Grandma Gayle

Grandma Gayle passed away this past week. I cannot say enough how much I miss her. Every week, I knew there would be one person who had to sit and talk to me. Like Brandon says, "she had to sit and listen to you she could hardly walk."  Although I like to think she liked talking to me too... Lol. I learned so much from her. She was so strong. She was a woman after my own heart, and I admired her from day one. She was always inspiring me to try new things. And funny...my goodness she could make a room crack up.
She always made a point to talk to my Brogan. She would stop him and say, well hi Brogan! And he would say in his monotone voice hi, grandma, and he would tell her about Minecraft. And again, she would sit and listen. Lily would play the piano for her and she would beam with pride. Another grandchild who takes after her! She also loved telling people that Lily was named after her mother, LaRue (Lily's middle name).
One person who is really going to miss her... Benji. Every time she saw Grandma he would clap. At the hospital, two days before she passed away, weak and on oxygen, she clapped for him. He was on my back in my baby carrier and he was reaching for her, clapping and smiling. Well, at her viewing, on my back again, he did the same exact thing. He reached for her, and clapped..and clapped, waiting. I know she was up in heaven clapping back. The most comforting thing to me is to think she's with Grandpa. She wanted to badly to be with him again. I'm not religious or spiritual but that does bring me comfort.

Her services were so beautiful and uplifting. And in true Grandma Gayle style her coffin was gorgeous as were her flowers. On display were her amazing paintings, crochet blankets and scarves, and pictures of a life well lived. I hope to remember Grandma and live in a way to make her proud. Or at least not be very embarrassed.

Grandma's Obituary

Moving.

So Brogan got into a charter down in Utah County for kids with Asperger's. Which means, we are moving down that way! Things have been good with K-12 but after seeing how fabulous things could be when he was up at KidStar, I'm looking forward to having him in a place that's perfect for him again. Perfect, and long term- so even better :)

We are moving this summer. We are leaving my beloved SLC. For years I didn't feel home, from the time I left Long Island until we lived in SLC. Finally, I feel that, and I hope I can have that feeling down there too. I know home is where your family is, we just created such a great life up here. BUT I'm super excited to be close to my Best Friend Katie, and to our sisters. It will be nice to be close to Grandmas and Grandpa too.  There is a place in AF that teaches code, which I'm stoked about for Brogan and Lily will start taking piano lessons from Aunt Shanny. She's SO excited. She starts a charter school as well so that'll be fun. I already found a coffee drinker's group there and attachment parenting mamas, it will be fun to make new friends.  

I keep reminding myself all of this and what a once in a lifetime chance it is for Brogan. I still cry sometimes when I'm driving around downtown or through Marmalade, or past Liberty.  I'm such a softee. But in my heart of hearts I really am a little excited for this new adventure. We move in a few months. Will we ever live up here again? I don't see how. The chances of B getting into the NSL campus are slim to none, and who knows if we would want to do a major change again. To be honest, at this point in our lives, I'm ready to settle down somewhere and plant some roots, wherever we may be. Have our kids play with other kids and run around the neighborhood barefoot in the summer and begging to have friends eat over. Isn't that what childhood's all about? I think I can give them that and more down there as long as I could be happy too. 

.

My Kid, The Kidstar.

So many of you may not know this but for over a month Brogan was in a day treatment program at the University of Utah called kidstar. He would go M-F from 8-4. He was having a lot of problems at Open Classroom so I pulled him out and signed him up for virtual school (K12) while we waited for a spot at Kidstar. I was actually on the fence about it but Brandon wanted to. I'M SO GLAD we did it. Brogan is like a different kid. He had art therapy.Music therapy. Group,individual and family therapy. It was amazing and life changing for our family. A place where brogan felt safe, a place he loved going to, a place where they told me how awesome a kid he was and how fun he was. I needed that after the experiences we had at schools. I hope Spectrum is like that next year. So now we are back to home schooling. Im sad hes not going to that awesome place anymore, but im excited to get back in the swing of things.=)

Sweet Noah

A few weeks ago, I was joking with my sister about pregnancy cravings. The next day, my mother called me crying. There was something wrong with the baby. My sister called me and I knew she needed me. After another appointment confirming what the last doctor said I jumped on a plane with the boys to be with my sissy. We went the geneticist and got a third and fourth opinion. The little one had Alobar holoprosencephaly  which means he had more fluid than brain. He also had many physical problems and deformities that would make living outside of the womb impossible. I had to watch my sister, at 19, make the choice no woman should have to make. She is the strongest woman I know. After two days in labor, my sister delivered sweet baby Noah (15 weeks). I was so glad to be there. She needed her big sister and I got to hold that baby and Indian call him home (Jakubowski thing). I sang to him. I told him he was loved. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever gone through. My heart broke for my sister and her boyfriend, on many levels: her first birth, her first baby. And for Sweet Noah. I won't ever forget him. 

First day of school

Lillian is off to full day kinder and brogan started his new school. Lily couldn't be happier. We are having some adjusting to school issues here and there but hopefully he'll get into the swing of things soon. 

Big brother/big sister

Brogan and Lillian are amazing with BJ. I'm so proud of them! It's been so amazing seeing them play with the baby! 

Benj {and me}

As I did with lily, I wear Benj. I wear him a lot! And just like lily, you can really tell because he is one happy baby.

One of the gals I met through my baby wearing group picked BJ and me to model some of her wraps and our own for the breastfeeding cafe this year. I love these pics, I think I look like such a mama bear and I love it. There are so many benefits to baby wearing, but the biggest one is happy babies!