hola el stupido!

so.. call me stupid. i stayed up til 4 last night reading my very own journal. which.. well.. i kinda suck at journaling.. so my little less than 1/2 inch notebook covers from part of 05 clear til june 07 when i apparently stopped writing in journals because i never found another good one. mind you- i have plenty of journals. i went through a phase where i practically collected them, and they sit there.. neatly.. never used.. in boxes. i guess i'm prejudice against them.. they're the bound book kind, and i can't stand writing on the back of the page.. it's just awkward. so i don't write in it at all.. because writing on only one side of the paper seems like such a waste! yes. yes i am crazy. i should just suck it up and use them.
anyways.. i've decided i'm really very pathetic at journaling. there are basically two spurts through which i journaled- mostly because i thought- o posterity! they will want to know how their father and i met! ya.. i'm lame. thus i have my crush for ryan earl documented in ink and gooey gross high school girl-ness. and my every thought about the tall and handsome bryce gardner who had stolen my heart with his gentle manners, rugged good looks, and deep bass voice (who is now married with a baby boy- awkward- i don't wanna get old anymore). nothing about the wonderful man who i blogged about last. which is probably because i had a horrible attitude toward that relationship and was sure nothing important would ever come from it- because he was just good buddy nate. ok ok.. i guess i did have some things about him in my journal.. but not more than than little tiny things about him that we did in the time between the breakup and the mission.. and then last june i apparently saw the mistake and tried to remedy it with a couple pages of little updates. pathetic! i don't think i'll read that journal again.. it was disgustingly gooey- i didn't know i was so completely ridiculous when it came to men. i should have guessed though. poor flirty manda. somebody please find that girl a brain. and a new journal.

romeo.. o romeo.. wherefore art thou?

everyone remembers having to read romeo and juliet in school right? the passionate week long relationship between two teens that has had people swooning for centuries. sometimes don't ya wish every guy had just a lil bit of romeo in him? the sweet phrases~ the risking everything~ the commitment (once he found the girl)~ the sense of duty~ i dunno, romeo-ish stuff?
last night i got to help nate's little brother proof read his letter for english. he was supposed to be writing a love letter to his dearest juliet with similes and metaphors and hyperboles and blah blah blah- english stuff in it. well the smarty pants decided to use some movie lines- which i decided was plagerism and came up with new lines (his second paragraph was basically the letter william writes for jocelyn in "a knights tale"). anyways.. poor kid shouldn't have asked for my help. i had waaaay too much fun with it. lol, and his poor 14 year old mind had the hardest time when i changed the word 'life' to 'lips'.. he was dying inside i'm sure, cause his read read "agony". i don't think i left more than one sentence unchanged and it was dripping with gooey sweety ness (most of the sweetness he'd put down already, i just made them sound better and sweeter- "you are my flower, my chocolate, my love- please never forget that i love you" lol what a cheese!- but that was his good line). he was completely embarrassed by it, especially after the whole family barged in to read it and laughed every other sentence (because of the the clever sweetness). *sigh* i love that i get to torture younger siblings that aren't mine. thus- i made sure to send a copy to nate so that he can torture him as well:)

anyways, helping with that got me thinking about my "romeo". i've felt rather deprived and unloved and blue because he hadn't sent me a physical/paper letter since october(which means i got it in november.. but october sounds longer and i'm obviously looking for sympathy ;)). he has emailed me- even though he's not supposed to. which i brought up a couple weeks ago- trying to be brave and obedient. and darn it all! he decided followed it! o well .. through obedience we are blessed. hopefully it means i get real letters.. but in the mean time.. he sent me pictures this week! and i now feel bad for being a grump lol.

i talked to my (person i talk to about feelings) and she brought up an amazing point- as i've been grumpy about not getting my christmas package and i was trying to give him and the mail service the benefit of the doubt~ it's been long enough that i've given up hope.. but! he's obviously done his part by sending the package.. its out of his hands- and i shouldn't angry with him, if i must be angry with someone- be angry at the mail service Ü. or the punk who may have taken my package. and be grateful that he was thoughtful enough to put a package together. which is true.. i should be grateful:) and i am! cause he's amazing. and sweet. and makes me laugh. and handsome. and fulfilling his responsibilities. and ya. love him. missioaries are amazing. thank you to all my brothers who have been such wonderful examples of what a good man is. Ü

Puerto Madryn, Argentina- Elder Nathan Streadbeck and Elder Benjamin Niznik

"i don't consider myself in the 'loss' section. i consider myself in the 'put in storage to wait while it matures/ferments and becomes even better while bringing souls to christ' section. kind of like a bottle of wine. like wine, i am hoping to become better with age, be addicting and still make you wobbly at the knees when i get back. :)" february 11, 2009

lol, i think he's been hangin 'round too many drunks..

My reasons for my Ranting and Raving...

ok ok.. i realize my last post was a little ridiculous. i did have reasons for ranting, i promise!

i have to talk to a lot of people about what they want in their clothing and/or how were adjusting it for them- and sometimes i just want to disregard what they want and do it my own way. you don't need that neckline to be right on the edge of your garments- give yourself a little lee-way and let's bring it up maybe a 1/2 of an inch? 1/4? something? and its distressing to me because i am soooo looking forward to wearing garments- heather teases me all the time "would you just get garments already?!" i love wearing an extra tank top, or biker shorts just make sure i'm covered on all bases. and i look around me and see people trying so hard to get around them. cause- maybe jus a little tuck won't hurt.. right? gah! and i guess what really sent me over the edge was the story of a bride, about to leave the temple and completely upset with the temple staff because they wouldn't let her leave the temple in her STRAPLESS gown. hello?! and then, her mother(who was with her in the temple, so obviously temple worthy) was also just as upset as her daughter. i just don't understand how anyone could find that ok.
and then.. i'm under a bit of stress because i'm supposed to make up a table presentation for our stake women's conference coming up on the 14th. the theme is prepareness and my tables theme is supposed to be preparedness in modesty. i picked it because i'm very familiar with the topic of modesty and then i realized that i wasn't speaking with girls, i presenting a table to lds women of faith- and i realized that i don't have any idea how to talk to these women whom i'm not even close to being in the same point of life. if i wanted i could probably set up a whole night trying to discuss modesty and its importance but i have no clue how to present it to these women on a tiny table. i talked to the stake and asked what points they wanted me to hit, and i guess they were concerned with cleavage, length of skirts, and tight-ness of clothing ( because if someone can tell the texture of your bra through your shirt- it's too tight and they're lookin way too close.) and overall respect for garments. i'm at a loss as to how to present this. complete loss. if you have any suggestions or ideas could you please get a hold of me?