Christmas, Christmas

It was so much everything and that's the way I like it.

Cousins were there

Stockings were hung.

Parents were still in love.

Carols were sung.

Candles were lit.

Presents were opened.

Chocolate was inhaled.

Babies were held.

I hope this creeps you out Lesco.

We were supposed to put Phin to bed and watch a scary eighties Halloween movie by the Christmas tree. One that's been on my netflix list since October and we just got last week. (Means we'll probably get White Christmas is February.)

But someone fell asleep. In his clothes. To punish him there will always be a creepy pic of him sleeping in the background on the internet.

Christmas was fantastic. By the way. Pics to come.

Dudes, if you thought my tree was pretty..

Wait, you did think my tree was pretty, right?

Check out my Moms. 

The haunted house I live in.

I'm a hundred percent convinced my house is haunted. By Howard.

Howard is the previous inhabitant of the home. The one that died here. Not anything crazy, pretty sure he was just really old. We found out while we were looking at the house but it didn't bother us. Really old people pass away all the time and for the most part it's a pretty natural thing.

Thing is, I don't think Howard likes the way we talk about him. He did some pretty random things to this home, like adhere mismatched floorboards to the wall with masking tape. Run wires from one room to another for no reason. Leave business cards lying around, bright orange ones, with just his name and no contact info. What good is that Howard?

When we find these things we mutter “Oh Howard!” Kind of.

It comes out more like, “What was up with that freaken weirdo?” Or “What the F was wrong with Howard?” Or “Do you think Howard just hung out in the basement and looked at porn all day?” No. We don't think that. He was too busy painting the bathtub. Tub, not room. Yeah.

So I think Howard is pissed. I think he feels he should get a little more respect.

I can list the ways he isn't going to get it.

-By making Phin's “sing when you pee” toilet go off at three in the morning. Keep your freaking ghost urine out of my babe's toilet you perv. Use the big potty or stop the liquids after 7pm.

-By turning the heat down to negative thirty degrees after we go to bed. If Phin wakes up screaming because he's cold one more time I'm going to get an exorcist up in here. Not just the annoying Syfy channel one with the annoying haircut. Big, scary priest. Capisce?

-By moving the mouse on my advent calendar before I wake up. Jared is trying to take credit for that, but I know he would never, ever take that away from me. He's taking heat for the ghost.

There's more, but because Howard messed with my alarm.....

Short and sweet. Like my offspring.

First. Find my creepy dog.

She's all Phinny will point to in the pic. 

Although I can't vote in them, so excited for these to get under way. Love this stuff. Can't wait to see who my guy goes up against.

Can't believe we'll be seeing this guy in six days. For real? Yes. Christmas is in six days. 

source

He gets cuter every day. How did I get so lucky? I'm so in love. Even though he attacked our tree with a mop today. But look how beautiful he is with whip cream on his nose.

Happy Christmas week. Sounds better than Monday, right?

10 signs of the impending holiday

Christmas is almost here humans. I provide pictorial evidence.

Tree is up, decorated and currently there are no ornaments in the bathtub. Bam.

Snowflakes are hung and and Phin only tried to eat the scissors once twice. But I retrieved them super fast with mad skills that make the dudes in the Matrix look like the 3g. Dudes, I'm the 4s.

I don't care if there are teeth marks in 3 out of 5 candles. That's a classy candelabra. It makes me feel like I should be lighting candles on my tree and making plum pudding. Clearly I'm wearing velvet in this scenario.

Nativity moved up three feet this year for safety reasons. We want Joseph to make it. And hey, if you send me a nativity card, it'll go up on the wall. I love and save them forever ever. Forever ever? Forever ever. I hope that song is in your head til New Years.

Just to stay on that theme, Phin's set isn't doing nearly as well. All we have left is a cow, a couple of birds on a stack of hay, one wise man, one shepherd and Joseph. Last time I saw Mary she was taking a bath in the dog's water. We must reunite this family in the next week. If anyone has seen a plastic baby with a halo.....

We're all about garland in this house. Every season, new garland. This one is a total fire hazard. Note to the masses, avoid buying fresh garland in November. Misting doesn't help, it just screws your paint job.

I have done zero baking so far. Luckily my husband rocks at everything. Like baking cookies and building fences. He also starts businesses and puts a baby to bed like a boss. Jealous? Me too. I suck. Which technically makes him the sucker for marrying me. So haha Jared, I win.

The Avon mouse calendar. 1987. Had one growing up and still have to fight Jared every day to move it. Real mature Lesco. I know you read this. Sadly I'm losing the battle, but the day changes in 28 minutes and guess who's still up. 8 up yo.

Poinsettias are out but I have mixed feelings. I freaken hate these plants. What are you supposed to do with them after Christmas? They aren't the kind of plant you leave out all year and they refuse to die. I had one live for two years. I hated it with an unnatural passion. I had to go on vacation and leave my sister in charge of my plants to finally be done with the thing. Thank you for having the blackest of thumbs little sis.

Stocking is hung. Ready to be filled. Hear that Santa? I'm so not like those pissy Best Buy moms. Do your best work, I have no desire to compete.

+ Linking with E but I can't get the friggen button to work.

Sheesh. And Santa. And chocolate.

Let me tell you the awesome things I have seen since I was last here.

We'll start with Santa. The big guy in red. (Although really not that big anymore...) Phin was not nearly as compliant as he was last year. Meaning it took two cousins, a lollipop and me, Mama, to get him close to the guy.

It started like this.

And this is the best we got. Don't judge, I had no plans to be photographed that day. Jared says him too. But face it, dude is always smokin.

Getting Phin that close to Santa was not the only weekend miracle. We also saw a super old pregnant lady. Ok, not really. But we saw a really old lady pretend to be pregnant. That's misleading. I can't help it. 

My grandma's chorale group held their annual Christmas concert. The first half was traditional and beautiful. The real magic came post intermission. Can I say it was my favorite Christmas Pageant ever? Ever. You should know there are very few members of the chorale under the age of 65. That being said, if you have not seen a women in her seventies playing a pregnant Mary, you are missing out blog friends. Let me rephrase that. If you haven't seen a woman in her seventies rub her fake pregnant belly and look lovingly into her equally aged, equally fake husband's eyes you have not lived. She was only upstaged by the elderly gentleman who came out in wings he must have stolen right off of Giselle's back at last months Victoria's Secret runway show. 

They are lucky they can sing. Although they should be giving my grandma solos. She's the best. I have no idea what's wrong with the director. Other than the fact that he's clearly tone deaf. 

Miracle number three? I'll tell you. I clinched a spot in the playoffs tonight. I'm a fantasy football queen for the moment. I'd like to thank the Detroit defense, Drew Brees and several of the New York Giants. And to my friend and colleague and kind of boss but not according to him, HAHAHAHAHA! It must have hurt.

Only seven more working days until Christmas vacay. Whoot. Double that. Phin says time can slow on down. He wants to really enjoy these days that start with chocolate. I keep trying to tell him the kind Santa brings is of much higher quality but little guy doesn't get it. Someday Phinny Phin.