Taken off hold

After an adoption the state requires the adopted family to take a break or hold from fostering other children. It's actually a great idea. It gives families 6 months to really settle in to the new norm and get over the honeymoon stages. As we quickly came upon our 6 month mark we started talking to the boys about taking another placement. Ethan always said he thought it was fine but Asher would say NO! He didn't want to share us with anymore kids and he didn't want his toy room taken away. We took his feelings seriously, but tried to resolve his concerns. Slowly he began to say it'd be ok to foster again.
March 10th was our 6 month mark. Kurt and I sent an email to our RFC letting her know we were willing to foster again but this time Kurt was hoping for a girl. We would be willing to take one or two depending on need. I knew with the added criteria, a placement would take a lot longer.

Thursday March 14th while perusing Facebook I came across a post from Asher's bio parents announcing the arrival of their baby girl. I was surprised because I didn't know about the pregnancy but I was happy for them, sent my congratulations and prayed that all was well in Montana.  Later when coming across the picture of the little baby girl again I thought "would she ever be placed in foster care or with us?"

Fast forward to TODAY.

I went running outside this morning but ended up locking my keys in the car. I did my 4 mile run then ended up walking to our old neighborhood and asking a friend to drive me home to get my keys and take me back to my car by the Jordan River trail.  After finally getting back in my car I noticed an email from a DCS administrator in Montana asking me to call her.  I immediately started to feel anxious and called Kurt first. He told me to call her and find out what she wanted/needed.
As soon as I got home I called. "I wanted to let you know bio mom and bio dad .." she began, but I finished her sentence "had another baby." I thought that was the point of her call until a few minutes into our conversation she added that the baby was in DCS custody. WHAT!!? She went on to say that the couple who had adopted the previous two children in Montana had said no to placement with them and asked if we would be interested. YES! of course. I knew I wouldn't have to ask Kurt because it was a girl and a bio sibling of Asher's. Double bonus. She said she still had PTSD every time she thinks about our previous case and uses it as an example often when training other caseworkers. We're still pretty tender too. 
That's about the time the shakes came on. I was jittery and could barely control myself physically. "Are you currently licensed?" and "We'll need to start the ICPC process." were statements that I barely could hear as my mind began to hope and fear and dread and dream of the future. I did not want this to become another Hope and Gentry case from 2016. That was such a nightmare and bad feelings pop up even at the mention of Montana.
I called Kurt as soon as I was done. He was headed to meeting after meeting, and so I could only tell him that we said yes to this placement. I had way more I needed to go over. I needed him home!! I sent a quick text to both families and jumped in the shower. The shakes got stronger and tears started to flow. I was overwhelmed by too many emotions the greatest being excitement and hope. My phone began to explode with support and love. We really are so blessed.
I sent a current picture of our family to DCS in MT then I emailed and called my RFC letting her know of the news and asking how we could get our ICPC rolling on our end. She sent information which I forwarded on to MT.
At 11:55 I jumped into my car and hauled to the elementary school to pick up the boys. I was in such a hurry I forgot to grab their snacks. I ran into my Mexican friend Rocio and as we walked to the kindergarten gate to get the boys I quickly told her what had just happened in my broken Spanish. Then the boys ran out to me. I wanted to bawl but their disappointment at not getting a snack distracted me for a bit. When we got in the car I told them about Asher's bio sister being potentially placed in our home. Both boys said they were excited and promised to be helpful brothers. Asher joyfully declared "I love Montana!"
When we got home they ran off to play and I started lunch. Again I was overcome and started crying. Asher saw me so I tried to hide in the pantry to cool down. A moment later a hand touched my arm and Asher handed me a long section of toilet paper then ran off. It was super sweet. He is such a thoughtful boy.
A few minutes later I received a picture text of baby girl from the DCS administrator. Then as I was showing it to the boys I got a FaceTime call from her. Baby girl was at the DCS office and they let us see her. She was more beautiful than in pictures. They showed us her hands and her teeny feet. We were all awed by her. Asher sweetly whispered "She's beautiful." Then they asked to meet Ethan since he was new to our family. He got on the phone and I told how kind and tender he is then he said "I'm the peacemaker." Every family needs at least one.
I thanked them several times for the call and was reminded that a decision was not made obviously but we could do more FaceTime with the foster family until the baby could be placed with us if that became the judge's decision. I turned to the boys and warned them that this was not a done deal to which Asher said seriously "Yes it is. She's mine."
I sent a message to bio mom expressing my sorrow for the pain she must be experiencing. I really feel so sad for this family. They have lost so many kids because of poor choices, but I know they love all of their children. 
I sent a message to the adoptive mom of the older 7 children. We ended up calling each other. I told her what I knew and left it at that.
Then I received this message from bio mom:  "We are sober and have a house and (bio dad) is still working and they don't care we even tested for them and came back clean." I'm not going to lie that sent my hopes for placement plummeting. I have been praying and hoping for their success with their 2 year old daughter and it seems that progress was being made. I know some theft was still unsettled but now I'm not sure what would be required and how much time the judge would allow. 

So another great saga begins and I'm hoping already that it ends quickly and painlessly for me. Last weeks scripture we memorized as a family seems fitting at this moment: Matthew 11:28 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." I need to take this to the Lord and allow him to pull this yoke with me. I need Him or I may fall off this roller coaster ride.

He Has Sent Me Here

I am a child of God and He has sent me here.

Has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear.

Lead me guide me walk beside me help me find the way

Teach me all that I must do to live with him some day.

 I have to be honest I didn't have that "he's my son" feeling when I first met him, but I really feel like Ethan was meant to be in our family. We need him and hopefully he needs us a little bit. I can't imagine how life could be without him. The longer he is with us the more we have all molded together. 

Today we got to take both our boys to the temple to have Ethan sealed to our family. This time around has another special layer because I'm hopeful both boys will remember just a little bit from this event. What a blessing to have these happy energetic beings sealed to us for eternity. I am grateful for the knowledge that I can see my family again after this life; that we can be together forever. 

Thanks to all those who drove the long journey to support us yet again. We love you!

We stopped and celebrated with ice cream at the Malt Shop in Ephraim. Delicious. Then we brought out the blankets and pillows and headed home. On the drive home Ethan said "Mom. I'm part of this family." Yes my sweet boy. Yes you are. 

Thanks to Rebekah Johnson Photography for the pictures. I know you just gave me a sneak peak but I was too impatient to wait for the rest. :) Luff you!

Ethan's Gotcha Day!

What a beautiful day I get to hold on to in my memories forever. It only took 522 days but we made it out with the cutest blessing in the end. After Kurt and I answered questions about why we wanted Ethan to be adopted in to our family, Judge Bartholomew turned to Ethan and said "Ethan, I have just one question for you! Do you want to be adopted in to this family?" Ethan pushed himself up and over to the microphone "YES!" Our family is growing in the bestest way.

O-fish-ally introducing the newest addition to the Kurt 'n Des clan - Ethan Chad Johnson.
Here's how our Adoption played out in pictures:

Ethan got to take packages of Swedish Fish with this tag attached to the kids in his class.

Ethan left the court room for a minute with the bailiff to choose his stuffed animal. He came back super proud with his new George. Asher was given a George at his adoption too. Fitting actually for my two "twinners."

I choose this family.

Our amazing cheerleaders who came to fill up the bleachers

"The only time in court you can make a face and not be in contempt!"

Ethan's AMAZING team fighting for his best interest all along the way.
Our attorney Charisma Buck, DCFS worker Abel Kanigan, Judge Bartholomew, and GAL Stacy Parson

Leaving the Provo court offices and feeling so good.

Ethan was really happy with his choice

The boys wanted me to take a picture of their George's together. Can you tell whose is whose?

The boys with their "prizes." Honestly those stuffed animals mean almost as much to me as they do to these two.

That evening we hosted a Hootananny Pancake party to celebrate. Ethan could eat a half a pan easy. 

The little kids had already finished and we were lucky to catch them as they raced back and forth.

I didn't get a picture of everyone and now I wish I had. Thanks to everyone who came. We LOVE you!

My Family!