17/18 Months

I was going through Blog posts that I never finished and I know I got really bogged down because of not being able to add pictures. So I am just posting these notes so I have them to remember. I have already loved looking back on her first year and reading things I don't remember. I would hate to not do that for this year just because there are no pictures...


17/18months

First sentence (she said others but not as clear) 8/18 its a pretzel! yum yum!

Calls the cats - the mowe. like...hi the mowe!

hot, helmet- 8/20 other words- bear,

started trying to jump 8/13

first time spinning in circles- i was outside with her and she started spinning and kind of humming to herself, 8/20

favorite movie- finding nemo- fishy

signs more, dog, bird, food, milk, water. if she wants something she moves her hands like she is signing so she can get it.

pretends to take food from books ( like pictures of cookies and such) and put it in her mouth

loves stuffed bears, especially the black one cory got from colorado.

Check in and reality check

So I had my check in for the competition at work yesterday. And lets just say it was a reality check for me 126 lbs and 25% body fat. That is right, both went up by one instead of down.

But, I need to be honest with myself. I used to think it was so funny to see people acting exactly how I am now. Talking about what they know about losing weight or being healthy etc. All while chowing down on a cheese burger or going out for ice cream. I have not been a great eater. If Cory wants to get ice cream, I say "Why not?" If I don't have time to make dinner, we get whatever is easiest, not the most healthy. I tell myself I am doing ok and no big deal. But....I am not.

Once upon a time, before I had a child, I was so good! I was healthy and not because I had to be, because I wanted to be. I loved what I ate and loved finding good healthy foods for us to eat. I loved working out and had no problem going before or after work. I just got home whenever and then hung out with Cory.

Now, I am tired. Waking up early to work out does not sound as refreshing as it once did and it really tires me out. The thought of getting all sweaty when I just took my one of 2 showers for the week is not so appealing anymore. Spending time planning menus and going grocery shopping (i actually used to enjoy this.) its just time I do not have. So I opt to grab food. I make all these plans to set a day aside to make a bunch of food for the week, but that day is also spent cleaning and I rarely and probably have never actually done both in one day. When I used to do anything to make sure I had healthy food and a good work out, I am more inclined to stay home and spend time with Cory and Jocelyn because I really only get from around 6pm-8pm each night to do so (half of which is spent making and cleaning up from dinner or getting diner) and I hate giving my entire Saturday with them up just to clean and cook.

A lot of excuses? Most likely yes. I know I need to buck up and figure something out. I am just overwhelmed. It was easier when it was not winter and I could work out AND spend time with Jocelyn. So....its time to make another plan. I want to work out, it makes me happy. I want to eat healthy and spend time with my family. So now is the time to figure out how best to do so.

So....any working moms out there have suggestions of what works for them? Especially in the winter?

Check In-kind of

Lets talk about this check in. Or I will talk and you can move on.

Last week I was good. I ate well. I exercised well. I even made a dessert one day for a gathering and threw it away when everyone left so I would not be tempted to keep eating at it. I was good.

I loved working out. It was nice.

Then the weekend hit. I have had three migraines in three days. This kills the exercise thing. It also kills my eating because I have to take Excedrin and drink something with caffeine. Gross. Not to mention how I feel when I drink some huge sugary drink and sit around all day.

So I went from feeling AWESOME to...crap. And I weighed myself today and felt like crap. I know my goal is not really weight centered, but my body fat will not be tested again until next Monday. Weight is what I have to go on right now. And I gained 2.5 lbs. It could be a fluke. It could be that certain things are happening with my body. But its still annoying. Anyway. Its been a couple of those days. I need to up my motivation again and get going! Is anyone else trying to stick with any goals? How are you doing?

Truth

I was browsing around today and found this quote. I LOVE it.

"You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

-Thomas S. Monson

Traditions

I am so excited about Christmas this year. While the inevitable winter haunts the back of my mind, I am still so excited to introduce Jocelyn to some of my favorite Christmas traditions! Sure she was here last year, but now she can get excited about it and participate! I just hope I have time to do it all! (I am going against everything that is me and actually considering planning the whole month in advance. Kind of crazy.)

• Decorating Sugar Cookies-contemplating having some of Jocelyn's friends and their moms join in this one. It might be crazy in our little home, but kind of fun too? Am I crazy?
• Decorating the tree (a real one) and home- Every year my mom could not wait to decorate. Decorating has never been my favorite, but this year I cannot wait because I know Jocelyn will love it. Decorating the tree is one of my favorite memories. No matter how lame I was as a pre-teen/teen I enjoyed that.
• Ginger bread house making- another absolute favorite thing to do. Except there is no ginger or bread. But many gram crackers.
• Fondue dinner- we usually have this as our Christmas dinner. This year we will do our own in Utah before Christmas break with friends since my whole family is off with in-laws, on missions, law school and all other crazy things.
  
• Seeing the lights at the temple.- every year we go too close to Christmas and it is crazy. We want to go early this year and enjoy it!
• Watching Rudolf (a Mince family tradition) and other fun Christmas movies (Its a Wonderful Life, White Christmas, Elf etc...)
• Make and give Christmas gifts to friends family and those in need. (every year we picked a family or some families in need and my mom made amazing gifts to give them. It was so fun!)
  

So there is my list. At least part of it. And there are only three weeks until we leave for California! Bah! Time to get going.

Check In #2

Obviously Thanksgiving got in the way a bit. However, I am pretty happy with the results over all.

Work Out:

Run 2x a week -Ran once. But I rode horses twice...kind of counts.
Spin 1x a week-Did it and died. This is why you should not take a break from spin.
Strength 2x a week - Got one in. Unless of course you want to count horseback riding again. Man my legs were sore!
Abs 5x a week- not so grand.

Eating:

Have a vegetable with every dinner, fruit with other meals -In all the meals I made for myself I did great! Thanksgiving was difficult because I was too busy feeding or attempting to feed Jocelyn and missed out on the delicious salad...but that was the only off day.
Keep in a healthy calorie count but don't cut calories It was Thanksgiving. Of course that did not happen.
Eat healthy meals every day with one cheat day allowed Again, Thanksgiving
One dessert a week Thanksgiving again. And being at my Grandma's farm. All we do there is eat, and its usually not that healthy. I love it.

So with all of that, I weighed myself per-Thanksgiving and got 126. At the end of the weekend I weighted myself expecting a few pounds added on and I was at 124! kind of funny and nice. You could say that was me losing muscle mass. But...I am not sure because I only missed working out for a few days. Either way I will take it. I will admit that while I did eat a lot of crap, I never ate to the point of being stuffed and that probably helped.

Learning

Jocelyn is learning and growing so fast!

On Friday (11/25/2011) we went swimming at Lava Hot Springs. Jocelyn LOVES swimming. Her favorite thing was to jump to me. I count to three so she has a cue and knows not to jump until I am ready. Well later that night she came up to me saying One, Two, Free, Four! I, being the over proud mom I am, was amazed. Of course she can count to three, but where did four come from? Yes I think my child is brilliant.

12/3- watching monsters inc- laughing along and commenting
12/4- woke up early. i heard her in her room and went to check on her and heard her sneezing and laughing at herself (her big giggle.) it was so cute!

11/26- woke up early from her nap and asked to be put in her crib and sat and played for about 40 min by herself. she has started just entertaining herself for a bit in her bed. its so nice! and cute! (nigh nigh rawr etc. is heard.)

12/12- insisted on reading me all three books for bed time. Brown Bear Brown Bear (she said the animal name and sound for each page and read through all the animals at the end like i do. in her own gibberish of course.) Windows to colors (she read this backwards. But opened each page and tried to point at the pictures and "tell" me about them like i do for her.)

Checking In

Thought I posted mid-week last week, I am making the fitness check in on Mondays. That is how I view my week, so that is how it will be.

Work Out:

Run 2x a week -success! (it was beautiful out two days in a row. Made me want to run)
Spin 1x a week-fail (i don't liketo put "fail", but not sure what to say. new word anyone? I had meetings.)
Strength 2x a week - success. Thank you to pinterest for all the ideas. I try a new one each day.
Abs 5x a week- 4/5 so, not complete fail?

Eating:

Have a vegetable with every dinner, fruit with other meals -half and half. I need new ways of incorporating vegitables for those who do not like them. (me.)
Keep in a healthy calorie count but don't cut calories starting off was tricky but i had it down by the end of the week and felt great! (minus sunday. moms like to feed you. and my mom fed me.)
Eat healthy meals every day with one cheat day allowed mostly success. minus the fact that i ate cinnamon pull aparts yesterday. thanks mom. (they were so delicious though!)
One dessert a week see above- i ate ice cream the day before those pull aparts......

Weight: home scale says 121 and work says 126 (what the?) I will go with the higher to be safe. I am not too worried as I just really got going. We will see what next week brings! (already got my work out in today!)

I am not fat

I was looking on pinterest the other day and I found a quote that said, "I am not fat, but I have fat that I need to lose." and it is so true! We all have that problem area. Mine happens to ALL reside in my stomach. Its kind of odd looking.

So my employer (so official sounding) is doing a biggest loser challenge from now through Jan 7. No I do not plan on winning. I do however plan on using this as a reason to get moving and have a healthy body fat percentage and maybe loose a little around the waist. (Please believe me when I say I have something there that needs to go away. I do, I am not looking for compliments or saying I am fat. I just need to get rid of it.)

So here is my goal. Anyone want to join in? I like accountability almost as much as I like competition.

Current Weight: 125 ish Body fat Percentage 24% roughly.

Over all goal: stay around the same weight but cut my body fat percentage to around 22%

How I plan to do this:

Work Out:

Run 2x a week
Spin 1x a week
Strength 2x a week
Abs 5x a week

Eating:

Have a vegetable with every dinner, fruit with other meals (i don't like veggies)
Keep in a healthy calorie count but don't cut calories (I have read a lot lately saying that cutting calories can cause your body to hold onto fat. crazy!)
Eat healthy meals every day with one cheat day allowed
One dessert a week (except Christmas. I do not believe in healthy eating during holidays.)

So there are my goals. I am going to check in here. It is not for you, but for me. I think I can totally cut this body fat down. So lets see how I do!

Good Night Steven

Each night Jocelyn and I sing a song before she goes to bed. The lyrics are "Good nigth _____ Good night ______ good night ______ we'll see you again really soon."

She has taken to requesting everyone she knows to be sung to. She is also starting to know and remember the names of all of her aunts and uncles. Last night we were singing to all of them and while I made sure we did not miss anyone I realized she would not request Steven. Because she does not know him. Or better, she does not remember him. She DOES know him, but that memory is clouded right now.

My stomach dropped. I always knew he would be the favorite uncle. Maybe he just didn't want to create that kind of competition for everyone else?

As I think about it, I guess there are some good lessons I can take from this as well.
1) She can know him. I need to be better at showing her pictures and telling her about him. I think I have avoided it because I cry so easily. But she needs to know.
2) The last line in the song is what matters. "We'll see you again really soon."

It seems like forever. I look at our lives and who knows how many years it will be before we see him again? Sure it is a blink of an eye for him. But what about us? Don't get me wrong. I am truly in love with my family and our life right now. I am enjoying it. But I cannot wait for the time when we can all be with him again.

Until that time though, I will make more effort. I will make sure that she knows him. And hopefully, in the near future she will want to sing to Steven and tell him that we will see him again really soon. Because we will. (though sometimes it does not seem soon enough.)

B!!!!

Tonight, while at a friends house Jocelyn came running up to me with a very concerned face. "B! B! BEEEE!" she yelled. Letter b? no, bee? no, Pee? YES! (she still struggles with the letter p.)

Up to this point she has been terrified of the potty )and usually only tells me if she has to poo. yes poo. i am a mom so i talk about that.), so I double checked. Pee? YES! So I took her diaper off and sat her on the potty with the Elmo seat. 'ELMO!"...yes.

So we sat. Nothing. "Are you done?" " NO! Elmo..."

Then we sat (really just 5 min or so, but thats quite a lot of time to sit on a toilet. well...at unless you are one of those magazine reader types....maybe she is practicing?

So after a few minutes, we are sitting there. And by we I mean Jocelyn, her friend Henry and I. He wanted to keep us company. And what happens? A trickle. Of pee. And I got excited. I cheered for her. She smiled, then got the chills. As she always does when she pees. And she still wanted to sit on the toilet.

Now to see if she will do it again in the near future, or if it was a fluke.

Winter

I wish I loved winter. But I don't. It is not just the cold. But the time of year for us. I thought I was ready for winter. But seeing as it hit us by surprise these last couple of days, (you would think that we would be expecting it now after almost 4 years...) I know I am not. I do not know how I will make it through this time. Please winter, do not stay so long this year.....

The Helper

Jocelyn is one of those toddlers who LOVES to open drawers and cupboards and pull out whatever is in them. She finds this is the best way to help me in the kitchen. It is not unusual at all for her to pull out a drawer and empty its contents then put them all back, then take them out again.

This weekend I was making dinner and Jocelyn thought the best way for her to help me was to focus her efforts on the silverware drawer. Typical, no big deal. I noticed that each time she pulled something out she would grunt then pause then say, "K". She kept doing that, but I figured that was her putting things back in, as is the highest drawer she could reach.

At some point I needed to throw something away and walked over to the trash can that just happens to be right next to said drawer and what did I find? A pile of her forks and spoons, my measuring spoons and some knives. She was taking them out one by one and placing them in the trash can. She said, "K" each time she set one down and went for the next. She was even trying to put more in as I fished them all out to wash.

It might be time for a trash can with a lid.....

California- The Farewell

Saturday we played and prepped for the Farewell and Jocelyn played.

Jocelyn loves to snuggle in her blanket from Grandma

Helping make things is her favorite (and the coffee cake being made is her mother's favorite)

See? Its her favorite

She tried to get the flowers to drink from the cup. For some reason they would not do it.

Using the watering can with Aunt Becky was better.

Sunday she wore her new dress from Grandma and even graced us with her "big smile" (that was, of course, after the farewell. She made sure to not sit through either of the two times Sara spoke.)

What, you want a picture of the actual missionary? Why would have one of those? Crazy I tell you. Believe or not, she was there. I just don't have those pictures on my computer. But if you MUST have one. Her it is. Sister Pulsipher and some of our AMAZING leaders (and friends) from Simi 3

Oh and I was there too. making funny faces with best friends. We just need Emily and the 4 of us are perfect.

California- Pumpkin Patch

The next day Jocelyn and I hung out together until Grandpa Pulsipher got home from teaching. Then the fun began. He took us to Underwood Farms and I don't know if these two could have had more fun!

She rode in a wagon

Then insisted on pushing the wagon

Drove a bus

I think this was Grandpa's favorite part

Climbed the "haystack" (then tumbled down)

Played in tunnels

Went down the slide. several times.

Picked the perfect pumpkin

And headed home with our loot, while cowing down on delicious California strawberries.

Californa- The Flight

Cory was scheduled to teach a class all weekend from October 20th-23. When I found out that Sara's farewell would be that same weekend I thought to myself that it would be nice to go if we had the money but we did not. I was bummed. Then Cory, being the wonderful husband he is, perceived my sadness and said he would use his money from his class to pay for me to go. Yay! Really. Yay. I NEEDED this trip.

Jocelyn loved watching the airplanes. She would yell "airplane!" and shoot her hand in the air signing it.

I was terrified of flying with Jocelyn on a packed flight. This girl HATES to sit still. And the flight was after her bed time. (sleeping at all with people around does not happen.) For the most part she did pretty well on the flight and with the help of a magna-doodle and treats, we eventually made it to LA. Both a little tired.

I was trying to navigate around the Delta portion of the airport while under construction with Jocelyn, a carry on and her car seat. Thank you dear stranger who gave me a cart to use!

The Bike Trailer, croozer kid for 2

I have more pictures but cannot get them at the moment as they are on my not working computer. However, it documents it.

For my birthday I asked for one thing. Money to get a bike trailer/jogging stroller. I wanted to work out with Jocelyn in tow so I had no excuses. I did not want a bike seat since they are not as safe if you happen to crash your bike. My sister had one and it seemed like the perfect solution. I did as much research as I could but there was not much out there. I just knew I needed it to be 1)durable 2) easy to use 3) comfy for any children using it. There is a lot out there. Ranging from $100-$600. I eventually decided I would get one kind of in the middle because I planned on using it a ton and not just to ride around the block. This is what I bought.
It is the Croozer kid for 2. It is the cheaper, chinese version of the most expensive $600 one. It was $450 and came with everything I needed. Most people will not pay this much. It is possible I could have found something just as good for cheaper, but from what I read, this was better for heavier use. I was able to get it and I have really loved it and the customer service I have received getting it from a bike store as opposed to online is wonderful.

Features I looked for and I like:

Bucket seats- A lot of cheaper strollers have canvas with not actual seat and I have heard the kids slide into each other. No idea of its true but I wanted something to avoid that

Infant attachment- you can get an infant sling so that you can still run before your child is 6 months old. I was dying to work out when Jocelyn was little and it drove me crazy. This should help next time around.

Space in back- we have gone to costco and fit all of our groceries in the back of this baby. It was grand.

Simple to switch modes- moving from trailer to stroller is simple and requires no tools. I even figured it out on my own.

Con- While it has a lot of space so that your children fit in it comfortable, it is too wide to fit through a typical doorway. This means that we have to fold it down to bring it inside. But it folds down really easily so its not that big of a deal.

We did have an issue where it was veering right when I was using it as a jogging stroller, but taking it to the shop was a quick easy fix and they will fix it any time. Which is nice.

And here are some pictures of us enjoying our rides, or rather Jocelyn enjoying our rides.

We rode up the canyon a lot this summer. And let me tell you. IT WAS AWESOME. Jocelyn loved it, I loved it, Cory loved it. This is Jocelyn "reading" her book. Never mind it is upside down.


Playing at the park at the beginning of the canyon, about a 5-6 mile ride from our house
Playing halfway-ish up the canyon- 10 mile ride from our house.

We had a blast and I have never been happier about a $450 purchase. It suits our needs. Hopes this helps anyone trying to decide on what to get.

Life lessons learned from X-Men

Warning: This post may contain random tangents and wondering off topic.

Last night Cory and I watched X-Men: First Class. Not so great in my opinion. The first two were the best. But it got us to talking. I guess he had watched a documentary on it and found out the comic book was actually spurred by the civil rights movement but the creators wanted to show that it is not just about race, but accepting people and all of their differences. Interesting right? Its almost like we get so focused on the specific differences we are not supposed to single out, that we do it even more so.
That then got us talking about being aware of groups but still leaving judgment to the individual. You may have met Cory before, you may have spoken to him and learned some things about him. Some of which might be that he is a marine, he went to Iraq, things went down and he is medically retired. He is not a big fan of those whom he had to fight against. But that right there is the key. Those he HAD to fight against. We both talked about how we feel it is all too common these days to generalize. Such as, "All those in the military are mindless drones who kill because they think it is fun. They don't care who are what." or "All military people hate Muslims. They don't give them a chance." or, as Cory pointed out some people who have never even fought in this war think, "All Muslims are terrorists." None of which are true.
Cory discussed with me how frustrating it is at times for people to lump him into the group of those who kill just to kill. He said that, while he talks about going back and killing people, it is to protect those he cares about. His friends in the military, his friends in Iraq that he made. Yes, his friends in Iraq. He made friends there. He has a picture of a friend from the Iraqi military in his wallet still. If people stopped threatening the quality of life and taking innocent lives for selfish reasons, he would have no desire to do so. He does not view his job or his actions as something he does or did for fun. It is something he sees as necessary for the protection of the things he loves most. And he was and is willing to die for them.
I saw some kind of Ron Paul add, and this has nothing to do with political anything, just the add. Talking about how we should imagine what it would be like if China just suddenly decided to occupy our country and they killed innocent people for no reason. It basically makes it seem like all the retaliation is just because we are being big bullies for no reason at all. When, in reality it is not that way.

Why can't anyone accept that it is not just black and white? That it is not just about race, religion, sexual orientation, look or ability. It is people, we are all people and need to be willing to accept each other . Is it smart to be weary of certain groups to an extent? probably. We do need to be smart and aware of possible threats, but be willing to find the good as well. Just because some guy with brown hair and blue eyes did something bad does not mean all guys with brown hair and blue eyes will do the same thing. Be open to letting people show you how good they can be. It is not about one kind of person or one group and how you should treat them. It is funny that X-Men and my husband has taught me this more than anyone else.

Funny things, still no camera

They may be little things, but they are funny to me. And even if they are only funny to me, I am writing them down because this is my blog.

Last night I took Jocelyn to the play place at the mall with a friend (because it is now cold and raining and no, I do not enjoy it like others do. I prefer outside and sunny.) She mostly spends her time going down the slide then running up the stairs then going down the slide. She is still learning to take turns. Most of the time she shoves her way in and tries to cut in front of the line and screams at me when I stop her from going down and tell her to take turns as if I have ruined her master plan.

But last night she climbed up the stairs and prepared to cut in front of the two children in line when a little boy, not much older than her, who was first in line decided to allow the other child and Jocelyn to go first. He put his hand around her back and gently allowed her to go first. I thought it was cute and later found out it was because he was quite unsure of the slide.

Well Jocelyn found this quite the gesture as well because the next time she went up the stairs she did her usual, push your way to the front thing but then stepped to the side and proceeded to "guide" about 4 other children (two of which were probably 5 or older) down the slide.

Of course the next time around she tried to cut in front of the very boy who gave her that idea. But it was cute that one time.

Still.

Anyone noticed I have probably 5 posts with no pictures? And not many post about Jocelyn? That would be because we still do not have a computer. Cory traded some of his things for an ipad. Turns out an Ipad is not that great when what you really need is a computer. Duh. But we are about to get a used mac. yes we are mac people. no we are not trendy. i am just lazy. like...i eventually stop capitolizing things halfway thourgh a post. i also do not have any desire to learn how to fix my computer when it is not working for me. mac keeps me lazy. i like it. the end.

so basically....i will have pictures soon. i hope....

Following directions (lots of links sorry.)

Life gets difficult sometimes. It turns out that sometimes full time jobs, babies, husbands in school and work, loss of loved ones and a little PTSD don't often make life seem like a breeze. While some of those things are happy, all together things can be difficult. Add the upcoming winter in the mix along with anniversaries we would rather not have, its just kind of tough. I have found myself saying, "if only.." quite often. (if only I didn't work, if only things just worked out...etc..) Thinking that the only solution is to make drastic changes so that we can not be dealing with certain things.

At the beginning of the month we received our monthly ensign. I did something I pretty much never do. I read it. And the First Presidency message really got me. Specifically this part

"As you prepare for general conference, I invite you to ponder questions you need to have answered. For example, you might yearn for direction and guidance by the Lord regarding challenges you are facing.

Answers to your specific prayers may come directly from a particular talk or from a specific phrase. At other times answers may come in a seemingly unrelated word, phrase, or song. A heart filled with gratitude for the blessings of life and an earnest desire to hear and follow the words of counsel will prepare the way for personal revelation."

You can read the entire address here. (and if you are curious about what general conference is you can watch, read or listen here. Or go here for our basic beliefs.)

So I did what he said. I figured it would not hurt to follow directions once and a while.

Fast forward to this weekend. My two sisters in California came to visit since the youngest is going to leave on a mission soon. We decided to gather and watch the conference together. I can honestly say I am not always amazing at watching this. But we did. And low and behold guess what happened?

President Uchtdorf gave this talk. (I can only find it in video form right now, but oh so worth watching.)

So guess what? That was the EXACT answer to my prayers. Who knew that I just needed to remember to be happy now? While the last two years have been very difficult I still have an awesome family, great job and we are blessed to live comfortably. I need to be happy for that because it is something worth being happy for.

This whole experience remained me of a talk (sorry cannot remember the specific one but when I do I will link it up.) where we were told that those speaking in General Conference were not assigned topics, instead they pray and seek inspiration for what the people they are speaking to need to hear.

So basically, if you have not done so already you better get some questions into those prayers or else this conference is going to be all about me because you can bet I am going to take full advantage of this awesomeness.

That is all.

Angels at Costco

On Saturday, I did what I could to go about my business. I did not want to think about home. It was too sad and I felt alone in Utah. I went to Costco to get groceries and when I was checking out, the pin on my card was not working. I tried it three times and explained to the teller that I had just had to reset my pin (which I had just done on Thursday.) so I am sorry it was not working. Eventually I had no choice but to leave sans groceries. Feeling a little embarrassed I started to leave with Jocelyn, preparing to call Cory and tell him he would have to go later on since my card would not work.

At that moment a woman came running up behind me, grabbed my arm and said, "Come back, let me get your groceries." I tried to tell her it was ok, not to worry. I had the money but my pin was not working so my husband would come. She would not have it. She put her arm around me and led me to the register. She then bought my $60 worth of groceries. I tried to get her number or something so I could pay her back but she would not let me. She just gave me this big wonderful mommy type hug and said to go.

If I was not crying before I was definitely crying then. What a ray of sunshine on such a cloudy weekend. It blows my mind how amazing people can be. She reminded me that I need to step outside of myself more often to help others. I can stretch myself a little more if it means I can help someone feel as blessed as I did at that moment.

So to the random woman who helped me at Costco. (or perfect angel or blessing lady, whichever you choose) Thank you for inspiring me. That $60 was not for nothing. I will be putting what I would have spent at Costco to something to help others. Thank You for being amazing.

I would love to be articulate and have an eloquent way of expressing my feelings. But for now I will just write.
This last weekend was a tough one. I was prepared for the anniversary of September 11. Think of where I was, how terrifying it was and how many people have sacrificed since then. I was subdue. Prepared to honor the memory of those lost.

Then, on Thursday I was informed that a friend from a close family back home was missing. Later that day the news came back that he was gone. Just a little over a year after his niece. 18 months since Steven.

That coupled with the fact that the last month Steven has been on my mind so much and that I am starting to live in fear of the winter for that is the most difficult time for our family, I had a tough weekend. But not as tough as those mourning loved ones who are no longer with them, so I felt guilty.

I remember the day we found out about Steven, it was terrible. The following weeks and months were terrible. I felt that it shouldn't have happened and no one quite understands. However, I never hoped or wanted anyone else to understand. And now one family understands, and not once but twice.

I have little to say. I feel helpless. I want more than anything to take the hurt others feel away from them. But I cannot. It is confusing. Why? The question that I am sure many are asking. All I have are two things that have been getting me through the last 18 months. A scripture and a song.

"But that ye have ^apatience, and bear with those ^bafflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." Alma 34:41 (this scripture was recommend to us by Cory's uncle. I am grateful to him for that.)

No One is Alone

Mother cannot guide you
Now you're on your own
Only me beside you
Still your not alone
No one is alone
Truly
No one is alone

Sometimes people leave you
Half-way through the wood
Others may deceive you
You decide whats good
You decide alone
But no one is alone

People make mistakes
Father's, Mother's
People make mistakes
Holding to their own
Thinking they're alone

Honor their mistakes
Everybody makes
One another's terrible mistakes

Witches can be right
Giants can be good
You decide whats right
You decide whats good
Just remember

Someone is on your side
Someone else is not
While we're seeing our side
Maybe we forgot
They are not alone
Cause no one is alone

Hard to see the light now
Just don't let it go
Things will come out right now
We can make it so
Someone is on your side
No one is alone

* (from reprise but the verse that keeps me going)
Sometimes People leave you
Halfway through the wood
Do not let it grieve you
You decide whats good.


I have no words of strength or advice beyond these. I know that if I am patient (though it is often very difficult.) and if I remember that "no one leaves for good" that I can make it through the wood. I just pray for others that they will be blessed to make it through the wood as well.

So there you have it. My random ramblings that probably make no sense. But I do feel a little bit better.

Just to Remember

So we are officially computer-less in our home. The last of the two laptops has fallen to Jocelyn. By mistake. We plan to get a new one but this is always the tightest budget month of the year due to school fees and such. So the 18 month post that I have been planning on will have to wait. But Jocelyn is doing so many funny things and growing up so fast I have to document some of it.

She has been talking sooooo much lately. Her favorite thing to do is to give everything the title of "the". She says hi to the cats every day as "Hi the mowe!" (how do you spell that? I want to spell it mow but it is not mow as in mow the lawn. maybe moow? maow? hmmm...) and we took her to Sundance to walk around and look it fishes. She signed fish as fast as she could and said, "Hi the fishy!".

She also calls all playgrounds "Wee." If she wants to go play she simply points in the direction of a playground and says, "Wee? Yeah?" and nods yes to her own question. Needless to say it devastates her when we do not agree with her answer. Then last night we were playing at a park while Cory was riding his bike and when it was time to leave she turned around, waved and said, "Bye the wee!!"

I personally find this hilarious.

Please?

Jocelyn loves music. Or at least, I like to think she does.

Today we were walking the halls at church during sacrament meeting (what? you have never done that before?) She walked by the primary room just as they were having singing time. She heard the music, froze for a minute, cocked her head to the side and danced for a minute. Then she walked to the door and between attempts to open the door (which she does not know how to do yet) she would turn back to me and say Mommy! and then sign please (which happens to be smearing her hand across her chest. ha) She was so upset when I would not let her join the primary children for singing time. I love that she loves music.

Music

Years ago someone told me that she felt my prayers were answered with music. In fact, that was when I discovered, or rather finally really listened to, And So it Goes. That is what created, or rather encouraged the turning point for Cory and me. I 100% agree with this person (Sara). However, I have had kind of a dry spell with music lately. No time to practice, listen to or just enjoy music. It is difficult but something I know is temporary. But what is really difficult is that right now, this moment, my heart cries out for it. For that perfect song. The one with the lyrics that speak to my soul. To its joys, its worries, fears, pains. The one that has the answer to my prayers. My heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest at the thought of singing. That maybe it is some operatic masterpiece that will calm this little heart or whatever else it may be that is trying to jump out of my chest.

Now is when I need my voice teacher. I know that sounds funny but a voice teacher, the right one, could listen to me now and pull exactly the right song to speak to my soul. Or maybe speak my soul. Oh the magic of those who truly speak the language of music....or at least the dialect I speak....

Baby Face

Today I was looking at pictures from when Jocelyn was just born. (has it really been almost 18 months? The first year seemed forever but now time is flying by.) I was thinking about that perfect little face. Her adorably cute nose that her dad loved so much and her perfect lips that I loved so much. I looked at that picture and then thought about how much she has changed. Even her nose and lips.

I thought that her little baby face was now taken over by the toddler face and none of it was quite the same. Though I much prefer the toddler, I missed that face a little. Then, tonight when I went in to her room before I went to bed I took that not so little anymore body in my arms and rocked her a bit. As I went to lay her down (boy was she out) I looked at her face. I just wish I had a way of taking a picture of that face. I was staring right into the same face I looked at in pictures this morning. My little baby girl, with her cute nose and perfect lips. It made my heart smile.It is nice to know that even though she will continually grow and change, when she is sleeping I will always have my baby girl.

Picture of Pictures

I was browsing some blogs people have recommended and someone posted about Andrew Miller Arts. I think this is such a cool idea. If you are like me you take somewhere around a million pictures of your child in just one day. So why not frame a picture of your child made of a million small pictures of your child? I think it would be fun to do one for each child on a specific mile stone. Maybe a year? Turning 8? (if you are LDS that is a big year.) Graduating high school?

Now, if only I had the money to spend on something like this.

California Part 3- Richard

After three days of camping we finished our trip going between Oxnard and Simi playing with family.

Jocelyn helped Nana make cookies.

The real reason she helps. (That is my girl.)

Apparently waves are no big deal but one little sprinkler spraying her in the face? Not ok.

Yes, we worked out with Richard Simmons. Yes I loved it. Jayna was a trooper but was not quite sure why we found it so amazing. However, she stuck it out and got some great pictures. All in all, I will go again and if you ever can, go get your work out. It is very entertaining and the man loves his work.

Did I mention it was his Birthday? Oh, and it was a broadway theme. Perfect.

Sara celebrated the occasion with a combover.

We also celebrated Anne turning one. I should have a picture but I dont. However Jocelyn sure enjoyed the occasion, and the cake that went with it.

So there is our 2011 summer trip to California. We had a blast and just wish we could be there longer! ( I wish we could move back. Cory, just wants to visit.)

And so it begins

I know I am probably asking for it when I say I am excited for when Jocelyn does and says funny things. But I kind of am. Lucky for me today I saw a small glimpse of it.

Due to random things happening I had Jocelyn with me when I helped teach primary today and that is a whole different story. However, during one of the very few moments she was not screaming she walked over to one of the students and sat on the chair next to her. Then she said hi and lifted up her dress as high as she could then started saying belly button belly button! and pointing at her belly button.

I might need to talk to her about modesty one of these days. Or stop asking her to lift up her shirt to show me her belly button.....

California Part 2- The Beach

After a few days at Corys parents we headed to El Capitan to camp with my family. For three days we spent the entire day on the beach. There was a lot of boogie boarding, some surfing, kayaking, sand playing, sunburned bodies and a ton of fun.

This was actually the last day in Ventura at C Street. It is a tradition to dig a big hole while at the beach. The kids loved it and the babies thought it was grand to climb in and out of.

The three youngest loved the sand toys. Anne and Jocelyn liked to sit next to each other and take each others toys.

Dad and Cory kayaking.

Jocelyn got a ring pop. After licking it a few times she looked at it, looked at the sand and decided it would taste better if she dipped it in the sand a few times.

She is looking at Sara wondering why on earth she has not dipped her ring pop in the sand yet.

California Part 1

In July we took a little break from life and went home to California for a family reunion my parents put together. We went up a few days early to spend some time with Corys parents who just bought a new town house. Jocelyn had a blast with her Nana and Grandpa!

Cousin Alli had some super fun braids to play with.

Nana knew Jocelyn liked rocking chairs and happened to have the one she had when she was little. So, minus a few complications that Uncle Randy was able to work through, she put it together for Jocelyn to use.

We, of course, went to the beach. Jocelyn was watching her dad surf the harbor. I think she is getting ready to go out too.

Walking to greet the waves. No fear. At all.

She loved her Pa Pa. She even fell asleep in his lap, which she has never done before for anyone.

Along with the beach we also got some good pool time in. Jocelyn loved swimming with Nana, I think Nana liked it too.

Why not?

"Do not ask for tasks to meet your ability, rather, ask for the ability to meet your tasks." Thomas S. Monson

This morning, after a late night up talking with Cory about our life and the direction we want to take our family, I turned on the TV as I usually do while getting ready for work because I don't like complete silence. Normally I would just turn on the news. However, this morning, when I turned it on there was Pres. Monson. I thought about changing the channel then thought "Why not?" Well, the quote above spoken not 30 seconds later is why not.

I am not sure I could explain exactly why that quote holds so much value to me right now. But I will say that I needed that, more than anything. I tend to think about all the tasks I have in front of me and become overwhelmed and find myself anxious, hoping some will go away or someone will take them away for me. Sometimes I just ignore them only to let them become greater tasks. I think all along I knew that was not the way to go, but the thought of finding a way to handle it all scared me.

But that is not the way to live life. So I will,as cory says, "pull out my straw and suck it up". I will lay my tasks before me and instead of feeling fear, I will find strength and when I cannot find it, I will pray for it. I will and I can do this. (however, sometimes I might feel fear again. But I will work at being better.)

Gotta love the inspiration we receive at 6 in the morning.

16 Months

It seems little boo is changing and growing so fast I cannot keep up. I love this age so much, however, I think I can finally say I almost wish she could slow down a bit so I can enjoy it a little more. She is now 16 months old. I swear I was just talking about how much I love having a one year old. And I still cant believe I am typing that, up until now it was just excitement for each new stage.

In the last month Jocelyn has begun walking everywhere, talking a ton and is discovering her love of laughter. Making others laugh, things making her laugh etc. She is so funny. She is starting to make the funniest faces when she does things. One of our favorite things to do together is make faces in the mirror.

She has a funny fake laugh she does when she can tell someone else is fake laughing, and when she does something that makes someone laugh she keeps trying to do it.

Other things she is doing:

She talks to her reflection, ,mostly in the oven. She also walks around outside to the neighbors doors and bends down to look in the brass door panel and says hi. She will do this at each door.

She loves to talk and loves animals. She has to see and say hi to every cat and dog she sees. She talks and talks. She knows quite a few words but also just babbles. She also tries to read books as well.

What a cow says-

ABCs up to f

No- she is really good at that one

Some other things

Due to the hilarious tantrum throwing last night I almost forgot to update on some fun things Jocelyn is doing.

Yesterday morning, while dropping Jocelyn off at the baby-sitters, she hands me a book (quite normal.) It was an ABC book. So I start reading. Then I hear this voice every time I say a letter happily repeating it back. Yes, Jocelyn was saying the letters.

She says up to D. Sometimes E. It is cute. What got her saying them? Melmo. Or as we know him, Elmo. One of her movies (which she LOVES) has segments of Sesame Street in it and talks about the letter C. Let me tell you, she really enjoys saying the letter C. Ha. She is so dang cute!

Miss Independent

Jocelyn is teething. She only had two teeth until two days ago. Now she has three and more on the way. She is also beginning to assert her independence.

Jocelyn+teething+independence=several tantrums and early bed times.

While this mostly drives me crazy, there are funny things too.

1) How she carefully lays down in order to flatten herself out and make a point while screaming.

2) How tonight while throwing a tantrum and rolling around she let out a huge stinker, sad ah then proceeded to scream again.

That being said, I find myself wondering how the heck to get on top of these tantrums right away. While I know she is teething, I know she does not need to throw tantrums. The best I know is to ignore them. Not give her attention positive or negative and not give into what she wants. I actually attempted a time out once. Yeah ,she thought I was putting her on the stairs to play. So......any suggestions? What has worked for you?

My Husband

Another Father I absolutely want to and must pay tribute to is my wonderful husband and the oh so proud father of little J. Cory D. Mince. I cannot begin to describe how much I love Cory and how good he is at being a dad. The best I can say is that, several people have told me how much they love watching him with J because it is fun to see this big tough Marine completely smitten by his little girl.

He gets excited about things, like babies. He also teases everyone. Including Jocelyn. He bought her a stuffed skunk while we were still in the hospital because she was being a stinker about nursing.

He is very cuddly. So naturally, he took advantage of this with a cute little cuddly baby. At least while she would allow it......



He is the patriarch of our family, the holder of the priesthood. I am grateful for that every day. This was Jocelyns blessing day.

He is goofy. Kind of reminds you of another father in my life huh?


Willing to carry any diaper bag or purse to help me out
He loves, um....posing for pictures.....










I love watching Cory grow and develop as a Father. When Jocelyn was first born he was scared to hold her. Now he tosses her around and plays with her like it is not big deal. I love watching his love for her grow, it makes my love for him grow even more. There is nothing more fun then watching my Marine with his daughter (who absolutely has him wrapped around her finger). I love you Cory and I am grateful you are Jocelyns Dad.