He hasn't even seen that KFC commercial but he heard me tell my sister Emily about it and now it seems to be his catch phrase. He says it at the most random times too and it gets me every time.

Lincoln at the beach in Coronado, CA. His lips are covered in sand and Doritos Chips. I hear the combo is delicious.

I love how much he talks and I am grateful every day for the experiences and life lessons I learn from him.

I'm sure I will post more about Lincoln in the upcoming posts. I am going to TRY and blog a little more. I enjoy writing, although I don't feel I am very good at it. But having a blog is nice because I can include a lot more about what's going on in our lives than I can on Facebook. I don't even know if anyone will still read this. I may have lost any and all followers I previously had. Honestly I don't blame you. Why would you keep checking a blog that is never updated? Well, dear reader, I will update this blog more often than once every 2 years. I'll even let you quote me on that.

Here's the latest on Carrie. She's working once a week for a dental office in Provo. It's called Platinum Dental and she's enjoying it. It's more of a faster paced office than she is used to, but she's getting used to it. She loves being home with Lincoln more than anything. I am grateful for the wonderful mom that she is. She is always teaching our boy where ever we go and whatever we do.

I interrupt this blog post to tell you about the LOUD neighbors that live above us. It should actually just be one lady from Mexico but she has so many people over ALL THE TIME. Her husband passed away a few weeks ago and she's been having a rough time. She is really so sweet but I just don't understand how they can be so loud. It sounds like they are constantly dropping bowling balls on the floor.

Ok, here's the latest on me. I have one more semester at UVU. I can't believe I am almost done with my undergrad. It's been a very long journey and I only have a lot more to go. I took the Dental Admissions Test (DAT) back in May. I didn't do as well as I'd hoped and so I will be retaking it in September. I am finding out how much fun the application process isn't... I will be applying to a few schools this year and if I don't get in I will apply for the next year right as the applications open up in the spring. I may just be 34 by the time I am done with school. I'm ok with that. I'm still young. I still look young I guess. I don't feel very young, though. Why does my lower back have to hurt so bad? Shouldn't this pain wait for like 10 or 15 more years?

I am still working at Morinda (Tahitian Noni International). However, I am no longer on the phones. I am now on the Web Team. I do tech support (which is a fancy way of saying I teach people how to use the internet) as well as web chatting with people on our website. The main part of my job is testing our websites. It sounds monotonous and it mostly is, but I actually enjoy doing it. I get paid to listen to my music and try and find ways to break our website.

That's it for now. I really will write more soon. I've been meaning to blog for quite sometime, it was just a matter of sitting down and doing it. I hope you enjoyed catching up on our lives. I leave you with this awesome video of Lincoln.

Welcome to the world [insert boy's name here]

What a crazy few days this has been! My mind is so full of things I want to say, that this might turn out to be a blog vomit. If that is the case, I apologize in advance, although I have a feeling those who are parents might know how I feel.
Let's begin with Tuesday. We went to our Dr. appointment. Carrie was 37 1/2 weeks. Doc told us that Carrie was 2cm dilated. Carrie was wanting to go to St. George on Wednesday with her mom, sister, grandma, aunt and cousins. They were going down to see two shows at Tuachan. Carrie hadn't been working very much lately so she was thinking that she should be fine to go and come back on Friday. I thought, hey, the baby will MOST LIKELY come after his due date, so why not? I ignored the feeling inside of me that said she would probably go into labor on this trip. Doc gave her the clearance. He said that it would be a gamble and there is about a 20% chance he could come. The odds seemed in Carrie's favor...
While Carrie was gone, I had the worst time trying to sleep. I used to sleep better if she wasn't around tossing and turning, but I could not sleep at all. I got three hours of sleep Wed. night (went to work at 6 am) and then got four hours of sleep Thurs. night.
Meanwhile, on Thursday night in St. Geroge, Carrie was sending me text messages telling me about A LOT of contractions. I was beginning to be concerned but she told me not to worry. I still worried. That's probably why I didn't get a ton of sleep.
When I woke up for work at 5:15 on Friday, I seriously considered calling in sick. I was so tired, I had to get the lawn mowed, I had to clean the kitchen, sweep and mop, vacuum and get things looking nice for when Carrie came home. I managed to pull myself out of bed and get to work.
I usually do translations from 6 to 8 and then start taking Dutch and English calls. 8:15 rolls around and I got a message from Carrie. It said, "Kev i need you to call me NOW!". I'm not gonna write the words that crossed my mind as soon as I read that. I turned to my co-workers and told them I might be having a baby today. I didn't even have a chance to call Carrie. She called me. This is somewhat of how the conversation went.
Me - "Hi. What's going on?" (scared I already know the answer)
Carrie -"Um, I'm in the hospital"
Me - "Are you serious?"
Carrie - "Yes, I am totally serious."
Me - "Uh, ok. What's going on?"
Carrie - "I woke up early this morning and my back was hurting. We called Doc and he said either come home now or go to the hospital and get checked. So I got checked and they say I am dilated to 4.5 cm."

Awesome. My wife is in labor and I am 4 hours away from her, nothing packed, the house not in the shape I want it in and now I get to worry about my wife and baby (who isn't supposed to be here for two more weeks!!!) Carrie said they were gonna let her know if she could head up to American Fork to be delivered where we wanted him to be born, with our Dr. She told me I had better head home and pack some stuff just in case.
I got off the phone and told my work I was taking off to go meet my baby. I called my mom as soon as I got out of the building and told her what was going on. She asked if I wanted her to come down to St. George with me and I told her I could use the company so I don't go crazy on the way there.
I rushed home and started getting things together. My brain was working overtime. I was able to get everything packed just fine. The only thing I had real trouble with was getting the pads back on the car seat. It was not that hard, I just couldn't get it right for a while.
My mom showed up and we loaded everything up in the car. Then my brother, Chris, showed up. My mom asked him to come over so we could say a prayer together. He asked if I wanted him to come. I figured, if I get tired and need someone to drive, he'd be the best bet cause he drives fast.
We all got in the car and started on our way. I was anxious the whole time. I just wanted to be with Carrie, holding her hand and comforting her there. But I took great comfort in knowing that her mom was right there with her. If I wasn't able to be there, she would be the only person I would want there with my wife.
I sped the whole way. The only time I did under 90 was when we passed through known speeding traps and when we saw flashing lights ahead of us. We must have passed 6 or 7 cops and every single one had already pulled somebody over. It was a blessing. Carrie called me at one point and told me her water had just broke and she's over 7 cm dilated. We were still 117 miles away! They told her he would probably be there around 1:30 and I was projecting that we would be there around 1:40. Mom and Chris started laughing cause as soon as Carrie told me that, I floored it and we drove 100 mph for a while. I am so glad I didn't get pulled over. It would have been a fat ticket to pay and would have taken too much time.
We pulled up to the hospital and I jumped out of the car and ran in to see my wife. Luckily, the little guy waited for me before he made his debut into this world. Carrie started pushing between 2:05 and 2:10 and at 2:33 we were blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. It is so amazing and weird at the same. I still can't believe it.
I love holding him and watching him move. Carrie is doing so great. She loves being a mommy and misses him so much when they take him and weigh him. We couldn't be happier with this boy of ours and I am so happy he was born where mine and Carrie's relationship began.

And now, a few pictures for your enjoyment.

This is during labor.... isn't she beautiful?

7 lbs. 4 oz. Had he been born on his due date, he probably would have been a big boy!

One happy daddy

I don't know what you think, but she does not look like she just had a baby. She looks so good.

I love those cheeks!!! This was after his bath.

I love this picture!!!

We love our little Lincoln Mathew

More pictures to follow...

Is it really work if I like it?

Have I told you about my really awesome job lately? No? Well sit back and let me tell you about it. Three weeks ago I started training at a company called Tahitian Noni International. I am a sales and service agent for the Dutch market. This means I get to speak to people in the Netherlands and Belgium. And I get paid to do it! I really enjoy it so far, even though I haven't actually spoken to anyone there yet. I have just been listening in on phone calls trying to get used to everything. There is a ton of information to take in. But just hearing dutch on the telephone makes me so happy. I am so glad that I get to continue to better my dutch skills. Another part of my job is translating documents from English to Dutch, which I really enjoy doing. It makes me think and helps me learn all sorts of new words. This company is really cool and they are so great to their employees. TNI is a multilevel marketing business (although that is not what I do) and they are operating in 75 countries. The Dutch people really love the product and they love to share it with others. There are only two Dutch agents in the company.... a dutch girl named Morwenna and myself. Morwenna is from a city called Leiden. She moved here 6 years ago I think. She graduated from BYU and has 2 kids. I really enjoy working with her. Almost every one of the dutch and belgian people working for TNI in their countries know her and know that when they call, they will get her on the line.... At least until now. She was the only Dutch agent there until I got hired. I will be taking most of the calls from now on. She's got more important things to do now. So I think that it will be a weird transition for them when they call us up and they hear my ever-so-deep voice (well, it is compared to hers) and not hers. It will be interesting that's for sure.

TNI does a lot of cool things. They take people on amazing trips and throw lots of parties. I am hoping and praying that I will get the opportunity to go on one of these trips and my chances are quite high. If Morwenna can't go, then I get to go. They usually need someone to translate for the dutch people that go on these trips.

Here's hoping....

Baby bump

Here are just a few pictures of our little baby bump. Enjoy.

I believe this was 18 weeks. If you look hard enough, you might see a tiny bump.

20 Weeks

22 Weeks