The vent before the storm

Sometimes, it's better to vent BEFORE the actual conversation. Without further ado...


Spoke with some mutual acquaintances today. I felt like quite the idiot when, asked how everything was going, I told them that I thought things were going pretty good and that we'd been spending quite a bit of time together....imagine my surprise to hear that word on the street is that you're not really spending any time with me. I feel like a fool. I don't care to be anyone's secret, and thought we'd gotten past that this time, but looks like I was wrong. Again. I thought, based on our conversations over the past week, that this is what you wanted. One thing I do know is that I will NOT be your "Oh, that chick? I'm just banging her" girl. In my world, people don't talk like that, especially not about someone that they've told is "the best thing in my life." If coming across as the big man in front of your buddies is more important than sharing your happiness, then I'm thinking that this is most definitely not the game for you, pal.

< /funk >

I am happy to report that Valentine’s Day came and went without too much heartache, even though I was Whiney McDramaton about the whole damn day. Sheesh. Someone needs to get laid, no?

At any rate, things are starting to look up. I feel like I am finally starting the upwards trek out of this damn hole I seem to have fallen in. The past six weeks have been absolutely miserable, and I hated every second of it as I am not a down-in-the-dumps kinda person.

Work sucked. My dog was a little douche. My bank account was non-existent. Boys sucked harder. My family hated one another. The weather was damn near suicidal. My creativity had gone AWOL (which still seem to be the case, so I apologize for the blandness of this jumble of words).

I’m not sure what caused me to shake the ol’ head and dig out my happy pants once again, but I am not questioning it in the least. Whatever it was, I heart it. A lot.

Work - once again tolerable…not fun and exciting, but something I can handle without wanting to hurl staplers at the heads of my co-workers.

Dog - still a wee douche, but after a nice bath and a new bone, even he seems to be a little bit more agreeable.

Bank account – not going to change anytime soon. So let’s not mention it for a while,m’kay?

Boys – Substantial efforts being made by the opposing team. Conversations have been plentiful and good and mature and honest. Smiles have been reported. Maybe some cuddling as well….but that’s just what I’ve heard.

Family – ugh. Dinner is planned for tomorrow. Pray that the Sunday morning headlines do not have detailed accounts of wine-fueled brawls.

Weather – Sunny. Warm. The faint scent of spring is floating on the breeze.

Creativity – It’s getting there. I’m hoping that a little list writing and some picture taking helps it out.


That old saying of you have to hit rock bottom before you can claw your way out…I never thought it to be correct, but am seeing the truth in it more and more each day. That funky, foul, dingy haze that I’ve been stomping around in since the holidays? It’s lifting. Finally. That alone is enough to make a girl flash her pearly whites.

Enjoy your weekends, kids. I know plan on it.

Cupid can suck it

I am normally the most happy-go-lucky person you'll find. I always have a big grin on my face, am quick to laugh, and am in love with life in general.

Today however? I'm trying. I'm wearing red, I ate cinnamon hearts for breakfast (which seems to be a theme), and even though it's through clenched teeth, I'm still smiling. This holiday, with it's hearts and flowers and chocolates and love and mushiness and schmoopiness? Can suck it. HARD.

I never thought I'd be that person, that anti-Heart Day kinda girl...but being recently single and having to deal with this all day is just not my idea of fun.

I am bah-humbugging Valentine's Day.

I wish...

To follow the trend of a few other bloggers ...

I wish…

- that it wasn’t blustery and cold outside. -32C with the windchill. Are you F-ing kidding me?

- that it was me in that Visa commercial where they shut the fridge and the balance magically becomes $0

- for a size 9 pair of these

- that, like you said this morning, we actually HAD met each other five minutes later

- that you would deal with your past so that you can more clearly see your future

- that it was me you were fighting for

- that you would just be completely honest with me...you are still holding out hope
for your past, it doesn’t take much to see that

- that it hadn’t taken ME this long to see it

- for the strength it’s going to take to walk away from this so that you can deal with it, alone, once and for all

- that you will realize what a good thing you’ve got going on…before it’s too late

- that I hadn’t made this so easy for you

- that you had never, ever told me that you loved me

- that it was always (and only) me that you think about

- for a relationship that does not bring me grief

- for a dog that actually listens when his mother gives him frigging orders

- that it was easier to not smoke…especially during times such as this

- for a nice, big, full glass of Malbec…hell, just give me the whole damn bottle

- that I woke up every morning excited to head to the office

- for straight hair and a toned ass

- for the clarity to realize that the nice guys ARE the ones that I should be going for...the less baggage, the better

- to not be second place to anyone

- that life was just fucking easy for once, dammit!!

- more than anything, that in the end, I am the one who ends up with your heart