Erik Michael Starley

I've been debating about what I should post about our little Erik. I am making all of my blog posts into annual blog books, so I want to document everything, but I think I'll have a condensed version on here.

If you've read my blog or talked to me you probably know that my pregnancy has had it's challenges from the beginning. At five weeks I found out I had a hemorrhage in my uterus that caused bleeding if my heart rate elevated and that lasted about six weeks. At about 15 weeks I started to feel Erik move, he was always very active, and I also started to feel a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. At 18 weeks I started to have more bleeding that was almost constant for the next five weeks. The Dr's here didn't know what it was from and although at 22 weeks I was able to get them to refer me to a high risk OB a couple hours away in Oklahoma City my appointment was set for three weeks out.

On the 8th my contractions were more intense than they'd been. They weren't as close as I'd had them before, but more intense. Since I'd been to the ER for bleeding and contractions twice they said I didn't need to return unless my contractions were five minutes apart. I'd been in about 10 days before with contractions under five minutes apart, but they just monitored me and send me home a few hours later. On the 9th they continued, but weren't consistent. We took the kids to see the new Planes movie and about an hour into it my water broke. (I felt really bad for the movie theater people) Mike rushed me to the ER since it was only about 10 minutes away. Our friends, the Berry's, came and switched us cars and took the kids home.

At the hospital they tried to slow/stop my labor, but they couldn't. They propped my bed backwards and gave me medicine, but it didn't help. They called in one of the base pediatricians to be there when he was born. Since I was only 23 weeks along she told us that she'd do her best, but 23 was really early. I got to the hospital around 6 PM and he was born at ~9:30.

There isn't a NICU near where we live, so they had a team of nurses take off via lifeflight from Oklahoma City to come pick up Erik if there was a chance of saving him. After he was born the pediatrician took him, but after a few minutes she put him in my arms and said she couldn't find a heartbeat. Almost immediately though Mike and I could see his little heart beating. We called the Dr, she agreed, and took him again. (he was in our site the whole time) After a few more minutes she gave him back to us and said that even though his heart was beating there was nothing she could do for his lungs. His mouth was too small to put the tube down and he just wasn't developed enough. He was 12 inches long and weighed 1 lb 5 oz.

Here is a picture of Erik in Mike's hand. It puts into perspective how little he was. 

The hospital gave us a memory box as well as this "memory sheet." Sarah kept it with her the first few days.

One of the hardest things was that Erik was completely fine until he was born. Every time I had an ultrasound or checkup he was always doing great. He moved around all the time and he always had a really strong heartbeat. He just wasn't quite big enough. I've tried really hard not to dwell on the "what if's" and I believe that the day he was born all of the medical personnel did their very best. We just weren't supposed to have our little guy for very long in this life.

We didn't want to bury him in Oklahoma, so we started to make plans for his burial in Utah. Mike's brother Andy worked for a mortuary/cemetery before his military training so he was a big help. He suggested we look at Holladay Memorial Cemetery. Although we had a lot of friends that wanted to come to support us we chose to do just a family viewing and graveside service. Our friend Tiffany is a photographer and took some pictures for us to remember the day.

My friend Sheryl offered to make a handout for us. She had recently seen the quote and thought it would be perfect. We agreed. This is a 5x7 handout and those are his actual hand and footprints. 

Adam did a lot to lighten the mood at the viewing. The mortuary put out a bowl of tootsie rolls and Adam stuffed his pockets full and ate them constantly. If anyone asked for one he wouldn't share his but would show them where they could find one and even offer to get them one. 

Here is a picture from the graveside service. Our bishop in Utah, Craig Pearce, spoke and offered some very comforting words. In addition to family our previous Bishop and his wife also came. 

You might think it's odd that I'm going to go into more detail about the cemetery, but knowing that his temporary resting place will be so nice has been a comfort to both of us. The cemetery was one of the first five ward cemeteries Brigham Young organized in the valley and this was the first pioneer cemetery outside SLC. Many of the trees were grown from seeds taken from the Sacred Grove. Erik is resting under a nice Oak tree with a view of the Christus Statue and Wasatch Mountains. On Saturday Mike and I returned to the cemetery and saw that they'd set up a bench near his grave along with some of the flowers. As I sat I saw how perfect his little spot was and once again felt some peace. If you look between the flowers and the branches you can see the Christus Statue,

One of the things that has helped us heal is the outpouring of love and support we have received from friends and family. I know there have been a lot of prayers said in our behalf and we have felt them. Every time I get really down I feel an almost immediate downpour of love and peace. I know Heavenly Father is answering my prayers and the prayers of others. I don't know how long it will be before we get to see Erik again, but I'm so grateful to know that he is ours, that he will always be ours, and that we will see him again. It doesn't take all of the pain away, but it makes it more bearable.

If you're reading this than you are family or friend, so thank you for your love and support. It has meant a world of difference to all of us.

First Day of School

Last Tuesday the kids started school at Rivers Elementary. Sarah started 2nd grade and  Steven started kindergarten. Although we had toyed with the idea of going back to Utah to start the school year we decided that it would be better to stay together, and I'm really glad we made that choice. Their school is a public school, but is on the military base so you have to have base access to attend there. (that would include active military, retired, Guard, Reserves and civilians) Their school has a great reputation and the class sizes are small which is a big plus.

Here are some pictures of the kids in front of our house before we head out.

I told them to make a pose. Oh how different they are. :)

In front of their school

Sarah started in Mrs. Hodge's class but they consolidated a couple classes and moved her to Mrs. Huckaby's while we were in Utah. 

Steven is in Mrs. Burgener's class. 

The kids have only been to two days of school, but so far they both like it. I look forward to returning to Utah and walking them across the street to school each day but this is a nice second choice.

Six Flags Over Texas

This last weekend we took an impromptu trip to Six Flags Over Texas. The decision was made Friday morning while bowling. When the guys realized they had Saturday off they texted their friends in Texas to see if they could join us. (three of our friends from pilot training are in Texas for five months for instructor training) When we found out two of them could they went in to work for a few hours and then we all hit the road. We were at the park close to when it opened and stayed almost until it closed.

The first place we went was "Gotham City". While Mike and the other adults road The Freeze the kids and I hung out. My kids begged over and over again to play the games, but I reminded them over and over again that I wasn't going to pay for games. :) (I'm a mean mom aren't I?)

Since I could't ride any rides Shaylee stepped in and took the boys on the rides for me

Sarah BEGGED to try this game. We told her the games weren't meant to be won, but she insisted. She actually got pretty high before falling off. 

While Mike, Sarah and the other adults went on Superman the boys and I hung out and fed the fish. They had a pretty good collection of catfish and turtles. The boys didn't seem to care they were missing out on the rides. 

Mike doesn't like spinning rides, so John offered to take the boys on this one. 

While the bigger kids rode on a roller coaster Haas and Roling took Adam on the Pirate Ship and then the tea cups.

The teacups might look sweet and innocent, but the guys got these things going so fast it made me nauseous just to watch. 

Half our group decided their fun was over around 7 PM, so we got a group picture before they left. There is me, Mike, Alex, Shaylee, John Roling, Joseph Haas, Jeff, Adam, Steven, Sarah Blake and Heather

I'm supposed to be taking it easy,  so we decided I should sit in a wheelchair all day. I felt a little silly, but it's better to be safe then sorry. This was the only picture I allowed to be taken. :)

After the other group left we went to Tune Town to ride the assortment of kids rides they had. I think this was the kids favorite part. 

On the way home we made a stop at the Dallas, TX temple. We try and visit nearby temples on our travels around the country. The grounds were closed, but the kids got to see another temple. :)

Sarah's Friend Magazine submission

If you subscribe to The Friend magazine you may have seen a really cute girl  in the Q & A section. Sarah told me not to tell anyone, but I wanted to record it. :)

I'm really glad they chose Sarah's answer. She sent in a couple of really nice pictures, one of the First Vision and the other of Jesus' Resurrection but they weren't chosen. She got a little discouraged and didn't want to send anything else in even though I reassured her that her art was great and they can only accept a handful of what they receive. (I'm sure they received a lot from Utah) After we sent in her submission we checked the mail every month until it came. Sarah tried to act nonchalant about it but I know she was happy to see her submission. 

The Friend magazine is a great magazine for young readers if you haven't heard about it. There are scripture stories, submissions, games, coloring pages and other fun and uplifting things for kids.