I haven't posted in awhile because, frankly, I don't really know what to write about. Everything I have to say feels super depressing but I guess that's life. Not everything is perfect and happy and that's ok. This Christmas season has been HARD especially this past week and it's just getting harder for me. I'm kinda struggling. Really struggling. I miss my Johnny now more than ever. It's excruiatingly painful to see cousins play together and wear matching pajamas and exchange presents. It breaks my heart that I can't buy him presents or take him to see Santa or see his face light up when he opens presents or sees Christmas lights. He would have almost been a year old. We've been having fun with Eva but it makes me sad that he can't be here with her. I almost dread going to family parties because I know I will be bombarded by things that I never got to do with Johnny. I KNOW that I will get to do all of those things with him someday and I KNOW that he is always will us but it doesn't make losing him easier. Just pray I can get through the rest of this Christmas season and through January (his birthday month). I would really appreciate it.
