little miracle

I did a "Birth Story" for one of my longest and bestest (not a word but I like it anyway) friends in the world.

It was AMAZING to be a part of.

Anyone want to have a baby? Im there!

HERE it is.


xoxo
jen

I did it

I did it, my first wedding and my second. It was horrible, wonderful, exciting and nauseating all at the same time. It is still hard for me to believe that people trust me with their most special day.

Things I learned

1. It is a lot easier not to be a mom of the flower girl and ring bearer, plus decorator.

2. There are A LOT of people (especially middle age men) who have the latest and greatest equipment and know EVERY SINGLE fact about photography and love to let you know while you are in the middle of shooting this most special day. Some may even go as far to tell you where you should be shooting. FYI-BUDDY Landscape Photography is different than shooting people, the light may be good on the mountain but if you stick people in front of it there face will be in the sun. not attractive. Mr. Know It All.

3. If you are a photographer attending a wedding.... go somewhere else and shoot candids for the bride and groom, do not follow the photographer around...please.

4. Make sure the DJ knows to tell you when the major events are happening (to avoid something like having to RUN across the room while waving hands shouting STOP, don't throw it.)

5. You can't choose the lighting, you gotta just do the best with what you got. Full sun and Rain was what I got.

6. Wear more comfortable shoes.

7. I learned that I will probably cry at every ceremony, daddy daughter dance etc. I was prepared for this at my cousins but Mrs. Tristan Cry-Baby Pants had me going so far I couldn't see through the lens (love her). I got teary at my second wedding also... had to "Man Up" and get myself together!

The first wedding is edited, in two posts on my photography blog here. Check them out :)

First ER trip

Tuesday afternoon Halle shut Ashton's pinky finger in my bathroom door, "somehow" it locked and she couldn't get it open. I ran in there after hearing the screaming and had to get the little pin key thing on the top of the door and get it unlocked.... all while my hands are shaking uncontrollably and I have 3 hysterical children. It was probably shut in there for a full minute. It was completely squashed and limp. I rushed him to the ER where they did an X-ray and no bones were broken-NIGHTMARE!!!!!!

I love how in this X-Ray he has these little tiny bones and chubbers all around his fingers. Not only is baby fat adorable it's Protective!!!!

"Let The Wild Rumpus Start"

October 16 has been bookmarked at our house for a while!



{Taylor June of 2005, age 2 and 3 months}


We read daddy turned Taylor's favorite book EVERY night at least once for probably a year... seriously. When I saw the trailer for this movie I honestly started to cry, I swear it was made for us!

"But the wild things cried, "Oh please don't go-
we'll eat you up- we love you so!"
And Max said, "No!"

wildlife grrrrrr.......

Remember this deer from a few months ago that I was so fondly admiring?



Now, not so much....



***This is what happens when your husband goes fishing instead of going to church***

imperfection

So.... I was talking to a friend the other day about blogging and that feeling that everybody gets once in a while when looking at other people's blogs... you know that "grass is always greener", "she's got it all together", "her pictures are amazing, mine suck", I love their life", " I am lame" feeling. I want my blog to be real life and real life is not always perfect. This year, for many different reasons, I have felt overwhelmed and like I can't just quite get it together. I have uncompleted lists and projects to do by the hundreds. Somedays I can barely get two loads of laundry done (how did I ever get it all done and put away in one day?) I'm guilty about feeling sorry for MYSELF not my husband because he works 60 hours plus EVERY week. And my bathrooms are sure not as clean as they used to be(or my house for that matter). The point is we all get in a rut and we don't feel so great about ourselves.

I say blog it all. I want to support other moms and friends and all their imperfections. Also, I want to try my hardest to not JUDGE people. I was having a discussion the other day about Ashton not sleeping through the night and wanting NOTHING to do with his crib. Well... I felt very judged by the response. Than I thought, "Why do I CARE about what she thinks?", I feel like I'm in SURVIVAL mode to get any sleep at all AND I rather like my sweet baby sleeping by me. I say let's support and encourage other, we all have certain things were better at than others.

I found these examples as I started editing my pictures from Utah in March-yes March. It's Taylor and Halle fighting, like they do 27,000 times a day...



I was trying to just take a picture of them together at the park.

Instead I captured Taylor trying to get "just one bite" because he finshed his Snow Cone. She gave in only to have him bite the whole top off. Both were in tears for 20 minutes because she wanted her Ice Cream back and he got in BIG TROUBLE!



This is what most the pictures of my kids faces look like...





And the only way they will happily get in front of a camera is if were playing around on Photobooth...

Michael Jackson

His death has made me remember the influence he had on my childhood. I have always been a MJ fan. His appearance and actions have confused and saddened me over the last decade but I still kept my Michael Jackson memories close to my heart. I think he was the reason I was so drawn to dance. I started when I was four, I tried modern dance and ballet but I always had a passion for Jazz and Hip Hop and whatever style his dancing was (the MJ style). I would make up dances to all of his songs and collect all the girls in the neighborhood and teach them and we would put on concerts. We (my brother, Aquilla and Francis) would have sleepover concerts and ALWAYS end with the grand finale "Thriller" dance.
One summer we were in San Francisco on a family vacation and were visiting Fisherman's Wharf. While walking down the pier sudden total chaos broke out. MJ was arriving at the wharf to unveil his wax figure at the museum. My dad put me on his shoulders and I saw him in the distance, I saw him wave his gloved hand. If I wasn't obsessed with him before, actually seeing him "did me in". I saved Newspaper clippings of the "sighting" and made a MJ clubhouse from a huge cardboard box from "Shingletons", the sewing store down the street from my parents house. I had it plastered with his posters and pictures (I think I had every Teen Beat/ Tiger Beat magazine in the 80's). My parents didn't have cable (and still don't BTW) so I loved to go to friends and family's houses that did so I could watch MTV because MTV always meant MJ videos. "Beat It", "Thriller", "Bad", "Smooth Criminal", " Black or White" .... aahhh the memories. I used to pretend he was singing "P.Y.T."- Pretty Young Thing to me as well as "That Girl IS Mine" (Im a dork) .
As I grew up my infatuation faded and moved on to "Corey Haim" and "Madonna" but I always stayed a fan of his music and dancing. I think that's why I love watching Justin Timberlake and Chris Brown dance, they are truely inspired by him. I hope his soul can find peace now and people can respect him for the legacy he left behind.

I am a mother

My sweet friend Carin has been there to capture me with my kids since hours after Taylor was born. These were taken that same day at the Orchard (a few posts back). It was the week of Mother's Day. I got back from Utah and dove into the maze of boxes and never really thought about writing anything until I sat with Carin yesterday and watched her edit the pictures of me and my kids. I love to watch people do things they're amazing at. I love to watch my dad play the piano... he doesn't read a note yet he can play for hours. I love to watch my mom garden, she knows every flowers name and when it blooms...I'm hoping someday my green thumb will sink in but for now I hate the feel of dirt on my hands. I love to watch Carin take pictures and work some subtle magic on the computer. Cameras aren't magic and either is Photoshop.... SHE is amazing.



That is me in that field with those three beautiful children. How did I get so lucky? They are so SPECIAL to me. I had a dream that I was holding my baby boy. The feeling of love in my heart actually hurt. I woke up from a dead sleep crying and woke Ely up and told him that I felt it was time to start trying to have a baby. I think he mumbled "ok" and turned to go back to sleep.

That was the beginning of my personal little hell. I got pregnant immediately only to miscarry at 6 weeks. My entire existence was shattered. In my mind that baby was real and mine and supposed to be born in 7 more months. We waited the 3 months the Dr. said and got pregnant again. This time I got really bad morning sickness and passed the 6 week mark. I miscarried at 8 weeks and had a D&C that went wrong. I'll spare you the details but I've been told Im lucky to be able to have children after that. I had never been so devastated. I was nannying for a Newborn and it seemed everyone around me was pregnant. I was told to wait three more months to see if I could sustain a pregnancy, if not they would "TEST". I know so many people close to me that have been through much worse (infertility, still births, losing babies after birth) but this was my reality and I FELT PAIN.

When I got pregnant three months later, I was a WRECK. At six weeks we SAW his heartbeat (thank heaven). After that I found a way to get four more ultrasounds just to be reassured. I still was a WRECK for the whole nine months. When I held him for the first time I felt that hurt in heart from my dream. Taylor is so special because he is my first and I've never wanted anything more than I wanted him.

Halle is my girl, need I say more? I ALWAYS longed for a girl. In my mind she had long blonde hair and blue eyes. Funny.... she has the most beautiful curly brown hair and hazel eyes I've ever seen {maybe Im a bit biased} and to me looks the most like her daddy. She is my girl.

Ashton... oh Ashton. Maybe it's because he's my last or because it's fun to have one that actually looks like me or because he still thinks his MAMA is the BEST thing in this world... but everytime I look at him my heart hurts with love. He is my baby.

There are good days and bad days but all I know is that
I was put on this earth
to
be
a
MOTHER.

I really {heart} this baby!!!!!!

Special Agent Ashton {this onesie was a goodbye gift from E's "work friends"}



This poor little guy has had the flu for 2 days. I've been frustrated because he just wants to be held (doesn't he know I have rooms to put together and laundry to do?). He had a few hours where he felt better so I put him down and just started playing with him. While watching him my eyes filled with tears. I realized he is growing so fast. I don't seem to just sit and play with him like I did with the others. Life has been so hectic ever since he arrived. So I decided that I don't care about my house today or my ten loads of laundry... I just care about my little baby.

unpacking grrrr......

So we closed on our house last Wednesday and we are officially out of the apartment from Hell and in a home of our own! I think I would be more excited if I wasn't so exhausted. Im officially sick of moving after doing it three times in the last ten months. Most of our stuff has been in storage and has to be assembled, scrubbed down etc. I keep thinking "why is this taking me so long?" And than I remember that I have a 6 month old that is completely happy and adorable.... until you put him down or walk out of the room. He also does not sleep. I'm serious. He takes 3 ten minute naps a day and still wakes up every three hours at night to nurse. My mom says I was like this, paybacks I guess. So sadly, no pictures yet. I haven't even gotten my Easter pics off my camera yet. I promise to be more dutiful to my blog and all of yours once I get organized. I really can't live in chaos, it makes me grumpy and very anxious. Thanks to my awesome parents who drove up to help and the ward for providing 15 strong men and lunch:) Pictures coming soon.....

my aunt nan

My very special Aunt Nan just under went Brain Surgery to remove an Acoustic Neuroma, which is a benign tumor that grows in the bundle of nerves that control hearing, balance and facial muscles in the face. She has lost all hearing in her right ear and possibly some nerve and balance function. I cannot even express how much this lady means to me. She never had children of her own so instead she treats her six nieces and nephews like her own. She is generous and kind with her time and talents. She is an amazing cook, one of those people who love to master different types of food. For my last birthday she sent me a recipe of a Chinese dish along with a bottle of every single strange sauce, ingredient and spice that went in it. She is always the one in charge of our Kemp Clan...the one we all look up to. Please say an extra prayer for her tonight.

I love this picture of her with my cousin Roxy. It was taken at the Children's Festival she is in charge of each summer as President of their Rotary Club, their motto is her life's motto "Service Above Self".

cRaZY curls.....

THIS is what Halle wakes up like.....






THESE are what we use to condition, detangle, comb through and style the craziness....






THIS is a little girl who could care less about having cute curls! She hates the 20 minutes we spend each morning getting the tangles out, she hates having to comb her hair in the bathtub and condition it twice and she does not like the attention of strangers and their constant "Shirley Temple" comments. Who knew curls were such a conversation piece? Twenty bucks says her hair will slowly go to just "wavy" and than when she is a teenager she'll long for the curls!!!

*C*A*S*P*E*R*

It has been an interesting 2 weeks since I drove (or should I say blew) into the Casper. First off, snow doesn't bother me -I love snow!!! BUT wind is another story. I have never seen anything like the wind here. It snowed 3 feet on Monday and Tuesday it blew away! It gets piled up in snow drifts. They plow the snow to the middle of the street and than a dump truck comes and drives it out of town to help it from not blowing around. I am a Utah girl and therefore used to snow BUT I am also used to snowplowed roads and salt melting ice. Not here, the salt would just blow away so they don't use it and the roads are never clear because the snow just blows onto the roads-BIZARRE! This is the note Tay came home with (I just about died seeing as though they cancel recess when it rains in San Diego)-



I must say that the other major bummer is the apartment-it's horrible. I feel like I am in College Housing again (2 bedrooms, 5 people) but in 4 more months we'll be out of here! The town is a good size, a cross between St.George and Cedar City, it has two Super Walmarts and thank goodness a TARGET. I honestly couldn't survive without a Target. It's a place where people say Yes maam and hold the door open for you, a place where there is some sort of church on every corner, a family friendly place. No one is in a hurry to get anywhere which I guess can be good and bad. Everyone says it is pretty in the Spring, Summer and Fall. I just wish the wind would stop blowing! We were lying there last night and I swear I thought the car was going to come blowing through the window. I asked E how it was possible to still have power and he said "Have you seen any power lines?". I realized than that they all under ground, NO POWER LINES above ground! But THIS is what makes is all worth it-


{OUR HOUSE}

We don't officially close on it until it is finished in May but we've put money down on it and everything has been approved:) I am more excited than I could ever express, I've missed having a home to call our own.

Time For Another Change

This year has been full of changes for our family... a new photography business, a pregnancy (not exactly the easiest one but worth it :)), a move to a new house, Taylor starting Kindergarten, the arrival of Ashton and now another move! After great contemplation we have decided to transfer to Casper, Wyoming. Wyoming, really. No, I have never had the desire to move to Wyoming but it will be best for our family. Although we have met some wonderful people in San Diego who will be greatly missed, we never planned on settling here and always had intentions to return home To Salt Lake City. At this time, it is near impossible to transfer back there. This move will for one, get us closer to our families and two, make it easier to transfer home in the future because it is the same division as SLC. We are also excited to live in a smaller, more affordable place. I know I will be getting payback for complaining about San Diego's "one season" weather- I have heard PLENTY about the winters and the wind!!!!! We will be leaving in mid December (nice time to move huh?). I am trying not to freek out, having a five week newborn and all but I am starting to get stressed. Wish us luck:)
PS-Anyone know anyone who needs to rent a great house in a great neighborhood? We still have 6 months on our lease!!!!

Beautiful Baby Boy....

YES he is here! I went into labor on Friday afternoon after my Dr. stripped my membranes (OUCH!!!!!) She told me that if my body was ready it would work, if it wasn't it wouldn't work...so I guess all of that false labor was actually doing something! My contractions were about 5 minutes apart for 3 hours at which time I decided we'd better go in. Our dear friend Shirley and her daughter Taylor (my kids favorite 13 year old babysitter) offered to come to our house and spend the night. I told E to take his time getting dinner and arranging everything but by the time he got back I was on the floor on my hands and knees, contractions two minutes apart and wanting to die! We rushed to the hospital where he had to drop me off and than go park. I couldn't walk while I was having contractions so I made half way through the lobby where I had to stop and sit down on the nearest chair, trying to look casual while an entire family stared at me. I went up to the security guard and told him I thought that I needed to go to Labor and Delivery. He looked at me seriously and told me I was in the wrong building-twice he said that and than told me this was a dentists office, than he cracked a smile-yup I just about killed him. The next three hours were filled with PAINFUL contractions until I got my epidural (sweet heavenly epidural). I quickly progressed to a seven where I stayed the whole night because my water wouldn't break and they didn't want to call in my Dr. just to break my water. We were up all night but I knew I was ready because I could feel the "pressure". She broke my water in the early morning and said "Oh my goodness, there is the head!" I pushed ONE time and he came out!!!
Ashton Thomas was born at 7:22 am on Sep 27, he weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 19.5 inches long. He looks similar to Taylor but different also. The biggest surprise (to E anyway) was his lack of hair and what there is of it is blonde!!! He just simply couldn't believe that his dark genes are not necessarily always the prominent ones. I am in love with him!!!!! The poor little guy suffers from reflux though and spits up immediately after he eats. I can tell he is in pain because he cries this agonizing cry !!! The peditricain said some Newborns swallow a great deal of fluid and hopefully it will pass soon. Other than that we are all doing good, tired but good.

False Labor!!??!!!

*WARNING* This post contains a great deal of whining and graphic description of pregnancy related conditions!!!!!!!

So .....most of you know that I have this fun little problem where I experience contractions in very unusual numbers. I had so many with Taylor that I was out on partial/full bed rest for 6 weeks. Since I never dilated past a one-they weren't so concerned with Halle and this pregnancy. They start very early (16 weeks) and basicly during the last month if I am moving I am contracting! BUT this last week has been horrible!!!!! I have almost gone to the hospital three times convinced I was in labor. The contractions are so bad that I have to stop and breath through them. They are painful and accompanied by cramping and shooting pain in the pelvic bone. Im also having....how do I put this, I feel like I am barely holding him in down there!!!!!! My last appt. was Friday and I was sure after all my descriptions she would at least send me to a monitor but instead I was told I was only a one and a half and to "hang in there". I was up all night Sunday night only to have them less severe in the morning. Last night I told E, I think I might have to go in only to have the intense ones stop an hour later. My mom comes in a week and my induction is a week from Thursday so I know I can "hang in there", it is just frustrating to not be able to FUNCTION. I have come to the conclusion that I am one of those ladies who is in labor for like 2 weeks-somehow this is a comforting thought to me, like I am less wimpy if I am in labor. Yesterday, we picked Taylor up from school and went and got a dozen doughnuts-I have eaten four maple bars so far!!!! I am going to take full advantage of eating whatever I want this last week, except for the fact that the food has nowhere to go so you can't eat more than a few bites or you are miserable!!!! THANKS for letting me whine!!!! I am just worried and anxious and want everything to happen NOW so I know he will be here safe!

*Stages of Friendship

Twenty years ago I met a pretty, smart bossy new 6th grader named Faeth. Our friendship wouldn't really become our own until high school. Since than she has been one of the most important people in my life. We have been through so much together through the years and most recently we have been pregnant together-5 weeks apart with little boys. Henry (her little guy) is now 4 days late and so I thought maybe this post would egg him along a bit!!!!!


*Faeth's college graduation in Chicago


*MEXICO


*My wedding


*Seeing Dave Matthews Band at the 2002 Olympics


*My first visitor after I had Taylor and with a Diet Coke in hand (after I refrained form drinking it my WHOLE pregnancy!)


*Her best friends at her rehearsal dinner




*Faeth and Scott's wedding


*Henry's shower
I can't wait for our boys to be BFF's and make a lifetime full of memories together also!

As if TWO boys aren't enough...

Now he is trying to steal my girl!!!!! E came home with a toy gun set on Friday-
*me-"Did you get something for Halle?"
*E (smiling)-"One for Taylor one for her"
I had to get a little redemption by hooking the holster to a pink flower belt! After my lecture about how he has his boy and one on the way, she's my girl don't you dare, blah, blah, blah...they come home from Target on Saturday with a green plastic frog and a bag of squishy worms for Halle!!
*His response-"one of the worms is pink!"



At least she still plays with babies!!!!!