"It's okay to be crazy. Being crazy isn't a bad thing. It just means you're different from everyone else. Speaking from experience, that's a good thing."
--my sweet Dad
For being a very healthy person, I have had a lot of weird health experiences. I think it's just because doctors (in general) want to make as much money as possible and therefore order every imaginable test. The most recent escapade was fairly entertaining, although I doubt anything will ever surpass last year's
Blood Iron Level fiasco. That was by far, the oddest.
Getting back to the here and now, though. So, I've had sleep issues my whole life. Sometimes they're worse than others and they happened to be really bad when I went in for my annual physical last fall. So, my physician ordered a sleep study. Fantastic. A couple of my young nieces have undergone this test, so I decided I couldn't be a baby about it. We had to reschedule a few times due to various conflicts. So, I finally got to go in for my "sleepover" a couple weeks ago.
So, they check me in and tell me to "get comfortable". I'm not sure what this means, but I decide to go change into my pajamas (the rooms have cameras in them) and then brush my teeth and all that fun bed prep stuff. Then I lay down on the bed and read some magazines that I'm a year behind on. While I'm doing this, a voice from the ceiling tells me to look at the camera and hold still so they can get a picture. She asks some questions and I discover that they also have access to all sound in the room. I don't even have to push a button. So they can listen to my every move. The woman from the ceiling comes in a couple times to tell me she'll be with me shortly, after she gets another gentleman taken care of. The second time she comments that I've had some "big yawns" in a congratulatory tone. Yay for me! I'm sleepy and I can yawn! At least I'm not speaking to her through the ceiling.
Finally it's my turn. There are all these electrodes to be attached to my head--about 30, I believe. Although, it felt like about 50. She starts to put them on the back of my head and then says, "Oh, your hair is too thick. I'm going to have to get the stronger stuff." *Remember this little fact for later on. So, she gets to work with the wires while telling me all about how great the Super Nanny is and how much she loves the Dog Whisperer and how that guy could probably help me with my kids (I didn't mention that I needed any help with them and she didn't have any children of her own, so I thought this was a very interesting suggestion). Anyway, it takes a while, but eventually she gets them all stuck to my head, a couple on my face, three on my neck/chin, one on each side of my neck, and two on each leg. But that is not sufficient to monitor a sleeping body. NO. I also got two chest straps, an oxygen monitor (complete with a VERY bright red light) stuck to my finger, and (the best part) tubes in my nose. That was really fun. The tubes were accompanied with something like a staple with one "leg" up each nostril. I was terrified that I might forget and bump my nose in the night and give myself a couple nose piercings, or something.
Seems like perfect sleeping conditions, right?
This isn't me. It's a random photo on-line. I don't know if he has as many things hooked up to his head. I looked down right freaky.
Anyway, as if things weren't bad enough, she then instructs me how to contact her if I need to get up and go to the bathroom in the night. That's right, I can't do it without her assistance. She tells me about some tests they'll do when she first leaves to make sure everything is connected properly. I have roll my eyes to the right and left, up and down, breath 5 times through my nose, 5 times through my mouth, hold my breath, breath out slowly, clench my jaw, point and flex my feet, blink 5 times slowly, recite all 50 State capitols. Just kidding about that last one.
Then she talks about the different positions I'm "allowed" to sleep in. I mainly sleep on my back, so I wasn't too worried. But she told me that if I'm too far on my side she'll just softly tell me (through the ceiling) to roll over. Like that won't be disturbing at all in the night. Not only did that actually happen once in the night, another time she actually told me that it was "okay to roll over" because I guess I looked like I wanted to. Did I mention that this was a really restful night for me? No? That's because it was anything but.
Fortunately, I did survive the night. My friend (we were tight by now) came in and removed a couple things. Most importantly the nose thing. I could have kissed her for that but I resisted the urge. That thing was TERRIBLE!!! But I won't go into that. She had me fill out a questionnaire regarding my perceptions of my sleep. It also asked me to describe in detail any dreams I could remember. So, I got to tell them that I was at some sort of carnival/fair in the food part. I unintentionally stole a piece of chicken from the booth where an ex-boyfriend was working. I didn't mean to take it, but since I had it I started eating it but discovered that it was not fully cooked. Eew! Then I went to the booth being run by Kayli's ballet instructor and bought some food from her. While there, I noticed three dying fish gasping for breath on the floor. So, I picked them up and put them back in their aquarium. Good morning!
Anyway, then they moved me to a new room and my new sleep technician came to introduce herself to me. Her first words were "Are you ready to be tortured?" Not a good sign.
So, she came in and inspected all my wires. Turns out they pretty much all fell out by this time. So, she commences with putting them back in. That was when I discovered just how gentle the woman last night was. This woman meant what she said about the torture. It hurt! Then she starts telling me about how they have two kinds of paste to hold the electrodes on. This kind isn't that bad, but there's a *stronger one when this stuff doesn't work. "Once that goes in your hair, you can forget about getting it out!" Yay.
Anyway, she gets them all back in and then I begin one of the longest days of my life. It consisted of 5 half-hour naps. I had to run through the mini-tests at the start of each nap and then fill out a questionnaire after. I had about 1 1/2 hours in between each one. I was still hooked up so couldn't really go anywhere. I read a lot. I missed my family. I didn't sleep much during the naps. Finally it was over.
I thought I'd looked monstrous the night before, but it got progressively worse with each nap and each re-attachment of my monitors. So, when they asked me if I wanted to shower before leaving I looked at them like they were crazy. Then I made sure they were really looking at me. Would anyone in their right mind go out in public looking like I did at that moment? Of course, they already had some of my results so maybe they knew I was indeed crazy. But I didn't know it yet, so I showered. Getting the paste out took some doing, but I succeeded. Mostly, anyway. That was the best I'd felt all day.
Then I got to go see my friend and her brand new little baby who had been born in the same hospital the day before. At least the day had a happy ending!
So, I finally got the results back and guess what? No physiological sleep problems here. Which is funny because at my initial consultation, I tried desperately to avoid this sleep study. I knew they wouldn't find anything. They never find anything. That's because I'm healthy. Just crazy. My sleep troubles are all in my head. So, the Insomnia Specialist that I asked to see in the beginning will see me now. I just had to jump through the right hoops to get to her. I sure hope she's helpful. I don't mind being crazy, I'd just rather not be tired.
Kayli chatting it up with the Big Mouse himself--on TV at least. The "real" Chuck E. was oddly elusive the whole time we were there. He'd come out of his room for a brief moment and then literally run back in and close the door quickly. Very friendly. Kayli almost cried the second time this happened because it was always just before it was her turn. Apparently, no one told him that I work out a lot. He's lucky I'm not much of a brawler.
Making Christmas donuts! This tradition goes waaaay back to when we were little. We would make these donuts and decorate them with lots of sprinkles and frosting and then take them around to our friends and neighbors. That was when we lived close to our friends and neighbors. My parents neighbors are kind of far apart, so we have to eat all the donuts. That doesn't seem like such a big deal until you are informed that the donut recipe calls for not one, not two, but 12 cups of flour. Yeah. That's a lot of donuts. I think my mom might cut the recipe in half though. Anyway, just to make sure that I make it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the Longest Photo Caption Ever, this is a picture of my sister-in-law Belky, me, and my sister Megan. What can I say? These donuts are really good, I couldn't wait.
