When did this happen?

Ever have one of those days when you take a double look at your child and wonder when then heck they grew up?  Where has the time gone?  Did she grow 2 inches overnight?  It's happened to me many times with Avery.  Almost everyday she surprises me with something new that she's learned or a phrase that she's figured out how to use properly.  Some days it's her appearance.  She just looks so, well, like a big girl.  I catch glimpses of how she'll look in her teens or as a young adult.  It's scary at times to fast forward so far, but also, it makes me smile.  Today was such a day.


What a beautiful, sweet girl I've been blessed with.

Scooter surprise

Avery woke from her nap this afternoon to find an exciting surprise.  Our 2 neighbor girls who are a few years older than Avery decided that they had outgrown their princess scooter and wanted Avery to have it.  We walked next door so Avery could thank them and then quickly headed back inside because it was so cold!  At home, Avery couldn't get on it fast enough.  She is going to have fun with her new scooter when the weather warms.                                                                                                                                                             Thank you Ashley and Claire!

It's official: I'm a mom

This weekend we traded in my sporty, black SUV for this contraption called a mini-van.  (sigh)  I knew this day way coming, but still, I don't think I fully had my brain wrapped around the idea.  I cried when I drove out of the lot.  I spotted 4 more just like it on my way home.  It's practical, I know.  Cheaper payments, yes.  That's all fine and well, but my ego and sense of "me" took a huge hit.  When I would leave for work of a morning dressed in my business attire, I felt as if my vehicle fit me.  Now, I walk out to the garage and think, "This doesn't match."  When I drove my SUV, I could run to Target by myself and still feel like I had 5 minutes of "just Lindsay" even if I did have 2 empty carseats in the back.  But now, even if I'm by myself, my car screams, "Watch out! There's a mom coming through!"  My status changed from "Lindsay & Mom" to "Just Mom".  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  I love being a mom, but I also like having a smidge of just me left, even if that was in the vehicle I drove.  So many friends have told me that I will love driving this thing, but I have my serious doubts.  I already don't like the things I'm supposed to love about it, like power-sliding doors.  No thanks.  I move faster than they do and they take up a whole lot of space on the side when open.  I could go on and on, but I'll wrap it up.  I can just imagine you forming a really negative impression of me the more you read of my pettiness.  It's ok.  I'd probably do the same if I read this post on someone else's blog.

Dramatic?  Yep, you better believe it. 

Let me handle that

Ready



 Eye on the prize

 Gimme that.

I got this, Mom. 

Back off.

Answers

Today we had Emmersen's follow-up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist to review the results from her impedance study and x-rays.  Quite eye-opening. 

The good news is that her x-rays came back perfect.  All of her organs formed as they should.

The bad news is that she has severe reflux.  We already knew this, but not the extent of it.  The wire sensor was able to tell that her reflux is NOT acidic which means her Zantac medication is working to cut down the acid so it will not damage her esophagus.  The shocking part came when the doctor gave us the actual breakdown of her episodes.  Apparently, all babies have reflux due to the "flap/valve" that connects the esophagus and stomach not being fully developed until roughly 18 months of age.  On average, a baby will reflux 73 times or less in a 24 hour period. 

Emmersen refluxed 157 times in 22 hours.  No wonder she feels rotten! 

Our two options for treatment are either surgery or medication.  The doctor does not recommend surgery as it may or may not work correctly.  So we are left with medication.  A muscle relaxer called Baclofen, to be exact.  This is scary to me because she is only 4 months old.  However, it sounds much better than the alternative.  This medicine will relax her digestive tract so that it doesn't "overreact" when she refluxes.  Worst case scenario is that she will be on this until 18 months of age, but we may be able to start weaning her at 1 year.

Emmersen began her new medication tonight.  Here's hoping...

She found her feet!

Impedance study

That ultra-sensitive formula that I mentioned in my earlier post?  The one that was supposed to help?  No.  Not a chance.  In fact, Emmersen worsened overnight on it.  Her screaming attacks intensified, as did her vomiting.  We attempted to keep her on it over the weekend, but by Monday morning, she was in bad shape (as were we!).  I called her new GI-specialist in tears and explained how the weekend went and told them we were not going to continue the formula and begged for an alternative.  The nurse calmed me down and informed me that most likely the doctor would recommend that Emmersen be admitted to the hospital for further testing and an impedence study.  She explained that this study would monitor Em's reflux and help them determine how often it's occuring and if it's acidic or not.  From there, they could create a better treatment plan.  Emmersen was scheduled for the hospital on Friday morning and then to be discharged the following morning.

We arrived at Methodist Medical Center in Peoria at 8:30am as directed.  Emme had her last bottle around 2am and wasn't allowed to have anything further until after her procedure.  She did pretty well until we had to sit and wait through registration and then to be called back to the procedure room.  Hunger started getting the best of her, but they quickly started working with us, explaining how things would proceed.  That's when my tears started flowing.  The nurse was kind but very blunt (which I appreciated) in sharing with us how Emmersen would not be in pain, but she would be extremely uncomfortable when they placed a wire sensor up her nose and down her throat, coming to a stop just above her stomach opening.  The wire has sensors on the end of it that measures whether the reflux is acidic, how high up in the esophagus it travels, and the frequency of it.  The wire that comes out of the nose is connected to a black box with buttons on it.  Each time Emmersen had an "episode", or outward symptoms, we were to press the corresponding button- pain, vomiting, or coughing.  They also gave us the option to be in the room while the wire was placed.  I immediately answered, "Yes!"  I couldn't imagine sending her off by herself.  Again, they warned that she would scream and cry and that many parents regretted going in.  I didn't care.  I had to be there.

Off we went.  I had no idea what to expect but envisioned the worst.  And even that didn't prepare me.  I had to lay Emmersen down on a table under a huge hospital light and step back.  She was NOT sedated but merely held down by a nurse while the doctor performed this procedure.  The sound that came from her tiny body rocked me to my core.  A parent's instinct is to throttle any person that brings pain to her child, yet here, we had to stand and watch.  I wanted to throw this doctor across the room, grab my baby, and run.  Aaron and I both stood by and cried with her, because at that point, there was nothing else we could do.  After what seemed like an eternity, it was over.  We were able to scoop her up and snuggle her.  She was trembling and breathing rapidly.  They ushered us back to a recovery area where we waited for her hospital room.  We waited for 5 hours before they finally decided to inform us that the hospital was overbooked and they didn't have a room for us.  And then they sent us home. 

They sent us home, 45 minutes away, with a baby that had a wire coming out of her nose and a box attached, and splints on her arms to prevent her from pulling it out.  They sent us home with these instructions: a.) don't let her pull the wire out, b.) head to your local ER if she should pull it out or choke, c.) come back in the morning and the on-call nurse will remove the wire.  Ah, ok?

Fortunately, our night was fairly uneventful.  Changing her clothes was a little tricky and Avery was fascinated by the black box.  I can't even tell you how many times we hit the buttons on that box.  Each time she cried, acted as if she was in pain, coughed, vomited- we hit the buttons.  What a night.  This morning we traveled back to the hospital where they removed her wire.  We were in and out in 10 minutes.  So here we are back home and waiting for those results to come in, which they promised in a couple days.  While we wait for those, Emmersen also has to have X-rays of her GI-tract to be sure that her organs formed properly.  Both results coupled together, should give us the answers we're looking for.  We hope.

Fashionista

Independent.  Carefree.  Witty.  Sassy.  Fashionista.  Wait, what?

Yes, my sweet Avery girl loves to dress herself.  Before having kids of my own, I used to look at children in public and think, "Why did your parent let you leave the house dressed that way??!"  But now, I just smile and appreciate it.  It's a simple and innocent way for a child to exhibit her independence and truth be told, it's really helpful on those mornings when we're running late. Not to mention that it makes her happy.  And that makes me happy.   Avery doesn't just throw an outfit together; there's thought and planning behind each masterpiece.  Just ask her.  She'll fill you in. 

There has to be a good reason behind every "peach shirt-pink tutu-silver sparkly tights-pink snow boots" outfit, right?

Tongue-tied

She found her tongue.



And it fascinates her.



Time and time again.

Time for the next step

You've seen my many blog posts about Emmersen's reflux, and you might think, ok, this is a bit dramatic, or, come on, next topic, please!  Before having Emme, I knew about reflux, but never understood how severe it could be or how much it could affect one's body and behavior.  So here I am again.  Another blog entry about Emme's reflux and the toll it is taking on her (and us).  She has been on Zantac since she was a few weeks old and her dosage has increased each time she gains weight just to alleviate her symptoms.  We add rice cereal to her bottles in order to thicken it.  This is done in hopes that she'll be able to keep it down.  All of this to no avail.  She continues to have screaming fits, vomits constantly, has difficulty sleeping, and arches her body in such a way that she's difficult to hold on to.  Here are a few things I've learned:

• Just because a baby vomits profusely several times a day does not mean that she will be super skinny and lose weight.
• Reflux babies drool constantly.  They are not teething.  Their bodies are trying to calm the burning in their throats and esophagus. 
• A baby with reflux usually wants to eat a lot.  Constantly.  They're smart.  They know that liquid going down feels good and is instant gratification for the discomfort they are experiencing. 
• A little cough.  It's always there and if not careful, it begins to fade to the background and can go unnoticed or written off.  But that cough is associated with reflux.
• Waking constantly is the norm.
• The other norm?  Screaming for prolonged periods of time.  Not just a hungry, bored, tired, wet diaper cry.  A painful, deep in the gut, howling cry that will tear through the heart of any parent.  It leaves you feeling helpless and frustrated.

Enough is enough.  I know there's a happy girl under all that discomfort; I've seen glimpes of her.  There comes a point when a parent knows that something is not right and the fight comes out.  At least that's the case for me.  This nagging inside me, that "mom" intuition screams for me to stand up and get her help because she can't do it herself.  So we did.  Emme's pediatrician referred her to a pediatric GI specialist.  He's in Peoria, about 45 minutes from our house, and we paid him a visit today.  I have to say that I left that appointment feeling less than impressed.  He listened to her list of symptoms, adjusted her feeding times a bit, recommended an ultra-sensitive formula that could be worn as a diamond ring for the cost of it alone, and sent us on our way.  I don't think that's it.  I don't think he hit it.  He explained that we have to try this route first before we pursue other options.  So here we go.  Cross your fingers.

First foods

In an attempt to get a handle on Emme's reflux, we wasted no time in starting her on solid foods.  We started with rice cereal and tonight we introduced squash.  As for any baby, this was a foreign concept to begin with, but she quickly figured out that her mouth had to be open in order for the spoon to enter.  And then later on, what the heck?!... Let's just go for the whole bowl!

4 months

Our little Emme G is 4 months old today! Her stats from her check-up are:


length: 24.5 in. (50%)
weight: 16 lb. 9 oz. (95%)
head circ.: 16 5/8 in. (75%)


Hard to believe that she's just 11 pounds behind Avery!  As I've mentioned before, in her defense, she's been receiving cereal in her bottles since just a couple weeks after birth due to her reflux.  And that, by the way, does not seem to be improving at all.  Though we call her doctor to have her Zantac upped each time she gains weight, which makes her maxed out on the dosage for her weight, it still only seems to take the edge off of her discomfort.  We've been told that when we start her on solid foods, the pain and spit-up should subside slightly.  Another side effect of her reflux is the abundance of drool.  I believe it's somehow a coping mechanism that her body does when trying to ease the heartburn.  Many times we've thought that she's started teething, but nothing yet!  When Emme is feeling well, she is such a happy girl.  She loves to smile and is finding her laugh.  She is extremely tickle-ish and lets out a startled sound/hiss with a big smile when tickled.  Emmersen is not sleeping through the night yet.  Though she has done so occasionally, she usually still wakes between 3:30 and 4:30am wanting to eat.  


One of my biggest joys by far, is watching Avery and Emmersen together.  Though they've only had each other for 4 months, they are as close as can be.  When no one else can get Emme to smile or laugh, Avery can.  When Emme cries, Avery talks to her and tells her, "It's ok.  Avery's here."  Avery loves to hug her and kiss her goodnight.  And surprisingly enough, Avery likes to share with Emme.  We'll see how long that lasts.

Happy