I should have believed them. A note for mommies.

There are things they tell you. They being every human that has had or been within 50 feet of a child in the last 100 or so years. Things that should terrify you into never having a one of your own. Except they tend to tell you these things when you're pregnant. Even better, when you're holding that brand new, perfect smelling newborn of yours.

Uhhh, too late dude. The return policy on these things sucks.

People told me to get sleep while I could.
Enjoy my alone time.
Say goodbye to my favorite restaurant.
Say hello to concealer.
Memorize what my house looked like clean cause I was never going to see it that way again.

That list look short to you? Don't worry, there are thousands more.

I would tell people “Oh I hear you. I know my babe is going to be a total nightmare.” Playful head tilt and nod. Fake scared laugh. Maybe followed by a “I just hope he isn't like me.”

But really, it was a facade. I was going to have THE BEST BABY in the world. And not because of luck either. I was going to show that baby who was boss. Are you laughing at me? If not, go ahead. I am. No really, ignore the tears. It's hysterical.

My baby showed me. This is not a letter of defeat. We're still going at it and I imagine it will be that way for the next 16.5 years. And probably another decade after that.

I just want to let all the other moms in the world know they are not alone.

For all the mamas of picky eaters, I'm right there with you. I introduced my baby to a giant variety of foods early on. He loved everything. I considered myself a parenting genius.

Not anymore. He prefers dirt over veggies. He'll take dog food before a burrito. Stuffed animals go in before any sort of meat. Right. There. With. You.

For all the moms who have babies that steal ice with a Stretch Armstrong reach (wtf?) and hurl it at the waiter. You are not alone. If your baby finds every toy and magic noise making machine completely unsatisfactory the second you walk into a restaurant, we should become best friends. If crayons are for mouths and paper menus for shredding, our children must share DNA. Did you leave dinner last night looking worse than the people crossing the finish line after an iron man? You just ran a harder race my friend.

Did you send the CEO of Spanx a three page, hand written thank you note along with a fruit basket? Did you manage to go through life with a fairly light makeup routine but now go through two tubes of concealer a month? We should plan a play date. I won't judge if you missed a spot.

Sleep. Oh sweet, sweet sleep. When your child was born and skipped that whole sleepy newborn phase, did you think there might be something wrong? When you heard of other babies the same age as yours starting to sleep through the night, did you get a glimmer of hope? When you were the last one in your due date club awake at 12, 1, 2, 3 and 4 in the morning did you start to get a wee bit resentful? When your baby hit one and you could count on your fingers the number of times s/he slept 5 or 6 hours in a row, did you start tearing up every time you heard of another mom's sleep victory? Did your pediatrician tell you that some babies just don't sleep as much as others? Did you consider punching her in the face? If so, come over. I'll make you dinner. We'll share horror stories. We have all night, right?

This isn't to say it it isn't worth it. It is. I want more. So I guess what I'm saying is that it changes you. Into a masochist.

Did I miss a deadly sin?

If we're talking about last week, I'm going to have to go with no.

Let's review, shall we?

Wrath - Frack. Who didn't feel the wrath of Mel this week? Co-workers? Check. Crappy drivers? Check. Jared? uh, quadruple check? Check times a billion? Can't stop checking check? Yeah, that last one.

Greed - Is pretending the ice cream is all gone so you don't have to share greedy? What if the person you're lying to is under the age of two? Does that make it worse?

Sloth - Let's not talk about Tuesday.

Pride - This sin hangs out with wrath. If pride gets poked, wrath's got it's back. I keep trying to keep these two on opposite sides of the room but it's hard to keep track when my main focus in life is keeping my eyes open and preventing that monster I live with from swallowing poisonous chemicals.

Lust - Anthropologie shoes. Homes in Dwell. Food on Smitten Kitchen. Let's just sum this one up as pinterest.

Envy - Stay at home mommies. I know envy is awful, maybe the worst one for me right this second. I want it so bad.

Gluttony - We went to Mi Casa Too for dinner. Do you get what I'm saying?

But you know what makes everything better?

Summer rain storms.



Playing twinsie with your baby.




And dresses with polka dots.



It's better to look on the bright side.

All about my new BFF

I love it when I let strange men into my home.

That came out all sorts of wrong but we're going to go with it.

Tuesday a repair man came to work on our front door.

The door was deciding to randomly open and I was deciding to respond with angry, lengthy tirades that would scar my baby for life if he heard.

I try to keep my mommyness on around him but that door was making it difficult. It was going to come down to a fist fight and I'll be the first to tell you I suck at those. Like I tried to punch a guy in the face in highschool and missed by a foot suck. Who misses? Me. So the door was owning me. I needed professional help.

My door repair man had a top ten hit in Sweden two years ago.

"Darling, I found myself divorced with the custody of four kids. 1.6 million dollars in the hole. That's a whole lot to write about."

Yes sir, it is. Is that enough weather stripping?

"Yup, she was the biggest jack mormon this world has ever seen. Ever."

Bet she was. Do you need that drill my baby just wandered off with, cause I'm pretty sure he won't give it back. Are you going to sing? Please don't sing. Are you going back to the store? Don't let him leave Jared, we're paying by the hour.

Phin is going for his razor. Liza's trying to eat Phin's snack. Crap, there's toilet paper on my shoe. Bigger crap. It isn't toilet paper. I think it's a piece of diaper. Triple crap. Why is there a diaper somewhere that isn't whole? Quadruple crap, did the dog knock over the garbage. Crap. Literally.

Clean mess or rock baby? Rock baby. Diapers don't pull your hair out when nap deprived. Or when they're happy. Actually, diapers are pretty good at leaving your head alone. Is that guy still talking about his wife?

I now own his cd and I think I'm invited to a concert. Pardon, showcase. I have to double slam my door for it to stay closed, but stay it does. Whew.

All that's behind me though because I'll be on vacation in a mere 18 hours. Last time I went on vacay I ended up in bed with a whole pizza.

Feeling fancy

Weird things have happened to me this week. Including but not limited to finding myself sitting in a truck with an older gentleman I had met five minutes before while he cried. I should mention I currently needed my bathroom but if was far, far away. Sweating from heat and fear of peeing in an old dude's truck is not hot. Or so said the face of the six packified guy who jogged by shirtless while I looked out the window pleading for help with my eyes.

But more on that later. Or maybe never.

Awkward.

I love summer when I'm not busy complaining about my old house with no ac. I want to celebrate it. I love my husband and my baby too. Basically I'm so full of love my hair should be glowing. There was actually a day where all three of us were in the same house together with no morning agenda. So we had breakfast.

I love breakfast.

Fancy, summer breakfast. Really, there is no better kind. Maybe, maybe fancy autumn breakfast and possibly even fancy winter breakfast. I'll let you know after we try it.

Even though my girlness is currently outnumbered, fun was had by all. Phin wore his jammies which is either disrespectful or incredibly fancy. If you knew my Phinny Phin you would assume the latter.

Jared wanted to wear his, but I made him shower and put on cologne. It was a party after all. I decided it will be an annual tradition. The three of us swore to never let life interfere with fancy breakfast.

Why I love sick days

No need for words. That's a happy mama.

Linked up with Angry Julie Better in Bulk 5 minutes for mom Project Alicia

Best Friend

Jared and I have a very favorite friend and his name is Kyle K. He's brilliant, of course. Working on his PhD in Systems Biology at Harvard brilliant. Was that sentence even close to being grammatically correct? I am not ivy league educated. Sorry Mom.

He's busy most of the year, but every once in a while he shows up and surprises us. Like he did last Tuesday when I was driving to class. He followed me from my house and honked. I checked out the rear view mirror to see exactly who it was that I was going to give an angry fist and saw one of the best people to ever come into my life.

Kyle has not had the easiest go of it. He was happily on his way to being engaged to a intelligent and gorgeous woman, the friend who introduced Jared and I, when she found out she had glioblastoma multiforme. Brain cancer. It was so wrong. She was only twenty three. She had just been accepted into a prestigious grad program at UCLA. She knew her perfect match was close to proposing.

I could fill books about Kayla. Such a big life in a little time. I'm not making her larger than life, she just was. Not perfect, but amazing.

She has a beautiful story. They have a beautiful story. It really isn't my place to share it but please know, it was so hard for both of them.

Kyle had a ring and he proposed. She accepted. They were married for one month and one day. This December it will be five years.

Kyle was not defined by this tragedy. Of course events like these change the person you are and the direction your life is going, but you should see him. He is in a program he never thought he'd be in. He is doing amazing things. He's dating a lucky and brilliant girl. I'm pretty sure our favorite friend, very very favorite, is happy.

I didn't get to have one of the conversations that go into the wee hours of the morning with him that I used to love. When you have five minutes to visit a whole town, including your family, that luxury isn't always afforded.

We did get dinner though. It was wonderful even if Jared and I made him sit in the middle so we had equal access and talked over each other the entire time. It's so easy to have too much to say when you see your best friend.

Life gives so much. I know that. I have a perfect, sleepy one year old cuddled up in my lap right now that proves it. It's such a scary and beautiful world. One I'm so, so happy to share with the people I love.

pic source

Someone, somewhere is really funny.

Someone (I like to think it's a person and not a machine) added my email to the mailing list for yacht sales.

Realllllly expensive ones.

Are there any other kind? Don't bother googling, I just did. There is one for $49,900 in Alabama. A steal.

The one that greeted me in my inbox this morning is a mere 417,000 Euros. Pshaww, the counters don't even look granite. Clearly below my tastes. And it's a 2008. I don't buy past season yachts. What would Diddy think?



Get any good spam today?

The things that will cheer me up

I'm feeling a bit down about Monday. So this is a little post about all the good things I'm looking forward to this week.

Number One: This guy is here this weekend and next. What? Two weekends in a row? And some of the days in between? A summer miracle for sure.


Number Two: Lesco's parents are coming into town. We're hosting breakfast on Saturday, my mother in law's birthday. I happened to secure a pretty delicious recipe from a co worker. I practiced today and it was heavenly. I veered a little off my real food challenge and ate half the pan.


Number Three: It's officially Club Tahoe Time. In fact, it started 11 hours ago. I've been going to this condo by the lake since I was 2 months old. This week is night time jaunts up to the lake. Next week, vacation.

Number Four: Did you read three closely? I get to countdown on post its for the next five days. Vacation

Number Five: My photo class I'm taking through Nevada Museum of Art is meeting at a really cool location. That means I'm going to take cool photos, right? Right? Is that a cricket?

Five things is good, right? That's one for every work day.

Can't hurt to end things with a picture of my two favorite people. Ever.

Can I get a what what for Saturday?!

Do you want a coherent post that challenges your intellect, is accompanied by brilliant photos and brings you through a range of emotions?

Then go elsewhere my friends. This brain is happily fried. I just had to re write that twice. I kept typing fired. I did that long ago, but the sucker won't evacuate.

I knew it was going to be a good day when I woke up to this.



First- Phinny. Used. The. Potty. And no, when the thing sings a song every time the current user tinkles, the word toilet can't be used. It's a potty. A big boy one. Sure, it may take another year before the little man makes this his way of life, but I'm clinging.

It wasn't the only wonderful thing to happen to this family today. We went out to breakfast and ordered for Phin off the kids menu. Pancakes with Mickey Mouse ears. Do you know how that made me feel? You're about to. It made me feel like a real mom.

I know, you're like "Pushing that baby out, losing sleep for the last year and a half, spending every night trying to coerce a monster to actually eat food rather than dirt and rocks didn't make you feel that way?" And I'm like, "No, that just made me feel tired." What of it.





Then we thought to ourselves, "Hey do you know what would make a pretty good day even closer to perfect? Tahoe." Then we patted ourselves on the back for being so brilliant. I really believe Lake Tahoe is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Jared and I still can't hold our jaws closed when we see some of the views on the drive up. Really, if you haven't been, you must come this way someday. It's a national treasure.

(We don't let Phin sit on the dog. This pic was taken in the very tiny time between him climbing on and Jared pulling him off.)

Definitely one of those days that makes you fall in love with life and summer and your favorite people all over again. Those are the very best kind of days.

In a little shock over here..

Did the world just tilt on it's axis unexpectedly? Is the moon in some very rare lunar cycle? Were your animals all on edge this morning?

My baby, ugh, toddler, slept through the night. If that doesn't indicate that something awfully strange is going on in the world today...

I want to do something to celebrate. Normally I'd just light fireworks and invite presidents to dinner, but this calls for something bigger. Something bluer.

I think I'll consult Martha. She knows everything.

I think it will be this. It's only summer once a year, you know.



Martha's Genius Recipe

P.S.

Want to know what 10:30-11pm looks like in our house?

Like this. Except usually Lesco isn't smiling. He just can't act natural for the camera. Amateur.



Linking up with Embrace the Camera!

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days

I hate when life is too busy to blog.

I lie. Partly.

It's true I hate when I go a couple days between posts. Mostly because my blog is totally passive aggressive when it comes to these things. First it lays down the guilt trip. Then it gives me the silent treatment. Finally it goes to hang out with cooler people and "forgets" to invite me. Honestly, my blog needs to grow up.

I don't mind a full and happy life. Summer is that way. I have family in town, some of my very favorite people. People that might not like me back very much. People that enjoy watching me writhe in pain as I pay to be tortured with them. Who knew you were such a demon Pilates?

Other things too. Classes. Work. Birthdays. Dinners.

Really, I just want to spend every second I can with my beautiful little family. I tripped on a dinosaur in the dining room the other night. How awesome is that? I'm at that brief stage in life where I'm tripping over my little boy's toys. I keep having these moments with that perfect little monster.

Just tonight, when we were out, Jared and I each had one of his hands as we were walking along and swinging him up in the air every few steps. Of course this elicited giggles of ear drumming popping, glass shattering pitch. How lucky are we?

And how can I still be so in love with my husband? How is it so good still? When we were first married we would crowd in our tiny little kitchen, play Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald and cook together. We still do this. We did just the other night and it makes me feel so lucky to be in my shoes. I love these long, happy summer days.

When you're bored you do crazy things

Like think you might be able to take a fashion photo for a blog.

Guilty.

This was actually a while ago. I'm up late, trying to find a few photos to take to a photo class I'm starting tomorrow. Ones that will not completely embarrass me. I saw this folder and remember the blissful five seconds where

a. I though I knew how to pose for the camera.

and

b. I thought I could put together a cute outfit. Guffaw humans. Guffaw.

Clearly clarity hit after that weekend because I never uploaded these pics. But honesty and punch drunk blogging wins, so a treat for you my friends.











That is why we like to feature babies on this blog. Ones with naked tushies are most welcome.

Blogging about birthdays while watching serial killers

Which is a bad idea because I'm a total wiener when it comes to these things. I can't handle the dark. I just know that right this very second there is a killer under my bed or in my closet, possibly the linen cupboard. He's waiting til I go to bed.

Little does he know I have a knife under Jared's pillow and a rolling pin below my night stand. I'm not even going to tell you where I hide the mace. Just know it's always readily available. Dude is going down.

Little do I know, Mr. Killer has a smart phone and is reading this post. He will move my weapons of justice before I ever get to the bedroom.

I can see it now. The intro to the 48 hours about my murder will have some girl reading my blog. "I'm scared I'm going to die tonight...."

Dudes. Don't let them do it. Someone send them some better material.

Really though, I have either lived alone or had a part time husband for the last decade and I'm still scared. Tell me I'm not the only one.

Let's talk about happier things. Things that don't include premonitions of my death and bad writing.

My Grandpa turned 80. This is how we feel about it.



We have been lucky to live in the same town as my grandparents. My Grandpa is amazing. He was a sports rock star in college and well known insurance agent during his career years. He is a generous and loving patriarch to our family. There was more than one occasion where his name got one of us out of a speeding ticket. The last couple of years have been hard for him. 80 is a milestone and he was on point tonight. Making fun of my baby sis with the rest of us. It was good times.





Just try and tell me my Mom isn't adorable. Oh, your lips won't cooperate? They can't lie.





You know it was a good party when your Dad steals your coconut bra for a hot pose.

Unwilling subject

I finished a two part intro class on using a dslr camera on Saturday. It's the start of my attempt to take my camera off of the little green square that has been my bestie for the last 10 months. Sorry g square. We had good times but I'm looking for something a little more serious.

Our instructor was fantastic. I recommend his classes with no hesitation. You can sign up here. Go Renoites, it's a steal. Do it. Right now.

I feel loaded with information but not so much mad skill. Yet. I need to practice, right? Lucky Phin, Lesco has been out of town a lot this summer.

Giving you a sec to recover from that shocker.

So poor Phin has been stuck being my model. Dude was used to having a camera stuck in his face. What he isn't used to is me telling him 8795 times, "Stay still Phin while Mommy adjusts her aperture. Don't move! I need to switch to shutter priority! Can we do that one more time with a higher ISO?"

He's all, "Give me a cookie and maybe we can. Scratch that. Give me your car and I'll think about it."

I didn't like that Nissan anyway.

This was his my life sucks face. But seriously Phin, how can life possible suck when you're running around in a diaper during the summer? I want to run around in my skivvies without consequence and have someone serve me 432 meals a day. On demand.



I would have liked this one if it had turned out. You know, if it was a little less blurry, I had not given him one completely black demon eye and blurred out his little ear. In my defense, it's his other ear that's his good side. His words, not mine.

You're jealous, and then you're not

You're jealous because my Dad won the Harry Potter Pajama Package.

It's even funner to say out loud. It's even better still when you hear your dad say it in excited voice. Call your padre, ask him to do it. It'll be great.

That's six tickets, a hotel suite, moolah for concessions and breakfast the next morning. My sister in law Kari loves me and will watch my Phinny while I go to the midnight showing. I've never been to those despite being up at that time for the last 15.5 months. Every night.

You're not so jeal because I look like a swamp creature today. On meth because this is Nevada.

I'm hoping the thought of junior mints and sorcery carry me through the next eight hours.

I shouldn't admit this

I have a coworker that reminds me not to wish my life away.

I am enjoying the right now. I love seeing every second of growth in the amazing little human I live with. I try to focus on the relationship Jared and I have right this second. It's all so good. Most of the time.


But. I can't help get excited for all the stuff coming up.

Try to hold back your name calling, but today I saw a little Halloween display in Michaels and I stopped and looked.

I hear you cocking your guns. Simmer. I still have a lot of summer left in me. My vacation isn't til the first week of August and even candy corn can't lure me away from beaches and bbq.

It's going to be so awesome though. I plan on shoving Phin's tootsies into slippers like these and letting him run all over a toasty house. Told you. Awesome.

Slippers Here

Feeling a little sentimental

One year ago I went back to work. I cried until I hyperventilated. I cursed my boss's boss for ruining my plans to go part time. I cursed my husband for not having oodles and oodles of money. I cursed myself for not having some brilliant idea that made me a millionaire before my 25th birthday. I started each day crying and usually ended it the same. Didn't help that Jared was out of town much of the latter half of last year.

Everyone told me that it would get easier. That on some days, going to work would seem like a break. I've had exactly one of those days. In a year. It isn't that I have the world's easiest baby. Anyone remember the ear infections that lasted six months? It isn't even that I hate my job. I actually really enjoy my coworkers and the programs we work with. It isn't that I grew up with the dream of having babies and staying home with them. In fact, I didn't even want children for the first several years of marriage.

But I changed my mind. The second I saw that teeny, tiny, skinny little baby I completely changed my mind. I want to spend our days together. It won't be this way forever. He is already a year. Less than four more and he'll be starting kindergarten. After that, it's never the same. He will never be the little boy who needs two naps a day and has to be rocked before bed. Why waste such a tiny, precious second in our history at an office where I annoy people with my lack of interest and dedication?

Staying home. It's not for everyone. It's not forever. It is what I really, really want for right now. I don't want to look back at these years full of sadness. So if anyone out there is wondering what my biggest goal is right now, it's getting to that place. Then I will only covet little things. Like expensive shoes, private islands and humans with superior genetics. You know, the kind that star in shiny hair commercials, don't compulsively eat rainbow chip frosting and get into med school. On a whim. But even those people don't have a Phinny.

You think you have a lot of laundry?

Ha. In fact lots of those.

There are benefits to have 300 lbs of laundry to fold. Instant ride for the kiddo.

Guns, laundry and vegetables.

Weekend was full of excitement.

Today our nature walk included bunnies and guns. Seriously.

When we were driving into the park I noticed a patrol car parked up the street. One cop, no biggie. I had a police sniper hide in our front yard tree when I was kid. I'm hard yo.

We pulled in and saw several more police cars. I rolled down my window and asked what was going on.

"Oh, there was just a guy that got in argument with his wife. We were called and he ran off. He was last seen in this area. You guys are fine."

I know. I just don't have the hottest track record as mother.

We pulled into a parking spot.

I mean, there was the cutest bunny right there. Little, black and white and oh so fluffy. We pulled Phin out of the car and he couldn't stop chasing the little thing. It was love at first sight. First hop even. First diseased little nibble. Actually there were three of them. Three hopping bunnies, it's like Disneyland for a one year old. Good enough for me to ignore the cops we saw climbing through the bushes and talking into their walkie talkies.

Jared kept suggesting that we leave, but the babe was having so much fun people.

He started chasing a bunny down one of the trails. It was like a happy movie. Bunny hopping, beautiful laughing child chasing after, happy in love parents that smell good (it was Sunday so we all got showers in).

Suddenly the bunny stopped. Phineas stopped. We stopped. Coming down the trail towards us were two more policemen. Guns drawn.

"Mel, we really should get out of here."
"Word."

Later Phin fell in the river. Did I mention we want more children?

Other cool things happened this weekend.

Phin ate enough carrots to turn himself orange. Every time we open the fridge he steals one. I've heard of worse habits.


Jared took pics of me while I posed in my messy kitchen. Phin did a one shoe cameo. It's kind of his signature move.



There were pretty flowers too.



I'm not down for Monday. Unless we go to the drivein. That will make it better.