Parenting is hard. There are sleepless nights, dirty diapers, the pressure to provide the needs and wants of those you parent, and so many other things. Having only twelve years experience in the matter, I realize my children have...so far...made it relatively easy for me, but there is still a lifetime to go. I have been so blessed by God to be given the serious responsibility, along with my better half, to raise two beautiful, smart, creative and caring children. They are our children, but they are first God's children and he has entrusted us to raise them up to be good citizens, good neighbors, good Fathers, good Mothers and altogether good people.
We've been tasked to do so in such a way that shows them the path that will lead them to return to live with that loving God again someday. These days that means showing them how to identify and avoid the fiery darts of the adversary, such as addiction, depression, feelings of superiority, and thoughts of self-doubt. It also means teaching them to seek out truth, discern non-truth, avoid the entrapments of others, and the ability to then take that information and digest it, ponder it, pray about it and act accordingly upon it. It is this that has me most worried.
Truth is hard to find....well, truth is hard to find when we seek it from the most readily and easily accessible resources. We live in a world filled with untruth's gaslighting, partial truths and completely blatant lies. Media has infiltrated every facet of our lives, from our TVs, radios, internet, social media, printed advertisements and more. Sources that historically were relied upon as channels of truth that could be trusted without second consideration have been hijacked and manipulated for purposes of greed, indoctrination and gain; government, science, medicine, public schools, etc.
At this point, I might be teetering on the metaphorical fence of being one of those crazies that feels it's time to live off the grid, but I'm not sure I'd ever agree to do that. For one, I've learned to rely heavily on the Spirit of Discernment and trust the direction I receive. In other words, I'm learning to identify non-truths and have the courage to make right decisions, whether popular or not. Secondly, my children need to learn to do the same, which brings me to my first sentiment....Parenting is hard!
How does one parent effectively? By word and deed. It was how I was parented and feel my parents did a phenomenal job at it. I was taught by word and deed by both my Mother and my Father. I now must do the same. To take my children and move "off the grid" may accomplish the task of making them "not of the world", but simultaneously robs them of the experience of being in the world and thus choosing to be not of it. Afterall, it is my understanding that this is God's great plan; to experience life in all it's beauty and ugliness and to find and cherish beauty. It is to experience joy and pain, and work towards joy. It is to identify right and wrong and choose right.
I recently had a conversation with a dear friend wherein we discussed our philosophies on parenting. I admire he and his wife's parenting and appreciated his input. I related to him my understanding of The War in Heaven and how parenting has helped me see some wisdom in Satan's plan to remove the obstacle of free agency, thus preventing us from sinning and making wrong choices. As a parent, there are times when I want to lock my kids in a padded room away from disease or danger. As a parent, I'd like my kids to avoid stumbling and experiencing the ugliness, pain and suffering that comes with life and poor choices, but much more so, I see the wisdom and the love of God's plan. To let them experience those bad things from time to time with my guidance to experience them less than they would without my guidance, but they must have choice...I hope they choose correctly, but know they won't always. I also believe and hope they will make wiser choices on the heels of every failure. It's then that I'm grateful for the key to God's plan that is the atonement of His Son, to bridge the gap between sin, poor choices and negative experience.
This friend felt the same as I do, though practices the philosophy with a bit more faith and consistency I. He explained that in his home, the stairs leading to the basement don't have a gate protecting the child from falling. Of course, he being a loving Father, he makes sure he watches the child and places himself 2 to 3 steps down the stairs to limit the child's negative experience and chance of harm, but he lets the child fall. His thought is that a gate at home protects the child, but what about when the child is not at home and encounters stairs where a gate does not exist? What then? The negative experience, or failure, is a key component to the child's future success and avoidance of future danger. I recalled a time I had a similar experience with Leah.
Every time Leah wanted to use her scooter outside when she was 4-6 years old, I would have to stop her and send her first to put on shoes instead of sandals and to put on her helmet. Literally every time. I always want to protect her, but she seemed to never learn with me hovering around and stopping her from falling or making poor decisions. One time, the neighborhood kids were riding their scooters down the small hill in front of our home and Leah wanted to join them. My first instinct was to remind her, yet again, to put on shoes instead of sandals and to strap on a helmet. This time, before I could utter the instruction, the Spirit spoke to me and quietly said, "Let her fall". Reluctantly, I got on my bike and rode to visit with some neighbors who were sitting in front of their house visiting. When I got there, they offered me a chair to sit with them. I promptly explained that I couldn't because I was going to have to leave in a moment as Leah was going to fall. As they looked at me oddly, I heard kids gasp from the direction of the hill and saw other kids running towards the others. I politely got on my bike, said "goodbye" and rode off toward the direction of the drama to find Leah a bloody mess. She had fallen, as I knew she would, and suffered road rash on her toes, feet, legs, arm and face. I was grateful she was not seriously injured but also happy that she had gained this learning experience.
Letting kids fall and experience physical hurt is hard, but not nearly as hard in my mind as letting them experience mental, emotional or spiritual hurt. Mistakes of these kind can cost the soul and lead to spiritual and physical hurt beyond comprehension. These are the pitfalls I'm most concerned about. I'm not sure what my parents did to make me who I am today, but I'm grateful for it. When it comes to my beliefs, principles and philosophies, I'm not typically one who is concerned with how others feel about me and those things. Yes, I, like anyone else, is concerned with how I look and want others to perceive me as someone that has their life together, but when it comes to the things that really matter, I really don't care what others think. I've always tried to live my life for 3-4 people. In other words, if I can gain the approval of these 4 people in my life as I make decisions and live my life, that is all that matters. Those 4 people are; 1) My Heavenly Father, 2) Myself, 3) My Mother and from the time I was married, 4) My Wife. As I choose my beliefs and course of action, if God is happy with me, I'm happy with me, My Mom is happy with me and Sarah is happy with me, nothing else matters. Literally, I don't care what anybody else thinks.
Now, of course, I want people to like me. I want others to be happy with me, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. How do I instill this confidence and priority in my children to think the same way? It is becoming more and more difficult to do so. We live in a world that makes us feel like failures if we don't have this or that. We often equate approval with the number of likes, shares or comments. Our self worth and confidence teeters on what others think, and it's super easy to get society to like us. All we have to do is think like them. If we adopt the empty virtues of the masses and quote the talking heads that we are yelling at us from every direction, then we'll feel accepted and worthy. What if the talking heads are wrong? What if society strays? What then?
Now, more than ever, we need our children to be taught right from wrong and the things we know to be correct. We need to instill in them a TRUE self worth that they are Daughters and Sons of a loving Father in Heaven that wants them to inherit all that he has. We need to instill it in them in such a way that they know that this inheritance and the life that leads to it is far greater than the approval and acceptance of the rest of the world. The great deceiver has "filled the world with confusion...and the whole Earth groans under the weight of it's iniquity". So now, more than ever, is the time to stand confidently different and opposite to much of what the world is preaching. The world is preaching half truths, non-truths, manipulated truths and completely cancelling or omitting truths in an effort to deceive and drag our children asunder.
"It is imperative that we should be brought to stand" against all that is not of God and to do so with faith and pride that we are on the Lord's side. We need to embrace the moniker, "a peculiar person" and should want to be apart from the world. We need to stop blindly trusting those who are "learned" and think themselves "wise", but "hearken not to the counsel of God". We need our children to learn to recognize those that are learned are not to be automatically accepted as wise, but rather consider the very real possibility that "their wisdom is foolishness" and will not "profiteth them", but rather that they shall perish. "But to be learned is good if they hearken to the counsels of God". We need to teach our young ones to seek out the righteous and holy, and if the learned also be righteous and holy, that this does not "absolve them from appealing personally" to God for direction. Our position must always be that of following His will, not the will of the masses, society and those that intend to ensnare us. We must trust in the Lord and not in the arm of flesh.
It is not easy, to follow righteousness in an unpopular or unaccepted direction. In fact, sometimes, that opposition is a confirmation that our direction is right. We live in the times we've been warned of...when good shall be bad and right shall be wrong and light shall be dark, we are nearly at that point that knowing what is right will be easy to identify...just take a consensus of what the majority of society thinks and the opposite will be right. I don't know that we're there yet, but the trajectory we find ourselves on makes me believe we'll be there soon. When that day comes, I hope my Daughter and Son have the gift of discernment to recognize right from wrong, the strength to choose right even when it's not popular and the spine to do so in spite of those that scoff and scorn. In that day, I hope they are instilled with the faith and belief that they and God are truly a winning majority and that they find it easy to walk away from that which is not good.
There are so many beautiful things in this world, yet, it is an increasingly shittier world day by day. I hope my kids see in me the ability to embrace all that is beautiful and the efforts to leave the world a better place around me. The direction the world is going saddens me and I feel I can have little effect on it's trajectory, BUT I can have a great effect on the world directly around me. I can and will focus on those I can impact; my family, my children, my neighbors, my customers, and I hope my children see in me, and become themselves, beacons of brightness in an increasingly darkening world. I pray they may enjoy the world they're in, while simultaneously not becoming a product of it.
***To the two others that will read this in addition to my Mum, please understand that this is not an essay. It reads like a first draft because it is an original draft. I am simply recording some of my thoughts. Please forgive the typos and broken thoughts.
