Memory is the first thing to.....um.......what was that again?

I am astonished at the number of times I have driven away from my home without my driver's license! For whatever reason, I'm much better at making sure I have my cell phone with me. What can I do to make sure I don't forget my purse? Attach a battery powered blinking light? Nah, I can't ever find the right size batteries I need anyhow. I guess I could duct tape my phone to the front of my purse? Yikes! Now I'm thinking like a man! I believe this comes from watching too much of the Red Green Show with the hubs. What I need, they haven't invented yet. I need a magical bag like that of Hermione Granger's from the Harry Potter books. A tiny bag that holds my entire life! But I need the bag to be small enough to fit in my pocket. About the size of a pack of Tic Tacs would be great!

Rhubarb Crisp

I had never cooked with rhubarb before and was hesitant to even try. My Mom was 100% anti-rhubarb and could not comprehend why anyone in their right mind would eat it on purpose. I don't know where this disdain for rhubarb came from. Truth is, I have no recollection of her ever having tasted it. Still, my Mom was against rhubarb, and so being the good daughter, I stood my Mom in her refusal to eat it. Then I grew up, hit my rebellious streak and decided to throw caution to the wind and have a taste of my husband's dessert. Apple rhubarb pie! That taste of my husband's dessert amounted to a little less than half of his slice of pie. I had been converted. No disrespect to my dear Mother. And so it is with great delight that I share this recipe with you. Enjoy.

Ingredients:

Crust

1 cup all purpose flour
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/3 cup cold butter

Filling

1 1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. salt
2 eggs gently beaten
3 cups chopped fresh rhubarb (you can use frozen and it should be fine)

Topping

3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/3 cup cold butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, combine flour and powdered sugar. Cut in butter until crumbly. Press into a 9 X 9 inch pan or baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-18 minutes.

Meanwhile, in another bowl combine the ingredients for the filling. Adding the rhubarb last and gently folding it in. Spread over the warm crust and make the topping.

In a small mixing bowl combine the first 3 ingredients for the topping. Then using your pastry blender again, cut in butter until crumbly and sprinkle over the filling. Bake for 45-50 minutes.

Bowler Bulletin for April 2011

Hello Family & Friends! Here’s the latest from the Montana Bowlers!

March ended with a call from my sister in law in Vegas telling me that my Dad was in the hospital. Turns out he had a stone in his pituitary gland. I knew that you could get a gall stone or a kidney stone, but never a pituitary stone. After a battery of tests and waiting around for the specialists to get around to talking to him, they decided to treat him with strong antibiotics and medicine for the pain. Another part of the doctor’s instructions was for my Dad to suck on either lemons or sour candy to get the saliva glands to flush out the stone. Since then, I’ve been to the doctor myself and learned that you can also get tonsil stones. Who knew?

April 1st, I had the opportunity of sleeping in PAST 6:40 AM, but my internal clock had other ideas! April Fool’s on me I guess! Oh well, at least I didn’t have to jump out of bed right away and get myself and everyone else ready for school. Some days, it’s good enough to be able to stay in your pajamas all morning.

April 2nd, Aubree flew to Vegas to spend spring break. She helped her Aunt Maria prepare for baby number 6. Aubree really enjoyed spending time with her Aunt Maria and helping out. This also puts her closer to earning her honor bee in the young women’s program at our church. Everyone was surprised at how grown up she has become over the last year and a half and she got to have bragging rights from holding her brand new cousin before the rest of us.

April 4th, found out the Rivards, friends of ours from New Hampshire, moved to Utah! Is everyone migrating out west? We stayed with them for several weeks before making our move to California in 2005. Scott and I loved their place in Deerfield, NH and wish that we could buy it from them. Cute home on 5 acres with a huge barn and plenty of room for gardening and such. Ahhhhhh!
April 6th, this is the conversation I had with Jason with regards to raking the backyard. Something he had been putting off all week:
Me: Jason have you raked those leaves in the backyard?
Jason: I'm going right now! (Walks out the back door, slamming it behind him......then walks back in. Looks at me and says...."I forgot my shoes."
April 7th, new nephew Thomas Wendell Bowler was born! Aubree took great pleasure in making the announcement to us over the phone. It occurred to Scott and I that we could very well become grandparents within the next 5 or 6 years! Where does the time go?
April 8th, Only took me 15 minutes to renew car registration once I found the right building that is. You see, here in Missoula you do NOT register your car at the DMV. You go to the court house, OF COURSE. Ah well, at least it’s done.
April 11th, Aubree came home after spending spring break in Vegas. I’m glad she had such a good experience, but was very thankful to have my family all under one roof once again.
April 15th, Caroline received an award at school for being continuously safe. I’m guessing they must have an overabundance of reckless students at her school and she was able to be a standout by NOT seriously injuring herself during spelling tests. Anyone can get straight A’s. But it takes REAL talent not to impale yourself while using a sharpened pencil. Way to go Caroline!!
April 16th, Aubree auditioned as a vocal soloist for district and made superior! The only soloist from her high school choir to do so. Now she has the stress of preparing to audition for state. No problem. I keep plenty of chocolate on hand for such emergencies.
April 17th, a friend of ours in our church spoke in sacrament meeting. Told a story about a skinny kid that he knew in his youth. His friends and he decided that it would be fun to talk this kid into squeezing his body into a rather deep and narrow hole in the ground, promising him that they would pull him out. Insisting that they just wanted to see if he could actually fit in it. Well he did fit and they commenced to bury this kid up around his neck and tease him. Tickling his face, lowering loogies over his head and face, (yes, this is how you spell loogie. I looked it up myself on the internet) and such. Well this kid, shocker of all shockers, got really angry and wanted to pound his friends into oblivion. His friends not wanting to get pummeled took off. I’m guessing they eventually came back and dug the kid out. The point of our friend’s story was to not let others lead us into holes or traps that we can’t get ourselves out of. However, I was sitting there and thinking to myself, “No wonder he thinks Richard is a good kid!” Richard may lose his temper, yell, name call and make empty threats at the drop of a hat. But he’s never buried anyone. I’m feeling pretty good as a parent right now. I have one child who doesn’t bury people and another who comes home from school every day without serious injuries!
April 17th, Scott left for an overnight trip to Denver. Since I see no point in cooking a real meal if he’s not home, the kids and I …..hmmmm…..I can’t remember what we had for dinner. I just know that I didn’t cook and no one went hungry. All is well.
April 19th, I went to the ear nose and throat doctor. I’ve been having issues with my throat for a while. After looking in my ears, nose and throat with a mini flashlight, he informed me that he would need to run a camera through my nose and down my throat. I took a deep breath and said okie dokie. He then sprayed my nose with an anesthetic to numb my throat so that the procedure wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. What he didn’t tell me was that the spray would drip onto the back of my tongue. This had the taste of what I can only describe as earwax flavored mouthwash. If chocolate and ice cream had this same flavor, I’d be back to my wedding day dress size no time! The doctor couldn’t see far enough into my esophagus and made an appointment for me to go in for a swallowing test. He believed I had something called Zenker’s Diverticulum. It’s a condition where you have a pouch in your esophagus and it can make life and eating VERY annoying and troublesome. Turns out, I don’t have ZD, but something called a Schatzki’s Ring, which is where the esophagus narrows and makes you feel like your choking. So May will be filled with more tests, more specialists and swallowing therapy. Could this have been caused because I never learned to swallow properly?
April 23, I taught Caroline her first piano lesson. She has really taken off too! To the point of teaching herself songs that I haven’t yet taught her. Now if I can just get my piano tuned.
April 25th, Took Richard to his doctor’s appointment. It’s obvious to everyone here that he has lost weight. But even Richard was surprised to learn that he has lost 67 lbs. within the past 6 months. For years, the medications he was on had the side effect of weight gain and constant hunger. Then he was diagnosed with ADD and the side effect from the medication for this is decreased appetite. Richard had a really rough time for a while, but is doing so much better and seems much happier. It’s hard to believe that in just another month or so he will be graduating from high school. That next school year, Jason will join Aubree at high school. And that I’ll only have kids in TWO schools next year.
We got news that Scott’s Dad and his wife Athena, along with his brother Brian will be coming to Montana for Richard’s graduation. My Dad is also flying out for the occasion and Scott’s sister and her fiancé are planning on attending as well. We’re all looking forward to having family here with us to celebrate.
Scott has inherited a new job at work. I’m not sure what the title is. I just know that it is a huge project and that he has to spend long hours at the office and travel out of town more often. We’re not complaining though because it IS a job. Spending nearly a year unemployed has made us both very thankful that we both have jobs.
Well I hope all is well with all of you! Please keep in touch and if you’re every in our neck of the woods, feel free to stop by!
Love,
Becky

A Change Of Heart Does Not Have To Be Mighty To Be Appreciated

There are times when I feel like I know my children better than they know themselves. Then there are times when as a parent, I feel as though I am a stranger in a strange land. Once in a while, I have the rare occasion of catching a glimpse into the window of their souls and I am flooded with a myriad of emotions, thoughts and feelings. Some of these include: Humbled that Heavenly Father has allowed me to be his/her parent. Ashamed that I have not been as patient with these wonderful spirits that have been entrusted to my care as I should be. Embarrassed when I realize that although I profess to be understanding and patient with certain disabilities and shortcomings of others. I instead get caught up in the hurried chaos of everyday life and insist on them keeping in step with me, rather than helping them along. I am in awe when I catch that glimpse of who they truly are and what they are capable of.

To anyone that knows our family, it is no secret that we have some pretty significant struggles with our oldest. In some ways, both for him and for us, I think life would have been much less complicated if he had been born profoundly disabled. It would have been much easier for Richard to qualify for certain programs and financial aid to pay for them. It would have been easier on us as parents if people could have been able to just look at Richard and immediately identify him as disabled, instead of labeling him (as early as 1st grade) as the "bad kid" or the "problem child". Part of the difficulty Richard has is that he is SO high functioning, he doesn't see himself as disabled. However, he does know that he's different and that really bothers him. He honestly and truly resents this and tends to take his frustrations out on his family. This has recently spilled over into school and other places. But home with his family is still the place he feels most comfortable vent.

Yesterday at school he had an English assignment where he was asked to write down a list of 10 things he didn't like or that bothered him. After each thing that bothered him, he was to write one thing he was thankful for. He did the first one at school. "1. I don't like my family. I'll be thankful when they are dead." He told us when he got home from school over dinner. He looked at everyone at the table for a reaction. Our family is so used to this and we all know that what he wants is a big reaction so that he can have the excuse to act out. He got no reaction from the family. We just kept on eating dinner. After dinner, Scott worked with Richard to finish his assignment. Richard said that he had to start over because his teacher and aide didn't like what he wrote. Scott told him that if that is how he really felt, he could keep it, but that he needed to finish his assignment. Richard decided that he had changed his mind about writing that and didn't want to keep it. It took him a while, but this is his list he came up with.

1. It bothers me that I act like Michael Duane. (He was a bully at school last year)
I'm thankful that people like my anyhow.

2. It bothers me that Kelly doesn't forgive me.
I'm thankful that I don't have to say I didn't try.

3. It bothers me that I don't have a car.
I'm thankful that I have a low chance of getting crashed or running into a deer.

4. It bothers me that my Grandpa Langdon lives far away.
I'm thankful I can call him when I want.

5. It bothers me that Grandma Langdon is gone.
I'm thankful she is no longer in pain.

6. It bothers me that Uncle Scott and Aunt Lisa are divorced.
I'm thankful they both love me.

7. It bothers me that Uncle Bobby is dead.
I'm thankful that he's with Grandma Langdon.

8. It bothers me that Missoula has no Macayo's or Legends.
I'm thankful they still exist somewhere.

9. It bothers me that Ben, Eliot, Josh and every one of my (special needs) friends are in New Hampshire.
I'm thankful for Facebook.

10. It bothers me that there is no Disney park in Montana.
I'm thankful for my graduation because I get to go to Disneyland in California.



It bothers me that I can't just give my children those things that will make them feel truly happy. In the end, we each have to find those for ourselves.
I'm thankful Richard had a change of heart and rewrote the beginning of his assignment.

Say It AIn't So!

I fear that I may be developing an intolerance to sugar. Not all sugar. Home baked desserts and such are fine. It's the store bought stuff that I'm having trouble with. I get a tummy ache after eating Chips Ahoy, Keebler, etc... I could even handle this if I could just ENJOY the flavor of such things like when I was a kid! But they don't even TASTE good to me anymore. I remember when I was a kid and the exquisite joy I would experience in eating a box of chocolaty chip cookies. But no more! Goodbye pecan sandies. Farewell soft batch cookies. Adios frosted animal crackers. I appreciate those times in my life when you were there for me. To make me feel all better when I was down or not feeling well. Alas, I have reached the point in my life where you have been replaced by ibuprofen, tylenol and tums................................sometimes I really hate growing up.

Terminal Fatigue

Venting time. If you can't take it, then just ignore and move on.

I don't get it! I don't get why things happen the way they do. I have a firm testimony that Heavenly Father is mindful of all of us. Even insignificant me. I know that I wouldn't have lasted this long without the support of not only my husband, but also my Heavenly Father. But sometimes I feel like saying, "Really? This is REALLY what I signed up for when I agreed to gain a body and come to earth?" All I ever wanted was to be a simple wife and mom. Someday a simple grandma. I knew that there would be challenges, but give me a break! I can't even go downstairs for 5 minutes to put on a load of laundry without having to rush back upstairs to deal with a crisis! Or go to the bathroom! Or check the mail! Or brush me teeth! You get the picture here? I have 4 kids. Each with their own distinctive personalities and challenges. Granted, Richard's challenges are more pronounced. But they ALL have them and they ALL need me. I feel guilty that Richard takes up 90% of my time and energy and that the rest of my kids have to share the leftover 10% with each other AND the world. I love Richard, but being his mother is exhausting. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But that's not enough! No, not by a long shot! Let's not just make Richard autistic so that he has difficulty at school, home an in society trying to comprehend and "ape" like the "normal" people do. No, let's just make him autistic ENOUGH so that he has the disability AND is fully aware that he IS different and that he DOESN'T fit in. Let's give him that longing desire of wanting nothing more than to "fit in" and be accepted and have real friendships, even though he doesn't have a clue about what it takes to have one or even have the ABILITY to understand how it all works! Then on top of that, let's give him bipolar disorder! Oh this will be a hoot, won't it?! We can sweep this one under the rug of "family history". But wait! There's More! Let's also give him intermittent explosive disorder! Yeah, there's the cherry on top of it all! With THIS disorder, he will lose complete control at the drop of a hat. His family can amuse others with tales of Richard smashing holes in walls, ceilings and shattering windows, busting windshields, etc...The thing about intermittent explosive disorder, is that the rage can last anywhere from 2 minutes to several hours. After the "episode", the person is left with a feeling of relief. Like how most of us feel after a good cry. The difference with IED is that after that feeling of relief and the feeling of what I call "a good kind of tired", comes the feeling of incredible remorse. After the calm, comes the realization of what the person said and did during his/her "explosion". Then just for kicks, the Dad will develop congestive heart failure followed by kidney failure. We'll give them a few months to sort of catch their breath, and then take away his job. The Mom will have recurrent panic attacks. This will be fun, because she'll only THINK she's having a heart attack! But she won't have them until her husband has been unemployed long enough for their insurance to run out.

Point is, I'm tired. I have been for a long time. I'm tired of the challenges I have. I'd like to know what it's like to experience the challenges that I hear others complaining about. Like, "How are we going to spend our $10,000 bonus?" Or, "We went boating and two of the kids got sick and we ended up spending our vacation at the 4 Seasons Hotel." Sounds like paradise to me. Puking kids and all. I'm tired of having to keep all of the food locked up so that I will have the ingredients when needed to make meals. I'm tired of keeping the sharp cooking utensils locked up as well. I'm tired of having to hide food storage so that it will be there when needed. In doing this, I have to keep changing my hiding spots, because Richard is always on the prowl for food. I'm tired of popping pills into my son. Are they helping? I don't know. Can I take him off the pills? That's kind of tricky because of the risk of seizures. I'm tired of people looking at me with pity. I'm tired of people offering to help in any way they can, because I found that out to be a lie. I don't blame them. I doubt that I would volunteer to help someone in our position either. It's life. Therefore it's not neat and tidy.

I believe we all have callings that Heavenly Father issued each to each and every one of us before we came to earth. The fact that we're here, is proof that we accepted these callings with all of the tears, joy, heartbreak and happiness that come with them. The question is, am I up to the task? I believe I am. But I sure am tired. Terminal Fatigue.

New Rule!

There is a new rule in the Bowler house. No eating. EVER!! This is the only place I have left to trim the budget. I know, I'm being silly. Still, IF we could just eliminate the need for food, we could do things. You know like, get caught up on our bills. Maybe even put a little money away for a rainy day. For some of us, FINALLY getting down to where we can wear most of the clothes we have taking up space in our closets! We'd save money on dish soap too! This is a great idea! Well, except for the whole starving to death part. There always a catch, isn't there?