So far....

When I imagined being pregnant again, this pregnancy after loss I figured I would have a detachment. That I would go on with my life as normal walking around pretending there wasn't life growing inside me making only a few adjustments like no alcohol and cutting off the occasional cigarette. Not thinking about my future with this baby and taking months to get the very least..excited .. But I have come to realize that the moment I saw the positive test I instantly fell in love... and I can't help but think about this life in me every minute of everyday and think about everything I eat and do and how it will affect this life ..

I find myself reading up on all the things that can go wrong with pregnancy. Stillbirth being a mere mention because there are hundreds of issues that can go wrong... The thing that bothers me is that all of the statistics percentages are low and they use words like 'unlikely' to happen or very 'rare'...and this is very scary to me because I happen to know for a fact that I’m not alone and all of you exist..

We have been staggering our announcement.. I have let some of my close friends know and we told his mom and my mom but I haven't told anyone at work or the rest of my family... I liked it better when it was just me and the boytoys little secret. The feeling that I failed everyone when I lost Micah hasn't been resolved for me, and every time we tell someone else I feel this added pressure... What if I don't get a happy ending?? I know it's negative thinking but I can't help but think it.. And I know everyone else is thinking the same thing too

I'm 8 weeks and 3 days today

I thank you all for your encouragement and support... Here's wishing you all a very happy 2009. We all certainly deserve it