This is definitely not my favorite place to visit. Far from it in fact. For me, the cemetery is a sad place. Very sad. That's probably why I have only been there three times prior to today. But I wanted to see Nate's grave marker. My husband designed it and had it installed over six months ago and I hadn't seen it yet. It was beautiful. I was very impressed with my husbands selection: Blue granite with a simple font. He wanted to make it just right for Nate and although it took us three years to get it done, it's as perfect as it could be.
There's nothing like seeing your child's name engraved on a grave marker. There's nothing good about that. There's nothing right about that. It's not how it is supposed to be -- for any of us.
I hate that he is in a public place where I can't control who has access to him. I don't know if anyone visits his grave but there are definitely people that I don't want to go there. Family members that completely disrespected his fight for life while he was here with us on earth and then again after his death. I don't want them to be anywhere near him. I guess it's my motherly instinct. I know that God is protecting Nate and it's not my job anymore. I know that no one can hurt him and because of Jesus, he's not even in that grave anymore. But I still wrestle with it.
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