the grief of a child - part 2

Sometimes...your brother's death gives you a different perspective.   Sometimes...spending day after day in a hospital filled with critically ill children gives you compassion.  Sometimes...feeling helpless and sad leads you to take action.

This is how my oldest is managing her grief.  She is trying to turn it around and make something beautiful with it.  Four months after Nate died, she discovered Soccer for Hope.  I've posted about it a few times:

2010
2012
2013

This past December, the couple that founded the organization to help raise money for pediatric cancer research and treatment had to bury their SECOND child.  Their daughter Abella who was born 5 years after they started the camps died from Cancer (their son Hudson died in 2008 - just after Nate).

Our entire family has been involved with helping this organization and raising money for it, but my oldest has embraced it the most.  She LOVES soccer and has a heart for sick kids.  A perfect match.

This year she raised $1,305 from donations and bake sales.  Overall, in the past 6 years, she has raised over $7,000.  Pretty amazing for one kid.

I see other teens that have lost siblings or experienced tragedies experimenting with destructive things.  I'm so grateful that she chooses to focus on helping others.  I hate that she has had such a rough childhood...but I love how she is choosing to live her life.

Mia Hamm stopped by the camp again this year.  She visited in 2008 (just after Nate died) and personally spoke with my daughter.  Mia's brother also died...it was so important to know that she wasn't alone.  I just love when our sports idols are also amazing human beings.

the grief of a child

A few weeks back we rented the movie Heaven is For REAL!

I read the book when it first came out.  I found a lot of comfort in it.  It helped me make peace with Nate's death and gave me comfort by reminding me that I will get to see him again.  Don't get me wrong, I hate every single thing about Nate dying.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  But God used that book to help bring me comfort.

I immediately passed it on to my oldest daughter who was also still struggling with his death.  Like me, it restored some hope that had been lost and soothed the sting of losing him.

So, I was excited to see the movie and sharing the story with the rest of my family.  I didn't think twice about it.

I should have.

My twins, who were 3 1/2 when he died were hysterical after the movie.  Sobbing and sobbing.  Reminded of what they lost.  Regretful that they never got to hold or get to know their brother.

They spewed words of anger toward God.  Why him?  Why us?  Why?  Why?  Why?...Over and over again. 

I found myself defending God.

I presented a defense that I knew would help them make peace with their loss but one that I myself don't completely understand.

Eventually...they fell asleep.  
The grief has yet to return.  
Life has gone on.  
But I know it's still there.   
I know that they are not capable of understanding it.  I know that it will come back.  I know that March 30, 2008 changed the life of our entire family forever.  

It's hard.  Everything about it is just hard.

 

It's official...he is swimming!

I'm not sure why this is so important to me.  Probably because the #1 cause of death for children under 4 is drowning.  I have already walked this path.  I DO NOT want to walk it again.

Paranoid...a little.  Overprotective...a lot!

I feel so much more vulnerable with him.  Before Nate, I knew that bad things could happen but now I KNOW that bad things DO HAPPEN.  

I'm scared.  A lot!

So this Summer I was hopeful that I could teach him to swim.  Not so he could have fun.  So he could live to be 3.  No budget for swimming lessons this year.  But, I watched many a swimming lesson with my other 4.   I was fairly confident that I could teach him.

It helped that he LOVES the water.  No fear at all (another reason that I wanted him to swim).

So now at 2 1/2, Brady can officially swim!

In no way is he water safe!  In fact, he is overly confident and thinks that he can swim across the pool...he's not even close.  I can't take my eyes off him for a second.  In fact, I tell my other kids not to talk to me when I am in the water with Brady because I need to focus on keeping him safe and I know that it only takes a second...