Christmas Memories and Wishes

Wow, I have been awful at updating lately. I am not sure if anyone reads this anymore or if blogging is old school but who cares. I feel like I need to put a few things down for my kids to read later.

Christmas is fast approaching and it has got me thinking of all my Christmases past. Christmas as a young child, as a college student the year I married Kelly, and the first Christmas' of each of my children. With each has come tender memories, traditions, and tender moments spent with loved ones that are no longer here with me.

One Christmas that has forever changed me is the Christmas of 1995 just  2 months after my father died. I remember being so unbearably sad. My father had died unexpectedly in October and then my Grandfather had died tragically in front of me the first part of December. I felt all alone! Now maybe I should preface this post by saying what a huge Michael McLean fan I am. I saved all summer for a CD player and earned the money for one. My parents got me my first CD the Christmas before my dad died and it was Michael McLean "The Light Will Come" I played that CD so many times my siblings would hide it just so they wouldn't have to hear it! :) At my dads funeral someone sang "Your Not Alone" also by Michael McLean. I held onto the words of his songs, especially that one for dear life.

Then came Christmas that year without my dad or my grandpa. My mom was alone. A single mother now with no job and 4 kids to provide for. At the age of 13 and being the oldest I knew Christmas would not be much if anything, heck we were lucky to be standing. It was hard to get in the Christmas spirit as usual until 1 week before Christmas when a knock sounded on our tiny apartment door. I answered it and there stood a women I had never seen before. She asked for my mother. I quickly got her. The women look overcome as she started to explain she had known my father at work and how kind he was. She recounted how she was having a bad day and he had payed for her lunch once. She quickly held out an envelope saying they ha taken up a collection at work for our family for Christmas. I think there was about $200 in the envelope. As quickly as she said hello she said goodbye. Now, I wasn't thinking"Oh yeah Christmas is coming!" I actually was overcome with a different feeling one of complete love and hope. One of humility. Can you feel that at age 13 because I did? I couldn't believe people could be so kind! I went to bed with hope!

The next afternoon the doorbell rang and it was our church young women's group with arms full of wrapped presents for my entire family. They layed all the presents under the tree and like the scripture says the windows of heaven were opened and there was not room enough to receive it, literally we could not walk in our living room there were so many gifts! Again I was touched, not because my living room was filled with presents but because again there burned that ember of hope in my heart. The humility had returned.

Then for a third night in a row the door bell rang to our tiny apartment but when I opened the door there stood Santa with a worn and batted pick up truck and 4 bikes fresh from DI all fixed up for riding anywhere our hearts desired. You should have seen the look on my little brother and sisters faces....PRICELESS! Again...hope...humility!

Two of the gifts given were Michael McLean tapes. My sister and I played them over and over again. Sure enough the song they had sung at my dads funeral was on the cassette tape. "You are not alone. Even though right now your on your own. You are loved in ways that can't be shown your needs are known, your not alone!"

My mother received "The Forgotten Carols Soundtrack" and it to we listened to until the tracks were rubbed off. My new favorite songs, "Let Him In" and "I Cry the Day that i Take the Tree Down" because after that Christmas I did! That Christmas I learned that Christmas was more than gifts it was about a feeling. It was about sharing hope! It was about sharing the message Christ came to share when he was born in a humble stable.

My new Christmas tradition includes going to the Forgotten Carols every year and though my husband gets a little weary of it he realizes that Michael McLean's music reminds me of "Christmas' when{me and my dad and grandpa} will be together again." Michael added his own carol a couple of years ago and it has truly inspired me. Please read the words and "let's all arise and shine forth" this Christmas season. and remember that "all we ever wanted, all we ever dreamed of, everything we hoped, and all the things we prayed for, couldn't hold a candle to what we been given, we've been given what we need!"

                                              Arise and Shine Forth
He did not come in glory when He first came to earth
And most the world ignored His humble birth.
But the heavens were singing in celestial harmonies,
And a star guided some souls to their knees;
Those with ears to hear and eyes to see.

And the miracles followed, but the skeptics believed
They were lies spread by those who'd been deceived.
With their appetite for power, they mocked every word He said,
While the ones truly hungering He fed;
Those who hungered after righteousness he fed.

And the light that He gave was to lift and to save
And the burdens that He came to bear are the ones we can't carry and need to share

I give thanks for His sweetness; I have faith in His power,
And I know He'll strive with me every hour.
For He suffered in darkness, kneeling in Gethsemane,
So the light of His love could shine on me;
So the light of His love could shine through me.

Arise! Sisters, arise!

Arise and shine forth, let us add to the flame
That burns brightly in hearts that bear His name.
And the torch that's a standard for the nations all to see
Is the light of the world shining through me.

We are standing for something, prayerful in all things, comforting those that mourn.
We are gathering Zion, we can rely on this refuge from the storm
We are strengthened on every side in the light we cannot hide
We are united, spirits ignited, feeling the fire inside.
Arise and shine forth, and we'll add to the flame
That burns brightly in hearts that bear His name.
And this torch that's a standard for the nations all to see
Is the light of the world that shines in you and me;
It's the light of the world shining through me!

Graduation and Life Changes

Well folks we have a graduate can you believe it? We have a graduate, it seems like only yesterday she was a tiny 4# preemie and here she is all grown up and graduated (from kindergarten that is) I think i would actually die if I was sending any of my kids off to college yet!

Yep Addie graduated from kindergarten and she was so darn cute about it too! The teachers picked one boy and one girl from each class to be interviewed and Addie was one of them. I just giggled watching her up there. This is how her interview went:
Principle: So Addie what do you want to be when you grow up?
Addie: A Dancer!
Principle: That is wonderful! Do you take classes right now?
Addie: No.
Principle: Will you show us some of your best moves?
Addie (with a curled up face like no way!) : NO!
Principle: So Mrs. Moeller is your teacher?
Addie: Yes!
Principle: What is your favorite thing she taught you?
Addie (thinking very seriously for quite sometime): Learning!

Who me?

Lining up to receive her diploma

Shaking the wrong hand!

Got it right!

Addie and her BFF Abby

The Girl Friends

Car Pool Group

Daddy and his Princess!

Mommy & her baby!

Addie & Grandma

I will try to post a short video later if I can figure it out. She is so funny! Out of all of the kindergartners she was really dancing during their musical numbers. She has got some mad moves!

Later that day I took her to get her hair cut by my cousin Sam and we were telling her all about Addies graduation. I was specifically showing her how Addie danced during the musical numbers. Addie stopped me and very seriously stated, "Mom Mrs Moeller said to PUT SOME RAZZLE DAZZLE IN IT! So that's what I was doing!" It was so cute how she said it just so matter of factly that I started to giggle so I hard I almost peed my pants. Ahhh Addie I love you! I can't believe you are going to 1st grade!

Just prior to graduation we got moved into our new house! Thanks to all those who helped make it happen, you are all life savers! We are trying to unpack and settle in. You would think after moving over 20 times in my life I would be use to this but we were in our last home for 8 years and I think I may have forgotten the emotional toll moving can have on people. It has been sad to say goodbye to our old home. Austin was only 18 months old when we moved in, Macee 4 months old. Addie was brought home to that house. There are a lot of memories there. We loved our ward! You are probably reading this and thinking, why did you move then? It was time. We had outgrown the space. We have prayed about moving for 4 years now but no opportunities have opened themselves up until now and we felt good about this move. I just didn't realize that moving would feel like breaking up with my old house. I have been an emotional wreck!

I am still trying to figure out how I can feel so alone in a sea of people. Our ward is over 700 members! It is HUGE! I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed and not like "outgoing Amber" I actually sat by myself in relief society 2 weeks ago and nobody said more than 2 words to me. Tons of people have said, just go over and introduce yourself! I know trust me I have thought the exact same thing but for some reason I am getting shy in my old age. Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed this move so I could step out of my comfort zone.

We do love being out in the country but in a subdivision and the people we have met are super nice and welcoming! Do me a favor and pray that I get some guts soon. I don't know that I can feel this lonely forever! :)

Kelly had his 6 month check up at the U of U. Good News! His PSC is under control and we can now got to yearly check ups but the hepatologist was not super impressed with Kelly's diabetes management and how he is feeling about his colitis so he sent us back to IF to talk to his endocrinologist and his GI specialist to get those under control because both of those issues can flare his PSC. So we will forge forward. We are thankful for good news for now! :)

Macee is doing Sprouts this summer. It is a gardening program for kids her age. They have 2 lessons a week and the grow their own garden at the community gardens. She LOVES IT! Good thing because her mom has a black thumb and kills most anything green. Maybe she can teach me a thing or two by the end of summer! She already knows more than I do.

Austin is struggling a bit to adjust to the move. He did make one new friend up here that likes to play basketball. When his friend drops by Austin lights up and they both go and get their jam on in the driveway and the girls go and play cheerleader. They have nicknamed Austin "Mini MJ" Austin does love our new deck and watching the sunset from it. Today he read a whole book on the deck. I think it might be his new special place in the house.

Well, before you are bored to tears I will end this super lengthy post. Good night friends!

Moving.....?

So I have gone back and forth with myself whether I should post about this on my blog because last time I posted we were moving and got all excited it fell all apart and I was crushed for months but I am too excited and I feel too blessed. Plus we tentatively have a closing date of next week so. Da da da ta da..... drum roll.... we are moving. we feel so blessed! Knock on wood, everything has just fallen into place. We had heard from a couple of friends that there is a contractor that would possibly buy our home if we bought one of his. i can not even tell you how many stars had to align for this to happen. we had to qualify for the loan, our house had to work for him, we had to come up with extra money (which by a grace of our Heavenly Father became available to us.), and last but not least I have had to exercise amazing patience. Our new house is perfect. Perfect size in a quiet neighborhood out in the country. Well the country by Idaho Falls standards and I know 2 of our neighbors already. We can see all of Idaho Falls from our back deck. The craftsmanship of Rob Phelps is amazing! I am sorry I am NOT by any means trying to brag but this has been a goal for us for the last 4 years and it is finally coming true.

They will be laying carpet in the basement next week and then we will close on it. We got to pick the paint colors for the basement and I have had fun finding deals for the kids' bedding and picking paint colors. Here are a few pictures of the upstairs off of the MLS listing. They don't do it justice and there are a couple I took with my phone of the back of the house it I can't get it to upload! Austin and Macee's bedrooms are in the basement with another bathroom and a big family room. we are so excited cross your toes for us everything goes for us as planned!

                                                           FRONT OF THE HOUSE

ADDIE'S ROOM

ENTRANCE

KITCHEN

LAUNDRY ROOM

MAIN BATH

MAIN FAMILY ROOM

LARGER VIEW

MASTER BATH

MASTER BEDROOM

New Family Pix

 Well it has been a long time coming but here are some updated family pictures! A dear friend of mine from work Bonnie took them. I was lucky to get her too because they are only back in Idaho for a limited time while her husband was on break from medical school. She did an amazing job and we had a lot of fun around some of our favorite spots in Rexburg and some new ones too! My kids are growing up way too fast! I know I say that like every other post but I just look at these pictures and think what the heck am I feed them? They are growing like weeds! I can't hardly stand it!

Austin started 4th grade this year and he is now frequently reminding me that in 2 years he will be out of elementary school and into middle school. YIPES! We just went to a meeting about how he gets to switch classes for different subjects. He is also getting so excited for Fall basketball to start.

 Macee just started the 2nd grade and she is in the trailers this year. Her teacher let her pick her seat at back to school night so she thought that was cool. She chose to sit next to her best friend. Good choice or bad choice? Time will soon tell!! She came home with a flyer about a Bonneville cheer leading workshop and she is really excited to do that!

 Addie, ok hold on while I wipe away a couple of tears, ok that ought to do it. She started KINDERGARTEN sniff sniff. I am all alone from 8 until 11:15. I know most moms would jump for joy but it is too quiet around here almost eerie and I lost my best couponing buddy! She loves school though and comes home everyday telling me about a new friend she made. So cute, she can't ever remember their names but she remembers them by outfit selection for the day. She comes home and says, " Mom I made a new friend today!" I say, "Oh, that's exciting! What's her name?" Addie: "I don't know but she wore this cute pink skirt with this polka dot top." I taught her that attention to detail thank you very much! :)

 Kelly is doing pretty good. He was just diagnosed with severe insulin resistance which the endocrinologist thinks has been causing his low blood pressures and pass out spells. He said another year untreated he would have had full blown diabetes. The only problem now is finding a treatment for his IR (Insulin Resistance) that doesn't interfere with his UC or his PSC. Metformin is the most common drug of choice but it can cause major problems with UC patients but we have had to try it. He hasn't reacted well. When we spoke to the Dr. earlier about other choices if the metformin didn't work with his UC he said we weren't left with many because they would upset his liver. So we are sitting ducks until we meet with the endocrinologist again. Oh and another 6month check up at the U of U with the Hepatologist is coming up the end of October. I hate living my life in 6 month increments. Feeling like we get the all clear, so we go about life happy and good, for the most part, and then whoosh 6 months is at my front door again. Time goes by way too fast.

 I am doing good! I have been sick the last 3 weeks. September and October seem to be my unlucky health months. Needless to say the doctors have taken back to their poking and prodding ways with me and I have an upper GI scope on Monday. YUCK! Seriously Kelly and I make a lousy pair health wise. I told the Dr. he has to figure this out because we have to have one fully functioning healthy adult in our home. So if you can send some prayers this way I will accept them very gratefully. I love you all and up until today I wondered if anyone really read this measly little blog but I had multiple comments over the last couple weeks that this is how dear family that is far away is keeping up with us and some long lost friends too. So for all of you who care to read this is an update on us and I will try to be more consistent! LUVS! :)