Madness? THIS IS MATHEMATICS!

And a nutcase Spartan proceed to kick me into this huge hole that was supposed to be a well but we all know a well can't be that BIG right? Back to the problem: Mathematics, I swear, is created to be the Bane of My Sanity, removing all vestiges of normalness from my already screwed-up being!

Question one: Why, OH WHY? is functions invented? I'm pretty sure humanity could do without them, and they are invented purely for the sake of torturing poor Arts students like me.

Question two: Why, OH WHY? do there have to be inequalities? JUST MAKE THEM EQUAL, DAMMIT! Screw your bloody alligator mouth, who cares which way it points? The only way it should point is ^, your bloody ass!

Question three: I was going to complain about logarithms... but they just rob all words out of me.

Oh and... looking on the bright side of life... 2 more days! Till the end of CTs, for me at least, when days will be filled, once again, with the joys of Ultimate Frisbee and DotAing. Ahhhh I'm feeling dizzing from imagining it already.

Need to get back to the task at hand! (I swear after CTs, DON'T let me see my GC, or I'll be bidding a hundred and fourty bucks bye bye.)

Frisbee withdrawal, Economic and Mugging. AND LEEQI!

Disclaimer: Copious amounts of swearing. If you think the F word is going to eat you, better skip this post.

Days without frisbee is hard. No seriously. I'm looking at the prospect of another 3 more days without frisbee, and there were 3 days before that. Fuck. At least I got to hang out with them celebrating Puhwai's birthday, that was abit of relief. I swear, I'd rather spend time with Cheng and Yixuan and Huiwen (only when she's getting annoyed by Cheng) than any other people in the world. (Sorry ZQ, O Levels stole you from me!) Guang Yu is another one of those interesting personalities, with his 'how now brown people' and 'ho nous' and 'ZANG ZANG' and 'ogays', talking to him is a feast for the ears. Anyway, Happy Birthday Puhwai! For he's a jolly good fellow! Hip Hip Hurray!

Economics was a major... anti-climax today. Not that it was remotely easy for me, but as I went into the exam 'hall' (or seminar room -.=) literally about to puke, it was seriously majorly relieving. Everything that I studied (or glanced through) came out and everything that I didn't, well, didn't. I'm looking at a possibility of passing, which is sure exciting. Oh and the essay question, was hilariously ridiculous. 'Discuss the assertion that technological advancement can remove the need to choose.' (no idea what the wording is, I threw away the paper the moment I got out.) The answer model answer is impossible, right? WELL BLOODY WRONG, MOTHERFUCKERS! We can actually just brainwash people to get rid of unlimited wants when technology is developed enough! Can't believe that there is actually such a huge loophole in the question.

Got down to some proper history mugging after dinner. I realized that history requires a humongous amount of mugging, and therefore, time. Which I don't have. I realied that for me to mug the History syllabus to satisfaction would take exactly... 9 hours, that is, tomorrow morning at 6. Even if I could find the motivation, that is so not possible, as 0 hours of sleep would ensure a huge red U on my paper even if I've managed to turn the entire history notes into electric signals in my limited braincells. But overall, I'm optimistic of a pass in history, since smoking is the way to go, and smoking IS the name of my game.

OH OH OH and I've to blog about leeqi. -.= Cause she says so. No seriously.

l: for loser! since i'm one and you hang out with me you gotta be a loser too!
e: for exceptionally cool. i'm dead serious, you're frigging cool person, and that's a huge compliment so you can go get excited now!
e: for eh why got two e.
q: for ... for... for... uhm queer! that's a compliment too, since in case you havn't noticed, everyone is frisbee is queer and to be queer is to be not queer! paradox, i win!
i: for indeed manly! cause that is just so true.

but i's also for what i wanna say to you: i'll always be your friend.













get the hell out of my mind, please? i can't take this anymore.

In which a failure throw causes alot of guilt.

I never ever imagined that making a bad throw can cause me this amount of guilt. I always thought that the worst you can get by making one big error is to lose some super important (at least to me) competition, and feel really really hollow inside, and all the more hollow when your teamates pat you on the back and say it's alright. And by the way, that is a hypothethical situation.

But today I've realized that not the worst. The worst is that because of your failed throw that failed to go far enough, two people collided into each other. I'm not going into details, if you know what happened you know what happened. I just want to say I'm very, very, very sorry, and I wish that it never happened, and I'm just so relieved that both of you are alright. (well, not really alright.)

The funny thing is that when I think about it, I know that guilt isn't exactly the most normal emotion I should be feeling. It was an accident afterall. But it won't go away. I crave absolution. I want someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault, it was a freak accident, there was nothing I could do about that. But I know that it won't help at all. No matter what people tell me, no matter what I tell myself, this feeling won't go away.

I'm sorry.

Frisbee is

Life.

Is good when you get to play frisbee for the whole morning, then go off to a friends house to play DotA for the next 5 hours.

This morning's frisbee session was just sensational, loads of fun. Sensational play, sensational comments (by Cheng, as usual. 'Zhang Kai, you have abs?! How much did the operation cost?!') and just sensational atmosphere overall. The whole lot of us were together, doing what we love, and that is to play some disk. I'm not absolutely certain, but I think the frisbee people play their sport more than any other CCA outside of training time. Haha and that's a reflection on both our dedication and the lack of real training time -.=

We sort of stuck through the same teaming for about half of the games, and my lot was KenNERF, Guang/Jack.Kurayami (seriously cool name), Cheng, Huipeng, Huiwen, and Huiting Chua Hannah. I thought we did exceptionally well, considering all the haxed people weren't in our team, but we held our own against them and managed to more than break even against them. Man, I know I've said this before, but all RESPECT to Josh, who layouts as if the grass is made of rubber foam. And he wonders where he gets all the cuts. XD

There was also great play by the girls, who got between em 3 tries? You people always had the potential in you, I guess the guys just didn't give you enough chance to touch the disk. With HP and Nerf actively passing to the girls, we could use all our people and that contributed to the sensationalness of our play. ^^ Long story short, way to go girls!

After frisbee, went to eat at J8 Food Junction. Had a bit of dessert, then went over to YX's house for mega DotA session. Shuangness, but I won't talk about that here.

Man, words really can't express how much I love frisbee.

Jetlag (I'm thinking of you again)

Yawn.

I'm thinking of you again.



It's pretty damn horrible to be unable to sleep. The weird part is that I thought I've escape from jet lag days ago. The past few days were like pretty normal, then today, BAM. 3 AM in the morning and I'm scribbling away at a piece of paper. In a desperate bid to sleep, I ended up mugging history notes. The greatest irony of life, to spend the day stoning and playing DotA and then study in the middle of the night because sleep just won't claim me.

You're still in my mind. I thought I got over this a long long time ago. It feels so strange, like welcoming back an old customer. Welcome? I thought that was scarce for you in my mind. I tried so hard to forget you. Not that there's anything wrong with you, no. It's just that I can't go on living like this. Waiting, hoping for your smile, beating myself up for your silence. It just isn't healthy for me to be so obssessed with you. I know I'm the one in the err, but all that I can do is to chase you out of my mind, and try to move on with life.



The history notes are actually quite... interesting. Who'd have thought that I would be finding interest in studying, and IH of all subjects. Edmund Kwok about killed off all my interest in the subject. And sian, Mr. Kung is leaving... We're going to get some girl teacher from NJ, and I've heard that she's capable, but Mr. Kung really was something, and I don't think anyone can replace him.

I'd rather think about anything than think about you. Thinking about your smile that makes my insides clench, thinking about your eyes that just scoops my soul right out, thinking about your touch that burns my skin and gives me strength at the same time, thinking about the way I'm head over heels for you. I'd really rather not think about that.

I've decided that I could do with some mugging. The whole holiday just went by like a breeze, and on the whole it's been quite, okay, I guess. For once I'm not just stoning the days away. (haha well playing DotA for hours on end isn't the best use of time, but I've been doing mugging and PT k!) Looking forward to frisbee tomorrow, and some good old stoning in Yixuan's house after that.

Anything other than the memory of you will do. How did you appear in my heart again? I thought I had walled you in, locked the door, and threw away the key (such cliche, tut tut). Burn down the house, whatever. I can spam metaphors all day. But when you were gone, the hollow in my heart just yearns for you, but I fool myself into thinking that I can manipulate my own emotions and just forget about you. I'm learning the lesson now. I now know there's no escaping.

I think that sleep is catching up with me.

I'm still thinking about you.

Life lesson on parents.

Satisfying dinner with the folk, and gymed with them before that. Man, my mum sure can push the weights, I feel somewhat weak besides her. She's barely 55 kilos, and she pushes almost the same weight on the machines as me. No doubt that's a reflection of her manliness, or my lack thereof, but I'd rather not think of it that way. >.>

I realized, looking back to just a little over a year ago, that my bond with mum and dad have increase like, from nothing to being able to carry on small talk. It feels like nothing now, but it's a great achievement. I mean, we still have problems talking about the more serious topics, like my studies and asking whether I have a girlfriend, but it's so much better than the days when I feel weird saying good morning to them.

Plus, it comes as a great revelation that parents are wise. They know stuff that we don't, and as much as we hate to admit it, know stuff that we always take for granted that they don't know, like what we are feeling. It's great to be able to talk to parents like, well, if not friends, friendly acquaintances. I know for some people that may be nothing, but I am grateful for the state of relationship me and my folk are in now. Oh and fringe benefits include clothes that they ultimately buy for me, even after grumbles about how much clothes I already have. ^^

Oh life's pretty good now, except maybe, just maybe, I might have to start studying sometime soon. xD

A rant about boots and other stuff.

Wow, I'm having the worst sore feet that I've had in my life, and I'm very certain that they're due to my super cheap boots from England. They don't fit my foot shape, and gives me abrasion on my Archilles tendon (I think ^^) and thoroughly owns my feet when I run. And the most frustrating part is that they aren't bad boots, they just don't fit me.

On to the frisbee training. Man, I wasted 12 bucks on taxi. I swear, taxi's are invented to cheat money. No one, NO ONE, be him the President or Cheng Xiang, deserves to earns 48 bucks an hour by drving a car (yes I know they pay rental, and fuel, but let me rant on dammit.) My allowance has shrunk to half in just a day, and I totally blame the taxi. Training was like, fun, and dissappointing. Fun as frisbee IS the thing I prefer to do over all others, and dissappointing because my thigh was going to cramp up. Well to be honest in part it's due to the boots, but my lack of overall fitness is also much to blame. I guess that PT is unavoidable now...

I swear, Orange Josh has GOT to be the most magnetic end zone player I've ever seen. He scored about 8 or 9 out of the 10 tries against our team in the first game, and it's not just luck. He must be the most hardcore at layout in the entire J1 batch. Like someone says, he's One with the Grass. xD Much respect for Josh! Special note to tweek's hammer! Three quarter field length, extraordinarily stable and accurate. Air strike, TAKE COVER! ^^

Man, IT fair and subsequent shopping for a Macbook carrier is THE leg killing mechanism EVER. My legs are like frigging dying... argh!!! Huiwen for god sake just BUY one of em and let us go home?! Oh and thanks to qi, for taking MRT with me and not take the bus! ^^ Your company is much appreciated.

An interesting incident... I kept quiet on the entire MRT ride home, much to the uhm, astonishment? apprehension? of Huiwen (maybe) ... And for clarification, I'm not affected at all. xP Peace, yo!

Okay I'm out now. xD

Killing boredom.

Boo. Fourth day back from Lit trip, and I'm already dead bored. The fact that I am actually blogging stands testament to this. I think at the rate I'm studying (about what, an hour a day?) I just might finish revision in like say, a year? I thought going to JC and the realization that I have to face the ultimate doom of A levels might improve my mugging abilities abit, but no bananas, I think that the notion of studying has been thoroughly cleaned out of my head from four years of complete and utter slacking.

Trip trip was super fun, gee I'm missing England already. One thing you can say, at least, is that the weather there is just heaven compared to Singapore. I went caddying for my dad this morning, and I swear that it's Singapore mornings outclass English noons at materializing water on my skin, also know as perspiration. (Before any of you science students tell me perspiration isn't water, and neither does it materialize, I'd like you to examine this phrase: Figure of speech. Stare at it hard enough and you'll get it.)

Anyway, besides the weather, I guess escaping from the pressures of everyday life is the best part of the trip. Late night mahjong, early morning soccer, mall trips, visits to all those super cool historical sights, churchs and houses just beat being back here. The chance to forget everything and just live the moment, that just beats moping at home during the hols, or having about n things to do during the term and wondering whether you're actually a teenager in school or a supercomputer made to handle the defense systems of the USA.

Out of all those places I've been to in England, I love York the best. It has such a homely feel, all those cobbled streets, narrow alleyways (nothing dark and dingy I promise), all the sweet shops, bakeries, cafes, bars (they serve great food), all those just seem to suit me. Topped off with a huge cathedral, the Yorkminster, that actually has super religious services (not my type of thing, but I can appreciate that it's really impressive) every day, it's just got to be the perfect place to stay.

Whee not bored now.

On MSN

kai says:
FIRST POST EVER: MUCH THANKS TO LEEQI FOR ALL THE HELP.

kai says:
P.S. KAI OWES YOU ICE LEMON TEA
P.P.S YEAH HE'S CHEAP