34 Weeks

Well, it's hard to believe how close I am to being a mother of three. I haven't had much time to even comprehend it lately because of how busy I've been. Finals are really difficult when you have baby brain. Plus, we are moving a few days before Christmas Eve and leaving for Orlando soon. Yes, I'm flying.. Hopefully no Florida baby.
I feel great although I have a lot of people asking if I'm ok all the time. I think it's because I grunt when I move and sigh when I have to get up. Plus he dropped and i am often wearing tracksuits messy hair and glasses. Besides that I feel great though. I've had some back and leg problems, like I did with the other kids, but my pregnancy belt helps with that. I've recently begun sleeping on the couch and I must say that, although I miss Bran, I totally understand why old people take separate bedrooms. We both just sleep better when I have my own space! I make a fort of pillows around me and it feels so comfy!
Lillian and Brogan are so excited about moving, the holidays, and the new baby. Every day they pull up my shirt ( which completely grosses Brandon out) and kiss and talk to and rub the belly. I can't wait to give Brogan and Lily a little brother. Brogan told me tonight, and I quote, "it will be the greatest moment of my life!" He's really excited to teach him how to be a boy: playing Wii, wrestling with daddy, etc. I hope lily adjusts well. She's always been the baby, and she's always been my little sidekick. I hope she doesn't feel replaced or anything, because she will always be my girl.
Brandon and I have been practicing Hypnobabies and we plan on using it during the baby's birthday. Although he laughs at it a little bit, he has been so supportive. He reads the scripts to me, encourages me to study and goes to the uncomfortable birthing with me (its three hours long). I have said it before I'll say it again, I'm so grateful that he's mine. I'm not just saying that. I think it takes something major like this to make you realize how good you have it. I love him.
Well, I'm sure my cute, slightly incoherent babbling is wearing on your nerves about now. The next time I write will probably be around the baby's guess date! Less than 6 weeks to go.

Moving... Again

After 2 and a half years at our little love cottage in the city, we're moving.

Good grief, I love this neighborhood. I love it so much. I love our friends, the quirky people who live around us, being so close to the Capitol and downtown. I love the big old trees and hills and being close to the kid's school. I love our yard, our dirt road, the garden and our amazing landlords who have become more like family. I love this old house. But we've outgrown our little love cottage, and we will even more so in 2 short months, so it's time to go.

We found a place that's everything we're looking for. It's still in SLC, just south east a little ways about 15 minutes from here. The kids will continue to go to the school up here because we have it really good there. The new place is a brand new town home, 2000 square feet, finished basement, and 3.5 bathrooms. This is the very last time we're moving until we buy another house.

It's bittersweet because I will really miss this house. It's the longest we've lived anywhere ever. Also, I love moving (all the cleaning and purging that goes with it) but I hate to move while I'm pregnant, especially over 8 months pregnant. And after 2.5 years where we are, we've accumulated a whole lot of stuff! So now its not just school and family and the house and homework to worry about, now it's finals week and then our Orlando trip and then moving and then Christmas on top of all that. It's gonna be a busy month! And then January comes and our little shrimp will be here!:)

Lily's first week of school

Lily's in 4-year-old preschool this year!  She decided she wanted to go to Brogan's school, and she couldn't be happier.  She actually also has one of the same teachers that Brogan had when he went to school there.   On top of that, she decided she didn't want to dance this year, only tumble.  For the last two years we went to a dance studio for dance and tumbling but I couldn't find a tumbling class there that that works into our schedule so we thought we'd try out a new place.  I'm really impressed.  She loves it and they actually really work with her to make her cartwheels tight and they are working on back bends now.  She's been going for three weeks, and I see a huge improvement in her form when tumbling (I sound like a stage mom lol).

Anyway, here are some pics from Lily's first week of school!

21 Week Ultrasound -- everything looks good, and it was so wonderful being able to see our little shrimp again!

Back 2 skoool: B pics

Back 2 Skool

Like how I did that?

It's that time of year again. Brogan starts 1st grade. He's not terribly excited but I hope he changes his mind once he's there. It's Lily's last year of Pre-K and she finally gets to go to brogan's school! I can't believe the summers over. It's been a tough one, with thę heat and everything that comes with pregnancy. I'm kind of sad we didn't get to do that much, but then again we still did ALOT. Just less then we usually do in the summer. Kids don't seem to mind though a d it's been good for them to play with one another at home.

I'm off to the U! I'm taking journalism, math, and Spanish this semester. I'm equal parts terrified and excited. Let's just hope as I get bigger I'll be able to sit through two hour lectures! Baby brain may hurt my sexy GPA but I'm prepared for that!

Can't wait to post first day of school pictures. I Hope it goes well!

It's a.... Boy!

I always thought fetal photos was a little weird. Well, their pictures are, at least. Those 4-D ultrasounds always freaked me out. Plus, they are not FDA approved. I didn't realize they had regular ultrasound until my sister in law Shantelle told me so. A seed was planted, and today we looked at each other and said, let's go find out! I was going to find out August 13, but I just couldn't resist. We went to lunch first and we placed our bets: Brog and Mommy voted boy, Lily and Dad voted girl. Well, actually Lily voted hermaphrodite because she didn't want to be wrong, but that's just Lil. When the Lady did the ultrasound she looked at the profile a bit and then went to the underside of my tummy where the goods were. I gasped and I think I was the first one to see it because I immediately started crying. Brandon saw and had a huge smile and she said yep do you see that? And I looked at the kids and said, it's a boy! I was so happy... I really want a healthy baby first and foremost, then I wanted a boy. I knew from the get go it was. My pregnancies with the boys (!) are so similar thus far. Lily's was so different. It was way easier, for one. I carried differently and I wasn't nauseas or this starving all the time. I just knew. We are so happy to be having another little boy!!!
The proof....

What's in a Name?

With Brogan, I had a list of names I loved.  Thomas Jay or Brogan were on the top of that list and then we picked Brogan because he'd have the same initials as Brandon.

With Lily, from the time I knew I was pregnant, I knew I would have a girl and name her after my nanny -- just like I promised her right before I died.

With this one.. nada.  If it's a girl, I would like to honor our dearly departed family members who past in the past year, my Aunt Donna and Brandon's Grandma Anna.  I'm not sure if we'd do a whole name or middle name or combo of both.  Or maybe just Paisley.  Who knows. (Paisley was a joke.  She'd sound like a folk singer...Paisley Parker LOL) or Brie, after my favorite cheese. I have no idea. 

If it's a boy, I have NO clue.  I like Jack a lot.  Brandon says it sounds too much like Jackie (my mom).  I also like Jax.  Besides that, I'm drawing a blank.  Brandon has ideas but mostly he just tries to get me to laugh, like Jaxton or Paxton or Saxton.  Growing up I loved a lot of names, but mostly because I thought I would marry a man with a vowel at the end of his name.  Giovanni Parker sounds pretty crazy. Actually, that one is growing on me. I like it!

  Maybe I should just let the kids choose.  They have some pretty good ideas!

First Midwife Appointment

We had our first appointment with the midwife on Monday. Having a midwife, specifically my midwife, Rebecca, is such a better experience than having a doctor. With an OB you wait 45 minutes and then you get seen for 15 minutes. They hardly know you when they deliver your baby, creating this weird one sided relationship since you hang on their every word and feel like you know and trust them, when really you have no choice because they are all you got. Ok I'm done with that rant for now. Having a midwife is like night and day. She hugs you, plays with your kids and has them help with your labs, has no one else in her office, and spends an hour and a half talking to you. This is all very new to me, but after just one appointment(two if you count getting my IUD out in 2011) I feel like I really know and trust her. The office feels like a friends apartment, with all the medical things hidden away. It's located in a medical plaza of all places. Her office doubles as her own birth center. I plan on birthing there or in my home. I highly recommend her: google great expectations birth center.

Anyway, we heard a heartbeat! I love that sweet sound!:) our due date is still (and officially) Jan 14,2013. We got an ultrasound and were able to see our little shrimp, who according to Rebecca, is working very hard this week growing fingernails!

And baby makes 5.

Yes'm, we just found out we are having a baby! It is pretty much the biggest shocker of my life. We weren't planning on getting pregnant, and even took precautions so we wouldn't get pregnant, and yet here I am, you guessed it-- pregnant.
I'm taking three classes this semester and three classes next semester. I don't know how I'll be able to concentrate on school when it's summer outside & I'm pregnant.
I keep saying "I'm pregnant" hoping it will sink in. I'm still getting used to the idea of having a newborn again and to being a mom of !!!three!!! At least our other kids are old enough to help. That'll be nice!
I have a few goals this pregnancy: to be healthy, so I may birth a healthy baby at home, to take a breathing class, and to make the kids and Ike know how much I love them. I don't want them to feel left out.
Brandon is super excited. He's so good to me when I'm pregnant. And he's totally stepped it up to help me while I've been on the tired side.
The proof:

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Aunt Donna. Sometimes my eyes will start tearing and I can't figure out why. Night time seems to be the worst. I don't know how people lose their parents or child or sibling, I guess Aunt Donna was "just" an Aunt but to me she was so much more. She was one of my best friends. When I had no where to live, no where to go, and no one to talk to, she was there for me like no other. I don't know what I would have done without her. At the end of the day, I always knew I could talk to her about ANYTHING. I shared things with her I honestly haven't shared with anybody. I just can't get over the fact that I won't have that bond anymore. I call her voicemail just to hear her voice. Sometimes I'll get an update on my phone from facebook and it will be someone commenting on a picture Aunt Donna had commented on and my heart skips a beat. Because for a second there I almost forgot she's not on facebook anymore. She's not here anymore. Yeah yeah I know she's with me all the time and all that, but for me, I would like her to be ALIVE. I was looking through old messages from her, and she always went out of her way to tell me she loved me. How she was going to cook me peirogis and chicken cutlets. how she was cleaning mom's house for my arrival, telling me she misses me and I look so "bootiful" and why is my facebook picture a picture of me and another aunt??! She was the best. I know if there is a heaven or anything like that, she will for sure be there. She was honestly the best person I have ever met...

...And I'm actually pretty PISSED OFF that she's dead. I don't think that will ever go away.

This is what happens when lily plays with my phone!

Exciting Grad News

This May, Brandon will Graduate from NNU in Idaho with his MBA. I am so very proud that he has his graduate degree. He's worked so hard, and it's been a long time coming. I'm so glad they finally posted the classes he needed so he could finish up. I can't wait to sit with the kids and watch him walk.. a proud moment for me. He never walked before when he got his Bachelor's, so I am glad he has the opportunity to do so now. And I'm so happy to be there with him!

I, on the other hand, will take every opportunity to walk. I worked so hard for this little A.S.! It's taken me 2 1/2 years but I will transfer to the U this fall working on my Communication degree. Pause....

And I'm back. Yep, this girl will be at the University of Utah in the fall! Recently I had the chance to tour the Communication Dept at the U and I was really impressed. Pretty hardcore if you ask me! So in the fall Brandon will be dropping the kids off at my friend Marren's house and I will be leaving my house around 7:45. Unless I could register for the later classes, although I'm sure they fill up fairly quickly and most COMM classes are before noon. Brogan will be in first grade, and he'll get picked up for school, then she will take Lily to preschool and I'll be home in time to pick them both up. I'm going to also try and get an internship, so it's going to be an all around busy year. I'm going to the U, ya'll!

Spring

I sit here thinking about life and death. Why life? Why death?
This beginning of spring, oh bittersweet spring
The smell of earth and rain almost upon us
And yet the impending sunshine and longer days bring me no joy
This spring that is coming has the same winterish gloom in my heart
Because I live and you don't
I'm here, you are not
Why life?
Why death?
Oh spring, bittersweet spring.

We.are.family.

Some family pics. Me with my nephew Nathan, me and Cilla, pics with my aunt roe and family, Orlando and NY pictures.

Aunt Donnas services in NY

I flew to Orlando and then to NY when DD died. I never thought I would be back again so quickly. I was waiting for my friends nicole and Kristina to get married before I came home again. But life had other plans for me and I knew I had to go. Aunt Donna had three days of services. On Thursday there was a night wake, and two on Friday. Then on Saturday we had to say our goodbyes at the funeral home before going to Mass and then the burial. It was heartbreaking but also comforting being with family and mourning. In between all of the services we ate. It was surreal laughing and enjoying each other, all of us, before and after being so sad. But it was therapeutic. I got to make a picture collage featuring pictures from our family with aunt donna, and when I got there, there were about 20 of them made by various people. That goes to show how big an impact she had in everybody's life.
Aunt Donna meant so much to so many people, she was a second mother to my sister and I and all of our cousins. She was 2nd Nanny to our kids. Aunt donna didn't think she would have grand kids do she borrowed everyone else's, until the miracle of her first grandchild nine days before she passed. I believe her heart waited until she was whole, until she got to see and hold and love her grand baby. My mom came to lizzie's (my cousin, aunt donnas daughter who lives in alabama) right after the baby was born. She left on friday and aunt donna died early sunday morning. They were more than sissys, they were best friends. I believe her heart knew she had to see her best friend one last time. They think she had a massive heart attack first thing in the morning. She was 59 years old.
Getting back to the services, on Saturday we went to mass at the catholic church. My cousin Lisa and I were chosen to pray and it was such an honor. Anyone who knows me is probably laughing at this agnostic in church. I bet aunt donna was. My Uncle had a world renowned opera singer come sing "Ave Maria", it was beautiful. At the burial, aunt donna was surrounded by all of her flowers symbolizing her life: bootiful, bountiful, peanut butter and jelly, betty boop. The whole day it was overcast, but as we were saying goodbye, the sun shown down on us. We each placed A rose on the casket. My mom finally gave aunt donna back her red hair clip. Cousin Babz, in the jakubowski tradition, Indian called aunt donna home. With that, we said our goodbyes and went over a few yards away to where my nanny was buried. It was the first time I had been to her grave. It was a long, hard week and weekend, but it was all good. Aunt Donna was smiling down on us, I know it in my bones.
Here are some pics I took.
They are kind of out of order but here ya go. Thanks for letting me share.