Vivian: 3 Months

Vivian at 3 months is a whole lot more fun than Vivian at 2 months. 

Things she is into these days:

• eating her hands. This also includes eating any blanket or towel that might be between her hand and her mouth.
• smiling, cooing and interacting with us in a pleasant way. In fact, she highly enjoys any attention.
• looking around. Don't put this girl in a far off corner without anything to see because she will let you know how boring it is. She loves to be sitting up in her bouncer or being held up. She is also content just to be near us. 
• exercising her strong neck muscles. And while she still has a little bit of a bobble head on her, she sure likes to hold her head high. 
• chatting. Her coos and gurgles are so cute she makes fools of everyone around her. 
• bubbling. Her mouth is a constant froth of spit bubbles. 
• bathing. She continues to love baths and is soothed by warm water. 
• watching Henry. Propped up in her bouncer, she will stare at him and focus intently as he plays wii games or just as he runs around. 

eaten: southwest cobb salad

Since it is blazing hot around these parts, I have been trying to use my oven less and less. The grill is my go to cooking space these days. You can make a whole meal out there without even getting your kitchen warm. So we have been grilling a lot. 

One thing I like to do is grill up a bunch of chicken and then use it over the week in lots of different recipes. One great one is BBQ chicken quesadillas. I also have fallen in love with salads. And having all the chicken ready to go makes dinner time a cinch. 

My favorite salad is this southwestern cobb. Grilling the peppers and corn is a great touch and the corn gives just a hint os sweetness. Instead of using the avocado dressing as the main dressing, I toss the lettuce in chipotle ranch and then just use a touch of the avocado sauce. We also add fresh tomatoes and I like to sprinkle with tortilla chip. Grilled red onions would be yummy too. This is so versatile and the possibilities are endless. 

Henry even likes it if we break the salad into little piles for him. One pile of beans. One of chicken. One of peppers. And another trick we use to get him to eat is to create a pattern: chicken, pepper, tomato, chicken, pepper, tomato. Whatever works!

Southwestern Cobb Salad with Avocado Cream Dressing

All the flavors of the Southwest in a salad. Topped with a creamy Avocado Cream Dressing, this is the salad to make in the warmer weather months. Pic and recipe from abeautifulbite

Ingredients

• 6 cups salad greens
• 1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
• 1 cup roasted corn kernels, I grilled on the grill 
• 1 cup roasted red peppers, I grilled on the grill 
• 1 cup black beans, drained well
• 1 cup avocados, diced
• 1½ cups cooked chicken, diced, also grilled this. I also seasoned with salt and pepper first

For the Dressing

• 2 avocados, diced
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• ½ cup milk 
• 2 Tbsp fresh cilantro
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• the juice of one lime
• salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Lay salad greens in a large bowl or platter. Place each ingredient on top of the salad in rows.

For the Dressing

1. Place all dressing ingredients into a blender or food processor. Process until smooth and creamy. You might need more milk to get the consistency you want. 

The Kid's Room

Finally got around to finishing the kid's room and cleaning it enough to take pictures. Don't mind Henry or the blur of a boy in these pictures. He could not/would not be shut out of the photo shoot.

^^^Henry playing with the train table in the center of the room / Embroidery "bed rest" project I already blogged about and this cute gift from my friend Wendi^^^

^^^^Henry's art was out of control, I mean all over the house. So instead of piling it up and storing it all away. I picked out some pieces and used washi tape to put them up on the wall. I love that the wall can easily change over time. The art clipped up below is not part of the permanent collection.^^^

^^^Our lucky find dresser. Another lucky find, that alphabet toy at a consignment sale. And yet another lucky find, a vintage lamp that I found abandoned in the basement storagearea of an old apartment.^^^

^^^A vintage footed bowl holds Vivian's accessories / I gave up half my fabric bookcase for hanging clothes and games and puzzles. Look all those tiny little dresses! / Blurry Henry trying to get in the shot^^^

^^^I wanted something big to go on this wall. I fell in love with making tissue paper tassels for my friend's baby shower so I thought I would make some for the kid's room. Combined with our alphabet cards, Henry chose the letters, it makes a festive banner. Does anyone else really love how their kid's toys looked when all cleaned and organized? ^^^

^^^Henry's bed is black because that is his favorite color. I made that Star Wars bed skirt to cover up all the storage under there. I want to do something different above his bed, I'm thinking some Star Wars art? but for now I have his monogram and a book tree print.^^^

^^^Vivian's half of the room. I sit there and feed her in the night. Tucked behind the dresser is a nightlight I bought to give me a little extra light without disturbing Henry. She loves the mobile when you spin it. ^^^

^^^Next to the basketball hoop, those tassels kind of look like pom poms, Go Team! / Our new monogram for Viv. I was able to commission one for her to match Henry's from our friend Molly.^^^

Overall I love how the room turned out and we love hanging out in it. I consider it a successful space as Henry will often disappear in there for hours. I love when he gets lost in the magic of toys and play and imagination.

video viernes: star wars puppet show

Henry loves putting on puppet shows. He sets up behind the red chair in our living room, gathers his Star Wars guys and tunes his soundtrack. Enjoy this glimpse into Jabba the Hut's lair.


large from Rebekah Clark on Vimeo.

Notice the following players: Jabba the Hut, Jango Fett and Han Solo fighting, Han Solo in carbonite, Luke Skywaker coming to save Han Solo, Han Solo free from the carbonite.

The Goldfish Incident

Well we have officially survived our first "item stuck up the nose" incident. Now I know Henry stuck a chow mein noodle up there a few months back but that one was relatively easy to pull out. This time we're talking whole goldfish cracker.

It all went down a couple of weeks ago when I was in the kitchen and I heard screaming from the living room. Henry's screams simultaneously alerted me to a problem and woke up his sister who was napping in the other room. Imagine trying to deal with pulling a goldfish out of your son's nose while a baby cries in the background. Sometimes as a parent you have to assess the situation and chose which child to attend to first. Cracker in nose trumps baby crying in bouncer.

I run in and check his nose, sure enough there is a goldfish tail up there. Its visible and I start trying to pull it out with tweezers. Its a no go. I also try the nasal aspirator and this works! but it only brings it to a reachable position for tweezers and not fingers. While I grab the tweezers Henry sucks it right back up into his nose. He had been crying and sniffing and snorting his boogers. Well that was the last time it was even close to reachable. I called the doctor and set up an appointment. While we wait a couple of hours I try multiple times to retrieve the fish. As it is sitting in there it starts to get soggy which makes it hard to grab with the tweezers. I try and describe to him how to blow his nose instead of sucking in air. A failed attempt at blowing results in the cracker being sucked up and disappearing from view. Great.

At the doctor's office, she kind of doesn't believe me that the cracker is up there. She shows me through the microscope thing that his nasal cavity is clear. I figured he must have either sucked it into his sinuses or swallowed it. The doctor's lack of concern infuriates me. What if it starts rotting up there? During the exam she notices that he might be developing allergies and makes an appointment with an ENT. After that she sends us on our way. I am super annoyed.

Luckily our visit to the ENT a week later showed that there is nothing up his nose. He must have swallowed it. The ENT used a long noodle like camera to look up Henry's nose. There was nothing there. Henry was very brave and let the nurse hold his head as the camera was inserted. We also called the huge patient chair, "Darth Vader's Throne." I was worried that when he saw such an imposing chair that he would get nervous. Darth Vader's Throne did the trick.

Now when he snacks on fishies, he is careful to remind me he will not be sticking them up his nose. Lesson learned.


Hopefully...

Self Discovery Through Writing

First off, thanks everyone for your kind comments, Amens! and responses to my last blog post. Actually thank you dear readers for all your support throughout my pregnancy and postpartum too. I rarely respond but I appreciate every one of you who shared a similar story or just sent a hug my way.

I saw this beautiful image on Pinterest and the quote really hit home. Not only did the quote totally sum up how I have been feeling of late but I am a sucker for peacock feathers.

Lately I have been so grateful for this outlet here to share my thoughts and feelings. Its not just the sharing but the time and effort I take to gather my thoughts and really delve into why I feel the way I do. Once I type it up, edit it and send it out into the world, I have a huge weight off my back. Its done. That last post I have been running through my mind for weeks. I am glad that I waited a little bit to type it up but now that it is out there, I haven't thought about it since.

I have processed the event and now can move past it. When I go back and read what I have written I am proud of the declarations I have made. I love hearing my voice as I read whether I am trying to be entertaining or sort things out.

Right now I have terrible new mommy insomnia. What is that, you ask? Well its something I made up but it has been happening for weeks. Vivian has started sleeping for longer stretches sometimes 6-8 hours once she is down for the night. If I can get a good chunk of rest (meaning I don't stay up too late partying) then when I wake up to feed her I have a hard time getting back to sleep. Its frustrating because I am exhausted but my mind is wide awake. What is it wide awake doing from 3:20-4:30 am? Composing all that is happening in my life into blog posts. I kid you not. Or dreaming up new pillow cover designs. Or planning a new approach to my business. Or mentally creating never ending to-do lists.

Since I don't have a personal journal, I have found that all my energy in capturing my life is being funneled into making blog posts. Even in the middle of the night. But as big of a drag it is to be mentally blogging in the wee small hours of the morning, I guess that is how I am getting the therapy I need. Writing down my thoughts makes them real. Its a valid way for me to face life head on. So my words of advice would be to find a way to write out what you are going through. Start a journal, type up a blog, send an email to a friend or even to yourself. Even if you don't share it with anyone, it will truly improve your life. But for your sanity, avoid middle of the night blogging...

Picture courtesy of here, check out the others from this chalkboard art project.

42 days into Motherhood: darkness

So I have dragged my feet in posting this because its an emotional subject but I can't get it out of my mind. Its also dated back to the 42nd day after Vivian was born because that is when it all went down.

The internet is an interesting space. I often question what I am seeing portrayed and its something Steve have discussed at length, what kind of person are you on the internet? When there is an anonymity to your presence in a space, are you being your best self? Are you only showing your best self to your friends? What is not being said? If you've ever lurked around controversial topics online and taken a gander into the comment section, you'll see people behaving completely different than what they might do face to face with someone. Facebook is full of what people want their friends to see. Instagram has filters. Its a self editing that I find totally normal in a way and yet, its not. Of course, I am not going to post any unflattering pictures of myself here. Its second nature to hide what we don't like. What we don't want others to see.

That being said let me tell you some dark things about motherhood.

The day Vivian turned seven weeks, a Sunday we had a terribly rough day. She was fussy all through church and I found myself walking the halls bouncing a very unsettled baby for hours. I kept getting helpful comments about how "oh, my baby had colic too..." It only added to my frustration as this was really the first time Viv had been difficult and Henry had never done anything like that. She would not be comforted. I got the kids home and Steve stayed to do clerk duties. She managed small cat naps throughout the afternoon but I could see her becoming more and more tired. My fatigue grew too. All evening she was wailing. Not crying or whimpering but wailing. Whether we were holding her or not, it didn't matter. She was inconsolable. We took turns holding her, bouncing her, singing and all to no avail.

After what seemed like hours, she was sleeping quietly in her rock and play. I asked Steve how he was. He said fine. Seriously? I told him I was not fine. I then proceeded to unload all the stress of the day. With tears streaming down my face I admitted to just how hard this was for me. Why did we have another kid?

Emotional upheaval. Stress City.

Why are we afraid to openly emote or admit when things are not going well? I hate being weak and out of control. I don't want people to see me that way. The emotional, hormonal mess of postpartum truly is a run away roller coaster. A roller coaster you didn't even realize you were on and then suddenly you are off and you are just trying to fasten your seat belt before getting thrown clear. To a normally stable person, its terrifying.

And to add to the mess, we try and hide what we are experiencing. I didn't want to be someone people felt they had to tiptoe around. Or someone who seemed to not even like their baby. Or to have people think I had postpartum depression. (Actually I took the quiz at my 6 week check up appointment and passed. I was even brutally honest and I was fine which just goes to show how crazy you can be and its just normal.) Its a shame because depression is very real and should be treated, not hidden away. Motherhood is very real and not only the positive side should be shared. One day when my parent's were here, I was supposed to be napping but I was really just laying in bed crying. For no reason. I wasn't thinking about anything sad. I was just sobbing into my pillow for an hour. And then I tried to hide it with makeup.

What really scares me about day 42 and my emotional breakdown is how I now sympathize with a whole new group of people. Those people who shake their babies. Those women who run an errand and simply never come back home. As I was holding this tiny bundle of screams, I could see how those things could happen. I didn't feel like I would do those things but I understood. I understand now and that terrifies me because it is dark.  

Since then things have calmed down, it truly was her worst day. She has had rough moments but nothing like that day. And as grateful as I am she is in our family, I have had the darkest minutes and hours of my life since she came. Motherhood is hard. Anyone who tells you that its all wonderful and beautiful is a liar. And here is how we come full circle to what is being portrayed. Often what our friends are posting online isn't the whole truth. No one wants to admit that they just let their baby cry in her crib for thirty minutes while hiding in the kitchen binge eating frozen cookie dough balls out of the freezer because they couldn't handle another minute of their child crying in their face. Who admits that? Me. And if we only see the glorious, sun-soaked minutes of others while our life is cloudy and humid, then what is wrong with us? Nothing.

Nothing is wrong with me. I'm not depressed. I just had a baby and I can feel whatever emotion I feel.

video viernes: balancing baby

Since our regular camera lens is in the process of being fixed, we have been forced to look at other options for capturing our daily life here. Its actually been really good for us as I hardly ever get out the video camera which is a shame. Videos are so fun and Henry especially loves performing and watching his old footage.

So now we have some videos to share. Here is Steve performing an act he likes to call "Balancing Baby." Henry provided the soundtrack. Vivian has ZERO reaction.


Flying Vivian from Rebekah Clark on Vimeo.

Stay tuned for more movies.

Letter to Santa in July

Henry spent two afternoons writing out this Christmas list to Santa. Here is what he is wishing for six months in advance:

• Encyclopedia, Angry Bird Star Wars
• Death Star Toy Build
• Princess Leia
• Bobba Fett--I still chuckle that he ended up writing Booba Fett
• Lego Movie Sticker Book
• Real Phone
• Toodie and Muno
• Bouncer for Vivian
• Comic Book for Daddy
• Rug for Mommy
• Star Wars Book
• Lego Movie People

eaten: bacon mac & cheese

One of the things that I totally dragged my feet on after having Vivian: weekly menu planning. My brain just couldn't be motivated to think of more than one or two meals at a time. And man, that is more stressful than just doing it all at once. The past couple of weeks have been much better, everything is better with a plan!

I have also been back to trying new recipes again. Since we have been grilling 1-2 times a week I needed some yummy sides to accompany meals. I always get stumped with sides. I spotted this recipe on the back of the cheese package--I never look at those recipes, I kind of assume they are all throw aways like the recipes for nachos on the back of the tortilla chip bag--I digress. Bacon and Macaroni and Cheese! Yum. Admittedly I left out the spinach mostly because we didn't have it but also because I wanted to leave it out. Maybe I'll through it in next time.

This was so yummy and using the bacon drippings to make the rue really added a nice smoky taste to the dish. And after the disaster which was "Crockpot Mac and Cheese" this was so easy to throw together. You could have this be a main dish or we had it as a side with leftovers the next day.

Spinach-Bacon Macaroni and Cheese
Recipe and picture from kraft

3 cups macaroni noodles, uncooked
1 pkg (6oz) fresh baby spinach
4 slices bacon, chopped
2 Tbsp. flour
2 cups milk
2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, divided
1/4 cup parmesan cheese

1. Heat oven to 350*
2. Cook macaroni in salted water according to package directions. Add spinach during the last minute. Drain. Cook bacon in large saucepan. Remove bacon to paper towels, save drippings.
3. Add flour to drippings: cook and stir until bubbly and brown. Slowly stir in milk. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly; cook and stir until thickened about 3-5 minutes.
4. Stir in 1 cup cheddar cheese and all parmesan. Stir until melted. Add bacon and macaroni mixture.
5. Spoon into 8X8" baking dish, sprinkle with remaining cheddar cheese. Bake 20 minutes.

Happy 4th of July!

We had a fabulous 4th of July holiday this year. Sometimes the fourth gets rained out or we just get in a funk and are tired. BUT this year was one of my favorites in recent history.

We started the day going to our ward breakfast where we filled our tummies with pancakes, sausages and lots of fruit. Henry enjoyed running around with Maya and the early start time (8:30 am!) ensured it wasn't too hot yet. Since our normal length lens is getting fixed, we only got a couple of pictures of the whole day. Steve took this one of Viv and I which turned out to be the best of the bunch. I love wearing red, white and blue for the holiday and the kids were decked out too. Steve did his best with a black Led Zeppelin shirt that said "United States of America" on it. After breakfast we ran errands and then headed home to relax for a few hours before the party started.

Our evening festivities began at the Brighton Park pool where we swam with friends, played in the water and grilled up a fun potluck. Everyone brought delicious food to share and we left completely stuffed. Nothing like pigging out in your swimsuit. After the pool, we went home to change and bathe Vivian. Then it was off to the fireworks at Oconee Veteran's Park. We have been there a couple of times before and its alive with loud music, big crowds and a pretty decent fireworks display. We carpooled with our neighbors all squeezing into one van. Henry loved sharing the back seat with Maya and you could hear them chatting and playing games throughout the whole drive.

Vivian did pretty well sleeping through most of the loudness but she did not like the fireworks. I had to hold her and cover her ears. Henry also didn't like the loud sounds but enjoyed the fireworks. The highlight of the night for me was having Henry sit in my lap for a few minutes so I could cover his ears. It was fun to hold him close and watch the magic in the sky. That only lasted for about two minutes though.

So grateful to live in our wonderful country!

As Henry kept saying all day, "Happy Birthday America!"

75 days into Motherhood: the best room in the house

The bathroom. 

I bet you weren't guessing that. Here is why as a mother of two in a two bedroom apartment, our master bathroom is the BEST room in the house. 

1. When I need an escape from everything, I just head in there with a book or my phone. I lock the door, do my business and then just sit around until little hands try the knob, pound on the door or appear under the crack. If Steve is home I have been known to disappear for up to thirty minutes in my cave of solitude. 
2. Showering. Vivian loves to hang out in her bouncer while I shower. I guess the sound and steam are soothing. Sometimes she even falls asleep. I know Henry is entertained with the Lego Movie or something else in the living room and can count on at least 15-20 minutes of alone time. If he needs me, he knows where to find me. 
3. Vivian's mini sleeping room. Since she is sharing a room with Henry, it just doesn't make sense for her to nap in there while he is running around living life. So she naps in the bathroom in her bouncer in the dark. It works brilliantly and she is so used to it that often times when I put her in there, kiss her good night and close the door she falls right to sleep. At night she gets a bath, a feeding and then is swaddled up for the night. We put her in the bathroom because sometimes she cries herself to sleep and I am not willing to have Henry wake up. Once she is asleep we carefully transfer her to their room. Done and done. 

We're making it work. 

As I am typing this, I realize I should be a lot nicer to my favorite room and clean it. But there is usually a baby asleep inside so I won't sweat it...

Henry's Second Talk

On Father's Day, Henry was asked to give a talk in Primary. 

Here is what we came up with to surprise Steve. 

 Today is Father's Day. I love my Daddy so much and he loves me. He lets me play games on his phone. He plays Sorry with me and "hide the figures."

 I also have a Heavenly Father who loves me.

 He loves us so much he gave us temples. 

 My mommy and daddy were married in the temple.

Heavenly Father wants us to return to Him and in the temple we can be sealed together for eternity. I'm happy I get to be with my daddy forever!

Happy Father's Day!

These pictures are all pretty bad but it was time for bed and I just wanted to get them taken. Henry's poor face is out of focus in them all! But I have sent my lens in to be fixed--finally!

Henry Lately

We are so happy to have new neighbors. Our good friends moved right next door. Henry has loved having Maya to play with more. They're constantly going back and forth, leaving each other notes taped to front doors, sharing toys and inviting each other over to play. Its been a great distraction for Henry and they usually play really well together. One thing he loves to do it run over and wave at her through their sliding glass door. Sometimes its hard to get him away especially if we're heading out to the car. 

They always say good bye with hugs and Henry usually shouts at parting "Bye Maya! I want to marry you."

Some things Henry is into these days:

• Playing Sorry
• Pokemon
• Angry Bird Star Wars--how is this still in my life?
• The color orange
• Otterpops
• We're reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together and I have been wonderfully surprised at his attention span.
• Playing "hide the figures." A game Steve made up where he hides all his action figures and then someone has to find them and then we switch
• Any type of technology with games
• The beach, the pool and the splash pad
• Henry also loves playing a game we made up called "I'm thinking of..." We take turns giving each other clues to guess a person or a place or a thing. For example, "I'm thinking of someone who is small, is a girl and cries." Did you guess Vivian? 
• We also play a game where someone will hum a song and we have to try and guess what song is it like Name That Tune. Songs we hum include primary songs, tv show theme songs and classic children's songs.