Hot Hubby

Last night I had my AEMT class, which is almost over!  In the middle of class Brenden walked in, like he normally does.  I was watching him as he walked passed me, and I will admit I was totally checking him out, he looked nice!  April Terry was sitting right next to me and when I turned back around she said “you were totally checking him out!”  I said, “he looks HOT!”  I was actually surprised that she could tell that I was checking him out, didn’t think I was being that obvious, apparently I was looking him up and down.  I kinda wanted her to say something so Brenden would know, but was not prepared for what happened next.  She again said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “you were totally checking him out!”  I don’t know why but I got so embarrassed, my face went bright red, and when I get that embarrassed tears start coming out of my eyes.  Then she tells everyone that I admitted it to her and said how hot he looked.  Jen Dawson said how sweet it was.  I seriously don’t know why I was getting so embarrassed.  It was funny though, and everyone got a good laugh.

WOW!!!

I about fell off my seat in church today!  Today was our primary program during sacrament meeting, we have been practicing songs for quite awhile now (I’m in the primary by the way).  Last week we finally started to go through the kids parts.  Cole has been working on his part and totally has it memorized!  So proud of him by the way.  He got up to do his speaking part and totally froze!  Would NOT do it!  I was so sad, I had a talk with him and tried to encourage him.  I was thinking really hard at what I could bribe him with, because he didn’t seem to want anything bad enough to get in front of all the people and talk.  Then I remembered!  About a month or so ago I got so mad at Cole because he had gotten all of his toys out and made the {BIGGEST} mess ever!  I gathered up all the toys I could find and I took them away, I took them over to my moms shed and locked them up.  They didn’t know where they were, I told the kids I took them far far away!  Cole was so sad because his “special birthday toys” were in there, “those are special to me” he said. It was so cute I almost gave them back, but I stayed strong.  There were a few straggling toys he’s been playing with since I took them away.

We were having a practice for the program on Friday, so I told him if he practiced his part when no one was in the audience, then again for the program I would let him have ALL of his toys back!  Oh by he was excited, but he was having a hard time, because as much as he wanted his toys back, he did NOT want to get up in front of all those people and say his line.  During practice he chickened out and didn’t do it, DUDE!  What am I supposed to do?!  This morning we got up and he kept telling me his part.  I kept reminding him about all his “special toys”, and he was having a hard time.  Then when we got in the car Brenden told him that if he said his part EVERYONE could have a candy bar, {AND} he could go to a MOVIE!  At first by the way Cole was reacting I didn’t think he wanted to go to the movies, but then I realized that he really DID want to go to the movies and we were making it even harder for him.  We practiced one more time before we did the program, and he still wouldn’t say a word.  I talked to him before the program started and reminded him of all that was at stake, and told him if he was scare to just look down so he couldn’t see anyone.  I could see him from where I was sitting and told him I was going to give him the thumbs up and he needed to give it back to me so I would know he was going to say his part.  We sat in our seats and at first he kept giving me the thumbs up, until people started to show up, then he was shaking his head no.  I tried to encourage him until he finally stuck up his thumbs, all through the program we kept giving each other the thumbs up, it was getting really close to his part and I was getting nervous, I didn’t know what was going to happen.  It was his turn, he got up there, and without even thinking he said his line!!!!  WHOLY GUACAMOLIE!  My mouth fell open, and I almost started to cry, all the kids around me were all like “wholly cow, he did it!, he actually said his line.”  I was so proud of him I can’t believe it!  What a brave little boy I have, I totally remember how hard that was when I was his age.  We told the boys we would take them to the movie for their birthday since they don’t get a party, so we will count that as Coles movie too, it all works out.

My WONDERFUL Husband

I can’t tell you how totally awesome my husband is!  Our marriage isn’t perfect, I don’t think anyone's is, but I couldn’t have married a better man.  Last November I decided to take the EMT class that was being provided by the City, and again right now am taking the Advanced-EMT class.  It’s very hard.  We have to shove a whole lot of information in our brains in not a whole lot of time.  It’s stressful and takes a lot of time, for both studying and going to class.  I have class every Tuesday and Thursday night from 6-10 and it averages out to about every other Saturday from like 8 a.m. till sometimes 5 p.m.  Needless to say I’m not home much and when I am I am “trying” to study.  It puts a lot of strain on a relationship and family.  It’s only for like 3 months, but that is a long 3 months!  Brenden knows, he’s been there.  He has been an Advanced-EMT for 4 or more years.  He is a saint!  Like yesterday for example April (classmate) and I were at the fire station from like 1:30-6 working on some worksheet/study guides.  (still didn’t finish them) And that morning I was there @ 9 for two hours going over some math stuff with Ty (our teacher) for like 2 hours!  I never once got a call or text from Brenden wondering when the heck I was going to get home, but when I did get home, the house was clean, the kids were fed lunch, and that evening when I got home he was making dinner!  I love him so much and hope he knows how much I appreciate him!  {BEST} Husband {EVER}

Home Teachers

So I’ve mentioned that I want to change, and change I shall try.  There is something that my home teachers taught me yesterday when they stopped over.  The lesson was on service, which was a great message.  I don’t know if I will share this right or not, but this is what I took from what he said to us.  I think in someone's patriarchal blessing it told them something along the lines of this.  They were a convert and it said that if people would have been sharing the gospel and living their lives like they were supposed to this lady would have received the blessings of the gospel 15 years before she actually did.  It mentioned something like a young man that was planning on going on a mission that was supposed to teach her, but he decided not to go on a mission.  Or a co-worker that felt impressed to share the gospel with her, but chickened out.  It went on and told her of several different people that were supposed to bring her the gospel, but that those people didn’t follow the Lords will for them, which made this lady wait an extra 15 years before she finally received the gospel.  That really put into prospective for me how important it is to do the Lords will!  Better listen closely to what he wants me to do.

Life

The past couple days have been really hard.  I was on call Friday and Saturday for the ambulance.  Friday morning @ about 10:30 the pager went off, Brenden and I drove as fast as we could to the fire station, we knew what street we were going to be going on, which wasn’t far from our house, I was getting nervous.  In class they always told us that some day we will be taking someone down in the ambulance that we know, and that it’s not going to be easy.  I just didn’t think that would happen to me for quite a while.  We got into the ambulance, I had to drive, since I’ve pasted my driving test and now have to drive to the scene.  It was a Delta call so I had to drive lights and sirens.  Legally I can’t tell you where I went and anything that happened on the call, HIPPA.  But I can tell you what I’ve heard from other people, include this young lady's mother so I’ll try and incorporate it into my experience, without legally telling you anything I shouldn’t.  That’s the worst thing about being an EMT, you’re not post to say anything about the call.  I backed in the ambulance, got the gurney went and picked up the patient.  It was a hard call because I have known this girl and her family my whole life, but I couldn’t think about that right now.  I was an EMT and I had to completely shut myself down, I could feel nothing, I had a job to do.  We did what we could do to this young lady, which wasn’t a whole lot since she had a DNR.  Got her to the hospital, hugged the parents and left.
That was the call, now I will tell you about someone I know who recently passed away, legally I can’t say if this was the same person or not.  My good friend Angel Randall passed away Friday at about 3:30 p.m.  She was 29 years old, and has had a terminal brain tumor for quite a while now, the past 3 years or so has been the worst I would say.  She was one of the most amazing people it has been my privilege to know.  I am so blessed to have known such a person.  NO matter how hard it was for her to walk to the pulpit on fast Sunday and bear her testimony, even though she had a difficult time talking, she did it, every month, and it strengthened us all!  Friday morning or Thursday night, not sure which, she was having a head ach or something, and was given Tylenol.  That morning she had been communicating with her mother and everything seemed fine.  Without getting into too many details She took a nap, and they were not able to wake her up.
Like I said I had to completely shut myself down during my “call”.  I got home found out the news, then a couple hours later my good friend Emily Thomas called me, she asked me if I was ok.  I was a little puzzled that she would be calling me and asking “me” this.  She said she saw me driving the ambulance and she knew where I had been, and she was calling “me” and asking if “I” was ok.  I told her I was fine, but after getting off the phone with her it hit me, what had just happened and what I had just witnessed, and I LOST it!  I couldn’t get myself under control, I tried but couldn’t stop.  Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her, So…..I prayed, and I prayed some more.  I felt better the next morning.  I will still have my moments, but I’m doing better. 
I hate that it takes something like this to make me think.  I think of the awesome example Angel was to me in my life, and I can’t help but want to be that kind of example to someone.  I don’t want to care about worldly things anymore, or what people think about me, I just want to be the best ME I can be!  I want to share my testimony, I want to serve, I want to enrich peoples lives, I want to be better!

Exercise

So, I’ve been doing xfit in the mornings for the past month or two, it kicks my butt but I like it.  I actually have a muscle!  It feels nice, and when I’m sore it makes me know I’m doing something good, that I’m getting a good work out in.  I’ve also been doing zumba and it’s nice to get that cardio in.  Zumba is my “fun” exercise.  I’m just getting frustrated because my gut isn’t going down at all!  I like what the scale says, but I still can’t get rid of this spare tire around my waist!  I’m not eating crap, so what the heck.  It’s hard to stay motivated when I don’t seem to be getting the results I want!

Church

The Young Women got a new presidency a couple weeks ago.  I have not been released yet, I think the new presidency are going to wait till they get more comfortable with their callings, so it probably won’t be too long, it makes me sad to think of leaving.  Heather Holt is the new Pres. Tandy Randall 1st councilor, and Wendy Flanagan 2nd councilor.  Tandy gave the lesson in our class today and she did an awesome job.  I really miss Chandra, but am excited to get to know Tandy a little bit better, even if it may not be for very much longer. 

I love going to church, I may not love my children sometimes during sacrament meeting, but I love feeling the spirit.  Since teaching the young women I’ve been able to think a lot about how it was and how I felt when I was in their situation or age.  Like why do we "have" to go to church, why do we "have" to read the Book of Mormon more than once!  Why do we "have" to pray, to what seems sometimes, no one.  The answers to all most every gospel question:  go to church, pray, read your scriptures, you know, why do we do them?  As I've gotten older I've learned from experience why we do things.  After going to church today, and feeling the spirit testify to me of what I should be doing and how I should be living my life, it's a no brainer why we go to church.  I am inspired by others every week at church by the lessons, comments and talks.  It helps my spirit grow to be around so many awesome people who believe the same things I do, and by their examples in my life, I can try to be better that week.  Today I kinda learned that I need to stop being a coward and stand up for what I believe, and what I {know} is wrong, and to stop justifying stupid things in my life.  The time to live is {now}!  I want to stand before my Heavenly Father and feel comfortable in His presents.  I'm not perfect, and I never will be, but day by day I can try to do what He wants me to do.  I don't just want to be another "member" I want to be better!

Sparrow

I am having a really rough morning, to explain I have to rewind.  We went up north to visit my in-laws for the 24th, when we got back our cat Sparrow was in our closet under my dresser.  I found out that it couldn’t use it’s back legs anymore.  I don’t know how long it had been like this, I figure a car or something must have hit it.  He hasn’t really moved anywhere, kinda just stayed in the same spot.  I guess he moved a couple times, couldn’t get in the litter box so he’s just been going where he is.  At first he started eating a little bit, then I think he gave up.  I kept hoping he would get better, the thought of having to put him down just hurt.  Maybe it was me being selfish to not do it earlier.  I just kept HOPING!  This morning my dad came and got him.  It was so hard to put him in that box and say good bye, knowing what was going to happen to him.  I have had cats disappear before, and it’s not like I just absolutely loved this cat or anything.  It’s the longest a cat has ever stayed with us, and…….I know it was the good thing to do, he was dying and probably in pain, it’s just so hard!  When I brought Sparrow to the door for my dad to take away, I couldn’t help crying.  I did love that cat, and I will miss him, I just need to get through today, tomorrow will be better.

Released

Not yet anyways, I was told that we were getting released last Sunday, come to find out that didn’t mean me.  I will most likely get released after the new presidency is more comfortable in what they are doing and feels like “training” new assistants would be easier.  I’m glad I’m not done yet, I was so sad last week when I thought it was my last.  I love these girls, it’s hard to have to say good-bye, I’m not looking forward to it.

Opps! I did it again

I did it again!  Brenden finally gave it and gave me permission to WACK off my hair!  I figure I put it in a pony tail every day for work, why not just cut it.  I was getting sick of my long hair anyways.  My Niece Kelcey happened to be in town, so I asked her if she would mind, She is the only person that’s cut my hair that I absolutely LOVE the end results.  No offence to my sister or other nieces, but Kelcey is the BOMB!

This is me and Kelceys little girl Livy!  So stinkin cute!

Front

Back

Gorgeous!!!

First Day Of School!

Last night was of course Back to School night, I thought it went really smoothly.  I think it’s going to be a great year, Ryan and Jack both have amazing teachers, I’m excited!  More so because school is actually in session!  Summer hasn’t been as bad as I though it would be, but I’m ready to get back into a schedule and go to work, it has been a nice break though.  I just hope it's not as hard on Cole as I think it will be.  He has been followin these two around all summer, and I know he's excited for school to start too, but that's not for another week or so. 

Ryan has Mr. Morgan this year

and Jack has Mrs. Jones

So excited for them both.

Cole’s Cowboy dance

Challenge Shmallenge

Whatever man!  The challenge has done its job for me, I feel more clam and in control.  I am not yelling and swearing anymore at my children.  I still am having problems with Jack, and probably will FOREVER!  I will get through this, eventually.  This morning was extra hard, Jack ended up being late for school, and I had to walk him to school since I refuse to give him a ride.  This morning was full of arguing and screaming and yelling and slamming doors (Jack was the one doing all that).  I think the main thing that is getting me through all this, well I read this book “Heaven is for real”

There is also one for adults which I really want to read.  This is an awesome book, if you haven't’ read it, you should.  It just kind of put it all in perspective to me about what Heaven is really going to be like, and it makes me want to try harder to make it there, so that is what is getting me through this whole Jack thing.  It’s wearing on me, but I just need to keep trudging along.  It will be worth it, I know it, it has to be.  I just keep telling myself, “the Lord must think I’m really strong and must think a lot of me to send me such a trail child such as Jack”. 

Challenge Day 5 &6

Yesterday didn't go too bad.  I did have the disaster clean up people come over to see what damage the water caused my floor.  There are about a dozen huge fans and a couple dehumidifiers and they are LOUD and another thing to add to my things that are driving me crazy.
8 a.m. (day 6)
This morning was not good.  Jack just knows how to get on my last nerve.  First it was complaining about reading, he want's to read in his head instead of out loud.  He still struggles and I think he needs to read out loud, plus I wouldn't trust that he's actually reading if he's not reading out loud.  So there was that, then Scripture reading is always FUN!  I know we need to hang in there, but why do we do this again, is it really going to be worth it in the end?

Challenge Day 4

Over all today went pretty well, Jack went to my moms to do homework, which took a couple hours, I’m just glad it wasn’t with me because I would have been yelling at him.  Cole has been getting on my nerves, he’s being a little turkey, but things went good today.

I'm just going crazy because my house is driving me crazy!  I want to get things finished and clean!  I have a room that is packed full of CRAP and I'm going insane!  Patience my dear grasshopper, it will soon be done.

What a mess!

Friday evening we got a phone call from Ryan, thank Heavens he happened to go home.  Apparently a pipe from our dishwasher busted and had been leaking all day.  The kitchen floor is completely ruined and hopefully our new bamboo floor will dry out and be fine.  What a mess!  hopefully the insurance company will pay for it, it might work out in our favor, since we were going to redo our kitchen this fall anyways, cross your fingers for us.

Time off

Goin on a short vacation without the kids, we’ll say it’s for our anniversary since Brenden won’t be here for that.  Be back to check in with ya on Sunday.

Challenge Day 3

7:35 a.m.

We had a little bit of arguing this morning with reading and scripture study, but really not too bad.  I haven’t lost my cool yet, I feel in control.  Things seems to be getting better, but still too early to tell

9:05 p.m.

Still haven’t cussed, so I’m doing really good.  I yelled a couple times at Jack, but still felt in control, so that’s a plus.  I’m trying to ignore Jack when he starts complaining and arguing, he doesn’t like it at all and it makes him get mad and start kinda yelling at me.  I don’t know what has been up with my attitude lately though, because I usually get so ticked off at the way Jack talks to me and treats me, but today I had to not let him see me laugh.  Today wasn’t the greatest, but it really wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  It’s all in the attitude.  Of course I still need to go tuck him in, so we’ll see what happens there.

Challenge Day 2

First of all last night didn’t end up going as smoothly as when I left you.  I went upstairs to go tuck Jack in and go to bed, and as I went up the stairs I heard some scurrying and jumping in bed.  I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I do remember I was calm.  Jack started raising his voice and arguing with me, I quickly tucked him in then left, what a mess!

7:40 a.m.

This morning went ok, I had no arguing about reading because I ended up reading to the kids this morning.  Scripture reading is always the worst, will someone please tell me it will get better or that it’s worth it, because it is torture for me when we read.  If it’s not one thing it’s another.  First Jack blamed Ryan for steeling his picture of Jesus out of his scriptures, so that became an argument for quite awhile, then waiting for Jack to open his scriptures always takes an hour.  It just seems impossible to have the “Spirit” when we are reading the scriptures, there is too much contention!

9:40 p.m.

I’m really surprised at how today has gone.  I don’t know what it is, if it’s that I know I have to report everything in my posts or what.  The kids didn’t really go anywhere today, so they’ve been home all day (usually this means I start to go crazy and want to pull my hair out).  The missionaries came over for dinner and everything went really well, over all today was a pretty darn good day.  Even bedtime wasn’t too bad, I just had a hard time keeping Cole in bed.  I didn’t explode today at all, which makes me nervous for tomorrow.  I guess I’m pessimistic, ,where there's a good day there had to be a bad one right around the corner.  Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Challenge Day 1

6:45 a.m.

I wake up at 5:30 a.m. so that I can get my scripture reading in, my mornings always go really good, until 6 when I wake the boys up to do their reading for school.  Then the arguing begins.  I’ve already cussed at Jack today, he refuses to do his reading, arguing  for at least 5 minutes straight.  He didn’t do all his reading because I refuse to argue with him, which he takes as me ignoring him.

9:04 p.m.

This afternoon went well for a couple different reasons.  First of all I have a totally awesome mother who would do anything for her children.  She knows I struggle with Jack and is awesome enough to let him come over after school, and she helps him with his homework.  Otherwise I would be fighting and arguing with him, it has taken him 4 hours to do his homework before because of the distractions and the arguing.  Gives me nothing but anxiety!  Thank you mother!  The other reason this afternoon went well is because right after his homework was done he went over to his friends house.  I fought with him a little this evening, but nothing too big.

Deep breaths, breath in and out and take it one day at a time.

Challenge

I think we can all agree that we all have at least one “trial” child.  One that just pushes us past our limits, so it seems.  One that we sometimes wish we could do without.  We may even have moments that we wonder if we love this child, of course we love them, it just gets really hard sometimes.  For me this child is Jack, to the rest of the world he is such a quiet little boy that seems to behave all the time, but to me, I’d like to ring his little neck most of the time, he drives me absolutely CRAZY!  With his winning his crying his tattling, and most of all his ARGUING!!!!!  Everything is an argument, he thinks he is always right, ALWAYS!!

I could go on for hours on how much grief and anguish this kid causes me on a daily basis.  The whole point for this post is that I want to challenge myself.  Of course this is going to take some time and dedication on my part, I need to actually realize that I am his parent and that I need to help him instead of hinder him.  I need to uplift him and help him, along with the rest of my children, realize how great they really are.  So I thought I would “try” to take a daily log of how I’m doing.  Maybe it’ll help me do better knowing I have to post to everyone how upset I get, or maybe I can reread what I’ve been going through and see how silly it my sound, we shall see, wish me luck!

What’s goin’ on?

By the way, don’t know if I mentioned that I passed my EMT practical, and my written tests!  I am officially an EMT!  So glad that class is over, so much stress has just fallen off me.  I now get to be on the call schedule.  All of which are the when Brenden is on.  It’s nice because Ty has given each of us new EMT’s a mentor.  After each call we will be able to go over the call ask any questions and so on.  I think that’ll be nice, it’ll make it a hole lot easier. 

Anyways last night Brenden was on call (I was on the a.m. shift).  A call went out and when Brenden got back he woke me up (around midnight).  Our really good friend Ty, the same Ty as mentioned above, found out last night or yesterday sometime that his stepdaughter, Stella, (who happens to have a HUGE crush on Jack) has diabetes.  I guess she had a blood sugar level of 500!  Usually when it gets to around 120 is when you are branded as a diabetic, or at least when the docs start to worry, 500 is EXTREAMLY HIGH!  So so sad She’s in the hospital and hopefully will be able to come home tomorrow.  It’s so sad when stuff like that happens to kids.  I will remember to keep her in my prayers.

My Dad

Thursday morning I woke up @ 5, since that is the only time I have if I want to exercise.  I had just finished my work out and was about to get into the shower, since I was nasty and sweaty.  It was about 5:30 now, I was in the bathroom when my cell phone rang, the only person that calls me that early is my mother, so I wasn’t in any big hurry, then my home phone rang.  I thought, she must really want to talk to me.  Then my cell phone rang again, so I hurried out of the bathroom to answer it.  It was my dad, that is really odd.  He told me he was feeling dizzy and sick, and he wanted me and Brenden to come over and check him out.  I knew what he was thinking, that since Brenden and I are both EMT’s that we should  be able to come over and tell him what was wrong with him.  We went over and he was sitting on the couch.  We were asking him a bunch of questions.  We knew something had to be wrong, because my dad isn’t going to call and ask for help unless he’s really bad off or scared.  He had woken up at 4 that morning, and when he got up to go to the bathroom he about fell over, was dizzy and felt nauseated.  He waited till 5:30 to call.  I gave him some orange juice, because I didn’t know if he just had low blood sugar.  Later when I had him sit up to take a blood pressure he threw that up.  Even when he was just sitting there not moving, the room around him was moving.  First blood pressure was something like 150/89.  We had him stand up to take another one, I had to hold on to him really good so he wouldn’t fall down.  It dropped down to something like 128/82.  NOT GOOD!  All signs of stroke.  We came to a conclusion that we needed Ty over there, and the only way to do that is to call 911.  Brenden made the call, we ended up taking him down in the ambulance, I went with, even though I wasn’t on call.  Called my mom to let her know.  We gave him an IV and some drugs to help settle his stomach.  He was felling a little better.  His big concern was keeping the lights and sirens OFF!  He didn’t want anyone to know the ambulance was at his house.  We did the stroke test on him on the way down, it was negative.  We had no clue what was wrong.  After and MRI, two cat scans and many other tests done on Thursday and Friday, they found that the arteries in his neck are 89-90% plugged!  If they wouldn’t have found that he would have had a MAJOR stroke within the next 2-3 years.  Today he went in for his first surgery, they will first go on one side of his neck and clear it out then in about six weeks they’ll do the other side.  I just got a phone call and he just got out of surgery, everything went well and he’s doing good, he should be able to come home tomorrow.  I’m just glad he called and asked for help and that we were able to take him down to the hospital and find all this stuff out before it was too late!  I love that grumpy old guy too much to have something too serious happen to him.  Glad he’s okay!

Talking in Church

Our family got to talk in church yesterday, and I will have to say it was quite an awesome experience.  Jack and Ryan talked, then Brenden and I talked.  I felt bad because I didn’t leave Brenden very much time.  I didn’t realize until I sat down that I was up there for like 20 minutes.  Leaving Brenden less than 10, oops.  I feel like we both did an awesome job, hopefully others feel the same way.  This was definitely a journal writing moment, because it was the first time ever that I have heard Brenden cry.  Still haven’t “seen” him cry, but his voice started to crack when he was talking and I could tell he was getting emotional. 

Earlier this week I got a phone call from Melanie Slack asking me a rather strange question.  She asked me if I would cater a dinner for her.  I was like “what!?”  She wanted me to make our Café Reo pork salad.  I ended up doing that on Friday, and she ended up paying me more than I asked for, it was actually fun, I’m glad she game me the opportunity.  On top of those two things I taught the Young Women lesson yesterday, worked for Tamie on Friday and without her on Thursday, which went pretty smoothly.  There was also the last boys home Basket ball game, and Saturday my family went to the temple with names that Scott had found on my dads side of the family that needed their work done.  It was an incredible experience.  We went to eat at the Olive Garden and you’ll never guess who our server was, Melanie Golden!  Haven’t seen her since high school.  I think my dad was pissing her off though, she didn’t seem too happy with him. 

Well, here’s to another week, wish me luck