Merry Christmas

To all of you - may your holiday season be happy and warm. Much love goes out to you and yours. Happy Holidays and a safe New Year.

I hope to be back more often in 2005 when things start to get settled again.

What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? I lived on my own (even if it was only for a month)

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No, I didn't....not really. Yes, I want to be more organized and stop casually smoking.

Did anyone close to you give birth? A co-worker and his wife had a baby, and a few friends as well.

Did anyone close to you die? My great uncle passed away

What countries did you visit? Just the States....Vegas, baby!!

What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? More savings in the bank...and a healthier lifestyle.

What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Family Day, in February - the day I got my new kitten

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting a promotion at work

What was your biggest failure? The end of a long relationship...not so much a failure really....but disappointing

Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really....the usual odd cold

What was the best thing you bought? my new camera

Whose behavior merited celebration? a good friend telling me that she's trying to have a baby!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? a friend who I realized is not a friend and never was

Where did most of your money go? to my good friends at American Express

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to Vancouver on Thanksgiving weekend, my 17 day long vacation over Christmas

What song will always remind you of 2004? The Rasmus - In the Shadows

Compared to this time last year, you are: immeasurably happier

What do you wish you'd done more of? saving money, working out

What do you wish you'd done less of? spending money, working

How will you be spending Christmas? having my family over...my first time cooking Xmas dinner

How will you be spending New Years? was at the local pub with a few close friends and my brothers

Did you fall in love in 2004? I did

How many one-night stands? I won't divest numbers here, but I did have some fun being single.....not that much though

What was your favorite TV program? The Amazing Race

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? sigh....I hate hating people, but yes, there are a few people who I finally saw the light on

What was the best book you read? any of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon

What was your greatest musical discovery for 2004? Europop....sent from a new friend

What did you want and get? I wanted happiness, to be more grounded, and a healthier lifestyle...2 out of 3 ain't bad!

What was your favorite film of this year? The Last Samurai

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? haven't had it yet.....it's on Dec 30th...I'll be turning 26 and drinking at Aussie Rules with my family and close friends!!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? being more financially stable

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? fun t-shirts all the way!

What kept you sane? my friends...and finding myself

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? at the moment, Clive Owen and Jude Law

What political issue stirred you the most? same sex marriages

Who did you miss? some friends from my past, and a boy ;-)

Who was the best new person you met? a new friend from far away

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: be true to yourself...YOU are the only one that matters in the long run...don't let other people bring you down with their unhappiness

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: the lyrics to "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional


Three names you go by: Boozy, Bananie, Pickle,

Three things you like about yourself: my sense of humor, my devotion to friends and family, my quirkiness

Three things you don't like about yourself: my ability to procrastinate all the time, my guilt, that I can be petty

Three parts of your heritage: English, Scottish, Canadian

Three things that scare you: love, loneliness, being needed

Three things you are wearing right now: my new Billabong watch, new knee high boots, new black pants

Three everyday essentials: mascara, deoderant, cell phone

Three of your favourite bands (at the moment) : The Killers, The Trews, and Maroon 5

Three of your favourite songs (at the moment) : "Mr Brightside" - The Killers; "Baby It's You" - JoJo; "Sexy" - Shawn Desman

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months: learning to swim (shut it); being more organized; knitting

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given) : happiness, trust, good sex

Three favourite hobbies: watching/going to movies, reading blogs, taking photos

Three things you want to do really badly right now: go back to bed, watch Sex & the City, eat more junk food

Three things you want to do before you die: travel the world, have babies, skydive

Two truths and one lie: I hate thong underwear; I am satisfied with my body; I am always late

Three things you just can't do: swim, be with someone who doesn't respect me, be on time for work

Yay!

This time I am a busty goddess who loves to fuck kangaroos!

Who knew?? hehehehehehehehehe..............

Too bad I'm done work for the year or this would be a MAJOR source of procrastination....like I need more of those!!

Yay!

Oh my, what fun!

I am a beautiful disco queen who loves to empty penises!
What are you?

Thanks to Tof Reknin for this wonderful, fantastic, oh-so-much-fun link!

Oh happy day

Can it get any better?

~ it's Friday

~ it's our company Christmas gala tonight (the day that us young folk look forward to with great anticipation each and every year)

~ got word today that we get our Christmas bonus next week....a whopping 10%!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ get to drink tonight and blow off some steam after the craziest 2 months of my life career-wise

~ get to spend time with good friends

~ get to start my Xmas shopping tomorrow evening - FINALLY!

~ only working for anoher 10 minutes....booked the afternoon off so I can go and get myself all prettied up

And with that, I leave you! Have a fine weekend....I'm off to be pampered before an evening filled with debauchery!!!!!!!!!!!! :O)

Do ya dig it?

Over drinks on the weekend, a friend and I discussed what it is we find sexy in the opposite sex. Read on:

- Guys with broad shoulders and forearms that are all "muscley".
- Guys that are not afraid to make eye contact in intimate moments.
- Guys with dark hair.
- Guys that are tall.
- Guys that wear those sexy striped dress shirts that are so in style lately.
- Guys that like to kiss and do it WELL.
- Guys that are just as happy cuddling with me as they are rolling around naked between the sheets.
- Guys that will play with my hair and not grumble about it.
- Guys that call when they say they will.
- Guys that are the right amount man's man, right amount sweetheart.
- Guys that go out with the boys and get all drunk and stupid, but come home and tell you that they missed you.
- Guys that know what the perfect gift is without having to be told.
- Guys that listen.....and remember what they heard.
- Guys with hair that looks like it's messy even after they've done it.
- Guys that read books.
- Guys that bear hug you and squish the breath out right out of you.
- Guys that are comfortable holding babies...and actually like it.
- Guys that like my family.
- Guys that my family likes.
- Guys that make me feel safe.
- Guys that sneak kisses when no one else is watching.
- Guys that take charge.
- Guys that pick me up and throw me on the bed.
- Guys with confidence.
- Guys that watch sports (even though I grumble about it sometimes....face it, it's sexy to hear a guy yelling at the TV)
- Guys that will do girly things without complaining TOO much.
- Guys that are good at telling you how they feel without being too sucky.
- Guys that make me feel like a woman both in and out of the bedroom.
- Guys that make me feel sexy no matter how bad I look.
- Guys that love animals.
- Guys that drive trucks.
- Guys that love my friends.
- Guys that give back rubs.
- Guys that take me to movies.
- Guys that make me laugh often and out loud.

Dang..........how lucky can one girl get?

How to charm me....

Tell me I smell good.
Play with my hair.
Look at me when you think I'm not watching.
Walk me to my car.
Open doors for me.
Bring me Gerber daisies.
Be really honest with me after a few glasses of wine.
Tickle the small of my back.
Send me stupid text messages.
Have seconds of my cooking.
Order a drink for me without asking what I want....because you already know.
Watch Sex & the City with me over and over.
Laugh at stupid commercials with me.
Come out and get stupidly drunk with me.
Be there for my birthday.
Understand when I'm too busy/tired to answer or return your calls.
Love movies as much as I do.
Think it's cute how excited I get over all things Christmas.
Help me decorate my Christmas tree.
Tell me everything will be OK when I am stressed at work.
Tell me you miss me.
Tell me that you're starting to try to have babies. : )
Come to Vegas with me.
Nudge my hand when you want to be petted (this one's for the cat, pervs!)
Kiss me.
Make me laugh.


~To all of the people in my life that charm me....

Flippity floppity

I was in my closet today, trying to decide what to wear, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my favorite pair of black flip-flops sitting on a lower shelf.....all alone, looking forlorn, waiting for summer to arrive again.

I miss my flip flops, and my tank tops, and my shorts. Maybe I'll wear my flip-flops while I clean the house this weekend.

Sigh.....it's not even December yet and I am already wishing summer to be here. It's going to be a longggggg winter.

A pinch of this, a dash of that

I had a REALLY good blog all lined up in my head as I was drifting off to sleep last night, and when I woke up....it was gone! Piss me off! I should have wrote it down, but I was confident I would remember. Dammit!

So, in it's place, you get to read a whole lot of random thoughts, etc. Fun for you!

- I dyed my hair really dark on Tuesday night. So far I've had lots of compliments on it, but I go back and forth between loving it and hating it.

- Does gum REALLY stay in your stomach for 7 years if you swallow it?

- I am going to a stagette tomorrow night with 4 of my dearest old work friends. I am looking forward to it A LOT, as this past month has been a crazy, busy, whirlwind and I need them to ground me again (and getting hammered will be fun as well!)

- My cat has been waking me up at 2 am every morning for the past week since she recovered from getting spayed. Once more, and she'll be going under the knife for something a bit more permanent.

- I didn't really mean, that, but doesn't she know that after I work 13 or 14 hours in a day I NEED MY REST!?!?!

- I am so far behind on my bill payments I am starting to freak out a little (not really, but I AM freaking out). I need to STOP spending money on reckless behavior (ie. drinking) and stupid shit (like my 5th set of martini glasses). It's ONE MONTH til Christmas and I NEED TO SPEND IT ON OTHERS INSTEAD OF MYSELF!

- Today marks 3 weeks left of work for me, then I get 17 GLORIOUS days off! Woo-hoo!!

- I still don't know what I want for Christmas, and my family is bugging me for a list (which baffles me as THEY have not yet handed over lists to me)

- I have not really been out with friends of talked on the phone or returned e-mails in a very long time. I just don't have the time or the energy with my crazy work load right now. I apologize. I really, really do.

- My new roommate moves in this weekend. I think he's going to be a lot of fun.

- My old "quasi" roommate moves out this weekend. I am going to miss her, even though we didn't get to hang out as much as we originally thought we would. Boooooooooooo! She should have been the one moving in permanently. Stupid timing we had!

- I have been on this "Perricone Promise" healthy eating menu for 4 whole days now! I feel great, and I think I have even lost a few pounds (although not the reason for doing it)....but last night I cheated and ate a handful of wine gums. *GASP!!* I can't help it.....sweet, sweet gummy candies are my weakness! If I had just NOT bought them at Costco to tempt myself, I wouldn't be in this predicament, but they looked so cute on the shelf, all colorful and gummy and oh so delicious!

- I did squats & lunges at the gym yesterday, and as a result, my ass and quads are so sore I am walking around like a frigging geriatric with hemorrhoids. hehe.

- I am going to eat lunch now.....more salmon, more salad......and lots of green tea and water. Damn healthy eating. I miss you, greasy fast food!

WTF?

Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling like you are not on good terms with someone, you can take what they are saying in a totally different context.

Even a simple "That's good" can seem like they are pissed at you, when really it's only your own insecurities making you feel that way.

Fuck, I hate that.

Eeeeeeeeee!

My house is starting to look pretty good all Christmassy-decorated! And now I get to go and put up hundreds of sparkly lights outside, too!!

Eeeeeeeee!

I'm so excited I could pee.

Wind of change

A change in template, as I feel the only thing I have complete control over right now is my blog.....just had to prove it!

How busy am I?

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

I'm sure that will suffice as an explanantion as to why I have been neglecting my blog,
my e-mail, and my voice mail lately.

Sorry, friends! I hope to be back soon!

Do you know what time it is?

That's right, kids.....it's gin o'clock!!

I've had a fuck of a day...boy is this gonna taste sweet!!

(And my apologies for the potty mouth today....well, not really....it's kinda showing my true colors!) ;-)

Stick that in your pipe - Part II

My dear, dear Conniving Co-Worker,

As the day progresses, I find myself learning more info about just how underhanded you are. It never ceases to amaze me the lengths you will go to to give yourself the upper hand, the things that you will say to make yourself look like the better person.

Me, being the naive person that I am...I didn't actually think that there were people like you on the face of the earth...people that could be so saccharine sweet to your face, but then turn around and bash you with words so acidic that people are reluctant to repeat them to your face.

What purpose does this serve you? Does it make you feel good to talk behind my back to someone that you think doesn't know me? Does it make you feel superior to try and tarnish my image to others? Does it give you great joy to make snappy little comments about me and my life? I hope that you've had fun at my expense....you can try and fade back into your little happy facade of a life, thinking in your petty little mind that you are free and clear and that your comments have gone unnoticed.

Yes, that's right....go on thinking that your ascerbic outbursts are unbeknownst to me. I'll even let you go on thinking that, if you so desire. But know, in the pit of your black, black heart, that they are known, not just by me, but by many. Your oh-so-sweet front is being torn apart, brick by brick, and you don't have a sniff.

Just remember, I am smarter than you, and can be more conniving than you if needed. Hell, I learned from the great master. Tread carefully.

Unlike you, I have people in my life that actually DO respect me, and don't pull this shit behind my back. Thank your lucky stars that I always have been, and always will be, a bigger person than you. Because if I weren't, you'd be extremely sorry that you ever crossed me. It's a good thing that I am capable of ridding myself of my frustrations through writing.

A very good thing. Or else I'd have stormed down this hallway hours ago and shoved my boot so far up your ass you wouldn't know what hit you.

Until next time, and I'm sure there'll be a next time...you know what to do.

Put this in your pipe and smoke it

Dear Know-It-All-CoWorker,

I wonder how it is that you think you know oh-so-much about my life? As far as I can recall, I haven't told you much about my personal life at all in the recent past. In fact, I'm not sure that you know too much about me at all in the past year or so. Only what you've heard from others, and we all know how much untruth lies in the gossip that mills around this place.

So, I tell you this right now....keep your pointy little nose out of it. Don't go telling stories to people that don't even know me. It will eventually come back and bite you in the ass. Trust me on this one. I won't let this one go unnoticed, you can count on that. I have an unusually large threshold for this type of behavior, and unfortunately for you, you've just pulled the pin.

Keep it up. Karma's a bitch.

Until next time...go and fuck yourself. : )

Decompression chamber

I just had the most wonderful 4 days off from work. I spent the majority of my time with myself. And no one else. I didn't answer the phone, I stayed away from the computer. I watched daytime TV, a mountain of movies, and took naps throughout the day without regret. I even started reading a new book.

I spent some much needed quality time with my family; had a nice, yet brief, visit with my ex; looked after my newly spayed kitten; went to a close friend's 10th anniversary dinner with a good friend; spoke with a friend who lives far away.

I did a lot of thinking....about a lot of nothing really, but I had a chance to get some of my muddled thoughts cleared up. Not to the point of 100% clarification, but at least a few things are starting to make sense to me. My life is starting to make sense to me again......took long enough!

I woke up this morning feeling slightly less grumpy than I normally would on a Monday. I came into work with a lesser feeling of stress and did not immediately feel like I wanted to turn and hightail it into the hills.

Things are looking up!

Holy shit, batman!

I had some dental work done a few months back (OK, I had a cavity filled...I like candy wayyyy too much) and ever since I've been getting food stuck in between these 2 teeth at the back of my mouth, bottom, left hand side. It drives me frigging NUTS!

So today, I had cabbage rolls for lunch, and was diligently flossing after eating cuz it frigging hurt so bad. And what happens?? I get the floss in there, working away, and after a sharp jab of OH-MY-GOD-SHOOT-ME-NOW-OR-RIP-MY-GUMS-OUT pain, I found a hard piece of something in my mouth!!

WTF?!?! It's either a piece of my tooth (man, I hope not) or a piece of the filling. I tell ya......for this dentist being so posh and fancy and supposedly oh-so-great, I've had a lot of problems with my mouth since I've been going to him! I've had to go back once already to get something fixed after tehy already supposedly fixed it. Now, it looks like I'll be doing that again! Dammit!! I HATE DENTISTS!!

(And why does Blogger want to replace my mis-spelling of fancy "facny" with vagina?)

Are ya comfy?!?!

Of ALL the places in the house, my kitten decides THIS is where she wants to be whenever I need to use the computer. Gawdd........

The best things in life...

...are the ones that have been right under your nose for years and you just noticed them now.
Well, maybe not JUST noticed them, but are now seeing them in a different light.

It's freaking me out a little.

5 day weekend

I seriously think that all employers should think about enforcing the 5 day weekend. I'd work 2 days of 12 hours (more if needed) just to have 5 days off in a row. How much fun would THAT be! Everyone could just take turns, shift work, so that businesses could still be open the core hours that they needed to be.

How great of an idea is that??

Look at me........moving in on 10:00 pm. How can you tell that I DO NOT want to go to work tomorrow? I had to come home to an empty house AGAIN ( I am really not liking this all that much....sometimes it's good, but geez....) after a weekend spent with the girls. And now, one girl has flown "home" and the others have left as well, and I sit here all mopey feeling sorry for myself cuz I want more precious "girl time". We can do the dumbest things and just have so much fun. And we did that again this weekend.

I hate having to say goodbye.....to the weekend, to the girls.......sigh.........

Ok, enough babbling.....time for TV and bed.

Can't catch me!

Run, run as fast as you can.....can't catch me cuz I'm the gingerbread man.....

If I ran away and started new.....would all of this crap eventually find me again? Or would it just be the same old crap with a new cast of characters??

Passing the buck

Why is that when people are hurting or upset or angry or sad or whatever......they always try to put the blame on their feelings on someone else?

I know that in the past, i have done the same. I try not to....if I've screwed up, I normally try to admit it. Not always, but the majority of the time.

But why is that it that a lot of people cannot admit their own mistakes, and have to make it into someone else's fault. Some of the people that I know that show this type of behavior are mature, intelligent individuals. But put them in a situation where their pride has been hurt, or they don't like what's going on, and it becomes an immediate case of point the finger in the other direction.

I don't like it one bit. Now, I know that not all of us are perfect, but come on now. We're all adult enough to fess up and take ownership of our own downfalls, aren't we?

Your gal broke up with you? Ever think that maybe it was because of something YOU did?

You hurt someone's feelings? Ever think that maybe it WAS because of something YOU did or said?

Next time you are blamed for something, stop and take a moment to really THINK about it. Maybe it really was because of something that YOU did, and the blame lies nowhere else but with you. Just admit it. It's simple enough to do. Swallow your pride and suck it up.

If someone else really is at fault, then fine...you're allowed to say it. But only say it if it's really true. Don't go around bad-mouthing an innocent person just to make yourself look or feel better.
It will come back and bite you in the ass one day.

Excuses, excuses

I heard somewhere (a movie, perhaps?) that Halloween is just an excuse for chicks to dress up in slutty versions of normal costumes because they can get way with it for that one day (or something along those lines)......

Hell, yeah, it is! Why the hell else do you think we do it? Geez..........

My feelers are hurting

I am sad. So very sad. Today was the final step. The closure I've been looking for.

The ex has moved out. I am alone in the house with all of my feelings and memories from the past 4 years.

I knew this would happen. I knew it would suck. But now that I'm actually in the thick of it, it sucks a lot more than I thought it would.

I know it was for the best, don't get me wrong, but now it's real. It didn't go so well. After getting along so well for the past 2 weeks (scarily well, actually) we had a little blow out last night and I fear that things may be ruined. The ex that I was so looking forward to being friends with might not be my friend anymore. I hurt his feelings...unintentionally, and not quite sure how, but I did. He told me that I didn't think of his feelings through any of this, which is complete bullshit, but it still hurts me to know that all of this time he's been hurting when I thought that he was doing fine with it all. This whole time he was angry with me for pushing it in his face how well I was doing with everything and how happy I was.

I wasn't all that happy! It hurts me, too, and I hurt through it all. I just knew I needed to move on, that's all. So I started moving on. I've had my times when I've hurt so much I didn't want to face the day. 4 years of my life are now over, and with it a major chapter. Sure, things weren't always good, but there were a lot of good moments, and I learned a lot from this relationship.

And now it's over. And it sucks. And now I can grieve properly......just the way I was supposed to when we split more than 3 months ago. I wish I had done it then and not have to do it now. But, that's life, and I will step past this obstacle as well.

I'm going to sit on the couch and watch chick flicks, nurse my hangover, and cry for what was.

Thank you for everything you've taught me over the years, and please know that I did not mean to hurt you, and I hope that you will be a friend again soon.

Somebody stop me.......

I have yet to give into the temptation of those sinfully delicious tiny little Halloween chocolate bars.....but my strength is waning. I can hear the 2-bite Caramilk bars in the bowl down the hall from my office calling to me....

Eat me.....eat me.....you know you want to.....

Stolen quotes

Some quotes that I've "borrowed" from reading various blogs lately....

They reach me in different ways, but all mean something to me this morning....I'm in a strange mood...

"Dance as if no one is watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like
no one is listening, Live like it's heaven on earth." ~ William Purkey

"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out." ~ Ray Bradbury

"I can honestly say that I never, ever, ever felt this way

your lips, your eyelashes, your skin

These are the parts of your body that cause my comatose to begin

I will sleep another day I don't really need to anyway

What's the point when my dreams are infected with words you used to say

I will breathe in a moment

As long as I keep my distance I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me

It's not like I think about you constantly So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect your life anymore

I knew it the moment you walked into the door

So don't go worrying about me" ~ "All Hail The Heartbreaker" by The Spill Canvas

Forbidden fruit

Why is it that the things that you want most in life are the things that you cannot have?

Why is it that those things that you just cannot have are the ones that you desire with every ounce of your being?

Why is that you can taste these things in vivid detail, and they taste sweeter than anything you've ever tasted before?

Why is that these things consume your every thought most days?

Why is it that these things seem more perfect than anything ever before in your life?

Why is it that the unattainable is the thing that you strive most to attain?

Why is it that some people seem perfectly matched to who you are in every way possible?

Why is that some of these people know just how perfectly matched they are but won't do anything about it because they are too scared?

Why is that these people even get themselves involved in these situations in the first place?

Why is it that two people who have such a great connection and so much in common can never seem to make the leap to actually make the connection?

Long after the fact, my experience with the "forbidden fruit" will never cease to amaze me.....

Randomness

Because I can't think of anything good to write about lately...rather, I have too many things bumping around in my head to form a straight thought to write about....so this will have to do!
Thirteen random things you like:
01) reality TV
02) pasta
03) MUSIC!!
04) sleeping in
05) MSN
06) cooking
07) dancing
08) Christmas
09) movies
10) throwing parties
11) hanging with friends
12) shopping
13) text messaging...hehe

Twelve movies you like:
01) Gladiator
02) Fools Rush In
03) The Last Samurai
04) The Wedding Planner
05) Goonies
06) Braveheart
07) Troy
08) The Prince & Me
09) Armageddon
10) Twister
11) Finding Nemo
12) Shrek

Eleven good bands/artists:
01) Janet Jackson
02) Dixie Chicks
03) Usher
04) Black Eyed Peas
05) The Rasmus
06) Yellowcard
07) Eminem
8) Nelly
9) Justin Timberlake
10) Michael Buble
11) Harry Connick Jr.

Ten things about you:
01) I am ALWAYS late
02) I love gin
03) I am single
04) My navel is pierced
05) I love every type of music
06) I am a procrastinator - big time
07) I love animals & children
08) I look forward to having children of my own one day
09) I spend too much
10) I am very sentimental

Nine favorite places in the world you went or want to visit:
01) VEGAS!! (been too many times)
02) Egypt
03) Paris
04) Ireland
05) Australia
06) New York
07) Italy
08) Scotland
09) Africa

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) Diet Coke
02) blue Kool-Aid
03) tomato rice
04) spaghetti
05) cabbage rolls
06) Shepherd's Pie
07)
08)

Seven things you wear daily:
01) bra
02) silver ring
03) shoes
04) undies
05) perfume
06) mascara
07) lip gloss

Six things that annoy you:
01) being late
02) cattiness
03) dishonesty
04) crankiness
05) rain
06) crumbs on the counter

Five things you definitely need to do in life:
01) save money
02) buy a house
03) relax......
04) spend more time with family
05) work out more

Four shows you watch/watched:
01) Friends
02) Las Vegas
03) Survivor
04) America's Funniest Home Videos

Three celebrities you have/have had a crush on:
01) JustinTimberlake
02) John Corbett
03) Josh Duhamel

Two people you'd like to kiss:
01) Angelina Jolie
02) Johnny Depp

One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
01) Myself

Can you smell it?

There is something about the first few snowfalls of the season that give me a high. The crispness of the air, the newly fallen blanket of fresh white snow....it all reminds me of my favorite holiday. Christmas!

Now don't get me wrong...I hate winter, and if I had more money and more balls, I'd pack up and run to the sun in a minute without looking back. But there's something magical about this time of year. For me, it's all about anticipation. I think of:

- being out on the mountain on my snowboard
- going toboganning with friends and drinking hot chocolate afterwards
- the spicy smell of homemade apple cider drifting through my house
- the bright lights of my Christmas tree
- wrapping presents in front of the fire
- horse drawn sleigh rides with that special someone
- late night walks during a snowfall
- the smell of Christmas baking
- spending time with family and friends indulging in a few spiced eggnogs ;-)
- Christmas carols by Harry Connick Jr.
- one word- PRESENTS!!!
- shopping for that special gift for that special person
- candy canes
- seeing the little ones waiting in line to see Santa at the mall

I could go on and on, but maybe I'll wait until Halloween is over first!

Yes, I'm a romantic. Could ya tell? I just can't help it....something about this time of year gets me every time.

I'm going to go now....to Starbucks for some apple cider & to look at the Christmas ornaments at Hallmark. hehe

Belly laugh

There is nothing better than a great laugh shared with good friends...one of those laughs that comes straight from the pit of your stomach and goes throughout your whole body....spills from your mouth, shines through your eyes. Leaves you short of breath and giggling for minutes afterwards.......ah, I love Friday's!!

Here's to you, cheddar ball!

Could you be the one & only?

I'm at home sick today....puking my guts out. For once I can honestly say I'd rather be at work. This sucks.

And now it's about 5 hours after I started this as I had no energy left.....I almost forgot what my point was going to be.

But I remember it now....

Is it really possible to be with one person for the REST of your life?
Do you not ever get tempted to try something new?
How can you know that the person that you choose to be with is THE ONE if you haven't been with everyone (now, I don't mean EVERYONE, but you get the gist)??
What if you meet someone that is better suited to you after you've already invested so much of yourself and your life into a relationship with someone else?
Would you be willing to leave that comfort and life that you've built to risk it all on someone new?

I have cheated on boyfriends in the past...more than once....and yes, I regret it. But I know that I have also been cheated on. It hurts, and it's not fair, but the facts of life are that it will happen, inevitably, to someone at least once in their lifetime.

I always used to think that once you met someone who you were willing to spend the rest of your life with, that that would be it. Finito. End of story. You and them forever more.

But now I wonder...my ex once told me that monogamy in the human race is impossible, that humans are not cut out to be that way. (Maybe he was trying to tell me something?) I argued with him at the time, but now that I am on my own, I wonder if it truly is possible.

The old saying goes.....once a cheater, always a cheater...I wonder how much that holds true. Now, I've only had 4 serious boyfriends that cheating would qualify with. And I have cheated on 2 of them. The third, right from an episode of "Friends", occurred while we were "on a break", so I'm not sure if it qualifies as cheating. Only one of them has remain unscathed, and he was my first true love.

Now, maybe this all happened because I was young and stupid. I am still quite young, and still quite stupid when it comes to matters such as these. Like getting involved with someone that I know is involved with someone else. It's a bit different, as I was involved emotionally long before I was told about the partner. Hard to extract yourself from that kind of situation once it's happened. But I know now, and I have not yet stepped away.

A conversation with a good friend opened my eyes today....I had known all along what I had to do, but having her tell me really hit it home.

"Would you want your boyfriend talking to another girl like that?"

And my answer was no.....no, I would not. (And yes, that's all it's been so far is talk).

I don't want to be THAT girl.

So tomorrow, I tell him. Friends only from here on in. It's gonna hurt. But it's gotta be done.

Oh, the rocky road to happiness. When do I hit the smooth part??

You jump, I jump, right??

Random facts...everyone else is doing it.....so now I will too.

When something is really funny to me, I snort when I laugh.

I could live on tomato rice.

I never go without polish on my toes....even in the dead of winter.

I rarely leave the house without my camera, even when I go to work.

I drive too fast and don't pay attention.

I twirl my hair when I'm tired, anxious or bored.

I try very hard to not bite my nails.

I am the worst procrastinator in the world.

I tend to fall in love too quickly.

I would do anything for my true friends.

My idol is my mother, even though I think she makes some stupid choices, even now.

My mother is also my best friend.

I hate the face that my grandmother will not pick up the phone to call me ever, but gets angry when she hasn't talked to me for a few days.

I cannot smoke a cigar without inhaling.

My hair is naturally curly and I straighten it every day.

I don't like the way I act when I am drunk.

I dance around in front of the mirror to wake myself up in the morning.

I am NOT a morning person.

I cannot stand the smell, let alone taste, of tequila.

I would defend my 2 brothers with the ferocity of a mama bear.

Certain smells can make me cry when I think of what they remind me of. (did that make snse?)

I hate running, but love how it makes me feel.

I eat way too much candy.

I don't drink enough water.

I have been to Vegas 3 times in 4 years, and would go again tomorrow even though it's only been just over a month since my return.

I want the instant solution to every problem. NO exceptions.

I hate fake laughs.

I do not understand most females.

I am a tomboy.

I love Christmas more than any other time of year. It brings me strange happiness.

I hate thong underwear.

I could wear jeans every day of my life.

I want desperately to pack up my life and travel the world.

I cannot save money.

I buy too much stupid shit.

I have a penchant for celebrity magazines.

I love my smile in pictures.

I only type with one finger from each hand.

I could watch "Friends" re-runs for the rest of my life.

I am addicted to buying movies.

I use way too much salt.

I regret leaving C the way that I did. I broke his heart, and wish I could have that back. I wish I had been mature enough at 21 to not just run out on him and our house.

Cooking for people brings me great joy.

I eat a pickle (or some sort of pickled food) almost every day.

I sometimes flirt too much.

I always leave shit lying around the house.

I am slightly obsessed with the color pink.

My favorite scent is a guy's mouth when he is aroused. (don't ask, it cannot be described, and no, not all guys possess this)

My second favorite scent is Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath & Body Works.

I am NEVER on time.

I hit snooze at least 3 times every morning...and that's on a good day.

I hate to be cold.

I want to get my tongue pierced, but am worried what people will think.

I am fiercely loyal to the girlfriends that have stuck with me through everything.

I am very shy when meeting new people and tend to come across as a bitch.

I had to have 4 drinks before I could give a speech at my best friend's wedding...a toast to her!
My hands shook like leaves the whole 5 minutes I was up there.

I am a child at heart.

I cannot wait to have children of my own one day.

I will not put my children through what I had to go through growing up.

I am scared that my grandfather will not be around to walk me down the aisle.

I am a bad road trip partner. I cannot stay awake in a moving vehicle for long periods of time.

Halloween is my second favorite holiday. I tend to go a little bit overboard.

I love lima beans.

I am a sucker for accents.....British, Scottish, and Australian.

My favorite part of a man is his forearms. Followed closely by the area just above low-slung board shorts.

If a guy can't kiss well, my attraction to him wanes.

I am like Rainman when it comes to phone numbers and birthdays.

I fear water more than anything else.

Small creatures creep me out.

One of my favorite sounds in the world is my grandfather humming as he cuts up the turkey at Christmas dinner.

I regret more and more each day that I have not tried to find my birth father.

I am twirling my hair right now, which means I am tired.

So off to bed I go.

Winter is here ....and with it, the promise of Christmas, cold nights, warm fire, & warm apple cider.

Magical

It's magical outside. The first snowfall of the year awakens something deep in my soul. I get all nostalgic. There's not much snow out there.....enough to cover the ground. Right now it's relatively unmarred....a blanket of fluffy whiteness that glimmers in the right light.

I head out for a stroll around the block....all bundled up nice and warm. I feel like a bright eyed youngster....everything looks new to me. I turn my face to the sky and let the snow fall upon my lashes. Melt on my tongue. It brings with it the promise of new beginnings for me on this night. I am giddy with happiness. I am full of joy.

I had a meaningful, heartfelt conversation with someone today that cleared my head and warmed my heart. We spoke our feelings for the first time and were truthful with each other. Things are still not ideal, and they may never be. But at least now I know that there is something.....I do not go unreciprocated. And for some strange reason, this gave me peace. I felt a weight float slowly off of my shoulders....felt the tightness of my heart slowly release.

This person has a purpose in my life. I feel much better knowing that now. I am still unclear as to what exactly that purpose is...but time will tell us that. For now I am enjoying what it has to offer...and that's all. Holding nothing back. Full tilt. Heart on my sleeve. Living life....and loving it.

Oh my god...

I just went to look at my new post...and what frigging time was it at??

11:11

......and I didn't even change it. This is getting to be too much for me.

And yes...it has been a long day already....hehe

Little piece of freaky

I look at the clock at 11:11 almost every day...and I mean almost every day...sometimes twice.....I've started kissing my fingers and touching them to the clock...just in case.

It's starting to freak me out a little.

Yuck

Did you know that if you leave green tea out in a mug overnight, it goes from it's normal light green color to a horrible dark red color.

What the HELL is it doing to my insides??

Daddy's Little Girl

I got some pretty bad news earlier this week. My dad has been in a bad car accident out in British Columbia. He went off the side of the road, over a 50 foot embankment...the only thing that stopped him from falling another 100 feet into the river below was a solitary clump of trees.

He knocked out pretty much all of his upper teeth, broke his nose, collarbone, 4 ribs...and had to get around 130 stitches in his face. The paramedics who rescued him came to the hospital the next day to see if he had survived, as they thought that he wouldn't even make it to the hospital let alone make it through his injuries.

The thing about this whole thing is...I don't know how to feel. Yes, I cried....but not right away. Once I finally let myself cry, the next day at work, it was a well of tears. For all the years of sadness...here's the story...

My dad is not my biological father. I did not find this out til I was 21 years old. He raised me and as far as I knew he was my dad. He loved me, scolded me, molded me, helped me...all that stuff that dad's do.

He's been gone for about 5 or 6 years now. I think I've seen him maybe 3 or 4 times since he moved out to BC. My mother and him had a horrible, nasty split. She thinks of him in a not too kind way. I can understand that. He's an addict. He has issues with various substances, ones that are pretty hard to break. How she dealt with that for 15 years and kept it from us and kept our household running, I have no idea. She is my idol for pulling that one off.

To my brothers, Dad is their biological father. We have never thought twice of this. They are my blood, 100%, and always will be. I will never refer to them as my half-brothers or any other term of that kind. They had a difficult time dealing with him leaving. They were at a very impressionable age, and they were pretty much left to me for those first few delicate years. I like to think that I helped them understand a lot of what was going on. No one else would talk to them about it. I like to think that our bond grew even closer as a result of the hardship that we went through. I know that it has. I've never felt closer to them or to my mother than I have in the past few years. We really all came together as a tight-knit unit to get through everything.

When I heard the news of my dad's accident on Wednesday evening, I didn't know what to think . And I felt bad that my initial reaction was not dismay/sadness/etc. If I had heard the same of my mother, I would lose all control. But how do you feel about someone who has pretty much abandoned his children?

He calls my youngest brother sporadically. And from what I gather the conversations are not really of father/son quality. Do you think your 19 year old son wants to know the sordid details of your life? My other brother doesn't really want anything to do with him. I haven't been bothered myself over the past few years.

But, this news got me to thinking...of all the wonderful times we had growing up. Camping...him honking and waving at strangers on the street to make us laugh...making Spanish rice & meatloaf...singing "I got a little change in my pocket, goin' jing-a-lang-a-lang"...play fighting with Blaze...tickling our knees...

It makes me sad to know that when I get married, he won't be the one to walk me down the aisle. (Oh my god...who will take that honor?) He won't be there to see my brothers get married and have kids of their own. He might still be around, but will he be in any shape to be there to see any of it?

Many times over the years since he left, I've wanted to run to my daddy when I've had problems. When I was growing up my mom and I didn't get along all that well. We were both to hot headed and stubborn. So I was always the one to run to my softie dad, who most of the time would defend me from the wrath of my red-headed mother. I can't do that now.

I hate going to friends places or hearing friends talk about how much their dad's do for them. OK, I don't hate it, but you know what I mean. There's that little tinge of jealousy there. I'll admit it. It sucks to have to go from daddy's little girl to none at all.

And, it makes me angry that he could do that to himself and to us. Three great kids who are all alive and healthy and doing well for themselves...yet you choose to move away from us and ruin your life. Get some help! Can't you see that there are people that love you and can love you again??

OK, starting to get upset now. So I am going to walk away from this feeling better that I've vented. But I'm only going to take the good memories with me. Of me and my daddy. And I'll cherish THOSE forever.

*For those of you who will read this and want to talk to me about it, please don't. It's not something I want to have to keep re-hashing over and over. I've dealt with it long ago. It's just this brush with death brought some of it back. So please just let this one ride. Thank you for that*

This is way too much!

OH. MY. GOD. I can post pictures now. Those of you who know me well know how exciting this is for me. I must take, what??......hundreds of pictures a month, sometimes in just a weekend. Now I can share them some other way besides the website! Yippee...... it's all I can do to not post about 100 more right now. Alas, I need my sleep. And CSI is about to start.

I could die a happy woman right now!

STOGEY!

My uncle's roommate's little pup down in Vegas....so cute!

Ahhh...I'm on a roll now!

One of my best friends is on a plane to Vegas as I type....lucky bitch.

Iridesecent (aka Irie)

Would ya look at me....some training in graphic arts and I'm all excited that I can now post pictures to my blog. Gotta love those IT bastards at wotk who won't let you have any fun!

My new motto...with my *slight* changes

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather with the intention of skidding in sideways, Champagne (gin) in one hand, strawberries (cigar) in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO - what a ride!"

So fitting for me right now. I am working on that whole WOOHOO feeling.

Take a minute and think if you are as well.

I highly recommend it!

The little things

A new friend told me yesterday that "kissing is the lifeblood of passion"........that statement has been bouncing around in my head since I read it.

I realized that I have never met anyone who has been able to satisfy my kissing appetite. I love to kiss. It is a big, huge thing for me. Not just as a prequel to sex, either. It is just a very close and intimate thing to me.

Some of my closest moments have been gazing into someone's eyes, locking lips. Feeling their breathing, seeing right into their eyes, holding their face in your hands....how much more intimate can you get? And yes, some of you might think that actual sex is more intimate than a deep soulful kiss, but not in my mind.

The point of this was not to ramble on about how to kiss, but more to ponder why in some relationships, kissing is just not present all that much. I've been in such a relationship at one point in my life, and it killed me. Really took a destructive swing at my self confidence. All I could think of was WHY does this person not want to kiss me? What is so wrong that they wouldn't want to experience something as good as that?

But really, it's all about the little things to me, not just the passionate kisses...the glances across a crowded room, the grazing touches as you walk past each other, the little kisses on your forehead, the stupid little notes left in places where you least expect them, saving the last bite of food so that you can try it too.

I miss these things. I haven't had them in years, but I pine for them now even more as I meet people that could potentially do those things for me. It scares me in a way....do those things endure the tests of a relationship? Or do they go away as time flies by? I have yet to find out....and I'm not too sure if I want to. Maybe not having them for so long was a blessing?

Nah, who am I kidding? I want those things again....not anytime soon, but in my future, there will be a loooooong list of things like that to live up to for some lucky guy. And I know that there's a guy out there that can do those things.

He better be a damn good kisser as well. Knock-my-socks off kinda good. Take-my-breathe-away kinda good. Make-me-want-to-tear-his-clothes-off-from-just-one-kiss kinda good.

Oh, yes....that good.

Attention K-Mart shoppers....

We have a new look!

I was bored today, and didn't feel like dying my hair or anything else crazy...

...so I changed the blog template. Hope you like it. I'm still debating.....

All About Me

Things I've learned in the past 2.5 months of getting to know myself (some I knew already, but am just getting them back):

- I crave dancing like I crave pasta...some days I just have to go out and dance all night
- I don't like to put my dishes in the dishwasher right away
- I like to sprawl across the centre of the bed, kind of diagonal
- I love to listen to our R&B station LOUD in the morning as I get ready for work
- I like to make my regular movie date with my brother EVERY Tuesday
- I like to walk around in my pajamas all day on the weekend...without make-up on
- I like to cook....good meals
- I like to spend a lot of my evening on the computer...chatting, e-mailing, downloading songs
- I love the fact that there is no one to yell at me to "Hurry Up!" when I'm running a bit behind
- I love not having to go to the bar and look after someone without enjoying myself
- I like to throw clothes on the floor and only clean them once or twice a week
- I love watching Trading Spaces, Gilmore Girls, and other kitschy shows...and now I can!
- I like to read before bed....and now I can do that as well!
- I like to be my own boss
- I like to make plans without checking with anyone else but myself
- I like to be able to openly check out cute boys....and give a "Dang!" as they walk by
- I like to dance around the house listening to salsa music
- I am a very fun person...not quite the homebody I made myself out to be before
- I love having a few girls over to drink wine and chat about stupid things
- I like it when my phone rings at night with drunk phone calls....cuz now it's my friends that are calling : )
- I like to sit and read for hours
- I like to "practice" my dance moves in front of the mirror...shhh...don't tell

I'm sure there's a plethora of other things that I am going to find that I enjoy doing. This is just the start.

Boy, am I a happy girl!

Goodbye...for now

I just realized that you can tell how much a person means to you when you have to say goodbye to them. Not goodbye as in forever goodbye. Goodbye's such as this:

- goodbye after a trip together
- goodbye after a particularly good conversation
- goodbye after going to see them/them coming to see you
- goodbye to a relationship
- goodbye after an intimate experience

There are some people in my life I can walk away from in these situations and just do that. Walk away. Until the next time we cross paths. If we do.

Then, there are some people in my life who I can't bear to leave after we spend time together. We just have so much fun together, that we don't want to part ways. Things seem so boring after they leave. We cry when we have to separate. It pretty much sucks.

I just had to deal with that the last few days. The whole deflation after a particularly good mini vacation with good friends. I don't like it. One bit.

Now you know.

(This was going to be way more in depth, but I am tired and need some sleep. You know who you are!)

Don't worry your pretty little head

I was told this past weekend that some of my friends are worried about me. It's funny how no one will tell me this to my face, only to someone else who relays it back to me. There are only a handful of people in my life that will tell me these types of things directly to my face, and for that, I love you more than you know.

If you're worried about me......TELL ME! I'll let you know how I'm feeling, what's going on in my head, and all that jazz. Don't sit there and tell other friends about it so that they have to tell me.

In all seriousness, yes, I have been on a bit of a tear lately. Drinking, partying, getting involved with maybe a few more boys than I should (and by involved, I don't mean sleeping with).

But.........you must realize that this is the first time in my life that I have been single and able to do all of this. Nearly 26 years old and I am finally getting to live the life I should have lived back when I was 18, 19, 20....

I am having FUN. Getting to know the REAL me. How can that worry you? I am the happiest I have been in years. I just don't get it...

I guess it's maybe because some of you have not seen me like this ever before and it may concern you. But those of you who really know me....you know just how happy and content and at peace I am with myself right now. Let me have my fun for a little while. I'm a big girl....I have a good job, good friends, I have a good head on my shoulders (well, about most things anyways).

I may seem like I am ready to fall head over heels into situations that are not the best, but I am fairly smart, you know! I know better than to rush into something. I know well enough to try to protect myself from getting hurt. But, it can and will happen to everyone. And it's not like it's something that can be prevented. Unless, of course, you want to live a life with huge walls around your heart....and I am so far from being that way.

So, let me have my fun. If I make mistakes, I'll learn from them. If I get hurt, I'll get over it. If I get drunk and fall down stairs, I'll heal. Hehe.

I really do appreciate your concern. It means a lot to me. But don't try and stop me from living my life. Please.

Consume me, baby

There's someone in my life right now that consumes a lot of my day. And I mean a lot.

Either over MSN, text messaging, phone calls, e-mails, thoughts, dreams...this person takes up a hefty chunk of my everyday existence.

The only thing that's missing from it is actual face-to-face physical contact. Of any kind. And it's horrible. I am a touchy-feely type person. I need to be touched on a daily basis....a hug, a kiss, even just a pat on the head, for god's sake. And right now, I am not getting that. It kills me.

I want to be able to touch this person more than anything, to see if everything that's being expressed is real, or just make believe. I want to know if their physical presence will be just as exciting to me as when their name pops up on MSN, or when I get that "1 New Msg" icon on my cell phone. I want to stand face to face, toe to toe, and feel that chemistry in real life. I want to feel their touch - hands, skin, hair, lips...and a few others as well.

But I don't know if I will ever get that opportunity. Maybe this is all I will ever get from them. There is a chance, but not for months yet. And we all know how many things can change in a few months.

So for now, I will take what I have, and bask in the glow. Because for now, it's what's making me happy. Making me feel alive. And when it comes down to it, that's all that matter to me.

My happiness.

End of an era

Well, I finally made that step. That final step towards moving on and closure.

I had the conversation with my ex and told him that it was time for him to move on, and out. It didn't' go as smoothly as I had thought at first. It was pretty ugly, to tell you the truth.

He was hurt, shocked, upset.....god knows what else. BUT....it's been nearly 3 months since we split, and living together is just not working anymore. For me at least. He seems to think that everything was going fine, and that I shouldn't be in a rush to move on.

Here's the thing....I AM in a rush to move on. Not onto another relationship, I just want to close that part of my life and move on to the next chapter. There is nothing wrong with doing that. For the first time in my life, I was strong for ME, and me alone. And it felt great. I stood my ground, did not let myself get guilted or bullied into changing my mind or made to feel bad.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I still love him, but I am so far from being in love with him, and I know he will always be in my life in some form or another, as we value each other's friendship. It was very sad to make that first step towards complete separation.

But, it's been done, and the ugliness turned into acceptance after a few hours of cooling down. He's made peace with it, and with me. And will be leaving in about a month.

So that means one more step, him actually moving out....I'm sure there will be more tears, and it will hurt some more. But we're on the road to getting over one another finally.

And it feels kinda good. Sad, but good.

Just when I thought it was a lost cause...

...the phone rang. It was Mr. Dreamy.

He's back in Texas, getting ready to start his season. I texted him drunk a few weekends ago. Told him to "stop by on his way down South and get some for the road." And I didn't hear back from him, so I assumed he had forgotten about me.

And then, he calls. I was in the middle of hosting a party at my place. My phone rang, I grabbed it...literally dropped everything and ran out the door. Great hostess, hey? ;-)

So we talked for about 20 minutes....said he did get my message, but he was on the road visiting friends on the way, should have called sooner, etc. Finally told me where he's playing, what he's been doing. That he got his new apartment all furnished and can't wait to sleep in his new bed. I made a crack at that one. I'll leave that to your imagination. Hehe.

He asked how my new job was going (yes, he remembered!), I asked him how training was going. Talked about the weather (mundane, yes, but it got me somewhere!).....at this point he told me that he was sitting out on his patio and it was 80 F. I said, we had heavy frost and some snow yesterday. He laughed at that, said he missed the cool weather, that it was so hot down there. I came back with "I love the heat. Can never be too hot for me"......so what does he say?

"It's hot down here. If you ever get sick of the winter weather, you should plan a trip down here for a visit!" WHAT THE F*CK!?!? I was in shock!

Did I read too much into that? Was he just being nice? Does he really like me? Does he really want me to go down for a visit? Surely it can't just be about sex if he's asking me that? Is he going to call again like he said he would? Should I call him first, or wait to see if he calls me? Is it worth getting all worked up for a guy that lives in Texas most of the year? (But he does come back...very close to home.) Does he like me? Is this really happening?

Yeah, that's how my last day has been. Full of jumbled thoughts...and butterflies! And we all know how much I love those little flutterbies!

He said he gets his computer hooked up on Wednesday and that he'll write me then - as he still has my e-mail from weeks and weeks ago.

So I will wait and see....with baited breath. I know, I know....not supposed to do that. But come on.

I am such a girl.

Shoot me now

I am scared. I used to get the WORST hangovers in all the land. I'd have a few drinks, wake up in the morning unable to function....puking, headache, no real will to live.

Now, I can go out, get HAMMERED, mix my drinks, smoke my face off, and wake up in the morning with a slight headache and a little bit of queasiness in my tummy. And that's it. (Minus, of course, the oh-my-god-I-did-WHAT?!? flashbacks)

The thought of booze does not make me want to gag...in fact, today I am actually looking forward to doing it all over again!

To an outsider, it may sound as if I have some alcohol related issues. Don't fret...it's just me, newly single after 4 years, celebrating the fact!

Blonde in disguise

I really, really, truly think that I am sometimes.

I went down in the basement yesterday to flip the breaker for the hot tub....and I saw a mouse. Laying on the ground, peeking out from under a small piece of wood. I flip the breaker and run squealing to the other side of the basement. Throw something at it...it's dead, thank god.

I run upstairs and call my roommate:

"Oh-my-god! There's-a-dead-mouse-in-the-basement-you-need-to-get-rid-of-it-when-you-get-home-cuz-I-am-NOT-touching-it!.........It's weird though, it looks like it's been squished by a little piece of wood?!?"

Yes, that is honestly what I said.

The worst part of it is, it took me until this morning in the shower to realize that this little piece of wood was a f*cking MOUSE TRAP!! I closed my eyes, shook my head, and went to tell roomie how stupid I am. He laughed and said, I as wondering how long it was going to take you to figure that out.

I swear, I don't know how I make it through the day sometimes.

*Note to reader - I was in a state of major distress at seeing the mouse, and was not in the right frame of mind to logically compute that the mouse had obviosuly struggled and had flipped the trap over on itself. I am not really THAT dumb. ;-)

Hello, awkward!!

Want the definition of awkwardness??

Still living with ex-bf.....broken up for 2 months...go out on a date with a new boy....come home at 11:30....sitting in front of the house.....half blocking driveway.....making out/saying goodbye....ex bf drives up....has to drive AROUND us to get into the garage....ex bf normally gets home around 2 am....not tonight....this could get awkward.

Maybe he didn't know it was me.....god, I hope so....

Brain food

Do you ever think about how most people will fantasize about their first love for the rest of their lives?

how many times have you continued to date someone you knew was wrong for you?

Do you ever think about why opposites attract?

How many irritating qualities do you have?

Did you know that the vast majority of women say that they prefer cuddling to sex?

Do you handle first dates well?

Do you ever think about the importance of patience when it comes to love?

Do you ever think about how real love is energizing?

Do you think about how men say they notice a woman's smile within the first 20 seconds of meeting her?

What song would represent your last romantic relationship?

What cities do you think are most romantic?

Do you ever think about the fact that even when you are the one to end a relationship, your heart still needs time to heal?

Do you ever think about how time is a good test to find out if it really is true love?

What causes you to get butterflies in your stomach?

Do you have a friend that you can share everything with regarding your love life?

How long do you think you'd last in a long distance relationship?

What would you do if all the men on the planet disappeared for a year?

Do you ever think about how Mr. Right might be in your life right now and you just haven't started dating him yet?

from "Luv Questions - 650 question, quotes and fun facts about everyone's favorite subject" - Cyndi Haynes

Dear reader

I've noticed lately that there are some links being put in my posts....with words like, sex, dating, and whatnot. I didn't put them there...the only one I put in was the one about where do I find a guy "like this"...I'll make notes from now on which ones I put in so you don't think I'm trying to hook you up with dirty p*rn sites, etc. (unless, of course, you WANT me to do that!!) ;-)

What's up, buttercup?

Amazing how 3 little words can brighten your day...just...like...that.

Someone special said that to me right at my melting point today and it brought me back down to earth.

So don't fret...my life is almost all right again. My little spazz out is over. I am now back in the land of the almost-normal.

Turns out that "where the F*CK Do You Get Off" guy was just concerned about the whole dating thing. I took it the wrong way...but seriously...how else could I have taken that conversation?!?! My thoughts exactly...and I still suspect it stems from a teeny tiny bit of jealousy on his part.

At the very end of my day, a pretty little "rainbow" also said "Cheer up baby doll!"
It's nice to know that even when you're not saying it out loud, there's someone there that is listening! Thanks! : )

And now, off to my guilty indulgence....weekly movie date with my bro. One of the highlights of my week!

GROW UP!!

How old am I? and how old are most of my friends? Yeah, exactly what I thought - old enough to NOT act like we're in high school...

SO JUST STOP!!

Who cares who's going to be there or who's house it's gonna be at? Are you really not mature enough to act like a grown-up for the night? F*CK!!!!!!!!!!! But what else can I expect....nothing's ever going to change.

This has been a fan-f*cking-tastic day already. I guess Monday & Tuesday switched places this week.

I need a hug *pout*

Where the F*CK do you get off?

I am FUMING mad right now! Here's a conversation between me and a guy friend asking about my potential hook-up last night:

Guy: So? Stories?

Me: NOTHING! Seeing him for dinner on Wed.

Guy: You are gay! So you gonna date him now?

Me: So gay! No dating. Little does he know dinner's gonna be at my place! Hehe. Not into that date small talk crap quite yet.

Guy: F*ck! You are gonna make it seem that you like him!

Me: How the hell else am I gonna get him in me!? Not really the type to call and say Hey wanna f*ck?

Guy: No? Fooled me!

Me: Beat it! For god knows what reason, ur an exception

Guy: Oh yah? Same with the hockey player from 2 weeks ago?

Me: Don't even start! That was the first time & you know it! I've been single for more than 2 months & have slept with 1 guy! Jerk ;-)

Guy: Little testy are we?

Me: No, just don't imply that I'm something I'm not : ) If only u knew

The thing that bugs me the most is that this guy is involved with someone!!! And he's talking to me like that! I'm single! Seriously! We are so fighting...from fun e-mails to this....god....

But, I sense the reason for his behavior is jealousy...so he must like me a little! hehe

I digress

Yesterday my advice was to leave a message....tonight, I say just answer the phone if you're expecting someone new to call. Stop being a wuss. It's only a phone call, for god's sake.

Such a big talker I am! ;-)

Excuse me...can you please tell me where to find him?

Because I want to find someone who thinks like this and can express it....wow!

Just call me crazy

I'm crazy in the head right now....still. Upside down, inside out for the past few weeks. I never knew that meeting new people could wreak such havoc on one's life.

So many new things to do, say, learn, notice, realize, understand, love, like, not like about someone when you're getting to know them. It is enough to make a person crazy.

I have enough going on in my head without this sensory overload. Geez...

I'm only being facetious though...half the fun of meeting new people is getting to know them as a person. See what it is about them that rings my bell.

One person in particular has thrown me for a loop. I've only ever met him briefly over a year ago, but we've been in contact via e-mail, texting, MSN over the past month...all that fabulous technological stuff that makes it so easy to never have to talk to them. But he's got me spinning. Right round, baby, right round.

It's weird how you can have such a connection with someone you will probably not see in person for a very long time....if ever. But for the time being, I'm having a blast with it. It's a lot of fun.

He makes me feel sexy, wanted, funny, pretty, happy, silly...among about a dozen other things. We have been in constant contact for the past 3 days...all day every day, apart from when we're sleeping.

And then, he pulled the unthinkable....he called. I chickened out and didn't answer...stupid ass that I am. We don't call each other. That's unheard of. But I'm glad it happened. It was nice to put a voice to the name once again. Not to mention that the message left for me was so frigging hilarious I just about drove off the road I was laughing so hard. I've listened to it a couple of times since then.

It was a great start to a Monday.

Weird, huh? Me saying I had an enjoyable Monday. Ha! I guess it really is true that the best things come when you least expect them...

Word of advice

When you call someone that you met for the very first time and they don't answer...........LEAVE A MESSAGE!

Ain't no thing but a chicken wing

When in a relationship....does age REALLY matter?

I've always been with older guys. At least 3 years older than me. BUt now that I'm back on the dating scene, I've met a few boys that are younger than me. not too young, mind you, but a year or two younger. They've been super nice, really mature, got along well with them.

But sometimes, in the very back of my mind, I think...oh my, a younger boy. That can't be right. But you know what? It can be...I know lots of couples where the guy is younger than the girl. And they seem to work.

So, I'm not going to let this whole age thing bug me anymore. If you click with someone, then you should give it a whirl. Why miss out on the potential over a few stupid numbers?

Unless he's like 16 and you're 25...then that's just gross. Hehe!

Cherish the thought

Ally McBeal said....

There are some people who meet that somebody

that they can never stop loving,

no matter how hard they try.

I wouldn't expect you

to understand that,

or even believe it,

but trust me,

there are some loves that don't go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy,

but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody

who has a little of that insanity.

Somebody who never lets go.

Somebody who cherishes you forever...

Can it happen?

Can 2 people who have been friends for years make that transition from friends to lovers without ruining their friendship?

It's been bugging me all day...

Dancing Queen

I was a dancing queen last night....I got it in my head earlier in the week that I wanted to go out and let my hair down on Friday night. And I did just that. I got really drunk, and danced all night with some girlfriends. I didn't even really walk around looking for boys! *gasp!*

I got to hang out with a new friend as well. She's really cool....I'm glad I met her and that we kept in touch. NOt very often that you meet same sex friends at the bar. But we had an instant connection for some reason. And we had a lot of fun being idiots together last night.

I like the start of new things...I've had quite a few of them in the past few weeks. My life is finally starting to come together again after my little rough patch, and I love it.

Good friends, good times, throw a few boys in there....how can ya beat that? You just can't...

...and I get to go and see my 2 bestest friends in 2 weeks to party it up in Van. I am so excited I can barely stand it! I look forward to the memories made on that trip, let me tell ya!

Well, I'm babbling now...so off to get ready for another night of fun with my new friend!

Nobody drinks alone

and there's nothing but empty there inside that glass

so you pour a little more

and there's no one there to judge you

at least that's what you tell yourself, but...

don't you know

nobody drinks alone

every demon, every ghost

from your past

and every memory you've held back

follows you home

nobody drinks alone

Keith Urban - "Nobody Drinks Alone"

Maybe this is why we make stupid drunk phone calls?? ;-)

Feelings....nothing more than...feelings....

I'm screwed.

Lots going on in my head....I don't even know where to begin. I thought that blogging would help me out on this one, but I just sat here for half an hour with a blank screen and nothing coming out in my mind. So obviously this is not the best method for expressing my feelings right now.

I'm not sure if there really is ANY way to express them today at all. My mind is all jumbled, and I'm hungover to boot. Not a very conducive setting for figuring things out, I've come to realize.

I think I need to go for a long walk in the sunshine....just me and my crazy little mind. Or sit on a park bench and watch the leaves swirl around me. Or lock myself in a padded room and bounce around for a few hours.

Enough babbling...this is really not getting anything accomplished. Hopefully my wits will return to me soon...then maybe some of this will make sense to me. Erk....

Flutterbies....

I love more than anything that feeling of butterflies in your stomach...the whole possibility of something new. Everything is fluttering around, bumping into everything else...I forgot what it felt like.

It's a nice feeling...now, to just find that someone who keeps me feeling like that ALL the time.

So far, the journey has been great!

Wait, your passionate

I want passion.

I want to be with someone who is passionate about me.

I want to be passionate about someone.

I want passion in all things in my life - work, friendships, romantic relationships. I have achieved some of these, but not all of them.

I especially want to be with a partner who makes me weak-kneed , makes my heart skip a beat, makes me love with reckless abandon. Yes, I am a romantic at heart. It is sometimes my downfall, but what is the point of living a half-assed life?

Love like you've never been hurt before...that's one of my favorite quotes of all time.

When you love someone, love them with everything you have. It might hurt more if it ends, but it's worth so much more.

I want to wake up every morning and be excited to BE. Not roll over, groan, and hit snooze one more time. I want to love my job and what I do.

I want to be alive again, my heart, body and mind buzzing with all the excitement of things unknown. I am going on a quest for passion...

Anyone want to join me?

Lovin' it!

Things I love at this exact moment:

- new TV shows are starting up again - Thursday nights rock!
- listening to Usher...AGAIN!
- watching good hockey with a good friend in a pub with LOTS of drinks (all paid for!)
- certain hockey players (not THAT kind of love, don't worry!)
- staying up all night (see above)
- being home FINALLY after 2 long weeks on the road
- Dusty & Irie
- being told "I'm glad you're home"
- the thought of my bed

Gotta go now...that last thought is just too much to pass up!
Look for more scholarly blogs starting tomorrow...my brain is just not working tonight!

Random Vegas-ness

Just got back from Vegas 3 days ago...had a BLAST!!! In point form, some of the finer moments of the trip...most of you will have NO clue what any of this means...but a few certain people will! ;-)

- "Dang!!"
- HBG alert
- Dirty Bird
- Buffy the Margarita Slayer
- falling asleep (aka passing out) in the Luxor restaurant at 5 a.m.
- "Oh, where did you come from" (to the gin & seven on the nightstand)
- lean back, lean back, lean back
- "These are my CON-FESS-IONS!!!"
- dropping a gin & seven in Nine Fine Irishmen
- riding the horses at Excalibur
- stealing a golf cart in front of the Monte Carlo
- "These chicks are fucking HOT!"
- "She's already knocked up!!"
- STOGEY!!!
- yard long margaritas
- stagette with no bride-to-be
- back cleavage
- my delicate little flower
- Tim "The Rock" Henry
- Jen Henry, Jen Henry (in a sing song voice)
- Margarita Max
- "Wanna play with my clitortoise?"
- stupid shoes & sore feet
- Iggy, Iggy, Iggy!! Oi, Oi, Oi!!
- I love you guys!
- I just want to commend you girls on not being hooker (uh, thanks, I think?)
- What's crackin, yo??
- ooohhh, look at me, i'm standing out in the street waving my arms around like an idiot..HONK!


I'm sure there's more...but my brain is fried and I need to get rest. And detox myself from all of the frigging alcohol I consumed!!!

Empty boxes

I hate moving. A lot.

Even if it is only my office at work.

It sucks.

Now you know.

Sex & the City

Is on right now...not the same watching it all by myself! (you know who this is meant for!)

It's one of my favorite shows. For about a month at the beginning of this summer, one of my favoritest people in the world and I watched it from the start to about the end of season 4. Almost every Sunday, when we were hungover, we'd get comfy on the couch and have S&TC marathons. Eat junk food, laugh, be perverted. It was great.

We liked to fashion ourselves after those 4 crazy women. We really are much like them...there's a group of girls (we always compared 3 of us) that go experience many of the same situations that Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte & Samantha deal with. It's funny how similar life can be...sure, our sex lives are not as glamorous as theirs. How can they be where we live? We don't wear Mahnolo Blahnik's and Jimmy Choo's every day(although it would be nice), we don't live in trendy New York lofts. But the similarities are still there.

We meet boys, we go on dates, we have sex (sometimes, anyways). Some call, some don't...and we talk about it ALL. Compare notes, ask questions, laugh, cry, make jokes. I write about it...hey, just like Carrie.

The only REAL difference is that we're a decade behind. We're in our 20's, not in our 30's like the characters on the show. We don't have quite the careers that they do, and not as many notches on our bed posts. But we really are our own little version of that hit HBO series.

And hey, in the end, everything works out for those lovely ladies (yes, I know they are just fictional, even though I am talking like they exist)...so, my S&TC gals:

Have fun dating while you can...it'll all work out in the end. Trust me. I know these things!

Time to fall

You know that commercial when the girl is on the sidewalk, screaming hysterically...all because she saw her first fall leaf on the ground? That's me...

I hate the changing of seasons, from summer to fall. It means coldness, and snow, and dark morning, dark afternoons. It means no more sandals, no more tank tops, and saddest of all...no more beers on the patio. This summer has just flown by, without even having a real chance to enjoy it. It's sad.

I guess the beginning of fall is KIND of fun...that new crisp feeling in the air. Going for walks outside in the piles of leaves, the coolness making your cheeks all rosy red. The thought of having someone to cuddle up with under a blanket on a cool night to watch movies. Wood crackling in the fireplace. Christmas right around the corner. Wearing your favorite big comfy sweater.

Hmmm...now that I think of it, fall is not quite that bad. There I go, being the eternal romantic optimist once again.


But I will miss summer more than I look forward to fall...especially summer romances! ;-)

Vaguely fuzzy

I hate it the most when you are trying to recall a memory - a face, a place, a touch, a smell - and it starts to evade you. You can see it there, not in full, with just enough lingering in your mind to make it real, but there is the chance that it may fade away completely with the blink of an eye.
Close your eyes, try to remember the vivid details that make you long to have it burned in your memory forever.

The harder you try to bring it to life, the more it slips away. Save what you can, for those brief moments when you want to remember...

Apparently I enjoy self-torture

I don't like scary movies. They give me nightmares...make me hate being home alone...make me hate going into the garage alone...make me not want to go into public bathrooms unless I am certain that there is someone else in there with me...preferably someone that I have seen actually going into the washroom.(know where that comes from yet?)

I watch them through my fingers, with my hood pulled up, face burrowed into the shoulder of the person next to me. Hopefully it's someone I know. I sit there with bugged out eyes, my heart races, I jump at the scary parts...and the non-scary parts, too!

So, tonight, I decide to go to a movie with my brother. A scary one. Or at least to me. Actually, this movie should be scary to everyone. THIS actually happens to people. Terrifying.

Those of you who know me will know 2 things quite well.

1) I cannot swim
2) I am terrified of water (see above)

Maybe not the brightest idea I've ever had, but hey...let's go and see Open Water. Sounds like fun!!

The anticipation grows the closer we get to the theatre. I just know that this will make me even more afraid than I already am, if that is humanly possible. (It is possible, by the way)

And I watch...I actually watch the whole thing. I think because I am so afraid that I cannot physically make myself cover my eyes or even shut them. The movie itself is not that entertaining (although the "making of" is pretty interesting) but it screws with your mind. It MAKES you think about what it would be like to be in that situation....stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks all around you. I'd die of a heart attack before they could come within 100 feet of me. I'll save the ending for those of you who haven't seen it, but trust me...it's disturbing.

So, if you like to engage in self-torture like myself, go and see it. I did. And now I will NEVER, EVER go into the ocean - EVER. Or the lake for that matter. Hell, I might not even make it into the bath tub for a few months.

Good thing I don't have a water bed.

I am...

I am slowy going crazy....

1..2..3..4..5..6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I

1..2..3..4..5..6 switch

Flush it all away

I have found the man of my dreams.

Tall.
Dark.
Handsome.
Sexy.
Fit.
Nice.
Considerate (& great!!) in bed.
Ambitious.
Has a future.
Is a hockey player.

Floooooosshhhhhh...hear that?

Yup, that's the sound of my dream man ideals flushing down the toilet with those two little words. Hockey. Player.

Yes, yes, I know. Not ALL hockey players are bad news...but the majority of them are. It's because they can be, as suckers like me fall for them each and every day. They know it. We know it. Nothing will ever change that.

Somewhere, in the back of the mind of every female who meets one, is the thought that THEY will be the one to break them of their hockey player-ness. Come on, girls, you know it's true. The first step is admitting it! ;-)

I, for a fleeting moment (ok, fleeting week), was one of those girls. And then, this morning, as I woke up, I realized that the past week and a bit were all just a brief rendezvous, something that came along to help me through a rough patch in my newly found single existence. And it worked.

I have realized that no matter how much I was worried about not finding anything better, that there is something better. I have realized that no matter how much I was worried about not being made to feel special again, I have been made to feel special.

Things are looking up for me again, after a sketchy couple of weeks. I am on the mend. And it's a great feeling.

And with that, I let it go and say goodbye to my short summer fling. Thank you. If you should ever read this (let's hope that you don't), good luck this season, be safe, and above all, have fun doing it.

hehe...we'll always have Edmonton.

Scientists discover new gene

Scientists have discovered a gene found in the human body that they always thought existed. The drunken phone call gene. It's found halfway between the common sense gene and the ah-screw-it gene, hidden far behind the sober gene.

When activated, usually after imbibing in three + beverages of an alcoholic nature, this gene can cause great havoc in an individual's life. It can also cause great pleasure, but this rarely happens.

This gene works best while in a cab on the way home from an evening of alcohol induced festivities. During said cab ride, a light bulb goes off in ones' head, and cell phone is pulled from pocket. Said cell phone is then used to dial one of the following numbers:

1) guy/girlfriend of a non-romantic nature
2) guy/girl who has the potential to become of romantic nature
3) guy/girl who has already been of romantic nature

In case 1, you usually wake up your non-romantic friends (the ones that are not out creating massive hangover for themselves alongside you) from a deep slumber, or leave high-pitched, incoherent messages on voice mail of sleeping friend. These messages are usually played back to you the next morning, causing even further pounding in your head when you hear the crazed screaming that is allegedly you.

In case 2, the situation gets slightly more complicated. Calling the potential romantic interest can go both ways. They may answer, speak with you, and you end up turning the cab around to head to their place for a night of drunken nooky. Wake up in morning with slight case of mortification, but you got some, so that makes it all better. If PRI does not answer your call, you face the dreaded voicemail. The "Hi, was thinking about you, so I thought I'd call, see what you were up to..." The recipient of this phone call ALWAYS knows that you are drunk. They know this as you cannot keep the slur from your voice no matter how hard you try, and the fact that it is 2:45 am points to the fact that you just stumbled out of the bar after last call. You wake up in the morning, remember with a sinking sense of dread that you called, and hope and pray that they return your call.

In case 3, nothing is good. If calling former PRI, you are either calling to yell at them, letting them know what a bleeping bleep-headed bleep they are, or you're calling for the WORST thing ever. Sex. With them. After you've broken up. And that is just not good. If they say yes, great, you got laid, but then you have all that mix of feelings again, blah, blah, blah, If they say no, then not only do you face a huge blow to your ego, but then you have the potential for a second call, to let them know what a bleeping bleep-headed bleep they are.

So, friends, I wish you luck after your next night on the town...when you're scrolling through the dialed calls on your cell phone, I pray that you are faced with case 1...or case 2 (and you're on the way home from their house, trying to find out what time exactly you dialed their number). I hope that none of you have to face case 3...

So, happy drink & dialing...I am off to the lab to find a way to get rid of this pesky gene once and for all.

Broken hearted

Today, I feel like my heart is breaking. I don't know why today, of all days, this is happening to me. Maybe in a past life, this was a special day for me. Maybe the loss of the past month has finally caught up to my heart. Either way, the sadness of it all is wrapping itself around me.

mylemonadelife wrote:

When I close off to the world, why does my heart break so?

When I open up my arms, why does my heart break then too?

Could it be broken hearted is pure?

Does a broken heart mean that I am alive and when my heart heals fully I will fly off into the open air?

Love.

And you will be loved.

Trust me.

And know that with wings or with feet, in gravity or in weightlessness, there will be a star waiting at the end for you.

I like that...for whatever reason, reading it today lifted my spirits that tiny little bit that I needed. My heart suddenly didn't feel as heavy as it did in moments previous. The silver lining on my black cloud is starting to shine again.

A small smirk comes back onto my face...the weekend is approaching, my old roomie is in town.

Let the games begin - well, continue, actually. She's been here since last weekend.

And with that comes the promise of fun times, lack of sleep, and bad hangovers at work. We're off to volunteer our time to all the lonely HBG's out there. Watch out!

Heart broken, shmart-shmoken.