15 Days into Motherhood: Winter's Soldier

When my parents were here, Steve and I escaped for a date to see the new Captain America movie. I pumped some milk, kissed the kids good bye, grabbed my popcorn bucket and we headed out.

The theater was empty when we walked in. Matinees aren't super popular here especially on a Monday.

A man came into the theater and sat right behind us.

In my mind I think, why would someone sit right behind us in a completely empty theater? Its not something I would do. Then I start to panic. Why would he sit behind us? We're all alone. What if no one else comes in? Its just the random guy and us. And no one else is going to come in this theater for at least two hours. That's plenty of time for him to kill us and have time to escape. (Seriously, I realize this is insane!) Suddenly I am racked with fear. I imagine him slitting our throats or shooting us and we would have no way to escape. Even if we tried to run, theater rows aren't conducive to a quick getaway. Maybe one of us could get to the exit... If we screamed, would anyone hear it? The volume is so loud.

Now I realize the man behind us hasn't moved at all since he sat down. Not even fidgeting. Is he prepping his move, is he gearing up to get us?

I am so afraid that I am literally sweating and barely moving myself. Poised for an attack. I think of our two kids. Home with my parents. How would they find them? How would they let them know we were dead? Our Henry and our sweet baby Vivian, all alone.

As these thoughts are racing through my mind, two women come into the theater and sit in front of us. And then some other people come and sit in the back of the theater. We're safe.

Eventually I relax and thoroughly enjoy the movie. I can only imagine that this paralyzing fear was a result of unbalanced postpartum hormones. And at the time it was so real. So very real.

Sandy Creek Picnic

Another beautiful day just enjoying the weather in Georgia. We picnicked at Sandy Creek Park and tried to ignore the swarms of bugs you could see in the setting sun. 

Vivian: Snapshots

 Here are some pictures from my phone of Vivian in her first month.

Remember how I made all those clothes? Well I now have a baby to wear them. 

Vivian rocking an orange tunic dress.

 Henry loving on his sister

 Hola. 

 Nighttime snuggles with Daddy. Love how her mouth and face squishes. 

 Escape Artist. 

 Circle Skirt and Tiny Bow. This is the appropriate sized bow for a newborn.

 Mixing patterns. Florals and stripes. 

Bright neon coral bow

10 days into Motherhood: lift up the floodgates

I love when they grab your shirt when nursing. Look at that sweet arm. 

 The second time around has had lots of surprisingly easy adjustments. As I already mentioned, bathing and dressing your baby is much easier and fortunately so has nursing.

Vivian is a champ nurser! In the beginning she was so sleepy that we were literally waking her to get her to eat every two hours. Waking a lethargic baby is quite funny. Pretty much we would just start stripping off her clothes until she got cold and woke up. Or I would just place her alone on the bed--you know, laying next to me until she would startle herself awake. And once she would latch on she would quickly fall back asleep. It was a little bit of a challenge keeping her awake to eat. She needed to gain weight too and that is why we had to be diligent. Since she lost 10 ounces after birth and was done to 6 lbs 6 ozs, we had to fatten her up. Once she started gaining and was back up to birth weight we could be a little more lenient on her sleeping.

Naturally we have gotten into a routine. Its crazy how all of a sudden you have a little routine going. She usually eats now about every 2-3 hours during the day and goes sometimes up to 6 hours at night but its more like 4-5 hours. And she is a super efficient little sucker usually emptying one side in 6-8 minutes.

Baby Mickey is hungry too. 

Since this is my second baby they told me my milk would probably come in faster than the first time. On day four it came in like a flood. Poor Vivian hated my engorged chest and I had to pump before feeding her. Thank goodness for breast pumps! My chest was sore for days but I feel like my body reached equilibrium a lot faster than last time. There is a balance between how much she eats and how full your chest gets. I feel like last time I was sore for longer and my body just couldn't figure out how much milk Henry needed. This time is better and I feel like my chest is almost too empty but she is gaining weight so everything must be okay.

One thing I didn't expect was how painful it would be to get hugs from Henry when my milk came in. Ouch. Four year olds can be aggressive with their hugs. And it can hurt if taken unaware.

Now that we're one month in we have a nice rhythm going especially at night. Before bed I gather all the supplies we'll need for the night and bring them into our room. For now she is sleeping in our room in a rock and play. I get enough diapers and wipes for the night and something to change her on. I also refill my hospital water bottle with lots of ice water--I wake up so hot and sweaty. I make sure to have a hair tie on the night stand to throw my hair up at feeding time--again I am so hot. We go to bed super early. Sometimes we start prepping for bed around 9:00 pm and sometimes its later. Vivian tends to be her most awake in the evening so sometimes it takes us until 11:00 to get her to sleep. Right now she is waking up 1-2 times per night. I feed her on one side, burp her, change her and then feed her on the other side. More burping and a swaddling redo and we're ready for bed again. If she doesn't want to go back to sleep, I try and hand her off to Steve but sometimes let her sleep on my chest as I sleep.

Overall I have been really impressed with breastfeeding again this time. I love spending that time with her and she has made it an easy transition for me. Except sometimes she tries and eats her hand--I try and tell her there is no milk in there but she doesn't listen.

And now for a few recommendations:
Last time I bought two nursing bras because I am cheap. But it didn't really make a lot of sense when you think about how you will wear them for an entire year--so don't hesitate to buy a few, nice ones. This time I stocked up on some extra ones and have fallen in love with this one from Target. Its a comfort, soft bra which means no underwire, there are two side wires for support and shape. I haven't ventured out of the house (besides to exercise) in a soft bra since I was like 14. This is beyond comfy and reminds me of a nursing tank but without the additional layer of wearing a tank. Its convenient for extra support while lounging around the house and I have worn it with looser tops out of the house. I would highly recommend it.
I am also loving Lansinoh Breast Pads and our boppy and the new cover.
I was looking for a new breast pump since my last one died while I was at girls camp. I wanted one but didn't need such a heavy duty one as a medela as I won't be working. I opted for the Evenflo Deluxe Double Electric Pump.  Tt is way more affordable than the medelas. I love it. It works really well for my purposes: just pumping enough to go out occasionally without my baby. The only negative is its kind of loud but thats not really a big deal. Is there anything that makes you feel more like a dairy cow than pumping with a double pump? Thanks to my wonderful friends who got it for me at my baby shower!

Strawberry Picking

 

 

When Gramma and Grandpa were here we took advantage of the extra sets of hands and did one of our favorite spring time activities: strawberry picking at Washington Farms. This is Henry and I's fourth year picking and sampling. Luckily we had extra hands because Vivian did not like the bright, bright sun and refused to be in her carrier. Who can blame her though as she was like two weeks old? I also had to duck out and feed her while Henry showed Gramma and Grandpa how to pick the best berries. We picked two gallons which I whipped into two strawberry pies.

Oh the bliss of eating pie with abandon. 
 
To see how much we've grown since last year, you can see the 2013 adventure here.
And as always here is the link to the best strawberry pie recipe.

7 days into Motherhood: You were the first

My mom was able to change her flight and come the Tuesday after Vivian was born. She had originally planned on coming around my 39th week in case I was induced early. Hooray for Gramma who showed up and pretty much got to work taking care of all of us. She grocery shopped, cleaned and showed genuine interest in all Henry's super heroes and star wars characters. She ran interference with him in the night and helped entertain him for days. She also cooked meals and insisted on daily naps for Steve and I.

While I was prepping for baby #2 to arrive, I would ask friends what the hardest part about going from one to two kids was. Most often the response had something to do with emotionally being at ease with having a new child while making sure your first kid was happy and their needs were being met. Since Henry is four years old and very capable of understanding what a new baby means, I wasn't that worried about him not "getting it." I was more concerned about him acting out in response to the new baby and not towards her.

A few weeks before Vivian was born I sent Steve to the library to check out a stack of books on becoming a big brother. Thanks Megan for blogging some great recommendations. Some of the books told about what a new baby can do--pretty much nothing--and how being a big brother is awesome. Being bigger means you can do things like run and eat pizza (seriously, pizza eating was in almost all of them) and you will need to teach your new sibling how to do all these amazing things. There were also a couple of books with real pictures (not illustrations) of families taking care of their babies. I wanted Henry to see what breastfeeding looked like since I would be feeding the new baby.

One book You Were The First was my absolute favorite and it arrived after Vivian was born. Just to preface, I am not an overly emotional person in normal, non-pregnant life when it comes to this kind of stuff. I can read I'll Love You Forever without crying. In fact that book creeps me out--the old lady climbing in her son's window? Sick. But reading this book to Henry only days after Vivian was born turned me into an emotional mess. Not only is the artwork wonderful but the story goes through all the firsts of the first child. You were the first to sleep in the bassinet, you were the first to laugh. In the end, there might a second or a third child but you will always be the first. As I was reading to Henry, I was literally covered in tears. Poor kid, he had no idea what to make of it. Even now as I type I am tearing up.

I thought I would share a couple of recent pictures of Henry to accompany this post. Here he is with a huge tower that Steve and Grandpa helped him build.

Henry received lots of new super hero and star wars figures. Apparently becoming a big brother means getting lots of new toys :)

This story totally epitomizes how I have been feeling the past few days. Even as we were dropping Henry off on our way to the hospital, I was watching him walk into our friend's house and I realized our lives would never be the same. I was sitting in the car and I could see his little, poufy-haired head against the lighted doorway. He was holding his pillow and he just obediently walked inside. I started crying knowing that it would never be just me and him again. And as excited as I was and am to have a new baby in our family, it was sad. Steve got back in the car, saw I was crying and told me everything would be alright. He assumed I was worried about being in labor. I told him I was sad about Henry and I don't remember if he responded but the feelings were fleeting as everything else progressed.

The first few days home I was excited to be able to interact with Henry again. After weeks of laying on the couch it was nice to play with him on the floor. I had missed being involved with games and his action figures and even just being in his room.

Henry's first horseback ride! A lollipop and a horse? Heaven.

 One time I went in when he woke up just a few hours after bedtime. He was sweaty and crying so I assume he had had a nightmare. I got him back into bed and started singing to him. He fell asleep almost immediately but kept singing to him. I was singing songs that I had sung to him as a baby and I was just crying. Couldn't stop myself. I even had to wipe my nose and eyes on the edge of his sheet! Oh hormonal emotions!

Talk about a wonderful birthday party, Henry loved Eve's My Little Pony Party.

I have had other moments where I was just overwhelmed by sadness when it comes to him. Its almost like a nostalgic feeling. Its the end of an era. And while these changes are wonderful and we are so happy to have Vivian, I feel like a mourning for the loss of what was is a natural thing. Putting these thoughts down has been difficult for me and that is why it has taken so long and why I am so far behind on blogging. I actually have lots of other posts ready to go but I wanted to have everything in order. Just typing these feelings has been very helpful especially since I am doing it retrospectively and most of these emotions have passed. But I wanted to have them jotted down so I can remember.

Next up, breastfeeding!

Henry: Big Brother Extraordinaire

So far Henry has been an excellent big brother. His initial disinterest in the hospital slowly melted away and he became more and more intrigued by Vivian.

• On the way home from the hospital he exclaimed "Hey, there's four people in the car!" 
• He loves to sing primary songs to her and it actually helps calm her down. She likes "I am a Child of God" and "I Love to See the Temple."  It doesn't really help her when he screams them in her face but we're learning all about personal space. 
• He calls her "the baby" or "my baby." 
• He is a really great helper and will bring me whatever I need for her like new blankets, her binky and wipes. 
• Sometimes his enthusiasm is a little too loving. He really likes to get right in her face which I think startles her. He also can get aggressive with his loving caresses. We often have to remind him to be gentle and back off a bit. 
• She is super distracting to him when he should be focused on eating or during scriptures and prayers. Instead of eating the foods he doesn't want to eat he is hovering over her. Instead of listening to the scriptures he is touching her head.
• Speaking of no personal space, he also coughs all over her and touches her with snotty fingers. We try and tell him to stop but he is four years old and the doctor said its really not that big of a deal.
• He has mastered baby talk. And says funny things like "she's so tiny" and "she's so cute."
• He likes to hold her with the pillow but quickly changes his mind if she starts crying. 
• After one month of having her here, I asked Henry what he liked most about the baby. He said: I like to watch her. Kind of creepy.

Tummy Time with Jabba the Hut

Once again what you would expect from having a four year old and a newborn under the same roof. 

My kids amuse me.

Vivian's First Bath

One thing is for sure about being second time parents, stuff like bathing and dressing your baby are just that much easier. I remember being so nervous about bathing Henry because he was so tiny but Vivian was even tinier and it was no big deal. Despite the initial screaming, she really enjoyed being rinsed with the warm water and started to relax a bit. Henry stood nearby to observe the scene but he had his fingers plugging his ears.

The first picture perfectly captures just how red she was at the beginning of her life. Such a red girl. Her skin is quite pale and pink when she is calm but she can get red really quickly when her needs aren't met. 

The last picture showcases perfectly crazy baby eyes. And shows her cute little chin.

oh baby baby: Happy Due Date!

Since yesterday was my official due date, I thought I would take a 40 week picture. 

Vivian is 3 weeks old.

So happy to not be pregnant anymore. 

Now lets take a look back on this magical journey...

4 days into Motherhood: recovery and the hospital

After I had Henry I started a series on the blog logging a journal of sorts into my first journey into motherhood. Of course blogging is a journal but they were posts dedicated to me as a new mother. Since I have already been a mother for many days, I thought I would begin again with the days after Vivian was born. Its practically all new again anyway as the first time I became a mother was over four years ago, 1618 days to be exact.

I am also starting a little behind because I have been so tired that any time I sit down at the computer I feel like I am going to fall asleep immediately. My first posts will be in retrospect and hopefully I should quickly catch up but no promises because I am so sleep deprived.

So here we go. I don't know why but this recovery has been super easy for me physically. There weren't any surprises like last time--they don't tell you a lot about recovery when you are pregnant--there is a huge push to educate yourself on pregnancy and labor and delivery and then no one really mentions that your body will be recovering for weeks. Not only are you swollen and sore and stitched up but its all a big surprise. I guess people don't like talking about bloody discharge and hemorrhoids and the other delights of your first days of motherhood. This time I had knowledge and experience on my side.

Henry first meeting Vivian. A little unsure...

Since I didn't have an epidural this time, I was able to get up and go to the bathroom within an hour of delivering. No catheter! I also was ready to have the nurses help with all the "down there care" on my first bathroom attempt--again no surprises this time. And because my legs weren't numb, I was able to be wheeled to the mother and baby unit in a wheelchair instead of having my bed rolled there. All this happened while Vivian was getting her bath and they were checking her blood sugar levels. Since she was technically born 2 days premature, they checked her blood sugar every three hours for the first 24 hours. She scored well each time.

After we were all settled in the room, they had a long foldout bed/couch thing for Steve to sleep on, we tried to get some rest. I was way too energized mentally to sleep. My body was very fatigued but my mind kept running through the whole labor over and over again. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how crazy and fast it all happened and I almost couldn't believe our baby was here and she was asleep in a plastic bin by my bed.

We stayed in the hospital for two days, all day Sunday and left Monday evening. They said we could stay one more night because she had been born in the middle of the first night but I was so uncomfortable in the hospital bed and so ready to get home I declined. I know, declining a hospital full of capable nurses to tend to us? I really don't like hospitals and seriously was so uncomfortable and restless. I did however appreciate my one night of sleep where my kind nurse suggested I rest and she would bring the baby to me as needed--it was exactly my wish--bless you Candace.

Hey, this is my sister!

Maybe it is because I only pushed for fifteen minutes or maybe it is because this is my second child but I feel like the whole recovery process was significantly improved from last time. I know last time I was swollen and needing ice packs and pain meds for almost a week. This time it was only for 2-3 days. I think only having one stitch compared to four last time makes a big difference too. It also helped to be able to be up and about so quickly after birth. Walking around my room and to the nursery really helped my body and gave me good energy. After being in bed or relaxing for so many weeks, I was thrilled to be able to move about comfortably, lay flat on my back and just feel normal again. Plus sitting/reclining in that bed really started to hurt my tailbone.

Steve spent the first night and day at the hospital with us while Henry was with friends and church. Henry came Sunday afternoon to meet his new sister and wasn't all that interested. He was more interested in the gloves and pushing the buttons to raise and lower the bed. He had been to the hospital before during my pregnancy so it wasn't scary or anything but there were too many distractions. I wasn't concerned about his disinterest as it was kind of what I expected. Sunday night Steve and Henry slept at home and then brought me lunch the next day and finally came to get us after Steve's classes.

After coming home from the hospital, Henry built this block tower to hold the baby's binky. I love how his 4 year old mind works, a binky tower totally makes sense! So convenient!

Our first night at home went well. Of course we were up a lot of the night feeding her and trying to wake her up to eat but it had a familiarity to it that was comforting. It reminded me a lot of Henry's first night at home where we took shifts sleeping next to him to make sure he was okay. Since Vivian was early they warned us she would be pretty lethargic and would need to be awaken to eat every 2-3 hours. She actually lost ten ounces from her birth weight which was a high but normal amount to lose. The doctor was concerned her weight wouldn't stabilize upon going home but after three days she was gaining again. We were encouraged to be strict about her eating and she quickly has regained her birth weight and is in the clear. All our hard work has paid off! But seriously she sleeps most of the day and at first you had to literally remove all her clothing to get her to wake up to eat. So sleepy!

Fast forward three weeks and she has a better rhythm and eats closer to every 3-4 hours by waking up on her own. I have also recovered from delivery almost 100% with my bleeding stopped and only minimal cramping once every couple of days when I breastfeed. Hooray!

oh baby baby: the birth partner

In preparation for labor and delivery this time around, we were recommended the book The Birth Partner by a couple in our centering class. Its all about how to support your wife and what to expect when aiming for a natural birth. Some of the shared experiences are a little lame but the overall review of the stages of labor and how to cope with them was really helpful. I had Steve read a few of the chapters and we made a summary list of how we can go through this together. I am so grateful for his support of my desire to have a natural birth as its going to take a lot more work on his part.

So Steve has totally rocked as my husband and as a father in the past few months. I am so confident he will be a wonderful and supportive birth partner. Here are some of the ways he has made my life so much easier.

• He lovingly albeit forcefully reminds me to rest and relax. I need a firm hand and he is so supportive of any effort I make to lay down, take naps and just plain sit around doing nothing. 
• He is more than willing to just hang out and watch tv with me all evening. This includes downloading and finding Walking Dead episodes, the Americans, seasons of the Big Bang Theory and letting me hog the tv to watch hours of Parenthood and my other lame reality tv series. And he lets me cry my eyes out without judgement. Okay, with minimal judgement. 
• He runs interference with Henry when he is particularly clingy and needy. And plays on the floor with him and they are constantly coming up with new games and uses for his super heros. 
• He has picked up hundreds of tissues stashed in the car and all over the house from my mucusy episodes and thrown them away. 
• He has come to every midwife centering class (even the gross ones) and watched Henry during my increased doctor's visits. And he helped me get out of the hospital quicker by checking up on lab statuses. 
• He occasionally cooks dinner and always cleans up the whole kitchen--even pesky pans and all of Henry's crumbs. And he turns a blind eye to every fast food lunch and pizza dinner. Plus he makes a mean sourdough grilled cheese late night snack. In the end, Steve was preparing pretty much every dinner and did all the grocery shopping. Its been weeks since I've been in a walmart or Sam's Club. 
• Steve has also completely taken over all night time Henry issues. I almost feel bad staying comfortably asleep in bed while Steve tries to get Henry back to bed often falling asleep on the ground himself. A particularly terrible week of diarrhea literally rocked our nightlife. My only solace is he keeps reminding me I will be in charge of the baby, my guilt is swept away. 
• He lets me schedule photoshoots when I know he'd rather be anywhere else. 
• His honesty about my health is both realistic (This high blood pressure is happening again) but positive (We can get through it together). Fake enthusiasm, everything will be alright drives me nuts and isn't really helpful. 
• He helped distract me with competitive world country quizzes. 
• Steve had proven himself very capable around the house which I already knew and had evidence of but I would like it to show for the record that he can do laundry and dust and vacuum and clean bathrooms and tidy toys and make beds and massage feet and bring home the perfect snacks and keep us all alive and himself too. 
• During my ridiculously short labor he kept his cool and was the perfect support. He held my hand, massaged my back and reaffirmed that I was indeed pushing our baby out into the world. Its one thing for the nurses to be encouraging, its their job and although I trust them, there isn't anything better than having your husband confirm that this is happening, he can see it and its almost done. Afterwards he kept telling me, That was amazing, You are amazing. No Steve, you are amazing and I love you!

oh baby baby: two and a half hours

 So I finally compiled both the birth story and our hospital pictures into one super long post. If you don't want the details, just enjoy the pictures of our sweet Vivian.

After a normal day including a wonderful baby shower, lots of laundry, pizza for dinner and watching Big Bang Theory we went to bed expecting Easter the next morning. We spent some time putting together Easter baskets, munching candy and hiding eggs for Henry from the Easter Bunny. A totally routine evening. Sometime early in the night, Henry woke up and Steve went to take care of him. I fell back asleep and woke up at 12:25 am to a small gush of something wet. I seriously thought I had peed my pants. Its happened before and I was sure that's what it was. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up but I still kept leaking a bit. It crossed my mind that my water could have broken but at 36 weeks I didn't think it was a real possibility. I got back into bed but the thought kept nagging me. So I got up and googled ( i know!) "water break vs peed your pants." I decided that since I was still leaking a bit and it was clear and didn't smell like pee that I should tell Steve and together decide what to do.

Meanwhile Steve and Henry have woken up and Steve is throwing up in the bathroom. While Steve was finishing up, I took Henry and we climbed into bed. I noticed a few contractions but they were quick and relatively mild. But they were lower in my abdomen and felt more like menstrual cramps instead of the higher up braxton hicks I'd been having since week 20. Since Steve was sick, I felt bad about telling him I thought I was in labor. I wanted to wait until I knew for sure.

Eventually around 1:0o am I told Steve that I thought my water broke and we decided to call the midwife on call at the hospital. I called and told her what had happened, she looked up my file and couldn't find my group B strep test results since I had just done it a couple of days before. She said I should probably come in to be checked out. I told her I didn't want a vaginal exam because if my water had broken and I was checked it would start the 24 hour clock on my labor. She said that would be fine.

The next hour was spent calling around to find somewhere for Henry to go, packing our bags for the hospital, getting everything ready for Henry and Steve took a shower. I continued to have contractions but they were so erratic in timing and mild to medium in pain that I was scared all this was a false alarm. I was able to be up and about walking around and packing hardly needing to stop when the contractions did happen. Steve finished his shower and I decided to just wait and take one at the hospital.

Henry spent the early morning hour happily checking out his Easter basket, hunting for eggs and dumping their contents on the living room floor. He kept busy sneaking jelly beans and counting pennies. I was grateful he had something to do and he seemed really happy to be awake and on the hunt. We told him the baby might be ready to come but I don't think he really understood what was happening.

We loaded up the car and dropped Henry off at his friend Anders' house at around 2:00 am. I am so grateful for Heather who answered the phone and was so willing to have Henry crash on the floor at their house, to entertain him Easter morning and to take him to church too.

We drove to the hospital and again in the car I had a few contractions but they weren't anything I could measure by way of how long or low long between. They were just random but they were getting more intense. I was also sitting on a towel in the car just in case there was more leaking.

We parked and walked into the emergency room. Steve joked and asked if I wanted a wheel chair but I was still fine. Since it was 2:20 am, we had to check in through the ER first but luckily they knew we were coming and we didn't have to wait long. The admittance lady asked if I was in active labor, I didn't really know how to reply so I said yes. While we waited I had another stronger contraction and then we walked up to OB ED.

They took me right into an exam room and I had to go to the bathroom, so I went. Then the midwife, Susan Doyle, asked me what my plan was. I told her I wanted to have a natural birth but that I had issues with my blood pressure. They checked for amniotic fluid and it was positive. My water had broken. We did the swabs for the group B strep and while I was on the table she noticed that the baby's head was really low. She asked if I minded if she went ahead and checked me, I said it was fine.

I was dilated to 8 centimeters. 8 centimeters! and the baby's head was pretty much ready to come out. I was shocked. We gathered our stuff and started walking to labor and delivery. On the way I had a really strong contraction and had to stop walking. Wanting to be aware of all my options, I asked the midwife if it was still possible to get an epidural. Susan looked at me like I was crazy, "you're in transition with your second baby." She said it would take an hour to order one and we could try. Just thought I would ask, turns out there wasn't time at all.

We got to our delivery room and the room was full of nurses, probably 4 or 5 and it was freezing cold. It felt so refreshing. It was the super nice room with the tub and shower that they reserve for midwife patients. It was the room we had toured weeks before. I had one really strong contraction, the biggest one yet and leaned against the bed. Steve and Susan massaged my back which felt great. After that one, Susan told me if I felt like I had to push to let her know. I kept thinking, how could this be happening so fast. It was unreal.

And what do you know, the next contraction I totally felt like I had to push. They helped me on the bed and in a matter of 10-15 minutes I had pushed her out at 2:51 am. Since I was going all natural which is the exact opposite of what happened last time with my epidural, I had quite a different experience. For one thing, it did hurt. I am not going to lie and say it didn't. The pain was like burning but then it was almost numbed by the pressure. When there was a contraction and I felt like I had to push, it was scream out loud pain. But then between those contractions I was still pushing her out and it was more relaxed like breathing down, more focusing instead of pain. That part didn't hurt as much until another strong contraction came. I could also feel liquid being pushed out around her head, something new from last time. I could also feel the midwife and nurses helping her come out and them doing their part to help me not tear. I felt the head come out and then a huge gush of fluid. It turns out her head was keeping most of the amniotic fluid inside. Something else new from last time was I could feel the umbilical cord while it was still attached to the baby. I felt it against my leg and could feel it when they moved her. It didn't hurt or anything, it is just interesting to note. Steve also cut the cord this time.

After she was born, they placed her on my chest and covered her with a hat and blanket. I tore a tiny bit and Susan asked if I would allow one stitch. I agreed. She said it would feel like two tiny pricks. Not so. It honestly hurt as much or not more than pushing the baby out. Imagine two needle pricks and then feeling the thread pulled through and tightened in your skin. Yeah. I clutched the bed frame in pain but it was quick. I also don't really remember feeling anything worse than cramping as the placenta and afterbirth was delivered. I remember asking if I needed to push or anything but I didn't.

Another physical response that I didn't have last time was major shaking and trembling immediately after birth. I could not control it but it is common. I also had tears streaming down my face even though I wasn't crying. Adrenaline, hormones and emotional upheaval are quite the potent cocktail. 

Everything happened so fast once we got into the delivery room that I wasn't even monitored or anything. They didn't even have time to take my blood pressure. Its hard to believe how blessed we were to have the birth I always wanted. Natural and with no interventions. All I had was the finger pulse/oxygen thing, that's it. There wasn't time for anything else. 

Vivian had slightly uneven breathing so they took her to check it out and wipe her down. She was covered in lots of vernix because she was so early. Everything ended up being fine so they brought her back and helped me remove my pajama shirt--still wearing pjs--and by then the whole room was cleaned up, the lights were lowered and we got to spend some time alone with her. She also was able to nurse about thirty minutes after being born something Henry hadn't done.

We called family and they finally officially admitted me to the hospital. It was so peaceful and joyful. I also felt really high on adrenaline which once it started to fade I realized I was pretty sore. They gave me a Motrin and then a Percocet. Thank heavens for Percocet. Steve went off with her for her bath and I got cleaned up and wheeled to recovery.

Some notes about the pictures: Once again the amazing Chelsea amazes me with her talent. The big green band on Viv's foot is actually a GPS tracker--no stealing babies from AMRC. Seriously, if the tracker starts moving too fast, alarms go off! Our sleepy baby totally surprised us and was mesmerized by Chelsea's flash showing us beautiful eyes for the majority of the shoot. And if you plan on taking pics in the hospital, do yourself a favor and bring your makeup and toiletries. After a 30 minute shower, I was ready to go and definitely felt less camera shy. Why isn't Henry in these pictures? With squeezing the shoot after church and before Easter stuff, we just couldn't get him there but I actually like that it is just the three of us. Family pictures to come.