Life is surreal sometimes

I remember in the weeks after Brenna was born wondering when my life would get back to normal. Turns out, normal as I knew it didn't exist anymore. Some days I still find myself experiencing that same feeling.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving holiday, filled with lots of cooking, eating, cleaning, and playing. And I will admit to a few surreal moments, like when I walked into the kitchen tonight where Scott was trying to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies, but could hardly move for Nate and Gwen and their chairs and eager little bodies pressing in on him. Ava sat in the family room a dozen feet away, watching a Muppet movie and playing the recorder. The noise level, between the TV, the recorder, the mixer, and the squabbling helpers, rivaled any scene in "Cheaper by the Dozen". It made me shake my head and helped me remember why I am grateful for this darling little chaotic crew.
Life has never returned to normal as I once knew it. My new normal is filled with messes and noise and sibling rivalry and stress. But it's also filled with soft little kisses, big hugs from little arms, spontaneous songs, nonsensical knock-knock jokes, plenty of warm bodies to snuggle on the couch, love notes drawn in crayon, and more love than you can wrap your arms around.

Surreal? Sometimes. Wonderful? Always.

Coming out

Meet my wonderful, handsome husband.

Scott works 50-60 hours a week, lifts weights every morning before work, teaches a spinning class two evenings a week, volunteers at our church, pitches right in around the house when he gets home from all of this, and is sweet and loving to me and our children. He also suffers from a disease called Freidreich's Ataxia.

We've suspected Scott has a problem for years now. Way before we noticed anything was wrong he realized he just wasn't any good at basketball anymore. He couldn't keep his balance while rollerblading. And playing football wasn't working either. A few years later he started to notice that he couldn't keep his balance very well when walking. He saw a neurologist in Lubbock who ran some tests but couldn't find anything that fit.

Fast forward to our move to California. Scott consulted a neurologist here who referred him to UCLA, where they very quickly recognized his disease. They ran a blood test and we had the verdict: Friedreich's Ataxia, a debilitating, progressive neurological disorder that doesn't affect the mind, but leaves him unable to control his body the way he ought to be able to. The disease affects his hands, making everything he does take more time. Typing, writing, spreading peanut butter on a sandwich, buttoning a shirt, he can do them all, just more slowly. The disease affects his speech, making it sound a little more slurred. He sometimes chokes while drinking. And most noticeably it affects his ability to walk. He can't walk in a straight line to save his life. If he slips, he can't recover fast enough to keep from falling. He can't run, or keep his balance on a bike, or catch a football. His body just flat out won't do what he tells it to anymore.

Freidreich's Ataxia is a genetic disorder. There's nothing he could have done to prevent it. Both of his parents carried a gene for it and unknowingly passed the gene on to him. Our children will not have the disease because I am not a carrier, although each of them are carriers themselves. It felt like a huge boulder was lifted off my shoulders the day we learned that I am not a carrier. FA is typically a child onset disease and thinking of the horror stories I'd read on the internet terrified me every time I watched one of my children stumble or trip. Now I know that their falls are normal, not the harbinger of a devastating disease, one that becomes more so with an earlier onset.

There's no cure. No medication to take. Scott exercises and keeps his body strong, he takes antioxidants to diminish the impact free-radicals have on his mitochondria, he tries to get enough sleep, eat right, and not overdo it. And that's really all he can do for now.

We hope the future holds some medical breakthroughs. We have no idea how much FA will affect his quality of life down the road. Chances are he will never suffer from the more serious complications of heart disease or diabetes. But we don't know if he'll need a wheelchair at some point or even if it will become noticeable to everyone who meets him. Right now it still takes being around him a little to notice that something is wrong.

I share this with you not to bum you out or make you feel sorry for us. We're good. The disease stinks but we're making our peace with it. We know life isn't supposed to be easy and perfect and we also know that we've been incredibly blessed. Scott has a world-renowned FA expert for a neurologist and she's only a couple of hours away. We have 4 incredible children who will never suffer this disease themselves. We have supportive families, good friends, and most of all, the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that supports us in all we do. So I'm just sharing so that you know.

For more information (or to make sense of my poor attempts to explain FA) go here:

Our Thanksgiving Plans Have Changed

My dad's in the hospital again with pancreatitis. The good news is he's alive and recovering from surgery. The bad news is he has pancreatitis again and is recovering from surgery! So it looks like our fun-filled California Thanksgiving with my parents and brother and sister-in-law is a no-go. The K crew will be flying solo. We're all worried about my dad and bummed to not see our family members that we miss so much. We're praying for his speedy recovery and that this horribly painful and occasionally life-threatening illness never, ever happens to him again (please!)

So I'm trying to look on the bright side. Dad's getting better. We see our families in 5 weeks for Christmas. And as for Thanksgiving, more leftovers for us, I guess!

Thanksgiving is coming up

And it's fall and there's a chill in the air, which apparently means people start cooking with squash.

Ick.

I have realized in the last few months that I do not much care for squash. Especially pumpkin. You people with your pumpkin chocolate chip cookies? You can keep them, because I can't imagine a dessert with much more wrong going on than that one. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin bars, pumpkin Blizzards, you name it....no thank you.

You see, last year a friend made some "to die for" pumpkin bars so I tried them. And proceeded to eat nothing but the cream cheese icing. And I realized then that's what I do every single time someone makes a pumpkin dessert. I eat the icing. Or have one or two bites, if there's no icing involved. But either way, I'm wasting my time and calories.

Scott will probably still insist on a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving this year, so I'll buy one from the frozen foods section and pop it in the oven. Better yet, I'll buy one ready-made. Why waste that time keeping track of the oven for a stinking pumpkin pie? Actually, pies in general, as many of you know, are one of my main Thanksgiving complaints (although, really, I'm not doing much complaining on Thanksgiving seeing as I'm so busy being thankful). A really good meal does not end with a pie. It ends with chocolate. Or an amazing cake.

So for dessert this year I'll be making something deliciously chocolate and non-pie. And my amazing carrot cake. With cream cheese icing, of course! It's still fantabulous even when it's not masking the horror of a pumpkin-flavored dessert.

The little guy turned 4

Ask Nate when his birthday is and he'll tell you, "the day after Halloween". It sure makes it easy to remember! After a late night of trick-or-treating and total sugar overload he was a little worn out, but that didn't stop the celebration.

We started out with breakfast in bed. Nate was already awake at 6:30 (and snuggled in our bed, I might add) so he came downstairs with us and chose what he wanted to eat that morning. Bypassing the muffins I had made the night before, he chose yogurt, bacon and chocolate milk. And he ate all of 4 bites, I think.

Following breakfast, we had the opening of the presents. He upgraded from a tricycle to a real bike. Ava helped him try it out in the living room. It's hard to pedal on carpet but you just need a little push from behind.

Then he insisted on opening the rest of the presents, which included a Lego set from me and Scott (the one thing he'd really wanted) and a few very sweet presents from his sisters. Brenna gave him a bouncy ball, a rope bracelet, and a couple of other toys she'd bought for him at the school store. And Ava gave him a pencil she'd earned at school, along with a picture and a note, including some addition problems "so Nate can learn math".

I absolutely loved watching Brenna and Ava try so hard to make Nate's birthday special for him. They were very forgiving of things they usually can't tolerate. They helped him with anything he needed. They spoke sweetly to him and told him they love him. It was enough to melt their parents' hearts.

After the girls went to school, one of his best friends came over to play and ride bikes.

Here's Nate trying out the new wheels. His poor friend was waiting for his turn. We finally got out Brenna's old bike for him, which was a little feminine and small, but better than sitting around waiting! Nate still shared some turns on the new wheels.

I wanted to get a cute picture of Nate in the morning light. Something really pretty that would showcase his personality and maybe capture those pretty green eyes. Instead I got this, a big yawn:

And a whole lot of squinting and exasperation. Oh well.

That afternoon he and I decorated his cake together. He wanted funfetti cake with white frosting and Buzz and Woody on it. I bought some funky pens that are supposed to write on icing, but I actually find it much easier to just pipe frosting letters onto a cake. Still, they came in handy because Nate helped me add some pizzazz with the pens.

Here he is just before we sang "Happy Birthday" to him:

And the big moment:

I wish I could remember what he wished for, since he told us all what it was. Maybe Scott remembers....I should have written it down right away!

We ended the night by watching a home movie of the first 3 months of Nate's life, which was totally fun to see how tiny he was when he was born. He's still little, though. I was just looking at him today and enjoying how cute and small he is. So much personality packed into such a little package! Here are just a few things I love about Nate:

1. He gives lots of kisses and hugs. Tonight he even offered me a "slobber kiss", which I tried to refuse. He insisted, though, and it turned out to be a relatively dry kiss on the cheek.

2. He loves to cook. If he hears the KitchenAid coming out, he comes running.

3. He is very social and will talk to just about anyone.

4. He loves animals, especially dogs and cats.

5. He is always writing down his name, which ends up being some combination of the letters "N", "A", "T" and "M". He can spell "MOM", though.

6. Nate is a man's man, really relating to the men in his life.

7. Although highly masculine and everything a boy should be, he still enjoys playing with Littlest Pet Shop and Barbies if Ava will allow him. And he occasionally requests to watch a princess movie when the girls are at school.

8. He wants to be a dad when he grows up, which just melts my heart every time I hear him say it.

9. He's still a ladies man. Every now and then a girl or woman will catch his eye and he'll tell me he's going to marry her. Usually it's a woman.

10. He loves to be read to but absolutely refuses to sit in his bed at night and look at books by himself before he falls asleep. So most nights either Scott or I will lay down with him until he passes out. Otherwise he comes downstairs to party with us in the living room.

11. He still ends up in bed with us every single night, along with little sister. It's getting very cozy in there.

12. Do not under any circumstances call him "little". He is big and don't you forget it.

13. He is, without a doubt, the most precious little guy I've ever known and I'm so glad Heavenly Father knew better than me and sent me a boy who was everything I'd feared and also everything I could ever want.

We love you, Nate! Happy Birthday!