Difficulties

Ok, I'm ready to be pregnant, enough of this period crap. It's been a year and a half since we started trying for our second kid and I had a feeling it wasn't going to be easy, because of our first experience, but I honestly never expected this.

Everybody here is popping out kids like it was the easiest thing in the world. I know that can't be true because of how utilized our fertility health care is, but no one I know around me needs to use it. I try to be happy for everyone, every pregnancy and birth is really special and should never be taken for granted. I've been on the other side of the equation, when my sister in law was going through IVF and I was pregnant. Being treated like crap because you are pregnant and someone else isn't is really awful. I really never forgave her for it. The first time it took us a while to get pregnant but nothing compared to fertility treatments, it was enough of a taste of the experience to know that pregnancy should never be taken for granted, who knows when or if you'll be able to have another child. And low and behold, my feelings were truer than I ever even thought at the time.

Not being able to get pregnant is painful, but I try to keep those feelings from effecting my relationships with other women who are pregnant. When I read blogs and hear people bitching about pregnant women, I know where it comes from and empathize. But it's so hard for me to not get upset, and tell them that if anything they should understand the preciousness of being pregnant no matter how it happened. I couldn't forgive my sister in law before, and now that I'm going through fertility treatments myself and IVF is looming on the horizon I just feel my anger growing and growing. When I was pregnant the first time, I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy as much as I wanted too, I had to apoligize for my belly every time I walked in the room. My mother and father in law also had to keep their enthusiasm for our pregnancy in check so as to not offend their daughter. But look what happened now. I will never have an easy peasy conception with no stress. The first time will probably have been the closest thing that I had to experience that and it was taken away from me.

Infertility is hard. I just think women need to support eachother. If you've gone through an experience that teaches you to value something, then value it, don't just assume that the rest of the world takes everything for granted. Now I just have to take my own advice as I move through this experience. It's not easy in this world of 3 to 4 kids spaced two years apart, but I need to be strong and rise to the occasion.