Update...Sorry, I Couldn't Come Up With A Clever Title

 Aloha!  Let me start by saying, "thank you".  I feel like I say these two words so often these days, yet also feel like I can't say them enough.  Thank you.  I have always considered myself blessed, hence the blog title, MostBlessedMan.  I have felt those blessings amplified this last 7 months and I still don't have the capacity to express it enough.  So many of you ask how I'm doing and how things are progressing and in what ways can you help.  It really is overwhelming at times.  I have received messages from some of you stating that you've applied to be my kidney donor...some have been rejected and others are still in the process of qualifying.  I'm grateful for all of you.  I'm so grateful to feel the sustaining power of prayer in my life.  So many have let me know that I'm in their prayers and I truly feel it.  Thank you.  

I've been asked a lot recently for an update on how things are going and I thought the best way to do this would be to address the frequently asked questions I often get.  Before I get started, please feel free to ask any question that is on your mind in the comments section and I'll do my best to answer in a timely manner.  If you don't want me to know who asked, leave it anonymous.  I appreciate your interest in my life and I value your friendship.  

FAQs

• How are you feeling?  This is an important one for me to answer.  So many are truly concerned and I feel your love when you ask.  The truth is, I feel fantastic.  I have fatique at times, leg cramping at night on occasion and a busy mind that worries and keeps me up at night, but ultimately, I feel fine.  This is how I feel the power of prayer.  Based on my labs and numbers, I should be feeling much worse and experiencing symptoms much more, but I don't.  I still do most of the things I did before.
• How did you find out you have kidney disease?  About 15 years ago, I was prescribed a new medicine for my Psoriatic and Rheumatoid Arthritis.  One of the requirements of the drug is that I need to do blood lab work every 6 months to check my "liver levels" as it can be harmful to my liver.  Fortunately, the drug has not had any adverse side effects, but about 6 years ago, the lab work revealed that I had kidney disease.  We have been monitoring it ever since. 
• What is your GFR?  For those who may not be familiar with the acronym, GFR, it stands for Glomerular Filtration Rate.  It basically measures how efficiently my kidneys are functioning.  The average male has a good GFR of 100-130.  For the last 6 years once it was discovered and up until this year, my GFR ranged between 23-28 which is considered to be severe kidney disease (stage 4).  I have spent the last 6 years trying to delay the decline of my GFR.  Unfortunately, in January of this year, my GFR dropped to 15.  Anything less than 15% is considered end stage kidney failure.  As of Monday it is currently at 8.  Again, you can see why I count my blessings that I feel so good in spite of my condition.  
• Can CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease) be reversed?  Kidney disease can be reversed at certain stages along the way or at least the decline can be slowed.  Unfortunately, at the stage I am currently at, this is not an option, barring a literal miracle.  Currently, the objective is to address the symptoms, both those that are seen and unseen.  
• Are you scared?  Yes.  I am.  That being said, I realize fear has no helpful place or use at this point.  I'm not scared for me, but for my family.  I'm not afraid to die, but I am bothered by the prospect of not being there for Sarah, Leah, Dax and my Mom.  Almost equally as frightening is the thought of being here, but not being of any help or being a burden to others.  I am afraid mostly of the medicines and drugs I am required to take before and after the kidney transplant surgery.  I am the least thrilled about the surgery itself and dialysis.  Those are all fears, however, I think I've effectively transitioned them from fears to annoyances.  There is absolutely nothing I'm excited about with any of the options I have before me, but I'm feeling more inconvenienced, annoyed, embarrassed or the like more than I am scared.  
• What caused the CKD?  I have undergone all the possible testing one can endure in this process and they've found not genetic reasons for CKD.  That leaves things to guesses.  I think it may not be one particular thing, but a combination of several things.  52 years of poor diet, preservatives, fast food, soda, a short bout of type 2 diabetes, rapid weight loss, not drinking enough water, high blood pressure medications, genetic make up, auto immune diseases and ibuprofen.  We'll just blame it on Putin and move on.  ;)
• How is the search for a donor going?  I received a call from my transplant coordinator a week or two ago and she told me there are "a bunch" of people applying.  She couldn't tell me how many and I'm not sure what a "bunch" is, but it made me cry.  Even one applying touches my heart, but to hear multiple people have applied reinforces my thought that I truly am the most blessed man.  I still need to lose 15 lbs, get a colonoscopy, see the dentist and get the Covid shot.  The last three I can bang out in a week, but the weight loss is proving to be difficult.  Before I do that, everything is on hold.  I'm trying, but it's a lot harder than the last 70 lbs I lost.  
• What can you do for me?  Actually, the frequently asked question is you asking me, "What can I do for you?".  Two things; First, continue to pray for me.  Please pray for me to continue to be symptom free and functional.  Please pray for the comfort of my family. The kids get scared.  I want to protect them.  Second, please share my QR code to anybody that may be interested in kidney donorship.  To find a match, and a good match at that, will be difficult, but the more that apply, the greater my chances become.  The image of my QR code will follow the FAQs. I'm listed under the name Raymond Trosper and my birthday is February 5, 1970. 
• What are the symptoms?  Like I mentioned before, I don't have any yet.  On occasion, a symptom will reveal itself, but it is usually short lived and has not been a chronic issue yet.  The symptoms I'm told I can expect are loss of appetite, food tastes bad, high blood pressure, edema, difficulty urinating, vomiting, fatique, leg and foot cramping, pain or discomfort, brain fog, and more.  Most begin feeling symptoms in stage 4 and most begin dialysis when their GFR hits 15, mostly due to the symptoms.  This is why I feel so blessed to be at an 8 with no symptoms.   
• Can you still work?  Yes, I can and I still do, about 40 hours a week.  I have chosen to stop going in early in the morning and staying later in the evening, so that my workweek is limited to 40 hours a week.  I have always liked to work and I genuinely care about my customers and the business I've built.  I don't want to let them down and I enjoy helping others.  That being said, I realize my time with my family could be shortened, so I'm trying to make the decisions that are Best.  
• What happens next?  I have an appointment this week with the surgeon to have a peritoneal catheter placed in my belly so that I can start peritoneal dialysis as early as August.  I am going to hold out as long as I can, but the doctor says it is inevitable that my symptomless life will come to a screeching halt very soon and that I will need to begin dialysis to keep me going until I find a donor kidney.  

These are the questions I have so far.  Please ask whatever is on your mind.  I don't mind talking about it.  I need your thoughts and prayers, but please keep your pity.  I'm quite blessed, very  happy and grateful for all I have been given and continue to receive.  I would, in closing, add two more things to the question of what you can do for me...1) Please consider kidney donorship and organ donorship period.  Not just for me, but others.  I've had strangers volunteer to apply for me and that is a special thing.  I have met so many that are in need of an angel to donate in order to continue to be.  2) Love one another.  So many are going through so much.  Your comments, judgments and disapproval may impact them more than you will ever realize.  Most suffer in silence and loneliness.  You never know when your smile will lift them or when your bound tongue will save them.  I look forward to answering more questions.

Additional FAQs

• Are donors required to get the Covid shot?  Good question. I'm seeking the answer and will get back to you on this one.  You know what my opinion is on it, but unfortunately, my opinion doesn't come into play.  I'll get the answer and report it here.
• Do you have to live in Utah to be a donor?  Another good question.  No, you do not.  You can live anywhere in the world.  The transplant surgery would require the donor to be here for 2-3 days, but if the donor isn't from Utah, they can be transported here.  Costs for travel, lodging and meals would happily be covered if needed.  

Here is a link of other questions answered regarding donorship... https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/faq-living-kidney-donor

Again, THANK YOU!!!!!

Holding Pattern ~ Status 7

If you know me you know I love Dad jokes.  Let's kick this thing off with one now.  

Everyone knows, it takes real guts to be an organ donor!

Well, it's been 3 months since I've last posted, and I beg of you for your forgiveness.  The response to my initial announcement of kidney failure took me by surprise.  Not only did I not expect such an outpouring of love and support, but I was also not expecting my response to be one of shrinking and wanting to hide.  It's kind of hard to explain, and if I could explain it, I would probably sound like a looney!  I was both overcome with emotions of comfort and relief while simultaneously wishing nobody knew.  Perhaps if you've been in a similar situation, you might know what I'm talking about, but the  last three months has been an up and down rollercoaster of emotions...tears one minute, smiles the next...times of warmth of embraces followed by periods of loneliness.  During times of need for warmth of embraces I sometimes still desired solitude or vice-versa.  It's been difficult to process at times. I have always had a pretty good grasp on things in my life, but not as much these days and that has caused me to fall back into the shadows at times and let things pass me by.  

That all being the case, I am still progressing toward the goal of receiving a kidney transplant.  I've been subjected to almost every test and scrutiny one can imagine along the way, but so far have passed with only a few minor issues.  Ultimately, my heart is strong and I've been cleared and approved as a good candidate for a transplant.  They have placed me on the waiting list as a "Status 7" candidate.  This means I have a few things I still need to do before I can receive a transplant, but I am on the list and "earning time".  The short list of things I still need to do include dental clearance, colonoscopy, the covid shot and lose 25 lbs.  All of these things are achievable in the next 3-12 months.  Once these things are checked off, I will be granted "Status 1".  

Once listed as Status 1, there is still one major thing to wait on and that is the most important and key element in the entire procedure...a healthy donor kidney.  The average wait time here in Utah for me to receive a kidney will be 3-5 years, however a live donor stepping forward that is a match will speed up that timeline greatly.  This brings me to the biggest question of all and, honestly speaking, I find it a difficult question to ask.  In fact, for those who have already offered, I find it difficult to know how to respond.  How does one ask for a part of another?  I'm a pretty independent person, but ultimately, I have no problem asking someone for help, for their time, or effort or financial assistance.  I know that those things can all be replaced and there will always be more of them in a lifetime, but to ask for a kidney...someone's flesh and blood.  That is a hard ask.  And it's almost as hard to know how to respond when someone is willing.  Such a huge offering. It isn't giving their life, but it is giving of their life so that another might continue theirs.  What an amazing act to consider.  

I am not afraid of illness or pain.  I've lived with this my whole life.  I'm not afraid of discomfort or making adjustments or sacrificing.  I'm not even afraid to die, but I am afraid of two things, abandoning my family in their time of need...or worse, being present, but not helpful in their time of need.  I want to be able and available to help when it's needed most.  This desire to be there for Sarah, Leah and Dax is the driving force for me to go through the things I'm currently enduring...and none of it is fun for me.  I hate all of it.  Absolutely.  I'm doing all kinds of things that I've specifically avoided my entire life, just in an effort to be here for my family and now I must do one more thing that I find extremely uncomfortable. 

Please consider donating a kidney for me. For Sarah. For Leah and Dax.  For my Mom.  I would also encourage you to consider doing this, not just for me, but for anybody that may be in need and a match.  There are few times in our lives that we truly have the opportunity to save a life and to give so greatly of ourselves in such a way that has an impact as great as organ donorship has.  I love you for considering.  If you choose not to or cannot due to whatever reason, I still love you for considering it and for hearing me.  I love you for loving me.  I love you for loving my fun and beautiful family.  If you do choose to apply, please know how much it means to me.  I have had several moments of privately sobbing and equally as many moments of feeling too numb to respond.  I don't know how to act in such a situation, but I do appreciate the consideration and the willingness to give of yourself for another.  

If you decide to see if you'd be a good match as a donor, please use the QR code below.  As you go through the process, you may be asked information regarding potential recipients.  If I am that potential recipient, my legal name is Raymond Trosper and my birthday is 02/05/1970.  Again, thank you and I love you.  

Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa.

World Kidney Day

Wow!  Just Wow! Whenever I try to find words, in between wiping my eyes, the only word I find is, Wow! 

I replied briefly in Facebook, so some of this may be repetitive.  My heart is full.  I've never before in my life felt so much love, been the recipient of so many prayers and positive thoughts and never had so many offer help and support.  I've had people offer me prayers, blessings, help with the kids, money, meals and the biggest give of all, their kidney.  At his exact moment, what I  need most are prayers and good thoughts and positive vibes.  I surely don't deserve the response I've received, but I am and always and will be ever grateful for your expressions of love and concern.  It honestly has been the most spiritually, mentally and emotionally draining three days of my life.  I find myself purposely having to put down the phone and step away because it's too much to take in.  It's certainly not a bad thing, but it is still a difficult thing.  

Many of you have related to me in this situation.  Whether it be that you are going through something difficult and find it hard to share with others or hard to ask for other's help.  Some of you have shared with me how you or someone you know have had their lives saved by a selfless donor, while others have been donors yourselves.  Some of you have lost loved ones to kidney disease because they couldn't find a donor in time or weren't viable candidates for transplant.  I found such comfort in realizing this common ground we have.  I've felt your love.  It is this love and compassion that the world needs more of and I thank you for sharing it with me.  It is inspirational.  I've always believed the thought, "where much is given, much is required".  Because I've been the recipient of your kindness, I feel an obligation to return it to each of you and those I will meet in my life.  Thank you for your examples.  Please know if I haven't had the time or emotional energy to respond to your outreach yet, I will.  

Tomorrow is World Kidney Day.  So many of you have offered yourselves to be tested as potential donors for me.  Thank you.  I'm not sure if I'll be qualified or not, but regardless, I will be an advocate for this moving forward as there is a great need.  There are so many that have a need.  Why must it take so long for these children, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, Fathers and friends to get the life saving procedure they need?  The delay is donors.  In speaking to Randy, the friend that is guiding me through this, he spoke of  a few he's worked with including a little girl and it breaks my heart to think of her.  I've had an amazing 52 years and plan on having several more however I can, but this little girl has just begun life and needs a donor sooner than later.  Again, many of you shared stories of someone you know and love who is waiting for a kidney or worse, has passed away while waiting.  More donors means more lives saved.  

I don't want to ramble on and on as I did in my previous post, but I did want to say, thank you. You have touched my heart and soul.  I also want to encourage you, on this day, World Kidney Health Day, to learn more about and consider being a donor to save another's life.  Please take time to educate yourself about keeping your kidneys healthy and safe.  The flyer above was sent to me yesterday and the timing is perfect.  Tune in to learn more about kidney health and how to help others.  

I'm Back! Let Me Tell You Why...

 

I'm Back!  I doubt anybody reads this blog anymore, but I figure it's time to take it up again.  

I'm sick.  I've been sick for some time now.  Some know this to one degree or another, but I have really tried to not make a big deal of it.  It's been easy to not make a big deal of it, because, truthfully, I feel great!  I don't feel sick.  But I am.  As I've come more face to face with this reality the last month, I've had several sleepless nights.  I've filled much of that sleeplessness with reading about my sickness, what to expect, what my options are and how to navigate this whole ordeal.  Something I read today at 3am made me realize I need to open up, share my story and ask for help.  For this purpose I have turned here, and to social media and possibly to you directly.  

I am in kidney failure.  Here is my story.

I have been blessed with a few auto immune diseases in my life.  I say "blessed" because I truly do count them as blessings.  These diseases have taught me patience, understanding, humility, compassion and have helped me develop a high tolerance for pain and discomfort.  These truly are blessings.  Unfortunately, as I've dealt with rheumatoid arthritis and psoriatic arthritis for half my 52 year life, I spent about 21 years of that life digesting ibuprofen like they were TicTacs.  Ibuprofen was the only thing that touched the pain, so it became something I relied on far more than I ever should have.  

That damn Ibuprofen!

Ibuprofen, coupled with a steady diet of soda, took it's toll over time.  Add to that a few years of high blood pressure (controlled for nearly 20 years now) and Type 2 diabetes (controlled now), only worsened the effects to my kidneys.  Oddly enough, around 2013, I became serious about weight loss and shed 85 pounds by eliminating soda and fast food.  I've been told my whole life that if I lost weight, my health would improve.  Unfortunately, and  possibly only a coincidence, that was not the case.  About the time of this weight loss, I developed gout.  Assuming for about a year it was just a major flare up of my arthritis, I doubled my already high ibuprofen intake to manage the pain.  I and my doctor misdiagnosed the cause and assumed it could not be gout as I had recently eliminated those things that were often the main contributor to gout, but alas, it was indeed gout.  While my gout and my arthritis are now controlled with medication and my blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are now controlled with diet, it has proven to be too little too late.  The damage is done and my kidneys are shot.

I haven't had any pain killers of any sort in at least 3 years since I learned that I had entered stage 4 kidney failure.  I still struggle back and forth with soda, but have mostly eliminated fast food, soda and processed foods from my diet.  I still have some weight to lose, but have managed to only gain back 15-20 lbs of the 85 lbs I lost several years ago.  But here I am, in stage 5 kidney failure.  My spirits are good, mostly.  I am not afraid for me, but I am afraid.  Afraid of my options.  Afraid for my Leah and Dax.  Afraid for Sarah.  

Options....

The first option was my option of choice initially and that is to do nothing.  That has kind of been my plan since first learning about my kidney troubles.  I figured I'd just drink more water and drag this out as long as I can go.  I've done that and I'm not sure how much longer that will be an option.  The positive thing is that I feel great.  I really do.  I think that may be another reason why I hesitate to be more open about this...I feel like a liar kind of.  What I mean is, I don't feel like I look, act or feel like a person that is dying should look, act or feel like.  I feel great!  And for that I am so grateful.  It could be worse, right?  I could be dealing with all of this AND feeling awful, but I don't.  Yes, I get fatigued sometime, but nowhere as much as what I'm told I should be experiencing.  I have some swelling, some cramping, some kidney pain, but nothing that isn't manageable and, again, far less than what others in my situation are experiencing.  God has been good to me and I continue to live life without much adjustment.  

Unfortunately, now that I'm nearing final state renal failure, and truly faced with the reality of things, I can no longer consider doing nothing as an option.  I love my kids and my wife and my life too much.  I have tears as I type that.  Sometimes as a man, you wonder if the life of those around you would be different at all without you, or even possibly better.  I think that may be a natural thought process for anyone at one point or another when experiencing feelings of inadequacy, self disappointment or the like.  However, when faced with the real prospect of it, it's nonsensical to consider.  I know I'm not perfect, but I know I have more to do and more love to share and feel.  I know I need more time to spend with those I love and more opportunity to work at reaching my divine potential.  

Dialysis

Option 2 is dialysis.  While dialysis has come a long way and offers some less intrusive options for at home hemodialysis, the more I read about it, the less I want to do it.  It sounds unpleasant overall and would impact my lifestyle greatly.  I'll spare you the details of how it works and the bummer ways that it would impact my life, but suffice it to say, it's not an option I want to exercise.  I'm willing to go through with it if it is necessary, but simply put, I'd rather avoid it altogether.  According to what I've read, it buys me time, but limited time.  The average person lives 5-10 years on dialysis.  That's a grim thought still.  I realize some live longer, but some also live a shorter amount of time.  I'll take whatever amount of time it could give me, should it come to that, but believe me, it doesn't sound like an option that builds hope as much as it simply delays the inevitable.  I am grateful though for the technology and efforts of the medical world to make this available to those that need it, and me if it should come to that.  I'm also grateful to have a Sister-in-Law, Erin, and niece, Hailey, that work in that field and are connected and supportive.  So, I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm hoping for a better horse.  

Transplant

I have more problems than just auto immune diseases and an addiction to soda.  I also have a built in avoidance to doctors, hospitals and surgery.  I've lived a risk-averse or careful and cautious life, all in the name of avoiding going to the Dr.  For example, I removed my own wisdom tooth.  Yes, I am that guy.  Dentist visit every 13 years and only when needed.  Doctors visit only when they threaten to hold back prescriptions until I come in.  I'm sure their fine people, but I don't like them.  And I don't mean that personally to any doctor I know, just the field and practice in general. I'm also not impressed with "big pharma" and how the government and medical field seems to be firmly planted in their pockets.  At the same time, I recognize the blessing that doctors and pharmaceuticals have been in my life.  When I was first prescribed immunosuppressing drugs about 15 years ago, it was life changing for me.  I'm grateful for those prescriptions and the doctors that prescribed them...eternally grateful.  Yet, at the same time, the quickdraw of the prescription pad always makes me nervous and my fear of prescription drugs still lingers.  It is only overshadowed by my fear of going under the knife.  

I'm at a point now that going under the knife for a kidney transplant is my best option.  I now find myself wishing there was something as simple as a pill I could take to make this all go away, but nothing is as effective as the real thing and that is what I need....a real, but fully functioning, kidney.  My nephrologist recently referred me for a kidney transplant.  The average wait time for a cadaver kidney, or a kidney from a deceased donor, is about 3 years.  That is 3 years of who knows what will happen in the meantime.  The best option and faster option is to find a living donor that matches me for a live transplant.  This brings up another problem I have...the ability to seek help from others.  I'm a pretty self reliant person.  I value those around me and the blessings they bring into my life, but I don't often ask for help.  Sure, I might borrow a tool now and again, but I've not often at all asked for REAL HELP.  

How awful is that?! That the first time I really am seeking help, it's such a big request.  I guess that's why the Kidney Foundation has dubbed it, "The Big Ask.  The Big Give".  How do you really ask someone to give up a part of them for you.  The thought of it is so humbling and a tearful concept to consider.  As I couldn't sleep this morning, that is what I googled, "How do you ask someone for a kidney" and spent a couple hours reading about it.  It encouraged me to share this whole thing with anybody that will read it.  It's therapeutic if nothing else, but hopefully it raises some awareness too.  I realized as I've studied that I may never see the transplant.  I may not even qualify.  I still have to endure what I've been told is an entire day of the most intense physical and slate of tests I'll ever undergo in my entire life...just to see if I can survive a transplant and would be a good candidate.  If I am a viable candidate, and I'm fearful I am not, I still need to find or wait for a living or deceased donor that matches.  

Awareness Can Save

This experience is new to me, mostly.  My Brother Scott's Brother-in-Law, Randy, underwent a kidney transplant 8 years ago. I remember praying for the success of that operation for him and his donor wife, Tami. You don't tend to think about things like kidney transplant until it's something placed in front of you.  I became somewhat aware of it when Randy went through it, but I wasn't close to Randy at that time and so my awareness found a limit.  Now, as I am going through this process myself, I'm very aware of the need for donors and becoming more learned about the subject in general.  Luckily, Randy has volunteered his help and support as I go through this and this is another HUGE blessing to me.  As I've studied, I have been inspired to use the opportunity to not only help save my life, but to help others be aware of the need for donors.  As people read this, they may or may not be a match for me, but they may certainly be a match for others.  I've read countless stories of how deceased donors have saved so many lives in so many ways.  I've read some truly inspiring stories of people donating kidneys in the hope of saving others that they don't even know in other parts of the world!  What a true example of love and compassion and selflessness.  It truly is inspirational.

I have learned from my mistakes, but also want to make myself available to those who want to avoid those same mistakes.  If I can be helpful to others in the ways that so many of you have been to me, then this will be a blessing, just as my other trials have been.  I watch and I learn.  I am surrounded by loving and caring Fathers, Mothers, neighbors, coworkers, parishioners and more.  I've been blessed with amazing parents and brothers.  I have the most amazing partner in Sarah.  There are no words to explain how amazing she is.  I've married an awesome family along with her. I watch all of you. I learn from watching you.  I see those traits in you that I wish in me.  I've even learned from a few of your mistakes too.  Thank you for being such blessings in my life.  I truly am THE MOST BLESSED MAN.

Summary...So Far....

I don't know where this is going.  A few of the sites I studied encouraged me to share my story and "put it out there".  I don't know if I'll be a candidate for a transplant just yet.  My journey in that regards is just beginning.  I know one thing, I won't stop living and I won't stop being grateful for the life I've had and the time still remaining.  Since taking all of this in, my priorities, perceptions and plans have changed and those too are in constant flux.  I'll keep you informed of where I am in the process and appreciate the love and prayers of anybody willing to offer them.  I feel great and fear that putting this out there will draw a reaction from others that will change how they deal with me or see me.  I hope it doesn't.  I do hope, however, that we all look for opportunities to help others that are in need of help that can't help themselves.  I hope we remember to always consider that others may be going through things that we're not aware of and treat those around us with that thought in mind.  The world now, needs love and compassion more than ever, it seems to me. I can do better.  I will do better.  I am still a work in progress.  

Thank you for listening.