Heartstrings.

Just to what extent is one willing to settle in terms of the little things in favour if the larger picture? How important are the ideals and expectations you hold dear when weighed against what is really supposed to matter? And if all that is true, who defines the lines between toxic settling and progressive compromise?

Having said all that, SF was, in a nutshell, trying. I can't quite recall the number of times I cried, or the seemingly endless emotional rollercoasters all within the short (and yet at the same time excruciatingly long) 6 days. I wanted to call home so bad, but my goddammofoing cellphone absolutely refused to receive a signal (as well as in transit in Seoul) even after the Singtel people assured me it would [there's corporate reliability for you -_-]. I said I knew, after just one night, that it was best left as is. But the dancing... oh, the dancing... who was to have known?

Is it just me, or am I just being realistic? I can't help but feel so unbelievably shallow, and worse still, that I lied... and a part of me absolutely loathes the person I am (that I have become?) - the values that I hold, and the things that are important to me despite this... 'thing', for lack of a better word, being essentially a precious thing...



(Mostly it's how being treated like a goddess is hard to let go of, in spite of it all.)

Well.

Where do we begin, and just where do we end?

***

Blowing sparks
At my frozen angel
Words to melt the ice
Around your pretty heart

"Yuki Song" - Deep Forest

Great expectations.

Hi guys, just checking in from hazy (though not-so-chilly) SF, just so you know I'm okay and haven't been subjected to the "locker treatment". Things, on the other hand, aren't quite as fine and dandy as I'd like, but... ah, I'll survive. So... back in a few days, folks.

***

Love is every second we steal.

I know who you are, but what am I?

After what seemed to be an endless cycle of ups and downs and hair-pulling all-arounds, the time of judgement has come, and despite having had the shocking (and inevitable :x) bout of freakish nerves just the night before, the prospect of finally coming to terms with what has lain dormant for the past 6 months has nonetheless incited the swarm of butterflies in my stomach to riot.

Am I nervous? Sure. Apprehensive? Damn straight. Excited? Uh-huh. Hopeful? Yes. Naive? Hell yes. Think what you will (I know you will), but wish me luck, and understand that this is what I have to do.

With any luck I'll be able to check in from time to time over in SF, and my trusty auto-roam ought to still be in service should I be urgently required (or simply to see how I'm doing... hint, hint).

And that is all there is to say on the matter; so I bid you adieu, mes fr�res, adieu. Updates (and hopefully answers) on the 22nd.

***

You've given up on relationships, but you still believe in true love. And the pain of never having found it, is unbearable.

Wild Rose.

Just got the flu jab and tabs (:x) in prep for next week, but it turns out that there really wasn't a need afterall because my bestest, most anticipated friend arrived today. Of course there are now other complications to go with it, but... oh well. I'm a little horrified at the implication (as I'm sure everyone else is...), but I think I deserve a bit more credit than that... -_-

***

I thought you'd be out of my mind
And I'd finally found a way
To learn to live without you
I thought it was just a matter of time
Till I had a hundred reasons
Not to think about you
But it's just not so
And after all this time I still can't let go

I've still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory baby
I've got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of your fingertips
This love so deep inside of me

I was trying everything that I can
To get my heart to forget you
But it just can't seem to
I guess it's just no use
In every part of me
Is still a part of you

Something in your eyes keeps haunting me
I'm trying to escape you
And I know there ain't no way to
To chase you from my mind

"Painted On My Heart" - The Cult

... so, so good. <3