The Unveiling of Mr. X!!

Are you guys ready for this?? This is going to be a BIG BIG post!!! The post where I unveil one of my secrets...Mr. X!! Several of you have asked me to post a picture or two of us. Well, up until recently I didn't have any pictures of us, but I do now. I also wanted to ask Mr. X if he had any problems with me posting pictures of him. He told me it was fine by so this is a picture post. But, before I share pictures of Mr. X and myself I want to tell you all about a fun day that I had last week.

Last Monday I finally got to meet Tami from http://therothreport.blogspot.com/. We have been Facebooking, and texting for a long time now, but on Monday it was finally time to meet for a "blog date" We met at an outlet mall that was pretty close to both of us. Tami was everything I expected her to be....GREAT!! We met fro coffee before hitting the mall and had a great conversation. Then we went shopping and lets just say that we both like to shop. Although, Tami got way better deals than I did. We went for lunch and again had great conversations! After lunch we shopped some more. We had a great day! I'm so glad that I finally got to meet Tami and now I can call her a real life friend too!! Here is a picture of our meeting.

And no, before I get a million comments asking if we planned our outfits, we did not. We both just happened to be on the same wave length when it came to getting dressed that day. I had tons of fun Tami and I can't wait to do it again!!!

Okay, are you ready to meet Mr. X????
This first picture was taken on Memorial Day weekend. Please may no attention to my hair! I woke up with a near migraine that morning and did not want to take the time to straighten my hair. Drum roll please....
Mr. X, myself, his daughter, and his son. The only one missing from this picture is Bo. Memorial Day weekend was so great!!


This was taken a few weeks ago at Mr. X's grandparents house on a near by lake. We were out on the pontoon boat all day, having a great time.

This last picture was just taken this past Saturday. One of Mr. X's best friends got married and this was taken at the reception. (which by the way was probably one of the best, most fun receptions I have EVER been too)

I say we make kind of a cute couple. What do you all think? Oh yeah, do you all happen to see the smile on my face once again? Things are good!!

Also, MANY MANY people have told myself and Mr. X that he looks like a certain HOT male country singer. I think there is a slight resemblance. Any one have any thoughts on who he might be?

I hope these pictures were what you guys were wanting and waiting to see. Stay tuned for more as they happen....

Finally Some Answers!!

Okay, so once again I haven't written a post when I told you I all would. I would be surprised at all if I had half of my readers with my lack of posts. I've had the last week off of work and was so just going to sit and blog all day everyday. However, life happened and I didn't sit down all week long, I was gone or going every day. I actually did sit down one night to write a post, but I read your blogs instead and well, was just too tired to write a post of my own. I'm so happy that my life is very different now than it was at this point last year. Last year at this time all I did was sit at the computer and blog. Times and things have changed and I no longer have all that "free" time to blog like I used too. I'm actually a little sad about that because I love blogging so much. I also know that when I can tell you all of my "little secrets" I will once again be blogging more, for now it just seems like some of the things I want to share with you I shouldn't now and that is also hampering my blogging just a bit. So please just stick with me, I promise I will start making more time for posts and will be back to posting more frequently shortly. Now on to the answers to questions that you all asked me. Enjoy....

*What kind of work do I do? I have a degree in Child Development and with that I have always worked in different childcare centers depending on where Shawn and I were living. While in Ohio I started off as a Lead Infant Teacher and moved my way up to Assistant Director. At the time of Shawn's death I was a Lead Toddler teacher at another center in Ohio. As many of you know I took the year after Shawn's death "off" to figure out my life and to grieve. Since last August I have been "babysitting" for a friend's children about 30 hours a week. However in August both kids will be in school so I will have to figure something else out. Anyone have any suggestions?

*How did I meet my friends that are widows? One of the lady's actually went to the funeral home where we all happened to have our husbands funerals at. She was talking to one of the people who worked there and asked if they knew of any other "young widows" in town. She wanted names because there is very little support for young widows or widowers in our town. As it turns out all four of our husbands died just within three weeks of each other. One on August 15, Shawn on August 18, one one September 4, and then the last on September 7. Two of us were at the same funeral home at the same times and we just didn't realize it. So needless to say the funeral home director gave her the other three names and we all met. The rest is history, we have been through so much together. We are always there for each other and always will be. We have cried together, laughed together, and have started living once again with each other. These are three lady's that I would have never of met if Shawn had not passed away. People really do come into your life when you need them the most and I'm so grateful and blessed to have them in my life.

*What specifically happened that is keeping me from posting? This question was asked by a few different people and all I have to say is look at you all trying to be tricky ;) I however can not share this with you at this point and time. Hopefully I will be able to spill the beans with in the next few weeks, and let me tell you when I do it will be one LONG post so be prepared to read! I also want to thank those of you who have emailed me asking if everything is okay. I'm good, I just need to guard my privacy for a while.

*When are you going to show a picture of Mr. X? I have to ask Mr. X and make sure he is comfortable having his picture on a blog that is read all over the world. (Wait is my blog read all over the world anymore, not sure about that one) I will try to make it a point to ask him in the next few days and see what his thoughts are on that. There are two pictures I would like to share with you if it is okay with him. We are also going to a wedding this weekend and I'm sure pictures will be taken there. For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, my new profile picture has him in it.

*What is my favorite recipe? My favorite recipe is from Everyday Italian on the Food Network (love that channel) and it is for Citrus Chicken and roasted garlic potatoes and it is oh-so-yummy. I will post the recipe one day so you can all try it. It sounds like a "big deal" to make but it is actually very easy. Do I and Mr. X like to cook together? We both like to really cook, but we have not actually cooked together yet. I usually get home from work right around six and it always seems like he has dinner already started. One day however I would love to be able to cook dinner together.

*Will I have kids if I remarry? That is kind of a hard question to answer. The simple answer is yes, I would love to have children someday. However, I guess it just depends on who and if I ever get remarried again to fully be able to answer this question. I will however tell you that I'm extremely close to Mr. X's children and love them as if they were my own.
Do I think Mr. X and I will get married? Once again I just don't know. We have talked about marriage in a big picture kind of way. In the happily ever type of way we would both like to get remarried. Then in the realistic type of way we were both hurt (in two totally different ways) and I think it will take some time for us to figure out if marriage is something that we both want. If that answer makes any sense at all, I'm not sure.
Am I still considered "family" to Shawn's family and do I still attend family functions with them? Yes, I think I'm still considered family to Shawn's family. Things have been a bit strained since Shawn's death, but I think I will always be a part of their family. The last family function that I went to was Christmas Eve. That was always Shawn's favorite night of the year, so I felt like I had to go for Shawn, but I have to tell you it was very strange, awkward, and a little unsettling for me to be there. I'm pretty sure unless there is a death within the family that was the last function that I will be attending.

*Was Shawn healthy prior to his death? Yes, for the most part Shawn was healthy before he passed away.

*How do I feel about infidelity? Having never been involved in a relationship where cheating has happened I don't know how I can fully answer this question other than by saying that cheating on my partner is something that I would never do. Is a marriage repairable if infidelity is involved? Once again this is a hard question for me to answer having never been in that situation. I would say everybody makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but then again I'm just not sure. I guess it would depend on the situation and how the rest of the marriage is. Would I be in a relationship with a person if I knew they had cheated in the past? Once again, I'm not sure. Like I said people deserve a second chance and maybe that person has learned from their past mistakes and is trying to be a better person.

*What did the Medium tell me that made me know it was real? There were several things that she told me that nobody else would know about me or Shawn. However, what really made me think it was real is when she told me that my husband has our baby, that they are together and that the two of them will always be watching over me. I never once said anything about being pregnant or about the baby. The entire experience was very surreal and hard to explain.

*Am I still friends with Sarah Schieber? Sarah and I have not seen each other since April. Both of our lives are so very different now than they were when we first met. We however text each other every few weeks. However, once again Sarah was there for me in the first few months after Shawn's death. We will always have a bond and we will always be friends because of that. She is doing well and is really happy in her knew marriage, with their expanded family and with her singing career.

*With hindsight being 20/20 what if anything would I have done differently? I'm not really all that sure I would change anything about my life. Everything that has happened to me I have learned from it and have grown from it. If anything I wish maybe that Shawn and I would have just enjoyed "today" more and have lived more in the moment instead of always thinking years and years down the road. Life is too short too look too far in the future, I guess that is something that I have also learned from my experiences. You need to live in the moment and be happy with that instead of always looking too far down the road.

*What is the one piece of advise I would give a new widow? There are many things that I would tell them, and do tell them as I meet new widows. The first thing I tell them is to feel what you want, when you want. Don't let anyone, no matter who they are tell you what you are feeling or the time frame you are feeling it on is wrong. Grief is a very individual process and you have to grieve in your own way to be fully accepting of it. The second thing I tell them is something that Sarah told me just 9 weeks after Shawn's death, and it is this. "It will be okay, you will be okay, you will live again one day but it will take time." When other people, people who had not lost their husband told me that I wanted to smack them in the face. How did they know that, they still had their husband. However, when Sarah told me I believed her because she was living my life. You know what?...she was right, I am okay now, heck I'm even good now, but it did come at the end of a dark very lonely place and time.

*Where am I with my Spiritual Journey? Okay, this is probably going to upset some of you but here it goes. I have not attended church since Thanksgiving. GASP! I liked going to the church I was attending and I did get something out of it, however, I never felt like I "fit" there. I'm extremely grateful for the experience of attending that church and for the fact that it opened my eyes and answered some of my questions. However, at this point and time of my life my spiritual journey is something that I'm doing on my own.

*When did I stop wearing my wedding rings? I stopped wearing my rings right around the sixth month mark. I'm not sure why I took them off then, but it was something that I just did because it felt right at the moment.

*What part of Michigan do I live in? I live smack dab in the middle of Michigan.

*When will I tell you about my secrets? When the time is right...stay tuned, I have lots to tell you!

I hope you have enjoyed reading my answers. Please stick with me as I try to become better at posting, I really do have things to share with you and I want to, I just need to work on the whole time thing.

You Have Any Questions For Me?

I've noticed a few people doing question posts on their blog. I've done this before, but it was a long time ago and I've since gained several new readers I thought it would be kind of fun to do that again.

So if you have any questions for me leave me a comment and ask away. I will answer anything you ask me. Well, almost anything :)

People can ask or rather post questions until Thursday June 17. Then during a post next week I will answer them all. Expect lots of posts from me for the rest of the month, I'm off of work and I plan on doing LOTS and LOTS of blogging!!

Okay, go...think of questions...ask away.

Have a happy and safe weekend!

Wow, It's Been Busy and A Whirlwind of Emotions!!

The last few weeks I have done some pretty major things all of which where a touch on the emotional side. However, I'm extremely happy to report that each of the two things that I did turned out extremely well. Actually, I could not have asked for a better outcome on either occasion and I'm so happy that both turned out so well because to say I was nervous about both would be an understatement. Well one of the things I was extremely nervous about and the other one not so much, but both were still pretty big deals. Lets start with two weekends ago. Just a warning, this one might get long so stay with me.

Two weekends ago Mr. X and I had a great weekend, but Saturday in particular was pretty great. His three year old little boy plays soccer on Saturday mornings so as usual we went to the game. The entire team is great and all nine of the kids on the team have improved, but I have to say that Mr. X's little boy is AWESOME!! He scores most of the goals, passes like a pro, dribbles the ball (that's what soccer players call it when they kick the ball) and is an all around great player. I'm telling you the kid is pretty darn amazing at every sport he plays, and believe me when I say we play every sport! It was great getting to watch Mr. X react to his son playing the game as well. He is such a great Daddy! After the soccer game Mr. X and I went to Home Depot to get a few things, then went out to lunch. We only went to Taco Bell, but it was oh-so-yummy! After we came home and watched a movie on TV and were just bums for a while. Then we decided we should probably be a little productive so we decided to go to my storage shed and start cleaning up some things and sorting a few things out. Okay guys, this is where it gets big!

My ENTIRE life with Shawn is in that storage shed. When I moved back to Michigan I put our entire house into that shed, other than a few things I took with me to my parents house. Shawn's clothes, books, pictures, collector's items of Shawn's, our furniture, a box full of baby items that Shawn and I had already gotten, EVERYTHING was in that shed! For a long time I didn't want to go back to the shed because I didn't want all of those memories to smack me in the face. I wasn't sure how it was going to feel walking into all of "that". However, the last few months I have been feeling like I really needed and that it was time to start going through some of those things. When Shawn died I also didn't give one single thing to his family. I know it was probably wrong of me, but I just couldn't do it. I'm pretty sure his parents where hurt and upset by this and it probably ended up putting a little rift between all of us. However, at the time I just could not part with anything that was Shawn's. I didn't care who was getting it, I felt like I needed it and I needed to keep it. At the time I felt like if I gave anything of Shawn's away then I was going to somehow forget part of Shawn. Well, at almost two years I have realized that is not the case. I have realized that my memories aren't in the actual items, but they are in my heart and nobody can take those away from me. I started feeling like maybe it was time to go through some of Shawn's things and to give a few items to Shawn's parents. I talked about this with Mr. X and he was totally AMAZING!!! He told me that he would be there for me and support me every step of the way as well as helping move stuff around in the shed. So after our conversation I made the decision to call Shawn's parents and ask if they would like to meet me at my shed and pick out a few things of Shawn's that they might like. I was fully expecting them to say that they were busy and could not make it out, but to my surprise they told me they were getting in the car and where on their way. Gulp! Okay, hang on to your seats because this is where it gets really BIG!

After I got off the phone with Shawn's parents I called my mom and told her to meet us with the key at the shed and I also told her that I had called his parents and that Mr. X was with me. My parents have met Mr. X before and really like him so I was not at all worried about that. However, this would be the first time that Shawn's parents would be meeting him. I don't really talk to his parents all that often so they did not even know that Mr. X and I had been dating. I was so nervous I could almost feel my heart jumping out of my chest. For a few minutes it was a totally nerve wracking experience. My mom, sister and Mr. X tried to calm me down by encouraging me and told me that everything was going to be okay and that I was doing the right thing by allowing Shawn's parents to have a few of his things. I asked Mr. X if he was going to be okay with meeting Shawn's parents and he told me that he was okay with the situation if I was okay with it. He also said that he just didn't want Shawn's parents to feel uncomfortable either. What a great guy huh? At this point Mr. X and myself were in my shed and my nerves were going into overdrive. At any moment Shawn's parents would be arriving and I had no idea how this entire thing was going to go down.

Once Shawn's parents arrived I introduced them to Mr. X and told them who he was. Both of them were very polite and shook his hand. Then we all started going through things in the shed. Actually, I went through things and asked if it was anything that they would be interested in. Mr. X was once again great and helped carry boxes to their car and helped move the really heavy items around in the shed. We were all there for about an hour and a half. I'm happy to report that after a few minutes my nerves settled down. I'm even happier to say that the entire "shed experience" went much better than I had anticipated it going. There were moments when it was clear that Shawn's parents were having a difficult time being there with his things, but at the same time we (myself included) could tell how grateful they were that I was giving them some of Shawn's things. A few days after I got an email from his mom telling me thank you for giving them some things and how much it meant to them. They also said that in the short time they met Mr. X they thought that he was a great guy, that Shawn would have really liked him and that they were happy for me. I didn't cry at all the day we were going through the shed, but when I read that email I cried. Maybe, after the last almost two years being kind of rocky between them and myself, maybe we all came to some sort of understanding with each other. I guess time will tell. It was nice to go through the shed and to get rid of of things that I don't want or need anymore and at the same time it was great to see and be around some of Shawn's things once again. All in all it ended up being a great day. Mr. X and I finished up the day by going out to dinner at a new restaurant in town and by going out with some friends at night. Even though it was an emotional day, it was still great!

Okay, now for big deal number two!

As you all know last weekend was Memorial Day. Every Memorial Day my family goes up to the lake for the weekend and we all just kind of hang out around the house. Shawn and I rarely went up on Memorial Day because it seemed like Shawn was always working, or the drive would be way too far for us to go. Last year I went and it was the first time being at the lake since Shawn had died and I remember crying almost the entire time. Anyhow, last weekend we all went up to the lake and by "we" I mean, myself, Mr. X and his two kids. It was the first time that Mr. X would be meeting my entire family. He has met my mom, sister, brother and brother's fiance, but this would be the first time meeting my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. I figured and knew that everyone would get along, but at the same time you always wonder what will happen when you are all under the same roof for an entire weekend. Let me tell you all....the weekend could not have been any BETTER!!! It was truly great and one of the best weekends I have had at the lake in a really long time! Everyone got along amazingly well! Not that I didn't think they wouldn't but was very much relieved when they did. My entire family totally embraced Mr. X and his kids!! How great is that?! The weather was amazing, probably one of the best Memorial Days weather wise in about 10 years! My entire family, including Mr. X and the kids played three different family baseball games together. Something that my family has never done before. However, Mr. X's little boy wanted us all to play baseball with him, so that is what we did and had an amazing time each game. We also all played in the water and the beach most of Saturday. Actually, I think we spent more time outside and at the beach and Saturday than we did in the house. Saturday night once the kids were asleep we all sat around the table and played board games. It was so much fun!! We all had a wonderful time. It was so nice to be able to introduce Mr. X and his kids to the rest of my family. Mr. X, myself, and the two kids had a GREAT time together and really spent some good quality time with each other. On Sunday we left our house on the lake and went to Mr. X's parents house on a different lake. Once again we had a wonderful time and spent much of the rest of the weekend outside.

The entire weekend was better than I could have asked for and not so sound all girlie and cheesy but it was all very fairy tale like! I'm so glad the four of us got to spend the entire weekend together with each of our families. It felt amazing to be happy, smiling, and laughing once again. It was a weekend I will remember for a really long time.

There are a few other "big" things that have happened to me within the last few weeks as well. However, as I said a few post ago, I can not talk about them at this time. However, I assure you and promise you that I will post about them when I can and it will be one great big happy post. I totally can not wait to share these things with each one of you. It will take some time but one day I will!

Thanks for reading, for all the continued support, and thanks for always standing my me. My readers are great!!