Thin Gre*en Line

As I mentioned before, E and I are trying to buy a house. I say trying because it is not as simple as we would like it to be. Instead it involves a lot of factors such as having enough money, and even more importantly finding a house we actually want to buy.

Finding a house we want to buy is proving to be a lot more difficult than we imagined. The first concern that we have is really the same concern that everyone living within a metropolitan city has, the price! My lord. The house prices here are in dollars ( which, I know, means now is a good time to buy, low dollar or high shekel or whatever) and the prices for houses here are really quite comparable to US house prices (not in Manhattan, but say another not quite so exorbitant city). The problem is that we make really a fraction of the salary we would be making in the US, very frustrating.

We would love to move to the middle of nowhere up north or down south and buy something for dirt cheap but we have to work. Neither of us can make a living outside of the city. So, we are restricted to the city and its vicinity.

Where we live now is already about 35 minutes outside of the city, and we love it, but it's on the edge of our possible budget, and community wise it's not exactly where we will be comfortable raising our kids. The people are amazing and I feel really comfortable here but Jewishly it's just not a fit for us. It's sad, but I think we will have to find a community elsewhere.

There is one possibility a couple of miles closer to the city that has a good community for us, but it's very suburby and we will lose the rustic environment that we have grown to love. We might even have to buy there a, gasp, semi-attached home.

But that possibility is it, everything else is either too far, too expensive, to religious, or not religious at all (it's tough being moderate in this country).

Ok, I promise I'm leading up to something.

There's this thing in this country, a minor, itty bitty thing, called The Gre*en Line. You may have heard of it. Fences, walls, persecution, terrorism, international borders, crap. Lots of fun stuff associated with this Gre*en Line. Until now, E and I, being the liberals that we are, have absolutely refused to look at any communities that are not cozily situated inside this line. I fully supported the pullout from Ga*za (my god the *'s, can you tell I'm scared of extremist googlers), and while I believe it was the right and necessary thing to do, I decided that I never wanted to put myself in that situation to begin with. Besides the fact, that a lot of communities outside the line are either 1)extremist 2)super-religious and/or 3) sitting on top of a neighboring Arab village which brings up moral and safety issues. Basically, just not for us. Didn't want to be involved.

Until someone suggested checking out some communities that we had somehow forgotten about. I don't know how we decided to go visit considering it was against everything we believed in, but we did, and oh my god I want to move there. It's ten minutes outside of Jerusalem, in the middle of the freaking desert (which I love, and also means we're not sitting on anybody's head), has the perfect community for us, and is so so so much cheaper than where we are living now.

Ahhhhhhh.

What to do, what to do.

My parents freaked out even when I mentioned the idea.

It’s a risk. What if it gets more dangerous, what if I really am kicked out of my house eventually, what if we're not fairly compensated by the government (I would definitely leave without fuss, I'm just talking financially here), what if I'm really not ok with it morally.

It's a lot to think about.

I would never have had this problem if we moved to Iowa.

Very Sorry

I know that was very bad. Right when the most suspensful part of the cycle comes I up and leave you.

What happened in a nutshell: wrote last post, took pregnancy test, negative, started spotting 2 hours later, 2 days later got my period and headed down to the Dead Sea for a conference simultaneously. Very crappy. Moving on because it just sucks. I don't think there will be much happening in this department this month.

Though the conference was quite fun. It was mainly for my husband but since my work is tangentially related to his I got to go too. I worked pretty hard since E was part of the organizing comittee and they needed some extra hands. Also I had to show up at the presentations since this whole thing was under the guise of work. But in between I got to sit at the pool, float around in the Dead sea, and sit in the jacuzzi. Really not a bad deal. The hotel was all inclusive which was fun, E and I never stay at places like that. Anyway, I love it down there, you feel like you're in the middle of nowhere and even on another planet (I'm very upset that I forgot my camera) but it's only about an hour and a half from home. If it wasn't consistently over 100 degrees in the summertime I'd move there.

This past week we also had a bit of a heatwave (for the winter at least). Once we got home we opened the windows and aired out the house. I'm sleeping so much better now that everything isn't covered in a layer of dampness, yuch. The weather here is really turning over. Still winter but the warmer days are sneaking in. I feel like I'm starting to crack out of my shell.

Life

Hello all.

As much as I feel like there is nothing really going on in my life, it just hit me that there really is a lot going on. Some exciting, some just really hard.

This is going to be my last month TTC for a couple of months. E and I have started going to therapy together and it requires us not to put all of our mental energy into having sex at the exact time of the month, it actually preculdes us having sex pretty much at all. It's good. I don't want to get into the details, just that it's something that we need to take care of and has really been around for our whole relationship, TTC just made it come to a head and now it must be dealt with. We will get through it and have a much better life together as a result. It's hard though, I must say.

Right now I'm 9dpo. We really only had sex once this month (see above issues) and we got lucky that it was about two days before I ovulated, so I guess in theory anything is possible this month. I know I'm going to kick myself for even letting hope creep in at all this month but I've been feeling different.

1. First of all, I feel better. Taking less thyroid meds has gotten rid of the heart palpitations, the constant dizzyness (yeah, it really wasn't a pregnancy symptom, or my imagination), nausea, nightsweats, and general yuckyness.

2. I had a temperature dip at 7dpo which I've never had before. Just interesting food for thought.

3. I had some needly cramps really low down on 7dpo that have now faded away. Now my uterus seems pretty quiet, a nice change from previous months when I've been mildly crampy from 7dpo on.

4. Boobs are sore, which they always are from about halfway through my luteal phase, but not as intensely as usual. At least I'm more comfortable.

So, we shall see. Nothing has knocked me out of the game yet. I really want it to happen since we have to take a break now. I would be so thankful.

Besides reproductive life. We are trying to look for places to eventually buy a house. It's really a lot harder than it sounds and it deserves a post all its own. That will be next.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Flowers, Puppies, and Winter

I just want to start out by saying how much I like OPKs. I definetely ovulate, and seeing those two pink lines gives me such a feeling of accomplishment. I also know this is not something to take lightly as there are plenty of people who don't even get that much. So, I have to be thankful for what I do have and enjoy it. I also feel like I beat the system if I can time it so that I only need to use one test. Take that, overpriced OPK producers.

Anyway, not so much along those lines (or I guess along those lines if they are appreciating things). I know I complain a lot about living in Israel, but there really are some things that I absolutely love and would really have a hard time giving up if we ever move back to the U.S.. One of those things is the flowers here in the winter. Because we don't get any rain in the summer all of the flowers start flowering in the winter. It's a very disorienting phenomenon when you are used to the flowers peaking out in the warm weather, but it's really very cool once you get used to it. The minute the first rain falls in the end of the fall, boom, a couple of days later you see little green sprouts everywhere. The seeds are just waiting there for any kind of moisture at all. The a couple of months later, after some substantial rainfall, the flowers start blooming. Wildflowers. They are absolutely incredible. Wild irises, orchids, anemones, ranunculous, cylclamen, and lots more. All things that you can only get in flower stores in America are growing beautifully in the wild here. They are smaller, more delicate, more detailed, and beautiful.

It gives me something to really get excited about during the disgusting winter here. The winter isn't dead here, it's in fact the exact opposite. I can look forward to hiking around to see the flowers on the days of sun we have in between the rain. And to be honest, it's much more pleasent hiking in the winter than in 100 degree weather.

Here are some pictures of a hike we took a couple of weeks ago (there's even more blooming now). There are also of course pictures of a very happy puppy. Check out the rest of the set here.

Edited to add: Blogger won't let me add any more pictures to the post, so just click on the flickr link above.

Clearing my Mind

Hello.

I'm here.

First of all, this is now an E free zone. My husband being the wonderful man that he is realized that I needed this space to really dump my brain and he volunteered to step away and not read. And he being the extremely principle based person that he is, I actually believe he will. At first I felt bad taking him up on his offer because I shouldn't keep anything from my husband, right? Plus, there have been times that E reading my posts has helped him understand what was going on in my not so clear thoughts. But he's right, I need a little venting space, and I thanked him and told him that yes, I think it might be a good idea.

So... onwards.

I got my TSH etc. checked. Really one of the great things about the (public) healthcare here is that I call my doctor, tell her I need to get my blood tested. I go pick up the referral at the desk of the office, go get my blood taken at one of the many clinics that take blood, and then check my own test results on the insurance company's website a couple of days later (usually thyroid stuff is available the next day). All of this with a couple swipes of my magnetic card. My copay is only six shekels, that's like a buck fifty. And even better, a three month supply of thyroid meds is 3 bucks! Not bad, and very high tech.

Anyway. TSH was 0.34! Umm... well, that's on the low side. So, I actually am being a bit overtreated now. It's mainly because I finally started taking my medication when I wake up in the morning and my body is really absorbing a lot more of the medicine. Anybody know what being on the low side does to you (besides osteoporosis and heart disease, minor details)? Is it also bad for trying to get pregnant? All I know is I've been feeling pretty crappy lately, dizzy, exhausted (more than when my TSH is high), mind fog, and moody. Seriously, if I hadn't gotten my period I would think I was pregnant. At least I'm not constipated :). That's my surefire, get your TSH checked now, sign.

So, my doctor called (what service) and told me that she wants me to drop my dosage 150 micrograms a week. I told her that I think I should start out by dropping only 50 micrograms because I want to keep my TSH between 1-2. Without hesitating she's says, "ok". That's it? You can tell this is a real science. So in the end I think I will compromise and drop 100 micrograms. Sounds good to me. I will retest in 6 weeks.

I'm sure this is all very exciting for non hypothyroid people.

So...now for stuff that is only interesting for people with vaginas who are measuring and charting every single thing their body does.

My period was pretty bad, very very bloody. Maybe a day longer than usual but not bad. Just went from gushing blood to bareley spotting the next day. Now, a week or so later I still feel mildly crampy and when I checked my CM (yum) it was pink. Definete spotting. Wierd, wierd, weird. This never happens to me, it's usually white or clear until a couple of days before my period. I think this is my body's way of telling me to leave it alone. I personally think I might have had a chemical pregnancy last cycle, but of course there's no way to know because I was all stoic and managed to not test and waited until my period came. I may have to rethink that strategy.

That's all for now. OPK's will be broken out in the next couple of days.

Oh, I also decided to really wait a year before talking to doctors. First of all, IUIs and IVFs are handed out here like candy (thanks to great health insurance and a culture that wants babies, babies, babies). And I really think it just might take some time.

I finally told my dad that this was going on (after he started bugging me about grandkids, very uncharacteristic of him). And he said, "oh yeah, it took us a while too". There were no doctors involved, just took them a while. It was a bit reassuring. Plus, being 26 I do have time on my side. The only thing we might do is have E's spermies checked. He's a wee bit older than me.

In other news, I am planning on making this for dessert this weekend. Sans coconut, but with lots of poufy icing. Israelis don't do icing, especially the sugary poufy kind. I am craving it, and this looks perfect.