Confusing

Tarik,lepas.

Tarik,lepas.

Boleh tak kalau terus terang jangan main sembunyi sembunyi di balik mesej kaku? 

Ice block

Bila pilihan untuk bahagia ada di tangan kau,

Dan kau pilih untuk tidak membahagiakan

Untuk apa lagi aku tegak di sini? 

Memerhati dari jauh dengan hati yang keras semacam batu

Sama macam patung tidak ada nyawa.

Kosong.

Kosong.

Damn. I'm still in this ice block. 

Bagaimana mahu

Hari ini fikiran aku nun jauh di langit.
hati aku nun jauh di atas kayangan.


Jiwa,kenapa kau khayalkan yang bukan bukan.

Dia itu takkan pernah jadi milikmu.

Jiwa,sudah sudahlah tu.
Jangan jadi gila.

Cerita pagi sabtu.

Di lihat aku, di sapa aku.
Senyum.
Matahari, mungkin hari ini permulaannya.

3 saat kemudian, dia berkata;
"Eh aku rasa aku suka si X"



Mata aku sudah ada kaca.

Tuhan.
Aku masih tidak di hati dia.
Aku ini masih bukan siapa siapa.

Hi there nobody

I am here. Again. After years of being in denial that i dont need to write anything ever again.


Yes. I am a big fat liar.

Writing is the thing that keeps me sane. There, i've said it.



Anyway.




At this moment, i'm still picking up my heart on the floor, cause i accidentally dropped it onto somebody's hand, but his hands are full,apprently. It's crushed and exploded into pieces.






I am back to square one. 
I am back to being empty. 
Damn it. 

habis.pengakhiran.

5 tahun lepas, tarikh yang sama aku bakal pergi tinggalkan India selama-lamanya (kalau mak tak bising nak beli saree lagi). 10th October 2008-10th October 2013.

5 tahun.
bukan sekejap. tapi tak lama. faham?

tak faham biarkan. benda benda macam ini,yang melibatkan hati perasaan memang susah nak tafsir. maka kita biarkan.

harap-harap nya Azian Hana jadi lebih matang, dan jadi orang baru lepas balik Malaysia ni. sebab sepatutnya 5 tahun tu dah boleh bentuk diri sendiri. umur pun dah nak menjangkau setengah abad. kan?



diam.



ni dah balik Malaysia, boleh renung langit lama-lama balik. duduk dekat India langit tak berapa nak berbintang. atau tak berapa nak feel bila kau dongak langit cari bintang,yang kau jumpa ialah asap kelabu sama bunyi keretapi berdentum dentum ketuk gegendang telinga kau. kan?


back to the root.
back to who i'm supposed to be with.

family.

too many mosquitoes.i cannot sleep!

it's been awhile people. it's been awhile.





so... i have another 40 days before my final MBBS exam. how time flies fast / sigh/ well i got to finish what i started. this is the time to prove to myself that i can do this! 

anyway.. remember when i wrote in my past entries about how i want to go to Seoul/South Korea so bad it hurts? well...i went there twice already. yeah! went there in October 2012 and the latest trip was last June. please don't ask me why am i so interested in Korea. i can give you thousands reasons,yet you will still be sceptical and told me i only went there for Kpop (well,that was one of the many reasons for those trips but i do have another beneficial reasons in my mind so..yeah.)


and before the June trip to Korea,i went to Singapore. well..that was pure kpop-intentional-trip, and one of the spontaneous trips i've gone through. like the last June trip to Seoul..that was spontaneous too. made up my mind within 2 days,booked a ticket,and flew over there,right after i finished my Emergency Medicine exam. 

Singapore was.... fine. but Seoul trip was more than GREAT! 

i'll put some pictures so you won't get bored with my rants (but you're the one who choose to read this?) 

4 of us went to Coffee Cojjee (one of kpop idols's cafe and there's a popular salon situated above the cafe).We went there not to see the idols,but just to have a sip of the coffee and the yogurt smoothie of this cafe. they are so delicious.the taste of its berries smoothies still lingers in my mouth,i almost gone crazy while typing this / sigh/ 

this picture was taken at one of MangoSix cafe at Sinsadong area. the Korean woman is my friend,J eonni (eonni = sister) / oh i miss being in Sinsadong -.- / 

this was one of the street performances we saw.this was in Ehwa Woman University area. me and my friends were so freaking tired from walking and shopping in that area,so we decided to sit down and listen to this performance. the guy in red cardigan with tambourine is cute though. ahaha 

this was at Han River,waiting for the sunset,while eating ddeobokki (rice cake.go google i'm too lazy to explain) and some takoyaki / they were delicious T^T / and of course.... snacks and banana milk! the ambience during this time was so peaceful,i almost made up my mind to migrate to Seoul in few years -.-

and of course..... CUBE Cafe! this is like the must-go-place for me.but whatever. i have nothing to say about this because i admit it,the sole reason i went here was to see kpop idols. well,i managed to greet Hyunah (again,go google). 

okay this was me and Sya. walao..look how tired i was.those eyebags and eyes..barely opened! haha this was while walking/strolling in some random streets in Seoul,i think. but i look flawless so..yeay! / slap myself/ i'm sorry -.-

one of the many love-locks at Namsan Tower.it is said that if you put love locks on the fences of Namsan Tower,your love will remained forever. i did put one lock on the fence at this tower.i know believing in such things is kurafat. but let's take it easy. isn't it nice to come back to this place and reminiscence about all the good memories i had with my friends during this trip? right? so i made one. not for my future-anything,but for me and my friends who got involved in this crazy-money consuming-time consuming-energy depleting-spontaneous-trip. 

i must say..my life has been more happier and less stressful after coming back from this trip. i finally realise that travelling is really my 'thing'. i get to know my own potentials (mind you, travelling in a country where 90% of its citizen don't know how to speak/even understand english IS hard.Thank God for all those k-dramas and kpop songs,i at least know what to speak and what not to ask to Korean people). and the most important thing is..i know that i can not be stuck with being a boring,no-fun doctor for my whole life. i learned what moderation is, i learned how to be a better person by knowing different kinds of people during this trips,and i made a whole lot of new friends. really. and as for the behind stories of how do i learned all this things...let me just keep it to myself. because if i was to tell each one of them,it will take a very long time,a every long post,that will bore you to death. hehehe 

so... just let me come out of these memories of seoul first.

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okay.i'm out. 

it's 40 days before final MBBS exam..and i'm not fully ready to be a doctor yet. but i believe that my God will not leave me and i'm doing my best.i will pull through this and gain success! 

dear self.... please don't give up on yourself! you can do this! 파이팅!