Happy New Year!

Happy be-lated Holidays and Happy New Year to all our friends and family. The season came and went without a peep from me. What can I say? I guess nothing. We had a wonderful holiday. The children were all here. We saw aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and more. The past 2 months have been filled with joy and laughter. The highlight of our holiday was definitely going to see the musical "Wicked" on Christmas Eve. A gift from grandma Demke. What a treat. Lots of gifts were exchanged but we were most happy just to be all together under one roof for Christmas. We all agreed that was our best gift this year.

Our family got another big Christmas surprise/gift a little early this year. We found out we will be expecting another sibling in August. This is my excuse for the long winter nap from my blog. I'm one of the unlucky women who has a pretty miserable first trimester. Complete exhaustion and all day sickness. Pretty much like having the flu for 4 months. But just the same we are very happy and excited to be expanding the family once again. 

As the year comes to a close and as I have been spending a lot of time laying around and thinking, I have been wondering what this new year will bring for our family. I obviously have my hopes and wishes but as I looked back on the past year I realized that for me it had been a pretty disappointing year-and I feel bad for that. I don't want to spend another year feeling the way I did this past. I've realized that whatever we hope for and whatever we want often doesn't come when we would would like it to and that's just the way things go. Too bad so sad, what are you going to do? Sometimes nothing other than wait. And a  year is just too long to be angry and sad. We had the missionaries over a few weeks ago and part of their message was from the Preach my Gospel manual. This was like the perfect wrap up for our family and I wondered why they felt inspired to share this particular message that night. It really changed the whole feeling and tone in our home.

Patience

Patience is the capacity to endure the delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God's will and accept his timing. When you are patient, you hold up under adversity calmly and hopefully. Patience is related to hope and faith- you must wait for the Lord's promised blessings to be fulfilled. 

So no matter what is in store for us this year and we look forward to one miracle coming, I plan on making it a good one filled with joy. No matter what is or isn't happening. 

I keep thinking about the words to a song that I love. "Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same." It doesn't. I look back at the past 10 years of my life and remember that as each January rolled around I was somewhere completely different in my life. But somewhere a little farther along than the year before. Life changes, it never stays the same. So once again I look forward to another year for the Demke family. Whatever it may or may not bring. 

Here's to a very very Happy New Year! With much love to our dear friends and family, we love you all. Best Wishes to 2009!

Thank you Ruth for the beautiful family photos. You are the best!

pop pop the ol' dust mop

My term of endearment.

I was talking to my dad today and lamenting over some Gavin issues. Again. Some new changes coming up.  I was worrying (out loud) trying to figure out what would/could/should happen a year from now, 4 years from now; about planes, trains, missions, weddings, social security, you name it, related to Gavin and this crappy custody order. 

He stopped me mid sentence and said- (or very close)

Susie don't worry about that right now, You can't do anything about it now so don't think about it. Just get through today. 

Good ol' Dad. He always gets it just right. 

You know what? I think I will! 

It was nice to have permission to take a load off. I will deal with that when I get there.  

It's been an easy day today and it felt nice. Happy Thanksgiving to me!

Hindsight

I added a new blog to my list that I am eager to share. My friend Michelle's. I have known Michelle since we were very young girls in Young Women. It's been a joy to reconnect as Older Women which we did through Facebook (one of the reason I really like it) and it's been so therapeutic chatting with her again. And free! I asked her if she had a blog, she has two. One of them is- In Pursuit of Parenthood- her on-line diary if you will of her personal struggles with infertility. She warned me it might be a "bit of a downer." I will say it most certainly is not. I think it's very poignant and insightful. Thank you Michelle for letting me put this up.

In our "chats" we have come to find out that even though we are not going through anything similar two people can really connect and understand mutual feelings of hurt, loss, pain, anger. The list goes on. As she and I have talked and shared we've come to the conclusion that people can be experiencing two very different trials in life but feel very much the same. Pain is pain. So when they say I know how you feel, maybe they do.

We have also come to the conclusion that hindsight is where we want to be (today would be nice:) but we are grateful to have the insight to know that it always comes. Months, maybe years but it does and then things could make sense. We are pretty certain of this. But in the mean time anger, frustration, and fear are okay too and it's okay to just own up to it. To go ahead and dwell on it some days and say- I don't like this, I want it to be better, I feel lost, I feel forgotten. I felt like He should have been there. It felt like He wasn't.

You don't need to remind me of how much I have and how much I have to be grateful for because that doesn't always make it better. I know and I am aware, but loss hurts. I hurt. Other things/people/blessings/choose a word, no matter how wonderful they are don't replace or fill the void. Maybe it should but usually it doesn't.

Yes- we find joy in the journey. Yes- we are faithful, yes- we will be hopeful, and we are learning to be patient but I am looking forward to hindsight. He was there.

"Its always okay in the end. So if it's not okay, than it's not the end."

Whitley

If anyone reading this knows Whitley you know she is a very.....exuberant child. A little weird, very loud, and all around a one of a kind girl who changes her clothes approximately 4 times a day. Sometimes I can get a little overwhelmed- read: want to pull out my hair with her and I forget what a little angel we have roaming the halls of this house. Christian left this on my computer for me to remind me of the softer side of Whitley. The side we don't see too often but is there.

When she was a baby I could not get enough of her. She was like my doll. I dressed her up in fun dresses and bows and paraded her around. She would smile and really play it up for anyone who would look in her direction. She still does. A room full of people is a room full of friends. Friends ready to adore her. In Whitley's World. We say Whitley's World because there is one, just no one but her has cracked the code to get in yet. 

When she was a baby and it was just Me, Whitley and Gavin we would all sleep in one big bed because no one wanted to sleep alone and I would feel like everything was just perfect. Right there in that bed and those were some of my happiest memories. When I was watching this video (and sobbing) I was thinking I would give anything to go back and have one day with that chubby little girl baby. I just want to feel and hold her one more time when she was small like that. 

Scroll down.

New post 2 down. It was sitting in my drafts for a week. I can't figure out how to switch it and I'm feeling too lazy to try.

A little side note...

It is worth noting in case "N" ever happens upon this blog for some weird reason that she is actually a very professional lawyer who doesn't try or want to waste my time or do anything that she doesn't have to do to represent me the best she can. She is a very nice lady and even though I would like to say it was a pleasure doing business with her, it wasn't, but she made it as nice as she could considering the circumstances.  She just does what has she has to. And makes a killing. 

If you really want to know...

I have had a couple friends notice and ask how I have recently lost a little weight. The last of my baby weight. From the baby I had a year and a half ago. Well I would be happy to share. It was simple really. Lots and lots of fresh stress. Tons of it. And a good old friendly lawyer. 

My ex husband decided recently to drudge up some new custody issues. I thought we would be going to court to rehash the worst and longest custody case that we had just finished for the second time around 5 months ago. That alone makes you want to vomit and sometimes makes you really vomit or if anything just loose your appetite. 5 pounds.  You can't enjoy food when you are wondering if this could be your last good meal before you go broke and have to start eating the beans from your food storage. I don't know if any of you have had to hire a lawyer but the rumors are true. They are really expensive friends. We have a couple for various aspects of our life. Mostly for business but our personal favorite and top on our payroll right now is our Family Law lawyer. 

My advice is to always skip hello when they call you because they do charge you for it and no matter what, even if they ask to be nice, DO NOT talk about your kids or vacation!!!! That's expensive chit chat. I think it will cost you roughly 12 and half dollars just to answer your phone and say "Hello?"  when they call. So having that looming over our heads and I won't even get into it, there are inevitably lots of phone calls that go like this.

Hi Susie it's N.......

Me- (sh*&). HEY THERE! Okay,What's going on now? 

N- How are you? How are the kids?

Me- They're alive. What's up?

N- Okay I have a little bad news....

Me-( #&!*) I'm not actually saying these swear words. Just loudly thinking them. That would cost me.

N- Well I just talked to S (the enemy lawyer) and blah blah blah 10min blah blah blah 25min blah blah blah 45min blah blah blah 1 hour. So do you want to agree to what he is asking?

Me-No.

N- Okay but here is what will probably go down now. blah blah blah hour-10min blah blah blah hour-20min . So what do you think?

Me- Still no.

N- Okay I will have to call his attorney now and discuss with her what we talked about.

Me-Great.

Then 3 days later we get a familiar envelope in the mail with our bill of 500 dollars for that conversation and HER conversation with S (enemy lawyer) that nothing came out of. See, unfortunately ex and I decided to go out all "Dynasty" style and hire the two biggest (meaning most expensive) lawyers in Fresno. We literally write out a massive check to this woman every month for multiple of these productive phone calls; and I actually sent her a fruit bouquet once! When I thought we had finished this whole shenanigan! The message was basically- Thank you and please don't call back. Enjoy some fruit.  And that- gives you diarrhea. 10 pounds. The massive checks, not the fruit although it can if you are the one eating it. I'm sharing all my tricks here. 

When I meet or speak with people going into law my advice/question always is- Are you trying to change the world or get rich? Be honest with yourself and go into family law and send your kids to Harvard and drive that dream car! Go for it!

So that's the secret. It wasn't Weight Watchers, I didn't exercise. I just have a mean ex-husband and friendly lawyer. Very bad combo. Or very good if you are trying to lose a few lb's, depends on how you look at it.

Is it worth it. No. 

I would gladly take those 10 pounds back along with my **** dollars. I could have bought some shoes or just paid for lipo. 

Superman OOOOOOOOHHH!

Well it was another wonderful Gavin weekend- a week ago. I'm slow with photos. Gavin and I kicked it off Friday night at his school's Mother Son dance. It was a Hawaiian theme dance. Hence Grandpa's hawaiian shirts and plastic lei's. Guess who didn't pull her butt of the dance floor until 8:00 PM. That's right. Me, dancing queen, feels seventeen. I really do. We danced till  lights came on, the disco ball dimmed and  the magic ended. We partied pretty hard to the Chicken Dance-lame, the Macarena- we love a song with a purpose, the new Macarena- it has a new name and I don't know what it is but there are some slides, a cha cha part, foot stomps and  some spoken word instruction during the song about what moves you are supposed to do,  SoulJa Boy- (I don't know it that is misspelled properly)- lots of little fast hops and a long slide whilst spreading your arms out wide like you're swimming when SoulJa Boy sings the word "supermaaaan" and "ooooohhhh", Cotton Eyed Joe- we had a mom who is a closet clogger I guess because she busted some serious moves/routine when that one played, and much much more. The highlight was probably dancing to SoulJa Boy.  All the little boys 2 nd grade through 6 th ran out (he's very popular amongst male youth)  to do this frantic hopping- sliding- swimming- dance and I (the most frantic) sort of got stuck in the middle trying to keep up with all of them as all the other moms quickly  hit the sidelines for punch and cookies. Probably making fun of me no doubt. "...is that Gavin Fluharty's mother?... oh my gosh it is.... she looks like a giraffe...she's so sweaty" They kind of talk about me already so that whole spectacle  was probably just more for their arsenal. The talk is that I have huge underpants. Now it's huge underpants AND floppy dancer. Oh well. Gavin still happens to  think I'm cool this year. So they can piss off. He loves to dance and still loves to dance with me. He lets me put my hands in his back pockets when we slow dance. It's just something I really like to do. I wonder how many more years I'm  going to be able to pull that off before he gets too cool for me to be holding his butt cheeks, flail around to the Chicken Dance, swim dance to SoulJa Boy and still find me hilarious and fun. I hope at least until sixth grade. All in all it was fun and we can't wait to go next year. FYI- Gavin got his dancing skills from me. He's hot!

Two things. 

1. I heard there is a video of instruction to the dance routine of  "Crank It" sung by SoulJa Boy for young children wishing to learn it for themselves. If anyone has it I would like to borrow it in case next year this song is still cool; I would like to know what I am doing and surprise Gavin. 

2. The reason I know the moms think I have weird underpants is because I took Gavin to his classmates pool party 2 summers ago and I had on low jeans and when I bent over to put my hands in the water my shirt and jeans totally separated and exposed the five yards of white stretchy underwear that I had on and I heard one of the moms in a group of four or five behind me gasp. Very loudly. It's fine. They are really big.

 End of the night. These are out of order.

I have to say Gavin is a great date.

I wanted him to put his hands in my pockets too. I think that was pushing it.

Riahnna? Rihanna? Lyrics "S.O.S. Please someone help (or) stop me". 

There were 2 limbo poles for the moms and boys and the boys loved it. Mom's not so much. I did it!
Let's get this party started! We really like Pink. I do. Really.

                                                Prom pose!

I heart Roatan!

We're home. Have been for awhile. I'm just slow slow slow. We had a great trip, Christian and I.  2 years. Yeah! Of course by Thursday we missed the kids so much we could hardly stand it and pretty much everything we did all week all we talked about was how much the children would love it. Sniff. Is that normal? It rained about 80% of the trip so we watched the whole season and half and the second of 30 Rock downloaded on Christian's lap top. But we loved it. Is that normal? Still, by Thursday we felt a little antsy and restless. It's strange having nothing to do for so long. How do people take longer holidays?  It just felt so weird 5 days in and not having to do something for someone. It was lovely and I don't recommend it because I don't want everyone to find out about this amazing beautiful place. It was wonderful and even missing the kids it was a perfect anniversary trip. We just decided the next one will have to be about 3 or 4 days. We're pathetic, I know! We missed the kids. 

I'm very excited for the weekend. Gavin is in Norco and we are all together for a few days. Hip Hip Hurray! I will put up some more pictures of my little darlings. I'm so excited I can't sleep which is why I am doing this at midnight. 

pictures, pictures and more pictures

A few random extra photos.


One of the few times he didn't wear a speedo. Boo!
One of the few times I didn't wear a speedo.
Our friends the Italians. You can't see the hairy one in his speedo.

We took a beautiful hike and could see everything. Amazing.
Our hike. Lots of rain.
Seven steps from our door. Heaven.


I would not touch one. Surprise. I could hardly take a picture. 

I taught this monkey patty cake. He loved it. And "guess which hand."


This was my least favorite activity of the trip. I did not have fun doing this.

Our good missionaries. There are only 2 on the whole island with no mission leader or anything. They were so sweet. Love them!
A few members in the ward we visited. There is only one small ward and it was such a treat to visit. They were so kind and came even though it was pouring rain and the power kept going out. Half of church was in the dark, well dim. We could see. 
One thing I love about the Relief Society here , six women that day, is the babies are crying, kids are coming in and out and no one even bats and eye or looks up. No tense pretend smile that means- are you going to take your kid out or what so I can listen. 

In my world

I wish it was socially acceptable to wear an evening gown around when I run errands. It would just make me happy and be a lot more fun. 

Maybe some gloves too. I really love gloves. 

JENNY HAD HER BABY

Gorgeous even in labor. How does that work out?
 I love Andy's face in this picture.
SO BEAUTIFUL! and smelly?









Before I leave I just wanted to post that Jenny Demke had her baby. AND I GOT TO BE THERE! It was so amazing. Cohen James Demke was born October 15th at 10:03pm and weighed 8lb 9oz. And I must say he is beautiful. Becky and I rushed down to Escondido around 7:30 pm. I thought she had already had it because Andy called around 6:00pm and said she was fully dilated getting ready to go.  I thought he had to be mistaken with his information. Oh no. Jenny pushed for almost 4 HOURS. 4 HOURS! I didn't even know they let women go that long. I'm so glad she had a patient doctor and nurse. When we crept into the room around 9:30pm (we took a little detour) we hear PUSH! and 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and breeeeeth and I got nervous and scared that we would walk in and she would be screaming and angry. Oh no. We peeked around the curtain and like a labor model (if there is there such a thing)  there is Jenny pushing and smiling looking absolutely calm and even a little bored. After her push she layed (is that a word?) back, looked over at us, gave us a big grin and warmly welcomed us into the room. She had been pushing for 3 hours already! Is that right? Almost 3? I could not believe it. She was so calm and she even looked pretty! Who looks pretty when they push out a baby? Jenny Demke does. She did so good. She kept a funny attitude and Andy was so sweet. He had chapstick duty. He was on it! It was so wonderful to be part of that. Cohen ended up needing a little help on his way out. He was being stubborn. When the doctor handed the baby to Jenny everyone was crying, if I could describe Andy's face it would melt your heart. I have never seen him look so happy and calm and serene. Something in that very instant just changed completely, in his face and it was one of the sweetest moments I have ever experienced. The entire thing. The best part was when they kind of cleaned Cohen up and gave him to Jenny again, she leaned over to kiss him and sniffed him I guess and looked at her baby and said- you smell funny. It was so cute. Everyone was crying and laughing. What a blessing. We are so happy for our new cousin and proud of Jenny and Andy. They will be wonderful parents. Cohen is so lucky. We love you guys.

Go For the Nerds!

                                       My other ride is my COWBOY!!! (look at his shirt)



                                                                         Not quite.
                                                                     Even worse.
                                                               Good enough.

                                                                The Demke's

Today is the BIG 0-2!  Christian and I are celebrating 2 whole years of marital bliss! Wahoo! I know most of our friends are coming up on 8,9,10, even 14!, but we are pretty excited about celebrating 2 years. Hey we're still newlyweds. How fun is that? It's fun.

I don't know if either one of us even imagined what we had coming but we both agree, despite all the challenges we have endured so far, life just wasn't as good until we paired up. I always tell him-There is no else I would rather do this with. All the hard stuff. All the good stuff. Life. It's all been better with him. 

Christian is my best friend. He tells me I'm his. I know most everyone on both sides of the family were surprised that we ended up together. Some were even skeptical. But we have a lot more in common than meets the eye. We both can watch really stupid movies and be fairly entertained. We both laugh out loud at all the same parts. We both love movie popcorn and get sick after eating it. Me- physically.... Mmm... well maybe the similarities stop there but we're moving in the same direction. Isn't that what really matters? Trying to a least. 

I think somewhere amid all the chaos and stress of trying to become a successful blended family we have hit our stride. I'm thankful to have a balance to all my quirks and imperfections and neurosis. I always tell him how lucky he was that he got me, but we ALL know it's really the other way around. Once while we were still engaged- Gavin, myself, and Whitley were driving back from Norco to Fresno and Gavin looked over at me in the car and said- Mom we sure are lucky we found Christian aren't we. Lots of tears. Yes, Gavin we are. Not only is Christian a wonderful husband and father he is a wonderful step-father. Talk about a difficult and sometimes thankless job. He has heard his fair share of- You can't make me, I'm asking MY MOM, and more variations of, but he is patient, kind, loyal, and loving to 3 children who will hopefully someday see how much he does for them and their mother. We are lucky we found Christian. He was just hiding out in Norco for the past 30 years! Christian is the glue that holds this ship together. Our hodge podge boat that I'm the captain of. It floats just fine and we may be moving along slowly but we're moving along and hopefully always in the right direction. 

I have to just share this. It's been a rocky road for all of us. We kind of have a different set of rules than most families and it's hard to navigate around them at times. But we make it work. We try to make to make it fun. We all make sacrifices and sometimes someone comes up short. But we just try to roll with it and be there for each other. We try to remember to hug and smile and kiss. Maybe sometimes if you were to ask there would be things I wish we could change but we can't. Things are the way they are and we have to learn to just be happy anyway. 

In a way we are really celebrating 2 years of becoming a family. One big happy family- with a lot of smelly stupid pets. Mostly just the cat and dog. They are so stupid. Our anniversary marks the beginning of our marriage and the marriage of 2 kids, some ex's, step-parents, step- grandparents, half- brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, old cats, and you name it. It's whole pot of a lot of people and one divorced cat. It makes for a lot of Christmas presents. We have however decided to leave them all home this year and just the 2 of us take our anniversary trip. To Roaton! Airfare would have been outrageous. 

My mother told me I should always date the nerds. They make great husbands she told me. This they do! So to my nerd- My whip smart, funny, urban rodeo cowboy, speedo wearing nerd. I love you. Happy Anniversary and thank you for the last 2 years. It's been a pleasure doing business with you!

I'll talk more about the speedo in my next post. We're out of here!

Okay..

Disclaimer: I'm hooked on Facebook. It is cool. I'm not ashamed.

Facebook and lonely evenings in Fresno

I joined Facebook. While I found it so cool I am also very scared of it. For so many reasons. I have never really understood how it works and felt like with my blog and e-mail I was keeping up with the Kardashians okay and all, BUT apparently I was not. I sort of stumbled on it by trying to spy on a girl I was trying to set my brother up with. Her sister, my friend, casually asked if he had a Facebook page, (I have no idea), her sister did, he could look her up if he wanted to check her out. Well I wanted to check her out too so I thought I could just casually browse on Facebook. Not so. I know everyone knows this and I'm lame but I really had no clue what it really was about. Really I didn't. I'm out of it, what can I say. MySpace for people over 30 ish. Right? And all I ever really knew about MySpace was the stuff I read in Newsweek about all the perverts and and mean girl cheerleader bullies and things like that. So Facebook is for mean cheerleader girl bullies after they turn 30? Honestly I never bothered to do either because it would require me figuring something else out on top of the 500 other things I have to figure out already. Things like who pooped on the carpet in the playroom. There's just a lot going on right now. Besides I'm currently stuck at a 3rd grade learning cap right now. I'm just keeping up with Gavin.
So, I am trying to check out this girl- I actually Googled Facebook and started looking for her and realized that I have to open an account. Hmm. Okay whatever, I start following the directions, Confirm-Confirm-Confirm- I have an account. Would you like to put up a photo? No. Edit your profile? -No. I just want to see what she looks like! AND to do that----- I have to ask to be her friend? What!? No way. Why do I have to ask to be her friend? Forget it. Daniel can just tell me if they go out. I have never been comfortable approaching people and asking to be friends. Probably why I have few.
So a couple days later I get 2 e-mails. So and so on Facebook would like to be your friend. Oh it's Emily! Long time no see or hear. This could be fun. I don't want to be boring so I replace my shadow picture with a real one and make up a small boring bio with a link to my blog for my 2 new "friends". It's all I can figure out.
Next day before bed I go to check my e-mail. OH HOLY CRAP.
I slowly back away from my computer and with my arms pressed to my sides, that is how I speedwalk, and I quickly and silently speedwalk to my room where Christian is. Because it's late.

Me- Um, Christian can I talk to you for a second. (BTW- I don't have to ask to talk to my husband or wait for him to grant me entrance to our room. Before he goes to bed he likes to engage in what I refer to as his "nerd time" which invloves some really nerdy book or a tivo'd episode of South Park or Battlestar Galactica or something like that. He gets really engrossed and jovial so I don't like to interrupt it) But this was an emergency. Here is the gist of our conversation. Let me share my ignorance.
Christian-Yes?
Me- Um, Could you tell me everything you know about Facebook?
Christian- (pauses South Park) Okay, why?
Me- Okay-wellIopenedmyemailandIhadlike20emailsofpeoplewhoappearedoutofnowherefromtheworldwidewebeandtheyareallaskingtobemyfriendandthere'ssomanyandIhavetoignoreorconfirmandIdont'knowwhattodoandwhotosayyestoandwhotosaynotoandhowtorespondandtheywillallseethelinktomyblogwhichisbasicallyonlyreadbymymomandsistersandmyfourfriendsandIalwaystalkaboutdiarrheaandmaybeImmorepoularthanIeverknew but .............I'm scared.
Christian- What are you scared of?
Me- My new found notoriety.
Christian- silence-
Me-What?
Christian- Susie, okay first they don't really want to be your friend or if they are they aren't re- asking. It's a way of asking to view or peek at your profile............ (gives brief explanation of Facebook. He doesn't have an account but this is the perk of being married to a tech nerd, even though millions of non nerdy people can do it, anything he can figure out and I can't I just assume it's because he's a tech nerd and I'm lame.) and it really has nothing to do with your being........... "popular or notorious". Plus I am assuming if some of these people knew you before, you were probably still talking about poo and diarrhea then and they won't be too surprised you are still talking about it now. There is much worse out on the Internet and you're not the only person with a blog talking about diarrhea.
Me-why did you use air quotes? Speaking of peeking I saw something about poking and I am scared to click anything in the screen by their pictures because I don't want to poke anyone. Is that rude. It sounds gross.
Christian-More explanation about poking. (I'm still confused.)
Me- So it's not me
Christian- no.
Me-So I'm not wildly popular
Christian- no.
Me-Poking and Peeking are two different things.
Christian-Is this something you can handle?
Me-Probably not.
Christian-then cancel it.
Me-all my new friends will think I am dissing them.
Christian- Susie can I finish South Park?
Well- I do know, now, that it's normal to have like 300 friends on Facebook. 20 just seemed like so many, all at once. I was so overwhelmed. You can laugh. But between then and now I can't stop looking at Facebook! But I don't get it. I don't get Facebook and it scares me. Have I rejected someone without knowing. I feel like such a dork. And old. Age wise I'm technically on the MySpace/Facebook cusp so I'm not that old. I don't eat Filet o Fish and Maple Bars are gross. Elizabeth.
My friend/ old friend /new Facebook friend Emily mentioned to me on my "wall" that her husband sat by 2 guys on an airplane who kept talking about Japanese anime and reminisced I would have classified them as belonging in the "4th Dimension." That is a place I apparently made up (I don't remember) where nerds live. What happened if I married one, do I exist there too, with him? Or am I the nerd and Christian has to be in the 4th Dimension with me? It's probably the later but I guess I make the rules since I made it up. Well this nerd can't deal with Facebook. It makes me anxious about the responsibility of accepting friends or ignoring them. That is way too much for my guilty conscience. I struggle already with people confirming or ignoring me in my normal daily life. It's like being 14 all over again. It will control me. It's like having the "ring" from Lord of the Rings. Having a Facebook page is like wearing the ring. It's been calling to me since I opened it and I was up all night the other night looking at people. Who is going to ask to be my friend next? Who can I spy on. I am turning into Gollum and Facebook "My Precious" Then to be able to confirm or ignore. Oh the power. I can't wear the ring. It will consume me. (I think that definitely qualified me for the 4th Dimension).
Here's what fascinated me though. I peeked (didn't poke) at people I haven't seen in years. I wish there was a way to look with out having to ask. Isn't that voyeurism? That's the great thing about blogs. No asking. It totally indulges my need for private stalking. Except for April's, who's blog posts my location every time I look at it. Damn. But fortunately she is a self admitted stalker like me so it's cool. I think I have to stick to just this blog. I think it's time to cancel my Facebook. After the whole 2 days it's been up. Can I do it?
Maybe.
Not.
Poor Christian. He has another addiction to deal with now.
Anyway. Just lame musings. We are in Fresno this week (yeah!) so no pictures to post. Just lots of time to write and write and write.....

3+1 = lots of fun.

When you have a moment to have a really good laugh click on to my link 3 peas and a carrot. My sister who has triplets and one very neurotic son, (hey, it runs in the family) this is her blog. It's too good to keep to myself. Read her journal entries, (there aren't too many) it will help remind you that if you you think your life is hard it could always be worse. You could have hers.- I'm kidding! She's not though. It will just make you happy. Like a donut in the middle of the afternoon. Really there isn't a person on the planet who could do a better job at this than her and make it so entertaining for the rest of us. She is amazing and I love to be around that family. It is never boring. As you can see. 

Jill tagged me

My friend Jill tagged me. It's a cool game. And you know me, I love a a chain e-mail. Is this a chain blog? Anyway- this is good because I haven't been motivated to do any blogging so this will count. Plus who loves to talk about me more than me? 

Susie has been tagged. Curtain. 

Ten years ago I was....

1. 20 years old

2. going to Fresno City College. Sometimes.

3. working at an eye doctors office doing the most boring insurance work with the most spiteful crabby old ladies EVER. Who hated me, therefor giving me a deep rooted complex about people hating me that no amount of therapy has cured yet. I HATED that job. And maybe if I ever see a certain someone, maybe named---- (I edited the name, I got scared), I will kick her in the shins and run. Maybe.

4. also was a nanny for that eye doctor and his wife who was 30 years younger. I recently found out she left him. Suprise

5. this is so hard- it was a boring year. I was 21 when I had Gavin. Erase the was. 10 years ago I thought I knew everything.

five things on my "to do" list....

1. Gavin + Norco

2. vacuum

3. get the kids Halloween costumes

4. finish book "Joseph Smith: Rough Rolling Stone"

5. learn how to add  cool seasonal backrounds and friend links on my blog. Maybe some music or something also.

five snacks I enjoy....

This is a tough. It's so hard to pick. Like asking which child do I like most. Kidding. When I do snack it's not anything very exciting. Just what's around. 

1. Cheese. Good strong smelly cheese. NOT cheeze balls.

2. Diet Coke

3. Sour jelly bellys. In my bed when I read. 

4. Pineapple, grapes, fruit.

5. Dips. Any kind of dip. I love to dip food. French onion dip is responsible for all of my massive pregnancy weight gain. I can pretty much can eat the entire tub. I know that's gross.

five places I have lived....

1. Redding Ca. -Waaaaay up North. I was born there. Ask about the deer antlers in my dining room.

2. Rexburg Idaho -Very pretty

3. Fresno Ca.- I left my heart 

4. Modesto Ca.- Smelly

5. Sacramento Ca.-Lot's of snails

Those are not in chronological order

five jobs I have had....

1. Taco Bell. There Heather! You can not hold that over me anymore!!! You have no power over me now.  Now what are you going to use? Hmmm. 

That job was for two weeks. It's a long weird story how I ended up working there but it's another place I found myself in life because I have a hard time with the word "no". That could really be misinterpreted. A girl at my church was the manager and she offered and I didn't know her very well and it was just weird. But she is now like the CEO or something equivalent to at Taco Bell so- my loss.

2. Swim teacher

3. Cleaned my dad's office

4. Olive Garden

5. Louis Vargas Salon. Hairdresser 

fives things I would do if I was a multi- millionaire....

1. hire a better kick ass- mean- powerful lawyer. 

2. have someone blow out my hair for me everyday. That sounds really lazy but I have big unruly frizzy curly hair and so much of my life is spent dealing with it. No I can't let it be curly, I look like a boy.  I think this is why I have beefy shoulders because it is kind of a workout. Blowdrying, with a roundbrush. This is random but since I am talking about my hair this 80 year old lady I met at a whole foods cooking class tonight asked if I was expecting....  yeah.

 I'm not by the way.

3. Do all my home and yard projects

4. Donate/go to Darfur, the Congo, Sudan and try to do something there and work/volunteer to "Protect our Children" (Bill 1738) 

5. Get more therapy.

 

five people I tag...

(no pressure, just do it if you are feeling it) 

1. Jenny Demke

2. April Hunsaker

3. Allyson Motcheidler

4. Elizabeth Hanson

5. Kirt Hanson

I know mine is long. Sorry. Wait-no I'm not. Boundaries.