and sleep please...

At last

Once the sought-after lane
Became the tears-shed pain.

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Owning the burden is half the battle.

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The measurement

Picture is taken here

Start with one
Count until you are done
When? You count and try to run
Till the point you are having no more fun
Playing with number
Playing with the ruler
But can everything be measured?
Just because we want it numbered?
No.
At one point we will know
The point of one feeling,
is the feeling without measure
Since that day you will keep on seeing
the truth that you never consider.

Ever.

:(

There is no secret

Only hidden truth lie beneath the under.

Ukulele oh Ukulele, will you stay?

Deleted and wiped? Done.

Oh, remember the story about a car that looked nice outside but badly damaged inside?

You owe me so many things.
Pay up.


Good bye.

Hop along

Against the dark night
If the cut is that deep
Maybe because it is scary?
Maybe because of the pride?
The man-made excuses?
Throw something over the edges
And run for it
Hop along
Too vulnerable from the truth.
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With you

The best and the worst relationship.
Even after all this time.

The reason I gave up upon feelings.

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Night out

The view in Southbank at night still made me smile. Never fail.

A little girl found running
To the place the hush hush came in
Though the promised never come
But the heart seek no harm
Slowly, withdrawing
From the entangled form within
And the girl stop running

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I need to always check.
Just because
I forgot.

We are so busy growing up,
We often forget that our parents are growing old.

I love you, mom and dad.
From the bottom of my heart.

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Big Day for you..

You stood with me every time I snapped.
You gave me everything of yours when I demanded
You took the white flag whenever we fought, alright
You let me get my own way anyhow you may, you will try..

You are the oldest friend that I have.
One I never need to find,
You will always be there.
And for that I can never forget.
With lots of love, you made me who I am today

I may give you presents in years to come,
but it can never be enough compared
to the present that you already are
to me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, angah.

Love, along.

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secret admirer

A little birdie sent me a tweet,
Wishing me happiness every single morning
How I mean to send it back and see
From where the little birdie came
Just to be woken up by hurtful ringing- oh
Reality hits.

Forgiven not forgotten

Always forgive,
But never forget
Learn from mistake,
But never regret.

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For a piece of paper

After all the hard work
For all the time spent away from home
For all the tears finishing whatever needed

I am now graduated

Thank you Allah
Thank you to all

Congratulation Izzy, you deserve this.
=)

Yes, maybe?

Yes.
Or no.
Maybe I am not
Only for that day
Been waiting
On the corner of the living
You found me- No?
Where were you?
Come just a little closer
Will you?

Love.

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Thank you Allah

For granting my wish.
Alhamdulillah....

system breakdown.

O God, I know that this is a test for you to me,
but for this, I beg to my knee.
Give me strength
Give me faith
Give me the chance I so long waited.

O God.
Grant me the wish
to give this heart
a little bit of ease.

Pray for my best.

Congratulation on your hard-worked degree.

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Veracity is...?

People tend to not recall

That friendship are not made of deceit

Lots of good hearsay,

Holding to the genuineness?

Or hiding from it altogether?

But after the entire stereo

Of sugar-coating lexis and

merely honesty

Now discern the reality

the hurt of shrewd

the spiteful words.

Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another.

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Mistake

Here is a thing about mistakes:

Sometimes when you know that it is a mistake, you have to make it anyway. Just to prove that it is a mistake. Or else we can never know that the mistake is a mistake. We will live without knowing that a mistake is a mistake because we mistakenly not doing the mistake.

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Sugarbutterbread

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Tiny nevertheless certain

Small little amend

Big enough? But plain-

Too plain.

Enough, as you ordered

From the menu

Thus far, will that do?

Plain-

Is forever good

In no way impede

From be visible to you

However indeed

In a way complete

The raison d'être

To be too in bliss

Hitherto wanting

More than plainly this.

Exactly. 

Because 'sky is the limit'

Really?

Wooden heart or steel?

My heart is hurting now. I googled for reasons. You know, maybe I ate something that will cause this pain. But, instead, I came across an old song I always remember. A song I cherish a lot.

Picture taken from here

Can't you see

I love you

Please don't break my heart in two

That's not hard to do

Cause I don't have a wooden heart

And if you say goodbye

Then I know that I would cry

Maybe I would die

Cause I don't have a wooden heart

There's no strings upon this love of mine

It was always you from the start

Treat me nice

Treat me good

Treat me like you really should

Cause I'm not made of wood

And I don't have a wooden heart

This song is called Wooden Heart (Elvis Presley). You see, I always choose to believe that I can make my own kind of love story. You know, the -not-so-common ones. But I ended up stuck in the cliche patterns. Boring. Maybe I should start to educate myself to good music. The ones that will made me NOT think about this song (that since just now stuck forever in my head with mental image of elvis presley and the dool).

Things are quiet lately. Too quiet to be precise. Nothing much happened. Not so full with drama(s) except few panic attacks when exam and assignments take the toll on us. At the very least, I am glad that the busyness take my minds off whatever I am burdened with.

The hunt for baju melayu at Jalan TAR. 

Met Jeremy (my ex-housmate's son) during his vacation trip here and we talked about things in Malaysia and Australia. We also made lots of discussion about life, cultures and love. Topics got wider by the time I asked about commitment in life. He playfully agreed on life with commitment is hard, it was way more fun without one. Now that I think about it again, I guess it really is. No expectation, no hard feelings, not much  no tears, no headache. After all, I think I have still lots to catch up in life. He told me how he loves adventures and been trying lots since little. Always want to try so many new things in life, so I know I must use every possible chance, be opportunist. Will do. Thanx Jez. I am glad you enjoyed our tour (haha!) and Malaysia. See you when I see you later. Cheers, mate.

Did lots of reading lately. All the exam topics are not good for my health. They made me think too much over issues like 'Dasar-dasar kerajaan' and 'Perintah Am' but somehow lots of thinking of those made me realize that I also need to play my role as a good citizen. We will start with... err.. any suggestion?

the <3of  housemates (pic courtesy of Aliaa Zawani)

the cake during QUT farewell (pic courtesy of Erma Heldayu)

The real rafewell is nearing. No, it is already here. I hate goodbyes. Friends are always my best resort when I started to think unnecessary things.

I guess somehow I am still not over this.This small tiny little thing.

Recovering.

Alhamdulillah.
KISSM, you made my life a living hell for a moment.
But now that you are gone, I believe I am going to miss you.

Love,
One who went out early during exam

Sent from my iPhone

Emotionally disturbed over things I cannot understand- Nothing.

Sent from my iPhone

Nice music ambience after another. Who can resist the excitement?
Thanks sis for the treat!

Sent from my iPhone

A treat.

Thank you God.

Got to know my result, and I am so so glad, i never expected it (looking at my results all these while). So I took a trip for my own kind of celebration. A slow walk enjoying day, followed by a nice dinner with lovely people from Aussieland. Then now treating myself to good liveband alone at bb. With a cup of hot lemonade, what can go wrong?

I thank You, God. For giving me reasons to smile today.

Sent from my iPhone

Change

We dont like it-
We fear it.

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Soul is no gift

Do you have anyone that when you try to contact them, your heart will be very badly heavy and big lump in throat that hurt do much? You ended up not typing anything at all. Sometimes it is important (at least to you) but then you let it go. Then that someone contacted you, which makes you heart almost stop. But then ignored again after that. Why?

When you can hear the whimper of the wind. Of soul that is soulless.

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111111

I wish nothing but the best for you...

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Vertigo

For those whose goal is 'something higher' must expect some day to suffer vertigo.

The voice of the emptiness below everything else.

Afraid much? Run.

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Secret Garden

A place where you can do your worst.
Be yourself.

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Eid-ul Adha

Celebrate it with all the happiness you can get.
For all the love and care I got, I thank you Allah.

Merdu suara takbir..

What fix?

There are no quick fix that heals fast, especially not by trying to talk it out. No, you have no idea what to talk, where to start, how to fit everything into one simple story line. Because there is none. The only solution that you can think of is to lessen the heartache. Forget the revenge, will bring you to nowhere. Give up the hope, will be utterly hopeless and at some point, you will realize that you are just wasting your time. Stop everything you are doing. Stop every picture viewing, history chat/msgs reading, checking every single time for new updates about them. Be generous. Be better than being stupid. No, do not forget, because that is how you learned your lesson. Just stop wasting the tears they dont deserve. Start with letting yourself go. Give yourself some love. Smile more, and just keep on smile. Even when you cannot cheat yourself, you might as well let others around you feel relief. If you can, find new people to hang out with, even though in my case I am more comfortable do lots of things on my own. No, watching movies alone are not pathetic. Eating alone is also ok. Nothing is wrong with walking and strolling down the park alone. Who knows, that way the fix and the heal we try so hard to find can be found? 

Then again, we can still cry where nobody will never know. 

I think so

Traffic jam: Festival of light.

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Rainbow days

Believe me, i really want to. I do.

O Allah,
Please give me a way.

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After so long, it feels awkward.
It really does.

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Tapak kuda

I want this please.

Right right.

"You are perfect, but you are not perfect for me."

"You deserve better."

Sounds familiar? Welcome to the club.

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Long ride

It is like a bus ride in a long highway .You know you are on the right track, you know where you are heading. But along the way, you might found the stop signage, or anything. Just as distraction for you, but actually as help for the driver. You go forward, for the exit. From your seat , from your window.

Life goes on, you know.

You know you can stop as you see the sign, but instead you just go on. Why? Because you believe that you are doing the right thing. That matters most.

Belated but better late than never

Oh I got a birthday card today! (omg i know it was sooo belated)

Thanks! And thanks for the 1pound!

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If you really have the courage.

Courage? I believe that it is the willingness to be afraid and act upon it anyway. I am afraid, always. I am however not able to just leave it at that. The fact that I act upon what I want makes me look ruthless, and to some, no longer special. Regardless everything, I am still who I think I am. Yes, I made lots of mistakes, but not for others to judge me.

Occasionally, I will stop at one point of life and ask myself, 'Am I going to make this right?' but again, I am now believe in making mistakes and make myself better from all the mistakes.

No, knowing you is not a mistake, it is a way for me to learn. And be better.
Throw in love, time and forgiveness and the outcome should be equally optimistic.
Should be.

Because we are all looking at the bright side.

I love to eat

And i dont care.

Even when i can no longer fit into my old jeans. Thanks for reminding me, people.

Went crazy

I went beyond my imagination and allowed an spot of baldness in the size of 20cent on my head.
Yes, i know.
But at least now i know 'bekam' doesnt hurt.
And the 5 spots on the forehead?? Haha priceless. Need to cover those funny spots tomorrow for cricket.

Cricket??!!! I know right??
Oh batting and bowling.. Kind of fun.

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Oh

Indeed.

How..

Those songs. What? Found out the truth. Greed versus feelings. And I blame those thorns. Counting the patches, storing the tears. No, forever is not what I need.

Sent from my iPhone

Pangkor

2am in the morning and it is my turn to patrol.

The feeling of being here, Pangkor at night? Priceless.
With this sound?
Who can resist to be sleepy?
Good food,
Good people to hang with,
And good laughters.
Creating all the sweet remembrance.

Love this place.

P/s: why must 2 hours? I am sleepy....

Sent from my iPhone

In denial but...

Really?
...

77

Hello CM! And the Es Teller welcome the hungry me. With Shiha I ate like a king.

And the fish spa?
The night lights?
The good chat..
And some love.
Just beautiful.

Awesome trip.

Stir your life, baby.

What a beautiful day. With the sun, and the breeze. And I stayed at home?! I did. 

I need to get a life.

Find my awesome dress, put on my best heels, go out and have fun.

Will ask Shiha. Jom?

True story

I spent too much of time worrying and mourning over things i shouldnt have to.

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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got. Really.

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Happy birthday.

Sent from my iPhone

Not enough sugar, but with lots of love

Before,
at this very time...

While I waited
You waited too
Just not for me
Only one that you knew
But that is ok.

Lit the candle, in few minutes.

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I miss a lot of things.
And people.

Sent from my iPhone

Find me when you are ready
Not because you are lonely.

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Admit it...

Somewhere, someday,
somehow...

You like someone you cant have
You desire something you cant get
You hate someone you cant forgive
You love someone who don't love you back
You want to stay when you are chased away
You forget just how to forgive and let it go today.
You hold on too tight, you don't realize you are losing it anyway.

Admit it.

It is 3 am and I cant stop thinking.
Thanks caffeine, my brain is working without a blink.
Too tired but now I cant sleep.
Shall start to think my plan to keep me here.
With the right sanity.

5 cups of coffee..
too caffeinated to realise
that i am tired.





of staring at nothing.

Sweetdream

Even just for a dream.
It gave me some kind of peace.
A while, but worth it.

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Giving up? No, growing up.

Lit up a candle and stare at it.
A certain kind of at ease.
Simple, yet full with meaning.

Burning candles.
Looking at it again, i feel proud of my own heart.
Even it's been played,
Stabbed,
Cheated,
Broken and BURNED,
Somehow, it still works. Amazing thing.

Now now, got to realize that the front cover has nothing to compare with the real subject. Like a textbook. Or the real meaning of this burning candle.

What?

Why burning candle? Why??
Some things are just better left unanswered.

Woken up

Because September has ended

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A little rest for a little while

No more lesson planning
No more headache and screams
No more materials preparation
No more strict observations

A little rest
For a little while

But the school and people i know,
will not be forgotten

Then end of practicum
One step to the real world.
At this very moment,
I love my profession.

I have a friend. Or 'friend'?
Who goes behind my back,
And tries to take everything away?
Oh please
Do you know how bad it is?
All these things that you did?
Knowing clearly how i feel?
Oh please
Don't say I'm sorry
Since i know it is not worth it
And i thought that i can believe
Where truth is
Nobody
Ever earn the trust that i keep.

Out of all days, why today?
Why now?

I understand now why my friends keep ob asking me to let go.
Because i thought i did.
When i did not.
Truth is, my life is all about hanging on
I hate it when i dont understand
Or taken advantage of
Or ignored
Or forgotten.

Or just simply left when i need the most.

And i think i can believe in you
No, i thought.

Sent from my iPhone

Officially a graduate now!

Congrats baby! I'm so proud of you.

I can still remember
at that time of the year,
asked you to join that one
But you declined
Refuse to follow

Sent from my iPhone

Explosion of the empire?
Really made my day.
Worrying is not the problem
Giving not a damn thing
Start to worry much
The danger is there,
Yet excitement,
The rush of the blood,
Being mad is always
The winggle on the stage.

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I guess you can say that I miss you
But I dont think it's you I miss
I think who I miss the most is
The person I thought you were
Not the person you turned out to be.

I guess you can say that i miss you
But I dont think that it is you i miss
Because when I looked at the mirror,
There is no you to begin with
Only me,
And my invented memories.

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Im so slow.
I realize now that I dont want love
I just need to be happy
And find someone who can make me feel that
Just happy
Not love
No love

Dont love...

Sent from my iPhone

And is it worth it? Being responsible?
Cause if you take your vitamins,
And pay your taxes,
And never cut the line,
The universe still gives you people you love,
And then let them slip through your fingers
Like water
And then what have you got?
Vitamins..

And nothing.

Sent from my iPhone

Post birthday celebration

Went to national museum for celebration with nurul. Yes, i did. Haha. Good thing is, got to play with the snake! Yeahhhhh!!! Hahahha!

Yes, that was just how i celebrate my birthday. Hahaha!

Fish spaaaaa

Eat, fish, eat!
Eat them all!!

N nurul's face? Priceless.

HB

Age is just a number. But who am I kidding?? I am so a grown up now I cant believe it at all!

Thank you mama for giving birth to this brat 24 years ago.

Thank you for all the wishes people!

Thank you for giving me smiles yesterday. ...

And thank you roommate for the cake and unplanned intimate date.

Xx

P/s: i might not be pretty but I have wonderful people around me, who loves me for who I am. And I am glad for that.

Everything is perfect there but one thing..

The lost and tragedy.

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I feel angry, mad and moody
But i stay.
Stayed.
No. Stay.

I am terrified.

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moment

I will do just about anything to be here at this hour.

I miss.

What?

Looking at all the pictures and i am impressed that i can hold my feelings to be feelingless. What an achievement.

I think this new development is not healthy for my future. I need to do something

Thanks roomate for being there when i needed you just now.

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Still

Yes, i feel THAT difficult to let you out off my mind. Why?
...
Much
A lot.

It hurts.

We are going to meet again,Malaysia. So long Brunei.

The land I like

Hello Brunei!
Let us entertain ourselves with all the smiles and happiness.
And stay on.
The smiles I mean.

Confession of broken hearted

Hello Brunei.

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Take your time in knowing yourself. Because you deserve that time.
Take your time in believing yourself.
Because you deserve that chance.
But tell yourself to be given time
Tell yourself to be slow and learn
Tell yourself to start to understand
That life really revolves around
Us only.

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This pain, the physical pain, will last me more than the inner ones. Despite the fact that the physical will lead me to seek the inner pain. The medicine. Literally soothing cure. Painkiller is you.

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273days ago.
5:40pm

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Because nobody ever stop hurting me.

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You told me it will be forever. You lied.

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In our farawayyyyy land.

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This month exactly.

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I am so slow...

Looking at my watch, I just realized something: I am so so slow.

I need to clean my room,
I need to do my lesson planS for next week.
I need to learn how to dance like in the video.
I need to go shopping
I need to DIET.
I need to send my bags for stitches. Koyak. And shoes too.
I need to send few more cards.
I need to update my photo album (the 2011 version) in my laptop
I need to do some reading
I need to add on my jogging/exercise routine
I need to relax
I need to be positive
I need to improve on my English.
I need to REALLY improve my English.

Yes, and I am not done with the list. I told you I am slow.
So slow I can't believe I can still survive in this world now.

Yes, my morning rambling.

You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.

No more suicide mission. I promise.

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Talking to the air

For I got no one to be mad with.
I stop looking, then-
I spot Something.
I called off. Stupid? Why?
Big reason is, I just got nothing I can make use to make meaning
Even when I am talking to the air
Yes
I am talking to no one there.
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Excited over small little things.
Smiling over and over again.
Happiness, please stay.
Even the artificial ones,
I can bear.

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Olddd

Will I get duit raya this year? Oh I want pretty please???

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Creepyyy

Few people noted to me that I am too gloomy lately. Need to cheer up a bit and tone down my creepiness haha

Haha..

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Girls forgive and forget
Guys get and forget.

Haha

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White lie.

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I'd played my role with no ties and great gusto. With a great conviction I didn't even know I felt.

Slow..

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Had a habit of not knowing where the phone is. Disaster. And it is here again.

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The heart with the broken parts
And
Colourful blood.

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Went outside for a short walk. And I felt cold. Feelingless. I hate nobody but I also need no one. I tracked my life journey for these past few months and I saw black patches. Of nothingness. I decided to just walk and continue this pattern of nothingness and feelingless. For a while. At least for a moment. As those are the things that keep me smiling. To nothingness. Cheers.

Sent from my iPhone

Reason to cry

Listening to something that bring the tears

I found the reason to show. A side of me you didnt know.
The reason to start over new, and the reason is you.

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Why are you complaining?
Because no one understood.

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When the rain started to pour,
I forgot that I have no raincoat on.
So when I stutterred and showered,
The warmth that you brought
Means everything.

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The star in an orange
The moon in an apple.

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It is not a dream when it is no longer reachable. Too far.

Who do you think you are？

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Says one who cannot keep up

Well known News.
Yesterday was filled with dances and juices
So when the light is off,
The story continues,
It starts to bleed and hurting too.
Simple reason-
Hating the way it goes to.

A little bit over the moon.

"The important thing is to allow fate to intervene in our lives and to decide what is best for everyone."

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Loner

Loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down, but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.

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No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door:
The purpose of light is to create more light, to open people's eyes, to reveal the marvels around.

(paulo coello, 2008)

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Stagnant show

Either an action or reaction

Maybe an ebb or even one flow

Something is up for alters and changes

Giving trials, redo and amend errors.

Living in this pace of rhythm,
Some confidence needed to be shown
That without fear and clearer vision
One may stroll with fresh hope

Rather than living yet undecided
Stagnant with just no flow.

Bar the change, disturbance in cycles,

I said hello to people who knows.

Doses of medicine, with readings to be made,

I'll say I'm contented, at least for the day.

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The tide turned
Creeping slowly over the banks
Of sand. Of shingle.
Pools formed at the end
Of the breakwaters. Covered-
Patches of greens and blacks bore the taunting stories
Countless bubbles freed
From the sand
Trapping in the air.

Oh the moon! The moon.
A swathe of cloud
that came too soon
Blanking out the starlit sky.
Then the air grew colder
And smears of mist
Began to form
The painted skin
Glittering dew all over it.
New bribery.

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sleeping pill

Took one gulp of a drink
With hardly taken pills.
What is with all the thinking?
Big deal.
Turning onto the soft cottoncandy
When the turn directed by the nerdy
become a path
that nobody will lead.
So long baby,
have a good night sleep.

Hi-gh

An eye for an eye.
It shall be made for a try.
But i ended up cry.
For lest we forget.
Why we even start again.
The chirping sound.
Alive.
A birdie bird sharing soul.
Cracking heart.
Fly to the sky.
But everything.
Is not going.
To be fine.

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Karma

Came across something interesting, and I never think I will feel this. Oh, this is something new. A new level of stalking and being a stalker. No, maybe that is not stalking. That is just a coincidence. A big one. A funny one. One cheats, another is just the same. Hurting and being hurt, and stupid beyond words. I turned a blind eye, no, blind eyes. But the smile I get for myself is still the best one.

Thanks to the flower.

Is it wrong to not able to let go?

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Kuala Lumpur - Batu Pahat

One old lady
Sitting beside the girl
The girl smile sweetly
The old says hi and turn
She looks sad and sappy
The girl offer her a sweet
She smiles and there is a tear
Down running her cheek
The girl just touch her hand
As a gesture of concern
And let the old lady cries
But somehow deep in heart
Both feel relieved and loved
For they wont need to talk
Just with silent exchange of thought

Deep ones.

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That hardest subject

Love sure is not an easy subject to score in life. And not all will experience the same test. Some will get lucky and happy, but some will down with failure and cry to feel better. However that may be, there is no perfect score in love. Most of the time, you will be forgotten for what you did and your strength for they remembered your mistakes and your weaknesses. No, do not be sad. Held your head high and walk your way to save your pride, whatever there is left. It is not your fault when you think you are not good enough for the other person, but when that thought come across your mind, usually it works the other way around. It doesn't matter anymore. This subject might not be your specialty in life, thus you shall try another. Forget the pain. Forget the failure. One step at a time, believe that you can make your life better.

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Look at the star and how they shine for you..

It was all yellow..

It was all for me to swallow.

Sent from my iPhone

To err is human.
To forgive, divine.

Forgive me,
If I have done something wrong.
Not to ignore me,
And leave it like nothing is wrong.

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Berpesan pada angin, sampaikan rasa hati.

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Looking at the sky and wonder, what will happen for the next coming years.

Because I am walking the path I should have avoided. For that is the only path I want to take right at this moment.

Oh heart oh my
Please bear this I know we all cry.
I made mistakes
I took advantage
I finally came to understand again
That the life is never fair.
Brokenhearted to pieces?
No.
To nothing.

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Hi moon! Said the star.
I am always looking at you. But you just dont know that. Maybe because you are big, maybe because you are pretty. But mind you, i will be missed.
Goodnight sweethearts

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Reading and reciting stories to
The wall.

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Sunset

At this sunset
I see the beauty of life
Eveb just for a while, it is there
And will come again
Those captured moments are the most precious ones
And will forever be in mind.

The moon
Doesn't it just happen to be
Above you
Before you know it.
It just rises up
Before you realize it.
It doesn't shine that brightly
That's why
You don't notice
When you lose sight of it
That might be the first time
You realize the existence
Of the moon

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Seeing you

All the bubblies
All the chatters
All the Stories
The dramas there
Make me feel like home again
Home of love
Home of care
Home of lots of things
Everywhere

'I'm going British nowadays'
Yeah right, nice.

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When the firefly is flying all by itself,
I see hope but a little one.
Beautiful.
But darkness all around and behind.

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Maybe we have to get a little messed up
Before we can step up.

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Lights in my heart

Slowly brightening the night
Slowly bringing the fight
To see the darkness in heart
The light
I change for the better for the worse
For the love of own life
I let myself learn
That life is simple.

Hello June

Store some of leftovers for the next feast! I shut and smile and left the faith behind. The rain in the desert. The sun that shine so bright. The future.
Babysteps.

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Maybe,
there is another route.
There is another truce.
Just maybe,
I can smile again.
Put the sorrowness into the drain.

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When my friend told me to ignore and move on, I question myself the ability to move forward. I doubt much, but believe for more to gain. Ive done crying. Ive done mourning. Heck, why should I even care at the first place, looking back at all the memories that I know will bring back all the tears. The msgs in the inbox and some random thoughts are not real. I know somehow I feel bad for myself actually for being like how I am today. But I learned. I want to be stronger. For whatever prides left on me, I want to move. Forward.

This hurtful feelings are not without tears but tears never help but to release my tense. Only.

My own sort of tranquility.

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I cried nonstop for over an hour without any specific reason. I am so tired now i feel like throwing up. What a bad day.

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Just a small button with the big turn
Jolly yiehaw and yayy no mourn
Brought the cake
Late you bake
A girl who late
But claim to take
Throphy to make
Yourself to fake
Now he is dead
And none to blame
But the pursuit of fame

No time wont wait
But please
Just stay
In life, I would say
And keep appearing
Breathing
Till death take it away

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Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

You want to see others the way you like. How about you be one first? See, Gandhi perfectly gave us the guidance, how genius.

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Happyyy

So happy so shining
The day it is
Even when the wheather
so dark so gloomy
Praise the love
That is in the air
Bring up the mood
showed that you care

Happiness is what we dare to bare.
Thank yousssssss

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I miss you.
I never want to miss you like this.
It hurts.

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It doesnt matter if you are no longer in someone's heart.
After all, it is the faith that you have in yourself is the most important thing.

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You can close your eyes
to the things you do not want to see
but you cannot close your heart
to things you do not want to feel.

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People lied because truth hurts.

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HTD!

Happy Teacher's Day!
To me as well!

S2e7 23.57

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Watching greys anatomy.
And why am I being emotional and hating him?
For all I know now, begging wont do.
He likes her, just not enough.

Ouch.
This series watching really get on my skins.

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My bestfriend told me that everything is going to be ok. She lied.

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What you dont know wont hurt you?
I think the worst feeling is not knowing at all.

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I'd do it again.
I'd choose you.
Everytime.

Because it matters to me.

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The more reason for me

To feel at ease.
The sunset.

Lembaran 1 2011

I cant take it.
I thought that I can.

I cried.
I am sorry for myself
As I am not strong enough yet.

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Someone left me a note
In my iPhone
160 days ago.

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Happy Mother's Day

Because only you who can cut the cake for me with so much love like no other.

I love you, Mama.

P/s: the chocolate rice cake.

One early morning, I woke up and stared at the blanket. I was dreaming something forgotten long ago. I miss that secret escape. Full of butterflies. What I regret the most is that I leave everything to time and never take advantage of those moments. I shut my mouth, I let myself go.

Now?

Not once I feel those again.
Even when I stop trying.
Puzzle of maze, I see none solved now.
Packing up all the bags of remainings.
Sending the warmth of smile,
I will look to this feeling
Again later
If I will.

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Drumroll....

Final exam for final year!
And we finished it!

Pot calling kettle black

When you used to talk back and say things like im so bad, things are even worse on the other side of your dream world. And at least I can say I am not the only one. Haha

Pot and kettle

Final paper for final year! Done!

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Bittercold

Cold
Sore and alone
Beaten so bold
Bleeding to bone
Bring me home
Please
I step forward
I see the burn
I make a turn
I live a life
I give a heart
I let the love
To be alive

Cold is what i hate
Hurt is what i feel
Love is what i left
For life is what i have.

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Never be sad for what is over.
Just be glad that it was once yours.

Tip-toe.

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1st of May

At exactly today in 2010, I lost you.
And I am always missing you.
Thank you for being there for me
Even just for a while
And to this someone
Who used to console my heart
Today at this very time
I thank you, the ironman.
I miss you, nenek.
Al-fatihah.

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A little bird told me that I am forgotten.
How sad.

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In my memory lane,
I remember having someone
that I can bite
whenever I want to
That I can smile
Dreaming at night
That I can hold
When I feel cold
That I can mess with
When I feel stress

But I forgot that the memory remains just as how it is. As memories.

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Mineeeee

They sent me this image!
I is jealous!

The sports day

Haha!
I was trying to be so supportive for my uni. But pls ipba, can you at least choose a date that will suit all of us the students? In the midst of assignments and exam? Seriously?

But anyhow i had fun, n most importantly feel proud- not many year 4 students involved with this kind of thing you know! Hahahahhaha! Mayb i cant contribute much, i got no talent to run or such, but i hope being the coach for the cheerleading team can help. And, oh yes im so proud of you for being the champion! You go girls! And guys!

That was my last sports day as a student, before organizing it as a teacher.

Teacher?

Stop trying to change what you cant change. After all, we all have the need to be stupid sometimes.

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Oh, wallpapered already the very nice happy scene.

God, help me

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Silence is golden.
Is this one?

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Walking in a dream
To see the karma begin
Freezing cold ice blending
From beside I may not notice
From above I may not leaving
From afar I shall just tucking
Away
All the tricks, all the stains
All the things, all the pains
I am no perfect angel
Thus answers all the hatreds
For the rolling ices
Who moved the ship
Who blocked the brain
That, I cannot see.

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Reality hurts and it makes people cry.
Why should we face reality again?

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Angin..

Sampaikan salam rindu padanya.

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Tink

Tinker Bell loves Peter Pan till the end of her life, even when Peter Pan has no memory of her after that.

As always haha.

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Ouch. That hurts.

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Exhausted.

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Floral dinner

What i need
When i feel in need
is friends.
Indeed.

Thank you, Irrina.
Happy Birthday.

Xo,
Izzy.

A veil hangs between the opposites, a mere slip of thing that is too transparent to warn us or to comfort us.
You hate now, but look through this veil and see the possibility of love;
You are sad, but look through to the other side and see happiness.
Absolute composure shifting to a complete mess- it happens so quickly, all in the blink of an eye.

I took for granted of things before.
I closed my eyes over things I refuse to know.

It is Not my greatest strength at the first place but I will try to be real.

Simple algebra equation.

Sent from my iPhone

I remember the times I cried before, and that made me laugh now. What I never know is when I remember the times of laughters, they will bring me to tears.

Of looking the pictures and old memory lanes.

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Point

At your weakest, you end up showing more strength
At your lowest you suddenly lifted higher than you've ever been
They all border one another,
The opposites and show how quickly we can be altered.
Despair can be altered by one simpke smile, offered by a stranger
Confidence can turn to fear by the arrival of one uneasy presence.
Everything is in the verge,
Always brimming the surface,
With only a slight shake or tremble to send things toppling.

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Perigi dan timba

Kisah perigi mencari timba
Timba dan perigi
Perigi dan timba
Sekian.

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A casket of old memories

I remember the park the swings
Higher and higher my hand is pushing
Swinging, laughing leaving all worries
The green grass
Music
Cobbled street indeed
I remember the confetti
The white dress
The flowers in the hands
Then coming
In the dead brain cells
Hands hurting, shouting, shivering
Slamming
Sprinklers again, slowly rising
Sunsets and sunbeam.

Casket closed.

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The zombie family

Thanks for making this a success.
I love all of you, my juniors.

Special thanks to you, Danny and Nurul.

Nurul..
Hugs!!!!!

To give

Fly away
High..
Star and the limelight.
To give all the wants
And all that ever asked
Why-
Stepping back and forth
Leaning.
Learning.
Loving.
Losing.
Leaving.

And start again

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Best worst

The worst part of it is you but that is also the best part of it.

I am going to search through the memory lane
Till I can say I am through and through
Through and true.

Truly you

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That face

She wore that hair
Like she did in summer night
So alive so high so nice just to wear all night
What all think why she might
But none knows if all is alright
Then she said it is fine
Since she bares it then hide
Just she wore that face
Like she did in a stormy day
So sad so bad so hateful must all miss to say
What she needed why she did this
When she just can keep all away
Just so it happen
She might just be gone
Again.

When she wore that face
When she knows that bad

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Pretty little liars

Who's story is this?
Tell me again?

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Affective filter

And the affective filter is already up. This high.

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Buih sabun

Mari kita main buih sabun
Gelembung bulat
Bulat bulat,
Tiup tiup
Terbang menjauh

Cari hanya ketika bingung
Bulat bulat mari kita tiup
Bulat mudah terbang,
Bulat suka bermain
Bulat oh bulat

Satu bulat. Dua bulat. Tiga bulat

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Boiling water

The hot and feverish one.
Boiling burning.
In a kettle, for a cup of tea.
Ahh.. Better.

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Sunny

I call for sunrise when it is sunset,
and I call for sunset when it is sunrise.
Never enough.
Sunny up, sunny down,
Sunny turn and goes around.

'I want sunny side up, and you don't have to turn it around.'

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Little bird please tell

Oh my little bird
Tell me why my head is hurting
Tell me why the heart is pounding
Tell me why the life is gloomy
For I want to know, little bird
That I can feel now how bad I am feeling.

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Time please give me some more strength.
Some more time or I will stop dead
Staring at the clocks of the old tales
Begin with the high intake of painless pills.

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Word of wisdom

Orang berbudi kita berbahasa
Orang memberi kita merasa
Orang tak sudi jangan dipaksa
Kerna hati badan binasa

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Be cool

Let us just smile to each other and pretend that nothing happened.
We exchange stories like no other things matter. Because this story is still going on and on. The story of dream high.

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Lose it

We don't know wgat we had until we are about to lose it.

Grab it back, and forget about it.

Lose it again.

We never be grateful.

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Tolong ingatkan aku

Kisah kau tersedar
Dengan saku penyeluk masa
Kau dampingi aku
Setiap detik jantungku berdetak
Setiap nota jiwaku berlagu-lagu

Bila marah merasuk minda

Kecewa menyelubungi jiwa

Aku lupa.

As told by Ana Rafali.

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Like a sweet

I am not a sweettooth person.
But when I really want something sweet, I'll find it. If not, oh well..
Not much in need of sweets, chocs or icecream..

Now that is how it is.
How sweet.

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Wow

Congratulation to you, my friend.
Hope that both of you will be happy always.
My blessings are always with you.

He is lucky to have you.
You are lucky to have her too.

Oh happy mode is in the air.
Wedding! Wedding!

A grin for a change.

Long since the last I feel like writing. Like sitting on a couch, stop, ponder, and write. Well, I did that today. And I figured that I have nothing much to write.

Have you ever come to a stage where you just let go of everything? Like when you are happy, you just be happy and let go of any other worries. When you are stressing your hair out about your problems you just let it go without solving them. When you do anything, you don't really think abut the consequences, but just do it because you want to? I have been asking myself, why am I trying so hard these days to please everybody around me when I know they don't bother.

Slowly, but surely, I will see to my own limit.
Questions unanswered for those which are rhetorically asked, intentionally made to make yourself feel better. Even I know that. Just to make sure that I am always in reality. Check.

Reality bites.

But even that doesn't really convey anything. I believe that when reality bites, you bite harder. Life is full with surprises.

Oh, yes. I am currently in whatever-mode, if that is what you want to know, stalkers. *grinning*

*turn the grin to a smile. Full with meanings*

For a change of life circle.

and for a change of wheel of Brisbane....

Thanks for this picture. 

Wallpaper-ed already.

Brisbane-sick.

Loud and clear

Little did I know I am still not as strong. When Syafa pointed that out just now i was like,'ohhhh.....'

A wakening call
A straightforward message
Loud and clear.

Sent from my iPhone

That precious gesture.

Oh, today I saw her again. The old lady who used to gave me a big smile whenever I passed her at Kerinchi Station. Especially 3 years ago. Made my gloomy day a brighter one.

Little bit of this and that

Talked to few old friends recently. They update me about their life nowadays, how work life keep them busy, how their burden doubled when being independent, and their married life being husband (haha yes, you, Bob!) and wife (wink to you too N!). Worst of all, they keep on bugging me with reminders to enjoy my life as a student as I will miss it so much once I am working. Yeah, I know that. N, being a teacher is double your workload, when you can (sometimes) sit on your cube and doing nothing but blows nails, and even ym-ing me! You ungrateful girl! haha.

Egoism

an excessive or exaggerated sense of self-importance.
nonetheless proved to be fatal for some people,
but beneficial to the others.
self-centred? able to give and share?
think of one-self? compassionate towards others?




Egoist vs Altruist.


Love

Somewhere..

Over the distance.

Way apart.

Places

that I used to love

and want to visit some other time

And for that one place I demand,

to someone dear in heart.

I wish you well, I wish you safe

I wish you happy every single day.

Syhhh..

Just keep it,
Because you know it is not worth the pain.
When you are burning your own future over the candles of life, of love.
Just burn them all.
Burnt.
And cried over.

Kite bako je.

Stars from the above

Be my lucky charms.

Be my glittering pendant,
with a necklace I can wear.
Be my dangling bracelet.
Be my perfect ring.
Be my lovely studs.

And I will feel so safe.
For I always have the charms.
With me.

Bloodish!

Yes. I went extreme (for me!) today. Donated my blood? Check! At lasttttt...
After so many failed attempts (low blood pressure, finish the tube, etc) I can now proudly announce i have donated my blood. Once. -_-"

Babysteps ok. I never think I will be able to see this day. I hate blood, and I hate needles, what more syringe! But oh well.. It was not a pretty sight though. Only those who were there knew how scared to death I am! With so many questions, and the BIG needle with SO MANY blood that they took! Haha. But once they put the needle in my vein I smiled and tell everybody waiting, 'oh, it wasn't that bad...'. And the i-am-so-nervous-Grace said, 'like that la now!' haha. Pretty fun.

I planned to do something more fun today. Go out and do something stupid maybe? The plans were no longer applicable once I finish, i felt so dizzy and tired. Haha.

But. Today is the day that I just dont feel good. Even if it is not because of this bloodish event. Because I still feel it is bleeding. Something else i mean.